| she screams "emo." |
[09 Feb 2004|06:24pm] |
\I really hate sundays. Cause there is no way in hell can I sleep the night without worrying about waking up early. I was tossing & turning. It was completely impossible to sleep. I really had a weird dream about being with this girl & she vanished like sand once she was hit with a baseball bat?? I have no idea, my dreams are crazy and do not make sense what so ever. School was great, just everybody seems to be grouchy today. I guess it's cause it's a monday? well my math teacher was being very mean to all of us, and he's usually mellow. Maybe it was his weekly male-PMS? (that's IMS... it's when old people get grouchy like women with pms, minus the period), and well, he was mean. I couldn't even breathe in that class, cause he might kill me or something. After that was art, and it's so boring. I'm drawing "Pocari Sweat" Bottles as tesselations (repeated patterns), and it's so annoying. It actually gives me headaches. After that, was english, I was watching that damn Romeo & Juliet movie, and we've been covering this book for such a long time and got nowhere. After that!!!! was Business, I don't know what was wrong with me but something made me feel weird. I felt like I was being watched. I absolutely hate that, so I wasn't really feeling good in business, but oh well. Thank god I didn't have the test, cause I suck at tests. I had lunch, but I managed to do it upstairs cause there's too much noise downstairs. I like being downstairs, but there's too much people. I hate noise... when I have to do work. & usually people in lunch are loud & chew loudly. I hear people chew & gnaw at their food like it's a rope. Yet, I hear people chew gum in class loudly everyday. It's so annoying, especially when you're taking a test and you just want everyone to shut the fuck up and do the damn test. Then I had science and I was just falling asleep. I was looking across the room, and I realized everyone is upset/depressed cause they feel they're forced to be in a room for fourty minutes (40 min for the lazy), that have to listen to the teacher talk and talk about nothing. Oh, last but not least, I had Global Studies. It was great, but it could've been better if we didn't have to grade our papers. I had to grade this guy's test (you know, the teacher passes other papers AND YOU GRADE IT), and like, I didn'tfeel like it. I just put checks on all of it. I mean, hell, the guy's answers sucked anyway. My grade sucked, i had a 20. But, I didn't have much time to finish it, I guess it's my fault..... Today is a bit slow since I don't feel so g ood without my sleep. Soo Bin, Jenz & Suzana went to queens center mall, I wanted to go but, i just didn't feel good. Plus, Jenz told me, not soo bin...sheesh, that's nice. well, whatever, I don't care about it much cause I didn't feel good. I would've gone but I would fall asleep...
I feel weird. I don't feel myself. I am in a point of my life where I need time to spend with a special person. I don't know someone special to me, but I need to have a special someone with me sometimes just to hold closely & love. I miss loving someone. You know, that feelign where you are obligated to wake up day by day, just to see a smile on that special person's face... just making her (or him for those that.......are girls) happy makes your day brighter. A day with a special person makes your days sunny. Even if it's raining, your days seem happy and bright. But, if there's a day where you aren't together, you feel you will just faint without being with that person... I had that feeling before, it was soo good. I was so happy rto wake up everyday just to know she was alive and well. Just knowing she's there for me, she's alive, and that she loves me made my life much better. Many people thought I just lie about this just so she would think I really cared about her, but it's the truth. Straight from my heart, and if people don't believe that then they shouldn't listen to me at all. You know, there was always this one dream I wanted to accomplish. To oneday be alone in a room, with a big open window, and I would just look outside the stars & the moon with my special someone.... I haven't had a chance to do that with my ex, but maybe I will with a girlfriend...as soon as I find out I like someone. It is not easy for me to like someone.
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