| Ana |
[08 Jul 2003|06:46pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong |
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I just finished making a batch of really yummy homemade chewy chocolate chip cookies. Damn I'm good..... Ok well whatever, that's what I tell people when I feel I have to impress. Pillsburry owns. Mind you I can too bake, and bake very well at that, but I'm just too lazy right now.
Work was fun. My new name is Ana. Giuliana seemed to be too complicated for the little 2-5 yr olds to say, then they all came to a unanymous decision that they disliked the name Julie (giuli), so that left them with no other choice but 'Ana'. Eh. They like it. They seemed to have been facinated with the pink streaks in my hair. Joseph, the little munchkin with ADHD, goes to me,
"Ana... it's imstoppable to have pink hair."
"You mean impossible?"
"Yes, that"
"No, it's not." I was so teasing him.
"Does your mommy have pink hair?"
"Yep, she does"
"Oh, so it's herereritarery?"
"Hereditary?" Wow. Really impressive vocabulary for a little one. How in the world...
"Yes, that"
"Yep, it's hereditary."
"Well then how come I'm blond and my mommy's hair is red?"
"Because your mommy colours her hair." You'd think he'd forget what I said.
It's about ready for lunch time now...
"Joseph?.....JOSEPH? Where are you!?"
"I'm here, I'm here" Out comes joseph from the closet. Holy mother of god.
"Joseph! What did you do!?!?!"
"I look like mommy now!"
The permanent marker got EVERYWHERE. The poor kid looks battered.
I was thinking. Eric looks hella sexy driving his civic on the highway. Speeding is a bad thing I know ;) But it just turned me on so incredibly much. He can do that to me and not even know it. I wonder if I ever do anything to him? Prolly not. It never shows unless I physically grab him to kiss me. Hmm. I hate how we're so alike sometimes. Neither of us try to show too much emotion. That kind of sucks though. I don't know what's so wrong with it. I'd like to make an effort to show more.... I just don't want to be the only one you know? Things like that scare me. Nothing scares me more than people knowing what I'm thinking or how I feel deep down. I feel naked. Totally exposed and completely vulnerable. I'm afraid that people will take what they know, run with it, and then use it against me down the line in order to hurt me or push my buttons. I guess I'm just weird. I don't even know how to tell him that without sounding like a retard. Anyway.
I'm gonna throw on some jogging pants and head out to Boc's for coffee. It's become like a second home. I feel so cozy in there. It's my way of getting out.
**********
I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
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| *hurl* |
[08 Jul 2003|09:23am] |
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mood |
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 nauseated |
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music |
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none at the moment |
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I woke up this morning and for some reason I feel so incredibly dizzy. Feels like morning sickness. Well I wouldn't know what in the world that feels like, but it's not pleasent anyway. I took a gravol pill to calm the motion sickness. Hopefully it'll work cause I start at the daycare today :/
I didn't sleep one bit last night. I had repeated dreams about warming up various foods in the microwave. Beats me.
Anyway, off I go. I'll write later. This journal seems to be very therapeutic if I may add.
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| Racking it in |
[07 Jul 2003|09:44pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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DJ Lhasa - Giulia |
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At this point I'm knocking on all the wood I can possibly find in fear that the littlest thing will go wrong for me. I don't think I could afford it. For once I'm on a roll, and for one of the first times ever I actually feel like I'm invincible. I'm actually gonna succeed in SOMETHING. I've always felt like such a failure but who's fault is that? My own I guess. Then again I've never had encouragement or motivation. Never once got patted on the back from my parents. Did you know that I went through almost all of highschool without showing them a report card? They were so caught up in their own selfish selves and their so called 'problems' that half the world has been through in order to care. How things will be different with my children. Believe you me, I will care.
My business is slowly starting up. I figure if I'm twenty now, then by the time I'm 25 it should be booming. It will. When it comes to management and strategy I'm good at it. Plus I come from a family with a big marketing and real estate background so I was brought up in that end of the water. I've finally put myself into something I'm definately confident in.
We've already started looking at plans on how we're going to fix up the basement. We're taking a portion of it for my esthetics, knocking down a couple of walls to open up space, adding a sink and some piping, and of course some carpeting and what not to make it cozy. In the meantime I'm going to be building myself a clientel while I work weekends only, and then working at a daycare during the week. The way I look at it is that I'm taking care for a whole bunch of kids with mothers walking in and out a couple of times a day. I recruit the mothers and their friends. At the same time my aunt who works just down the street at her very own hairdressing business will promote for me as well. I know a couple of owners at restaurants and clothing stores whom I know would be more than happy to give out my business cards and pricelists. I'm not worried about clients one bit. I just can't wait to get it started. It'll be something that 'I' started from scratch. Something 'I' worked for. Something that will help me tremendously in the future and something that will definately benefit my children when the time comes.
Everything I do from now on is to ensure my future. You can't count on anybody anymore. You can't count on the 'richman' to take care of you and the kids. Somehow you seem to get fucked over that way. This world is insane today. Divorce is killing it. I think for myself. I think of the worst possible situation where I would have to support my whole family myself. Hope to God it would never come to that, but you can never be too careful or safe.
Other than that, My mouna hasn't come back home yet :( I cried in bed last night. I've been crying a lot lately. I guess I'm on some sort of emotional low. I can get like that sometimes... it starts off with the simplest thing and then all of a sudden everything is bothering me. I just wish my kitten would come back to me but I know deep down she won't... *sigh* My baby...
This is gonna be a real busy summer... heh actually, it's going to be constantly busy from now on. I better say my prayers. I need all the strength and drive possible. I didn't take a freaking aeshetics course to work at a salon for minimum wage!
No
Fucking
Way
!
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