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( Take a Feather ) [07 May 2006|11:51am] "LINK"

( Take a Feather ) [03 Nov 2005|05:15pm] [ music | Solemn Eternity-Avenge my Sacrifice ] Hm theres a show in November that sould be rad i ahvent been to one in a while. Ray said KSd wont play though. I havent been up ta much pauls moving in, in 2-3 weeks it will be odd living together in this house alone. WEll FF7 Advent Children is comming out i cant wait to see that flick and im going to buy FFXI online sunday since i get paid on saturday. Works rad. Thizzle Dance hahaha Wutang \m/ \m/

( Take a Feather ) Ello [14 Oct 2005|05:07pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Ganja smuggling-eek a mouse ] 1 1/2 years with paul things are great his hairs longer then mine though =\ haha talked to juice a couple of days ago hes tearing the army up haha been up to hm finding a job playing RPG games im getting FFXI online yay and playing with my oh so cute Bam and bandit bandit is so big now and bam has grew as well i like to dress him up in GI joes attire my hair turned orangy brown i gotta color it purple again my computers slow today well right now

( Take a Feather ) [24 Jun 2005|08:25pm] i need a new picture of how i cut my hair lol its so damn short well in the back im to lazy i'll do it later ^_^ I have been reading the book the perks of being a wallflower...Ive havent been myself lately theres jsut this absence the burning-freezing-bitterness-numbfull-pain i hope paul hasnt noticed.... I do hate it when someone notices either something is wrong or im not my self i dwell more in books ive read 5 in just 1 1/2 days (a midsummer night dream, smack, a book on linguistics by jrr toilkien, bio on john lennon, mythology and now this book...) i do miss drawing and painting and staring from every possible perspective at something and it being so obsolete that it tranfixes you into a fascination making it abstract and meaningfull and having the empathy to put more then just your emotions but your mind onto pieces of ordinary empty paper....I miss that but i have no courage it isnt the same i just cant draw anymore or write the way i used to now my dreams of my predestined fate is futile and im just not the same...I blame myself if my artwork didnt get to the gallery I would still have them and not the image of them being stolen and trashed and since then each event in my life seems to be in a sort of plunder and its just becomming so innate i am not affected by it anymore...I know I do not deserve Paul and i think i think and I contimplate it for hours how I know I was not his first choice and i know i am not pretty and dont have the prittiest wings that outgoing personality....i know i am not pure and am not basking in rays of jovial light I am fearfull, recluse,unconventionall and have no value what so ever i also know that because i know that no one cares....and thats okay. but I do love him and it will never stop because i am glad for the piece of attention i get from him and the feeling of being safe and so happy your eyes seem to water because you know you do not deserve it and that you fear so badly he will hurt you or is not satisfied with you because things keep going wrong and there are by far more interesting girls and i know a prodigious amount of more beautiful girls.... but I will continue to love you... ========================================================================================================== songs with meaning ========================================================================================================== Blackbird Lennon/McCartney Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise. Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life You were only waiting for this moment to be free. Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night. Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly Into the light of the dark black night. Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life You were only waiting for this moment to arise You were only waiting for this moment to arise You were only waiting for this moment to arise ---------------------------------------------------------------- Tell Me Why Tell me why you cried, And why you lied to me, Tell me why you cried, And why you lied to me. Well I gave you ev’rything I had, But you left me sitting on my own, Did you have to treat me oh so bad, All I do is hang my head and moan. Tell me why you cried, And why you lied to me, Tell me why you cried, And why you lied to me. If there’s something I have said or done, Tell me what and I’ll apologize, If you don’t I really can’t go on, Holding back these tears in my eyes. Tell me why you cried, And why you lied to me, Tell me why you cried, And why you lied to me. Well I beg you on my bended knees, If you’ll only listen to my pleas, If there’s anything I can do, ‘Cos I really can’t stand it, I’m so in love with you. Tell me why you cried, And why you lied to me. ======================================================================== I Me Mine All thru’ the day I me mine, I me mine, I me mine. All thru’ the night I me mine, I me mine, I me mine. Now they’re frightened of leaving it, Ev’ryone’s weaving it, Coming on strong all the time, All thru’ the day I me mine. I-I me-me mine, I-I me-me mine, I-I me-me mine, I-I me-me mine. All I can hear I me mine, I me mine, I me mine. Even those tears I me mine, I me mine, I me mine. No-one’s frightened of playing it, ev’ryone’s saying it. Flowing more freely than wine, All thru’ the day I me mine. I-I me-me mine, I-I me-me mine. I-I me-me mine, I-I me-me mine. All I can hear I me mine, I me mine, I me mind. Even those tears I me mine, I me mine, I me mine. No-one’s frightened of playing it, ev’ryone’s saying it, All thru’ your life I me mine. -------------------------------- if i feel in love with u would u promise to be true and help me understand cuz i been in love before and found out love was more then just holding hands...i di give my heart to you i must be sure from the very start that would love me more then her if i trust in you oh please run and hide if i love you too oh please dont my pride like her....

( Take a Feather ) 1-2 more days till one year [02 Jun 2005|09:22pm] i love you paul

( Take a Feather ) ineffectual day [11 May 2005|08:55pm] damn its been one day well almost 2 since ive seen paul i miss him so much already my stomach still hurts damn the worst cramps of my life and im not on my rap anymore >_< hmmm i learned a couple anti flag songs but im going to learn the chromatics mago de oz uses. There violinest rules... random pics too bored hey ive been sober from drugs in um what O-a week shit-almost a month R-more then 2 months Brew-couple days weed-more then a month kwel huh

( Take a Feather ) piece of crap [05 May 2005|07:22pm] Tonight I sleep with a knife in my hand to kill the dreams that bring me pain because i am struck down with a thousand daggers and i fell in a shower of hurt far beyond that beyond the surmised plague inside on me can you tell? can you see? the growing frowns and glass in my eyes severed by those thousand knives Chained and imprisoned by love An asphyxiation with jelousy knowing i am not significant and hate everything for being lucky and hurting with remorse that you will finally realize this and be freed from my spell and out of our hell Were is my inclination of opulence? and were is my heaven to heal? Pessissimism leading to self hating reclusity paranoia there all out to get me

( Take a Feather ) [22 Apr 2005|10:53am] i canthelp but become worried the next morning everytime that i may indeed end up pregnat im scared because its tooo early i dont have a life yet im not like the others im not going to fuck up not in this area in my life its not my fate im probly not but my insides are turning and burning and i feel wierd they never felt this wierd before most likely from fear.. I cant help but worry im to scared to talk to paul about this cuz i have so many times....

( Take a Feather ) [14 Apr 2005|04:09pm] well hmm i havent seen paul in a week 5 minutes i say dosent really dcount but yeah it sucks cuz i cant try and see him since im groudned but there is some good neews this week my parents are jamming for 3 days and micheal and i are having a group chug ed wants a midnight one but were doign it all day i hope paul wil come over then ummmm wills bring to much drama it gets onmy nerves vampxshredder : because u get all emotional and starta lot of drama and stuff for little things vampxshredder : liek me not talkign on the phone if u knew me in eprson u would know i odnt talk at all so me talkign a little bit ont he phone is alot vampxshredder : an di always play guitar there isnt a moment inthe day where im nto funkyfreshwill: i guess youre right funkyfreshwill: but youre smart, and you know for every action there is an under lying reason decided consciously or subconsciously and then its just the things he does and whines about question how i care and so forth hmmmm im drawing 4 things at once and its hard but they wil all come out good

( Take a Feather ) [24 Mar 2005|11:10pm] [ music | porcelain thursday ] i feel wierd paul told me to write him and i straight up wrote every theory which was going through my head well most of them until he logged on its wierd why arnt u bored with me yet? hm my bday saturday whhhhhy sould i celebrate another year of my existance

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