it's been a while.......   
02:18am 05/01/2004
mood: lazy
music: poproshu
hmm that it has, i used to write here all the time and now.................well i'm just bored reading fanfiction. in north carolina at the momnet and i have to admit it coud be much worse. i could be in russia now, alone with my grandma.....anyway, just felt teh need to write something down and be random, i don't get to do that a lot lately.
break stuff   
11:59pm 08/12/2003
mood: aggravated
music: the tv next door
have you ever wanted to smash something, really really hard? i did, just five seconds ago. but it's not cause i hate my computer, no, i love it, i love it so much, it's just what i was reading. i think i'm gonna stop readin my mail for a while, cause it really starting to upset me, i'll just erase it and not read cause i think that would be est for my mental well being. i still need to proof read my friends' paper tomorrow, god, it's gonne be a bus day, oh well, nite.
been a while   
01:33am 04/12/2003
mood: cold
music: 50 cent- in da club
it's been forever since i've written in here. just came back from playing taboo in kanz's room with ppl, we lost but the guys felt bad and didn't make us o through wiht the bet (10$ each loser pays for drinks) oh went to concert on sunday (less than jake) and got hit int he chest by a crowd surfer, so now i have a bruise there, bt it's not bad, just yelloy now......anyway, i think i'm gonna to and do some work now but most likely i'll be chatting wiht bel about duct tape and cheese
07:39pm 26/11/2003
mood: giggly
music: wellington's wednesdays by the weakerthans
well i was on the bus till 1.10 am this morning and then spent another 2hrs in the car trying to get out here. the house isn't bad. it's student housing and the not too bad. my parents have a dvd player and a bread maker nad other cool stuff, so yeah....the uni isn't that bad, at least from what i saw. my mom went back to get me outof bed at around 1.30 and i got to walk around and stuff. the bus ride wasn't bad and i sat next to this hot guy. i'll probably transfer here and seehow things go during the summer. if nothing else i can spend 2 years of my college career abroad.
01:08am 18/11/2003
mood: tired
music: barenaked ladies-one week
i think i over ate today...but yeah not the point. i think that skyy blue has such pretty bottles and i think that everyone should own one. new boss: dave. not a bad guy just needs to be less obnoxiously nice and more nice. was productive today and i think i'm making up for it now by not doing much and just taking up the computer. i really want to liten to help by the beatles but unfortunatly i can't find the file on my computer.......ut i think i'm gonna be a little more productive now, cause the journal is due tomorrow. i'm glad we didn't go watc the matrix tonight, cause i really need sleep and do the article nite
01:14am 11/11/2003
mood: loved
music: the quiet things that no one knows by brand new
aparently nyu and stony brook are in some sort of competition, or so i've een told. so far nyu is winning.

kiddy porn dling nyu:16, stony brook: 12
sucide: nyu: 3, stony brook: 2 (we won't count the guy who walked in front of a lirr train, he wasn't a student)

oh by the way, i no way condon he actions of saidstudents in either universities and i think that both are horrible acts although i have to say that jumping of the nyu library building in the middle of the day and laning in front of a tour group was pretty original and might even have some sort of positive outcome, tuition might go down..........oh and oh a sidenote i failed a mth test and i really should read for the quiz tomorrow
06:25pm 09/11/2003
mood: tired
music: get over it by ok go
yaya i went shopping this saturday and bought groceries. i just need to cook tonight because i still have stuff from 2 weeks ago (in the fridge so it's still good) that i need to make room in there for the new groceries. i'm procrastinating, not studying for math. i'm gonna go and have dinner with crisie and i'm assuming other ppl after she gets her laundry done. i'm probably not gonna have anything cause i just finished my sandwich from this afternoon(it was a really big sandwich with turkey and cheese and lettuce and yeah all that good stuff; same as this morning, so i was full) but i'm still gonna go cause i don't want to sit in my room and study ^_^ and i also sorta got over thefact that some ppl don't like me, that's just the way life is and i think i can live with that
11:32pm 04/11/2003
mood: crushed
music: queer by garbage
you know nothing really tells you that you aren't wanted like avoidence, espcially when you know it's going on. i thought it wouldn't hurt as much with a person i haven't known that long but it does. just because i still see them eveyday. i really don't know why this appened...maybe it's cause i talk too muc, i think i'll stop now, just talking. and doing anything, i'll just go to class and read.
12:40am 04/11/2003
mood: enthralled
music: stef typing on her computer
helped alex study fo psych, succeeded in giving her a mental picture of her crew coach in lacy panties , went to math tuitoring, understood somethings, found out where the benedict gym is, didn;tgo cause it was closing, went to yoga, dragged kat, now kat can touch her toes again ^_^ oooohhhhhh look at the clean vacuumed room ^_^
01:24am 03/11/2003
mood: sleepy
music: tv comercial
yayness. i spent time with people. all night long. i hung out with marina and yvonne till 6am and then caught the 6.14 train out of penn, got to stony, took a shower, changed clothing and went to work. after which i proseeded to go to the mall to get fruit. i like my job. even though i spend 6 hrs on my feet and continuously make ppl sandwiches, i get breakfast and lunch on them ^_^ oh and i got pants for work today at the mall after the qork today. oh and friday i go and see devil's isl play but now i'm going to bed.
08:31am 30/10/2003
  why do sometimes think that people just hate me? i don't think that they do....but for some reason this thought just pops into my mind. ok so i know that tanja's roomates don't love me and i am definatly not their favorite person but realy jullian shoulfn't take all these thigs too seriously.  
01:57am 28/10/2003
mood: flirty
music: silence
there are 2 pieces of information that i wanted to share. firts off i am now employed at the union deli on the weekends (not the most glamourous job but still) nd second i am no longer a blonde. i tried coloring my hair midnight black but it came out redish brown, which although i like i like my natural color better (don't worry the dye wil wash out in 12-14 washes).....hopefully. and now off to write my paper for tomorrow.
01:36pm 27/10/2003
mood: mischievous
music: gasoline by seether
well i think that i'm getting better, at the whole friends thing........i hung out with tanja and ivan on saturday night til 5am and then i got to bed. then today i got to bed at 4am and got up 8.44. i sit with ppl now and go to class and eat. i've decided ona halloween costume, i'm gonna be a goth. and i colored my hair, but washed the dye out too soon so it's a weird black green color. tanja's getting more dye at the mall today for me yay ^_^
last time   
10:09am 24/10/2003
mood: okay
music: adam's song by blink 182
well this weekend is the last time that i go abck hoe cause we are movin this weekend. i stay at college while my parents move to north carolina.......gog i hate that fucking state. but yeah......i hopw that this time i feel better than alst week at least. last sunday i lay in my bed and just wanted to die there, just not move and die there, then i wouldn't be the one left alone (i know i was being selfish but you know you really don't think about other ppl when you're in a mood like that). it kinda scared me cause i have never had that thought before in my life. i really hope that this weekend is better. oh i ahev to go to zabar's and get a cake for the guests, they're bringing chilli ^_^ yay chilli. oh and tomorrow i'm metting up with ksen before i leave the city. we'll probaby hang out for a couple of hours and then i'll catch the 9pm train back out here. need to study for tests and write paper. oh i also spent 2 hrs last night playin pool in the down stairs rec room. and tanja, joanna, krista and i went to the disney night waffal barr at roth (this was after we had fod already mind you) i comsmed the most because not only did i eat all of my food at eob (the others took their left overs to go) i also was the only one who finished the waffals with teh ice cream. i hope my hair dries soon cause i have a review session at 10am.
05:08pm 19/10/2003
mood: depressed
music: silence
i really shouldn't cry not about this, this stupid, stupid thing. i hate it so much the fact that she promissed and now everything is going down teh shit hole. you shouldn't make promisses you can't keep you because it will all go down the shit hole. i know it's not their fault and that i shouldn't blame them, but it's their job to be blamed for when their kids get fucked up in the head. i know it's not fair but life isn't fair either. i really should be laughing though at the irony of it all. all my life i've wanted my family to leave me the fuck alone and now they careful what you wish for.
09:07pm 18/10/2003
mood: crappy
music: take me away by christina vidal
well next weekend i will be the only one of my family left in the state of ny. and for thanksgiving i'm flying down to nc to be with them and then i'm flying back up here, to be alone. i really don't like being alone and for some reason friends are no longer enough. yvonne and i talk rarely now. she emails me for help, but she mostly talks to dahea and nat, they were better candidates for friends anyway to begin with. so what if i've known her longer, i don't want to bother being in contact with ppl anymore, i just want to see what happens if idon't bother, when we were in tech, it was different they saw me everyday but now i only speak with yvonne, and that's getting rarer and rarer. i think i'm just not good at keeping up contact with people who leave, marina being the exception beause she also makes an effort to keep up relations, my parents will make an effort, but as for the rest of ppl who leave................emails, hmmmmm i will soon forget how what they sound like.
05:31am 18/10/2003
mood: lonely
music: the art of losing by american hi-fi
i think that marina knows me the best out of all my friends, while ksen thinks she knows me the best. i tell marina things while ksen assumes things and i don't bother to correct her because she'll just put it off as denial. for all my saying i don't judge my friends based on their decisions and opinion (which i don't do, or at least try very hard not to), i definatly assume their reactions to what i say and judge them based on that. i went to visit tech today to get scantrons (so i wouldn't have to buy them) and then met up with nicol and got my birthday gift from her and proceeded to listen to it non-stop. and now i just want to go to a concert and mosh next to the speakers so that my ears hurt and mosh til y body can't handle it anymore. and i want to go and drop off and sleep and not think about anything. not think about how i'm losing one of my best friends, not think about how i really have no people who know the real me because i don;t let them, not think about living up to the expectatios that other people have of me, not think about how i'll never be happy with what i'm doing, not think about how alone i will end up being, and not think about how good my life really is and the fact that i should be thankful for it instead of spending the last minutes before sleep wallowing in self pity. i really was in a better mood earlier today it's just............i don't know, may be i just need sleep.
04:03pm 16/10/2003
mood: bouncy
music: punk rock princess by something corporate
well i almost got my glasses crushed and dayla's glasses were almost crushed as well in the mosh pit but it was great never the less. i am now the proud owner of a something corporate shirt ^_^ yay me. i went home after the concert cause i had no clean underwear here and i'm not doing the laundry now, so when i get back on friday i still won't have any clean undies, but there was clean underwear at home so yeah......^_^;;;;;; oh tanja is going to the same concert only today ^_^ i want clothes like her's, sh has cool punky clothes. i think i'm gonna get my ears pierced once my mommy moves. i'll wait on the tattoo thing though. i really should be reading today's journal but yeah......well i've decided to be come art of the stony brook paper called the press. and they are cool and sarcastic about everything i jus eed to reada couple of issues to get a fell for the average writing style. but yeah, they're cool and i'm so hapy rich told me about it. oh have class now.......
almost there   
12:21am 15/10/2003
mood: chipper
music: how do i? by usher
well it's almost my birthday, almost.........still need to do my math hw, or finish it at least. and then i have to see what kat did for a coupple of problems that i didn't yeah...yay procrastination. oh i need to do my writing hw too, i think i'll do that first. oh i'm falling behind on my reading of govt as well as psych. i'm also not upto date with geo or film but i'm not that far back. ummmmm what else.oh i was sick today so i din't go to geo and instead went to sleep and got up in time for politics. met up with an interesting guy from polticsa nd it turns out that he reads the wsj and the times cover to cover every day as well as the economist, i was impressed. oh i also stole tanja's geo notes. ^_^ days til concert: 1, days til i kidnap daylan: 1, days til birthday: 1; seing a pattern yet? ^_^
06:02pm 13/10/2003
mood: sick
music: nickelback's someday
hmmmm..........looking for things to do instead of reading for class ^_^. woke up at 9 am today. had a dream i overslept and that it was 4.57pm and that i missed class, but yeah.......i got a 67 on my math test. but at least i passed. oh well pass or fail it is. still need to go and declair major, so i can have a meeting with the eco chairperson and ask then if i really need another semester of math. i called the study abroad ppl in cirtland and in bing and asked them to send me study abroad info. i'll probably go this summer if i don't go to india with sneha. oh well. ummmmmmmmmm i think i'll go and get some film reading done.