U DuN nEeD tO nOe's Blurty|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in
U DuN nEeD tO nOe's Blurty:
|Monday, September 22nd, 2003|
i give up
Well...kk...it's over and done for. I won't have any hopes of aaron anymore. I guess i'll have to psyc myself to unlyk him...He didn't go to the reading room again...I guess he's moved out already...afterall, one month is 500 dollars lehZ...and then, well, prelims are over, and it's around 2 more months to his o levels...I live in the hostel, though i'm a local...for some reason...Something in me died when i saw that he wasn't there. I love him...i miss him. kk...mebe this is like...all over nothing, but i really felt dull and achey inside when i didn't see his face there. At least i saw him during recess...hehe....oh god...this sux...my life sux...well, not really...but u know what i mean...
Current Mood: pessimistic
Current Music: Wo De Jiao Ao...(c me fly...i'm proud to fly up high...)
Destress from distress...
|'m really discouraged...Usually, i don't go to the reading room as often, only on mondays and wednesdays, and the occasional thur...on thursday, when aaron wasn't there, i could hardly study...i was so upset i almost cried...lame, i know, but i really missed him. Then, on Sunday, well, he wasn't there again and i was even more put out and would have gone home early had my mother, who was sitting beside me, stopped me. She actually went there to mark her student's homework, and imagine my discomfort as she went over to a student using her teacher's attitude and told him to tone down the volume of his discman. Guess she was right though...Afterall, he was around 5 m away from me, but i could still hear the singer's voice even though the earphones were plugged into his ears...|||. It was like radio...
Today is monday...well, i hope he will be there...i'm taking his picture using my friend's phone camera!! Yay!! He BETTER be there. And as for that friend who got me into trouble, well, my cousin's prediction came true...She said that from what she knew of that "friend", she would be v unpopular soon. Well, turns out loads of people hate her and one of her clique ignored her and the few of us ate reccess together, while she sat alone as her 2 other friends, one bitchy, one hypocritical, went for something...I know i should be sympathetic, and i tried to be, suggesting that we should ask her over, but my friend gave me a disgusted look and said, "Are you kidding?!" Well...evil begets evil...=P
I saw Aaron during reccess...he's having his prelims, i think...i hope he can get into a good JC... I want to wish him luckm and encourage him, at least online, but i daren't...|||....Ha|xX...alvin, as usual, missed lessons today....well...mebbe not as usual, but as often...my friend said it was cos he was often sick, diarrhoea...Poor thing...He seems so sporty, i mean....a bball star?! A soccer star?! But i guess if he gets sick often, he shohuld eat more healthily...He has a LARGE appetite...he once ate a plate of rice, and then, as i was gloomy as i thought ihe was finished and done, and leaving the canteen, where i had a good view of him, he came back with another plate....and another...well, hmm.....
I'm getting a bit bitchy nowadays...i think i like it...i mean, it's damn hard to get hurt if u are bitchy...and my friends opinions on the "friend" are, summarised, "V self-centered, gets angry easily, can't take jokes, hurtful, Irresponsible, peer pressure..." Well, she once borrowed a miserable 3 dollars something from me...and so i asked her to help pay for my 1 dollar mean and cancel the debt, but she said, "3 dollars also must so stingy..." Halo?! i mean, if 3 dollars is supposed to be nothing, then why would she care about one dollar?!?! As my friend said, "3 dollars can go toilet for 30 times leh! and a bit lesser if the toilet more expensive...ask her dun you-know-what for 10 days lah!" o_O...and she owes my friend 100 dollars...she bought basketball shoes, and jersey plus shorts, and that was supposed to amount to at least 200 dollars...i mean, a pair of bball shoes is supposed to be 100 over already, but, with the jersey, my friend asked her to pay 100 only...and guess what? Weeks passed...my friend asked for the money, but she refused to pay up, and only returned 10 dollars so far...she used the same ole line..."Keep askin for money...moeny v impt ah!" I mean...HALO!!! my friend needs her money back!! OMG!!!! that gal makes me sick...and she threw down the 10 dollars at my friend, with a black look...HALO?! It should be my frined who's angry!!! ArGh!!! dun type liao...getting pissed!!!
Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: z| yUe (Oh my god, wo ting bu don, kan bu dong...)
|Saturday, September 20th, 2003|
love is so confusing, hurting...
I had one crush...and things were bad then...then i had another crush...and things are...well, not exactly worse, but more confusing. I had a crush on a guy named alvin. I really liked him. I hadn't told anyone at first. I slowly got to know and talk to him abit, and played and had a couple of good laughs with him. You wouldn't believe how over the moon i was then. I loved him. I was infatuated. But then, my friend forced me to tell her who i liked, promising she won't tell, and saying that ppl always left her out. I told her, and i suspected she liked him too. Well, due to her, the whole world knew, and things soon got embarrassing for me and i never talked to him again. It's been five months...i chatted thrice with him on MSN, and then things deteriorated and i never did so again. I regret deeply about having told her. But what's done can't be undone, and whatever i do, scream or kill myself over ain't gonna change the fact that i loved and lost what there was to lose.
then, i fell in love. Again. It was a slow, creeping love, that i couldn't stop and didn't realise until it woke me up with a bang. I fell in love with HER crush. I didn't mean to, and it's definitely not for revenge. Love doesn't work that way. I cried over him, and i think he is sweet, and i will accept him no matter what he does. I can't let anyone noe, except a few really close friends. I keep trying to hide the fact from HER...everytime i see him, aaron, in this common place, where we both study with alott other people, there will be a couple of times whn he looks up and i catch his eye, sending a thrill down me. I don't know. He's going to graduate soon. My school is a rather prestigious sch, according to others and what i thought b4 i came here...it's not bad, but there are a couple of lazy ppl, And i hope i wun be in the list again. I don't know what to think. She has changed a couple of boyfriends since having a crush on him, and it is definitely not out of selfishness that i hope they won't get together. It's because i Don't want aaron to be hurt. She plays around with guys. So far out of her 20 over bfs, i think only 2 were the ones who initiated the breakups. I am beginning to hate her bitchinness, and the way she backstabs friends, and when i stuck up for a fren once, she and 3 other bitchy gals threw everyone out of the clique...and to think we used to be v good friends. She bs me b4 too. They are now so pathtic. A group of 4, dwindled from the original 10 over ppl who were good frens. Ihate her for putting popularity, herself, and winning b4 everything else. She hates losing in every aspect of the word. She is damn self-centered, and likes to act popular. Many hate her...ppl who don't even know her. She's all sugar and honey when u first know her. Then her true colours come out....
Back to my crushes... I like watching them play bball...i love them for thier insides...sensitive, with cool exteriors...they are both star players, and i can engross myself, sunk deep in the depths of infatuation as i watch their every action. I won't be seeing aaron soon....he'll graduate in months. I noe i will miss him and the 2 hours in the reading room each night in the hostel as i look at him. I noe i might not be able to bear the pain, but i can't go to frens for comfort. only one can understand and noes about him. my god. life can suck.
I think i am turning over a new leaf....starting to focus alot more on studies...but then, the exams are around the corner, 2 weeks from now...i have to buck up ALOT....
I'm really stressed...about friends, love, and studies. Typical, i guess...