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Tuesday, June 1st, 2004
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12:48 pm - My horscope
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OK, So I am at school and this is about all the energy I could syphon to do an update for now. Bradley is being a great big ass and Melissa is being bitchy as hell and i still feel gross and sick... Blake is the new hotness... even though I have no clue what he looks like... He has a hotness personality, and its not going much further, so its all good. Josh is an effing stalker, my friends are being bitchy because they are all offended and butt-hurt because I miss bend and don't wanna hang out with them I would rather sit at home and mope because i miss bend so much... fucking eh. People suck so much.... anywho... i am a shitty mood and I was sad last night because only stupid people ever email me and i wanna chaneg my email and get a live journal or at least make this journal better but i don't knwo how because i am stupid ya know? and just fuck... i am in a terrible mood. i hate this stupid fucking town, i just want out out out.... ergh.... anywho, if i love you, you know who you are.
My current favorite song: Hoobastank-The reason (btw)
PS: 51 days until Kevin gets out of jail!
current mood:  cranky
current music: Thrice
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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1:34 am - and then once
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Thank you everyone for being everyone. Hey, I wanna live journal...how?
love me
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(comment on this)
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1:04 am - More Useless Facts About Moi
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1.What is your full name?: Bonni-Jeen.
2.Backstreet Boys or NSYNC?: If I am forced... BSB... but ew still.
3.What color pants are you wearing right now?: I am in my Py-Jammers. Pink polka-spots!
4.What song are u listening to right now?: Christina Aguilera; Get Mine, Get Yours.
5.What are the last four digits of your phone number?: 7186
6.What was the last thing u ate?: Snickers Icecream.
7.Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: Hahahahahahahhahaa!!!! Oh, wow, thats good... eh, your serious? Nope!
8.If u were a crayon, what color would u want to be? Bubble Gum Pink
9.Where do u want to go on your honeymoon?: I am not going on a honeymoon ya silly! (but France)
10.Who do u want to spend the rest of your life with?: Well.... Definitely not myself... come back to me on that one...
11.Do u like snow, sun or rains: Sun and the Rain
12.How is the weather right now?: Very very dark and scary
13.Last person u talked to on the phone?: Cristina Alba (No relation)
14.What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: Toofers
15.Do u like the person that sent u this?: Errr. I stole it... but I luff Lisa!
16.How are u today?: Bitchy as all get out.
17.Your fave. drink?(non-alcoholic): Raspberry Italian Soda
18. alcoholic: Plain Bacardi Rum, or Lemon Drops maybe
19. How do u eat an oreo?: I don't...
20. Favorite sport?: Football.
21. What makes u happy?: Oh..Uhm... cool people! And meeting cool people. And... food... I'll keep the naughty stuff to myself... ;)
22. What's the next cd you're gonna get?: Hmmm... No idea. I am happy with what I have... Maybe a new copy of Steve Miller Band's Greatest Hits (I vacuumed over mine)
23. Birthdate?: The 5th Day of August, Fiscal Year of 1988 (A star was born... moi)
24. Hair color?: Boi-gundy and black
25. Eye color?: Blue (Da ba dee, Da ba die)
26. Height?: 5'5?
27. Do u wear contacts?: Negatory
28. Siblings and their ages?: Richard 26, Melissa 25, Bradley 24, Cameron 21, Mikey 17, Jessica 13
29. What school do u attend?: Olympic High (Shithead Central... fucking school...)
30. Who do u consider your close friends: Lisa, Ashley, Monica, Abbey, Kelly, Jeremy... Katie?
31. What do u like to do?: I like to have sex actually... But thats tiring so I also like to eat and dance and talk.
32. What's the best advice given to u?: It's better to be silent and thought a fool then to speak and remove all doubt...
33. Have u ever won any special awards? Ehhh... Errrr... Presidential Award for Academics, 8th Grade, lol
34. What do u want to be when u grow up?: Something with helping messed up teenager... $$$
35. What are your future goals: To stop fucking up, to succeed, to go back to Bend a/l to visit
36. Fave music?: The kind you can hear.
37. Fave foods?: Chicken, Sushi, Ice Cream...Whipped Cream, oddly.
38. Fave movies?: Blow, Dazed and Confused, Matchstick Men, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Pizza Sluts... (nah, just seeing if you were paying attention!), Nightmare Before Christmas, Dogma
39. Fave day of the year?: This year? June 18th, when school ends... finally...
40. Fave month?: August
41. Fave girls perfume?: Chanel Chance
42. Fave men's cologne?: Errrr... Abercrombie... I don't which one, whichever one Josh wheres
43. Do u like to dance?: Love it obsessively
44. Are u shy to ask someone out?: Never considered it
45. Worst sickness u ever had?: Detox Tremors/Withdrawal or Mono
46. Have u ever been in love?: Yeah, lets not talk about that, thanks
47. What is the stupidest thing u ever done?: See Above
48. Do u like scary or happy movies better?: Oooh, scary ones!
49. On the phone or in person?: In person
50. Summer or winter?: Summer
51. Hugs or kisses: Both
52. If u could change one thing about yourself what would it be? My whole self
53. Is cheerleading a sport?: Maybe on Planet ... NO!
This is from Lisa's Live Journal and I like these things so yeah... Thanks... :)
current mood:  bitchy
current music: Christina Aguilera-Stripped-Dirrty
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, May 30th, 2004
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8:20 pm - To Clarify
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When I say "My bed" and "Home" I mean Bend. Even though Bend is gay as hell, its still my home. But I do not mean back with Mike... I know I could not deal with that ever again... That was a fucking twisted way to exist. But now all i do is exist... Mel said to me yesterday "Bonz, Ya gotta get happier" God... no shit, huh? Lisa are you the only one who gets it?
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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8:13 pm - looking
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looking back on my journals today i sound so happy, and its so sad, becuase the only time i am happy... truly happy... is when i am talking to lisa and dane and everyone else on line. and they remind me of who i was and who i really am even now with changes, and i know they won't make me use and i am sorry everyone, i just wanna come home. i wanna wake up in my own bed again... i wanna wake up in my own bed again. what if i never go back... i feel so trapped, so blind and deaf and dumb hear... i am so numb here... so fucking numb, but i feel pain and loneliness and that is all... that is all i feel. And sometimes i wish i just couldn't feel. When i am so sad it makes me sick... sometime's i just wish i couldn't feel.....
(look at you there you go)
current mood:  scared
current music: hazel-toreador of love-where's the babies?
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(comment on this)
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7:23 pm - songs :) I luff you all
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Written by Tony Scalzoas
By Fastball
VERSE
Can you make it easier for me to understand,
How you're holding my heart, in your trembling hands...
Eyes that rise to meet me half way up among the stars,
You may be from Venus but I'm definitely not from Mars
CHORUS
You're An Ocean, You're An Ocean
Settle Down, Settle Down,
What's the commotion,
I'm an island, but you're an ocean,
It's a stormy sea of love and emotion,
You've got me suspended motionless in time
VERSE
Make the warm winds circle round my head just like you do,
If I could do it, I'd be doing it to you,
I believe I'd buy whatever you would sell to me,
Nothing in my life ever came with a guarantee,
CHORUS
You're An Ocean, You're An Ocean
Settle Down, Settle Down,
What's the commotion,
I'm an island, but you're an ocean,
It's a stormy sea of love and emotion,
You've got me suspended motionless in time
BREAK
I believe I'd buy whatever you would sell to me,
Nothing in my life ever came with a guarantee,
You're An Ocean, You're An Ocean
Settle Down, Settle Down,
What's the commotion,
I'm an island, but you're an ocean,
It's a stormy sea of love and emotion,
You've got me suspended motionless in time
---------------------------------------------------
Goo Goo Dolls
broken
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
----------------------------------------------
Green Day
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.
---------------------------------------------------------
Aerosmith
Pink - it's my new obsession
Pink - it's not even a question,
Pink - on the lips of your lover
(oh)
'Cause Pink is the love you discover
Pink - as the bing on your cherry
Pink - 'cause you are so very
Pink - it's the color of passion
Ah, 'cause today it just goes with the fashion
Pink - it was love at first sight
Yeah, Pink - when I turn out the light
And Pink gets me high as a kite
And I think everything is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight
You could be my flamingo
'Cause pink - it's the new kinda of lingo
Pink - like a deco umbrella
It's kink that you don't ever tell her
Pink - it was love at first sight
And Pink when I turn out the light
Pink gets me high as a kite
And I think everything is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight
Yeah!
I want to be your lover
I, I wanna wrap you in rubber
And it's pink as the sheets that we lay on
'Cause Pink - it's my favorite crayon
Yeah!
Pink - it was love at first sight
Pink - when I turn out the light
Pink - it's like red but not quite
And I think, everything is going to be all right
No matter what we do tonight
--------------------------------------------------
WHERE'S THE PARTY AT
By: Jagged Edge, feat. Nelly
Come on, come on
Yeah, come on
Yeah, come on
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh ( If the party's where you're at then let me know)
See don't be trippin' when you see us at the club
Just show a little love
Represent your side like me
Cause 'round here if you slip you catcha hot one
Your ride's sharp, but a couple of 'em got one
Belvedere in the rear of the club
Pulled up on dubs and we 'bout to go and buy the bar up
So so, fa' sure we ain't playin
hang with no lames, if you bumpin' say it...
Ey, where the party at?
Girls is on the way
Where the bacardi at?
Bottles and models talkin' all of that
You know I can't forget about my thug
(Where the party at?)
And all my girls
(Where the party at?)
Up in the club
(Where the party at?)
If the party's where you're at
Let me hear you say
[Nelly](Jagged Edge)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh ( If the party's where you're at then let me know)
All the girls in the club in they best outfits
Just showin' that skin tryna ta make a nigga wanna spit
Where you been girl?
You and your friends need to come to the back
Where we got it locked down at
In your white t-shirt or a three piece suit
Don't matter what you wear
All that matter is who you wit'
Some jiggy and some straight gridin'
All up in the club just to have a good time
Ey, where the party at?
Girls is on the way
Where the bacardi at?
Bottles and models talkin' all of that
You know I can't forget about my thugs
(Where the party at?)
And all my girls
(Where the party at?)
Off in the club
(Where the party at?)
If the party's where you're at
Let me hear you say
[Nelly](Jagged Edge)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh ( If the party's where you're at then let me know)
[Nelly]
Can you show me where the party at dirty?
Somewhere where it's creakin' right around 1:30
Never get there too early
Comin as is, do-rags and Timbs
I'm rollin' pass this little Jagged Benz
With the Rolls not the one with the stems
The one with the rims
The one that seem to make eliminate me enemies than friends
I'm slidin in past those
Fo', both eyes closed, with both arms rose, both charms froze
With that S-O, S-O D-E dot F
We buyin' BOTTLES, BOTTLES, until there ain't none left
I'm quick to go left, I plays with no ref
I jams more than Def, baby show me the club
I'm like, ey where the bacardi at?
Come and mix it with the Cris', baby what's wrong with that?
We in the VIP twisted, down right spiffy
Tw-way --- a nigga like you listenin'
Ey, where the party at?
Girls is on the way
Where that bacardi at?
Bottles and models talkin' all of that
You know I can't forget about my thugs
(Where the party at?)
And all my girls
(Where the party at?)
Up in the club
(Where the party at?)
If the party's where you're at
Let me hear you say
[Nelly](Jagged Edge)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh ( If the party's where you're at then let me know)
[Nelly](Jagged Edge)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh (oh, oh, oh, oh)
Uh-oh ( If the party's where you're at then let me know)
(Jagged Edge)
Come on, left side just put your hands up
Throw 'em up
Right side just put your hands up
Throw 'em up
Everybody put ur hands up throw em up
When the beat come back around
Everybody do it again
Do the East Side run this mother for ya, Hell nah
Do my South Side run this mother for ya, Hell nah
And them haters can't hit no
Ain't talkin 'bout nothin'
And they look like
If the party's where you're at
Let me hear you say...
---------------------------------------
Soft Cell
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my light
For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
(chorus)
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Oh...tainted love
Tainted love
Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want IT any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
And you'LL think love is to pray
But I'm sorry I don't pray that way
(chorus...)
Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Tainted love, tainted love (x2)
Touch me baby, tainted love (x2)
Tainted love (x3)
----------------------------------------------
Jessica Simpson
Ah, ooh, ooh, oh
You set my soul at ease
Chased darkness out of view
Left your desperate spell on me
Say you feel it too
I know you do
I've got so much more to give
This can't die
I yearn to live
Pour yourself all over me
And I'll cherish every drop
Here on my knees
Chorus:
I wanna love you forever
And this is all I'm asking of you
Ten thousand lifetimes together
Is that so much for you to do?
Cuz from the moment that I saw your face
And felt the fire in your sweet embrace
I swear I knew
I'm gonna love you forever
Oh
My mind fails to understand
What my heart tells me what to do
And I'd give up all I have
Just to be with you
And that would do
I've always been taught to win
And I never thought I'd fall
Be at the mercy of a man
I've never been
Now I only want to be right where you are
Chorus
Whoa oh
In my life I've learned that heaven never waits, no
Lets take this now before it's gone like yesterday, oh
Cuz when I'm with you there's no where else that I would ever wanna be
No!
I'm breathin for the next second I can feel you
Loving me
I'm gonna love
Chorus
Forever, hey!
Everyday, everyday
-------------------------------------------
Eurythmics
Ooooooooh, heeeeey, ooooooooh
Aaaaaa-haaaaaa
Ooooooh
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree
I travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
Ooooooooh, heeeeey, ooooooooh
Aaaaaa-haaaaaa
Ooooooh
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree
I travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Ooooooooh, heeeeey, ooooooooh
Aaaaaa-haaaaaa
Ooooooh
(Hold your head up)
(Keep your head up) movin' on
(Hold your head up) movin' on
(Keep your head up) movin' on
(Hold your head up) movin' on
(Keep your head up) movin' on
(Hold your head up) movin' on
(Keep your head up) movin' on
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused
Ooooooooh, heeeeey, ooooooooh
Aaaaaa-haaaaaa
Ooooooh
(Hold your head up)
(Keep your head up) movin' on
(Hold your head up) movin' on
(Keep your head up) movin' on
(Hold your head up) movin' on
(Keep your head up) movin' on
(Hold your head up) movin' on
(Keep your head up) movin' on
Ooooooooh, heeeeey, ooooooooh
Aaaaaa-haaaaaa
Ooooooh
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree
I travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree
I travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree
I travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree
I travel the world and the seven seas
I could almost start my own lyrics website just with the songs i put on here, only the songs i like though, lol =) i love you all
current mood:  indescribable
current music: kylie minogue-lalala
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(comment on this)
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3:49 pm - someone elses journal
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so im eating these spicy fuckin cheese nips and im all dude these shits are hot, and the box says half chedder half salsa so im all, fuck i should just eat the chedders, and so i do, but my mouth is still burnin like a bitch, and i realize half the fucking cracker is cheese and the other half is salsa...fuckin eh
this is sooo funny it just cheered me up!
lol
i'm just a teenage dirtbag baby
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(comment on this)
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3:14 pm
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We were only 15
I let her go like paper air planes
How can I explain
That Im lost without you around
What If I never lost you
I wouldnt have to find you all over and over
(over and over)
Your the one I've, I've always wanted
The one that I just cant live without
No one understands
The meaning of your eyes
And how I feel
Burning deep inside
What If I never lost you
I wouldnt have to find you all over and over
(over and over)
Your the one I've, I've always wanted
The one that I just cant live without
Get the flyers up
Have you seen the girl with my heart on her sweater
Get the flyers up
Have you seen the girl with my heart on her sweater
my heart on her sweater
Send her on my way
Send it here to stay
Sending light just like a star
Telling me where you are
Where you are
Sending light just like a star
When you come to me
Come today
(So) Embrace me and make me sure (Embrace me)
Embrace me and make me sure
That your lost without
Your lost without
Your lost and found
Your lost and found
Your my lost and found
this song does not really mean anything, but i like it, lol. i am feeling flirty because i am talking too... well, lisa knows, lol
current mood:  flirty
current music: taking back sunday... duh
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(comment on this)
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1:54 pm - ME
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Alright people. Here is my old motto in a song... its back to being my motto for now... i think i am over austin :)
Get Mine, Get Yours --- Christina Aguilera--- my idol...
Baby you pretend that things ain`t what they seem
All this tension tellin me just exactly what we should be
Baby I dont mind us bein some kinda casual thing
Listen all I want to do now is have you come and take all over me.
Can you
Put your hands on my waistline
Want your skin up against mine
Move my hips to the baseline
Let me get mine you get yours.
Hang a please dont disturb sign
Put my back into a slow grind
Runnin` chills up and down my spine
Let me get mine you get yours
If you see me with a man understand that you can`t question me
The feelins that you caught, aint my fault can`t help your jealousy
If you can handle the fact that what we have has get to be commitment free
Then we can keep this undercover lovin`comin`hittin underneath the sheets
Can you
Put your hands on my waistline
Want your skin up against mine
Move my hips to the baseline
Let me get mine you get yours
(But don`t fall in love)
Hang a please dont disturb sign
Put my back into a slow grind
Runnin` chills up and down my spine
Let me get mine you get yours
So come on and freak my body we can get nasty, naughty
All night a private party
Gotta hit that spot just right
Work me like a 9 to 5
It ain`t about the kissin`and huggin`cause this is a physical lovin`
Straight sweatin`, our bodies are rubbin`
Gotta hit that spot just right work me like a 9 to 5
We have a physical thing
We make love, but don`t fall in love
We spend time
Just enough so you get yours and I get mine
No strings attached
I want your body,
Not your heart
Put your hands on my waistline
Want your skin up against mine
Move my hips to the baseline
Let me get mine you get yours.
Hang a please dont disturb sign
Put my back into a slow grind
Runnin` chills up and down my spine
Let me get mine you get yours
Put your hands on my waistline
Want your skin up against mine
Move my hips to the baseline
Let me get mine you get yours.
Hang a please dont disturb sign
Put my back into a slow grind
Runnin` chills up and down my spine
Let me get mine you get yours
Come here
Don`t be shy
I won`t bite
Let me get mine, you get yours
current mood:  contemplative
current music: anti flag
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 29th, 2004
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9:32 pm - steal my sunshiiiiiine
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Why can't I connect with anyone here? I mean really connect, ya know? I mean... I dunno, People here just aren't for me. I have real friends in Bend, real connections, and I miss that so much. I want to live in Bend again so badly, and i am not naive, i know that will not fix everything, but it will be better then this constant loneliness freindwise i have hear! And yeah, its specific people, Lisa mainly right now, because i talk to her so much, but its also... just that comfortable feeling of belonging you know? And i am not being childish, i know that i have to leave my comfort zone, and i have. its not even a comfort zone, i know i will have problems there too, but not like this... i am soo depressed. its to much for me too handle you know? and i love melissa and bradley and teagan and peyton, and monica and kelly and abbey are such good girls... but i am not happy here. i am not even ok....and i want a surface peircing below my infinity loop tatoo really bad. ow... but i can deal. :)... :'(. I miss bend. blake thinks i am hot. shocking. guys are blind..
current mood: gloomy
current music: goo goo dolls
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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12:25 am
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| Friday, May 28th, 2004
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11:39 pm
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I know that i have al,ready put these songs in but this is how i feel, ya know? yeah... more lyrics to come... :)
Paper Bag Lyrics
by Fiona Apple
I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on, or something like that
I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had
But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances
Were approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
-I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag
-Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
Cuz I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold cuz these hands are too shaky to hold
-Hunger hurts, but starving works,
When it costs too much to love
And I went crazy again today,
Looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
I said, "Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void," - he said
"It's all in your head," and I said, "So's everything" -
But he didn't get it - I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy
-Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
Cuz I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold cuz these hands are too shaky to hold
-Hunger hurts, but starving works,
When it costs too much to love
-Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
Cuz I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold cuz these hands are too shaky to hold
-Hunger hurts, but starving works,
When it costs too much to love
----------------------------------------------
Sullen Girl Lyrics
by Fiona Apple
same blah blah
Days like this, I don't know what to do with myself
All day - and all night
I wander the halls along the walls and under my breath
I say to myself
I need fuel - to take flight -
And there's too much going on
But it's calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Is that why they call me a sullen girl - sullen girl
They don't know I used to sail the deep and tranquil sea
But he washed me shore and he took my pearl -
And left an empty shell of me
And there's too much going on
But it's calm under the waves, in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
Under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
It's calm under the waves in the blue of my oblivion
current mood:  drained
current music: madonna-what it feels like for a girl
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10:55 pm
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Hello all! How is everyone today? I am fine. I have started my period again, ick, and it JUST came, it seems like. So I am just sitting here drinking my Sunny Delight, and it makes me miss Sonny, lol. I have not thought about him in a long time, and when I go to Sunriver/Bend this summer I want to hang out with him, too. And Katie Buchanon, and I also miss Orrin Gibbs and Aaron Davey even. I do not miss Stephen Jaro, Fucker. But I do miss Lisa, Jeff Bishop, Dan Parks, Dane, Chris, Kyle, Ben.... I remember this guy Ben Baroff, I miss him, too. And...Tina, Leah, Jake Jacot, Angie, Owen, Stephanie, Stacey, Amanda Bue, Ashley Pearson, Marcie Clark, Katie Hanson, Elijah Clark (My virgin... or former virgin, lol), I even miss Travis Audia and Michael Catterlin... :'(. I am so sad right now... people do not understand how sad i am here. i mean, i know i have it sooo good with Mel and Bradley, and I love living with them, away from mike, but i just wanna go home. i am so close to dropping out of highschool because i cannot be at summit and i feel like i belong there...i know it sounds dramatic... but my heart just hurts... and i feel guilty because i am soooo grateful to live here, but i definitely want to see if kevin will move to bend my senior year at the latest. but the guilt at moving is overwhelming too... and am getting over austin, but i still miss him so much as a friend, thats what we were first and i feel like a friend was stolen, ya know? and its just hard... very very hard... anyway, enough of my downing...ICLN... sorry lisa
love, bon
current mood:  listless
current music: white stripes
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| Thursday, May 27th, 2004
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11:01 pm - classy
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hope this guy does not spread what i said, but then again who cares? lol. I would feel unloved about him just stopping the convo but i do not know him, so who cares, lmao. i love you all. i love everyone... :) you know what? I think i am damn close to over austin. crazy though byotches, maybe i am to good for him...
current mood:  curious
current music: christina aguilera- historia puertoriceno
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3:53 pm - hmmmmmmmmmm
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howday. i like that... hahahaha. i don't know what to say.asdjkhfldf ashley is here. yahoo! anyhooters... ttyl, i love you all
current mood:  chipper
current music: selena
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| Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
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4:14 pm - its not easy to be me
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aiight, i think ima drop outta high school and get my ged. i just hate highschool goddamn much, honestly. i talked to my sister and brother and law and mom about it. i just really hate this stupid petty highschool drama, ya know? but whatever. lisa, you byotch, you are online but away and what the hell is that? i am sick and school is almost out. i mean for the summer, not the day. anyways... i am bored. i miss summit and company...
What its like
Everlast
We've all seen a man at the liquor store beggin' for your change
The hair on his face is dirty, dread-locked, and full of mange
He asks a man for what he could spare, with shame in his eyes
"Get a job you fucking slob," is all he replies
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues
Then you really might know what it's like...
Then you really might know what it's like...
Then you really might know what it's like...
Then you really might know what it's like...
Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom that said he was in love
He said, "Don't worry about a thing, baby doll
I'm the man you've been dreaming of."
But 3 months later he say he won't date her or return her calls
And she swear, "God damn, if I find that man I'm cuttin' off his balls."
And then she heads for the clinic and
she gets some static walking through the door
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner
and they call her a whore
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose
Chorus
I've seen a rich man beg
I've seen a good man sin
I've seen a tough man cry
I've seen a loser win
And a sad man grin
I heard an honest man lie
I've seen the good side of bad
And the downside of up
And everything between
I licked the silver spoon
Drank from the golden cup
And smoked the finest green
I stroked the fattest dimes at least a couple of times
before I broke their heart
You know where it ends, yo, it usually depends on where you start
I knew this kid named Max
He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with drugs
He liked to hang out late
he liked to get shit-faced and keep the pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big gun fight and Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome .45, talked some shit, and wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of this pain
You know it crumbles that way
at least that's what they say when you play the game
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose
Then you really might know what it's like...
Then you really might know what it's like...
Then you really might know what it's like...to have to lose
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Breathe
Pink Floyd
Breathe, breathe in the air
Don't be afraid to care
Leave but don't leave me
Look around and choose your own ground
For long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be
Run rabbit run
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down it's time to start another one
For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race towards an early grave.
current mood:  discontent
current music: everlast- what its like
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| Monday, May 24th, 2004
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10:12 pm - Amanda Does Austin (Kinda like Debbie Does Dallas)
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Why in the world do I feel... CHEERFUL? I mean I just found out that Austin screwed some girl... but oddly... I am ok. I am still good. No, there is no new guy... I am not on drugs... I am not a psycho... I think I am honestly getting over Austin though... sloOoOoOly but surly. Its hard, albeit definitely happening. I miss you Lisa. Oh, by the way, I shall call soon and you gotta make arrangements to come to my humble abode and stay for a while, then maybe visa versa? Austin is a fucker... well, no... he is only doing what I should have done a long time ago. Except for the sex thing, thats a long time gone, and stupid at that. I hope it did not fuck Amanda up in the head.I am a little sad about it though... I kind of want to see him, and say good bye in person... I loved him. I think, I hope I did. I hope was capable of it...
I'll talk to yall later! love ya bunches of oats
moi
current mood: contemplative
current music: Velvet Underground
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| Saturday, May 22nd, 2004
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2:21 pm - suddenly overcome by loveless lonliness...
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Come notice me
And take my hand
So why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry
Ohhhh
At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
After all...
After all...
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2:10 pm - mmmbop
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I really hate hanson. I really wanna get my nose peirced. ewwww, shanti is here. i hate this bitch, whaddaslut! I think i wanna spell slut like sludt. like kurt cobain spelled his name kurdt off and on. sludt. i like that! anyways, how is everyone? i am ok, in a couple of weeks mikey and laura are coming up and lisa, i amth going to call you and you should come up and visit me around my 16th birthday. i love you! anywho, i have been talking to my dad, everything is all good there... i miss bend. i fucking hate bremerton. ok, this thing with carlye is pissing me off sooooo much. she had her ugly ass friend jessica come up and threaten to kick my ass, and im just like do it! i don't give a fuck, i WON"T fight back, but i will press charges. fucking i hate olympic, i hate this town. i hate everything about this place except mel and bradley and teagan and my home. everthing else sucks.
CARLYE IS A DUMB LYING WHORE WHO NEEDS TO BE SHOT IN THE FACE!!!!!!!!!
current mood:  infuriated
current music: limp bizkit- no sex
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| Thursday, May 20th, 2004
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7:38 pm - more serendipidous songs
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Re-Arranged Lyrics
by Limp Bizkit
Just think about it
Lately I've been skeptical
Silent when I would used to speak
Distant from all around me
who witness me fail and become weak
Life is overwhelming
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
id love to be the one to disappoint you when I don't fall down
[Pre chorus]
but you don't understand when I'm attempting to explain
because you know it all and I guess things will never change
but you might need my hand when falling in your whole
Your disposition ill remember when im letting go of...
[chorus]
you and me we're through and rearranged
It seems that your not satisfied
there's too much on your mind
So you leave and I cant believe all the bullshit that I find
Life is overwhelming
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
I'd love to be the one to disappoint you when I don't fall down
[pre chorus]
[chorus]
.. you're no good for me
Thank God its over
You make believe that nothing is wrong until you're cryin'
You make believe life is so long until you're dyin'
You make believe that nothing is wrong until you're cryin', cryin' on me
You make believe that life is so long until you're dyin', dyin' on me!!
you think everybody is the same
I don't think that anybody is like you
You ruin everything and you kept fuckin' with me until its over
Both Hands Lyrics
by Ani DiFranco
I am walking
out in the rain
and I am listening to the low moan
of the dial tone again
and I am getting
nowhere with you
and I can't let it go
and I can't get through...
the old woman behind the pink curtains
and the closed door
on the first floor
she's listening through the air shaft
to see how long our swan song can last
and both hands
now use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing
graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of
how hard we tried
I am watching your chest rise and fall
like the tides of my life,
and the rest of it all
and your bones have been my bedframe
and your flesh has been my pillow
I am waiting for sleep
to offer up the deep
with both hands
in eachother's shadows we grew less and less tall
and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all
and I'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall
and eventually the landlord will come
and paint over it all
and I am walking
out in the rain
and I am listening to the low moan of the dial tone again
and I am getting nowhere with you
and I can't let it go
and I can't get though
So now use both hands
please use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of how hard we tried
hard we tried
how hard we tried
Not A Pretty Girl Lyrics
by Ani DiFranco
I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distess
and I don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
maybe you'd prefer a maiden fair
isn't there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere
I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I've got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling
and I am sorry
I am not a maiden fair
and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere
and generally my generation
wouldn't be caught dead working for the man
and generally I agree with them
trouble is you gotta have youself an alternate plan
and I have earned my disillusionment
I have been working all of my life
and I am a patriot
I have been fighting the good fight
and what if there are no damsels in distress
what if I knew that and I called your bluff?
don't you think every kitten figures out how to get down
whether or not you ever show up
I am not a pretty girl
I don't want to be a pretty girl
no I want to be more than a pretty girl
Blind And Unkind Lyrics
by Ataris
You inhale the toxic fumes,
I look away, and then resume to...
do all the things that I told myself
I wouldn't ever do.
Why do I always believe,
that I'm in love with everyone I see?
And, why did the next one have to be you?
Why do you believe that everything I say is
true?
(Chorus) Why must I always do this?
Why do I put myself through this?
Love is blind and so unkind...
I never can make up my mind!
I undo the thought from my head,
forgetting all you ever said.
Today it's you, tomorrow someone else,
maybe I'm just better off by myself!
I forget that it's just you...
and not some person that I've always knew!
(Repeat chorus)
Love is blind... love is a lie!
current mood:  sleepy
current music: sub hum ans
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enthralled