11:23pm 10/07/2004
  The Darkness Subsides
by Joshua Edwards

In the darkness I used to cry,
alone and afraid wanting to die.
Watching others laugh and play,
enjoying life, love, and each other every day.
Longing to be happy if only for a day.
Wishing for my Angel who would take me away,
away from this life of misery and pain,
of guilt, remorse, hatred and shame.
Take me to a place where demons dance,
and rejoice in the return of their fallen dark prince.
Guided by my Angel, my demon bride,
my love, my torment, my pleasure, my pride.
The feral lust of my carnal prize,
the taste of her blood and the fire in her eyes.
Like goblin war drums pounding inside,
for my love, my Angel, the darkness subsides.
 
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01:46am 27/04/2004
 
mood: crushed
Tortured Soul
by
DeaD ZerO
End the pain, take the air from my lungs,
Tie the noose and load the gun.
Cut my wrists and pop the pills,
Say good bye and bid farewell.

What was I to you, did I make you happy?
Did I please you, or is that you laughing...
at me, the joke in your life.....
the sad little freak with a blood stained knife.
Pools of depression deep inside, fill with the grief of my broken pride.
No where to run and no where to hide,
inside this shell, what was left of my soul has died.

The broken heart and the collapsed lungs
The hangmans noose and the loaded gun
The bleeding wrists and the poisoned pills
The tear filled good byes and blood stained farewells
.....of a tortured soul.

Death rides in on a bed of blood stained white,
under watchful eyes and a doctors knife.
But how do you save what doesnt want to live
With all hope lost and bleeding like a siv.
The flame of my heart slowly burns out,
like the ravens last flight and the wolfs last howl.
 
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My Little Care Bear   
01:13am 25/04/2004
 
mood: loved
music: Rocky Horror Picture Show Sweet Transvestite
Well I got Monica a really LARGE sharebear care bear and the texas chainsaw massacre dvd. Oh by the way Monica is my girl friend, we started dating last monday april 20th. We used to date back when I was in high school but she broke up with me. Afterwards she have been looking for me and last sunday night we found each other again, at McDonalds where she works, and needless to say we hit it off real quick again. I think I may love her, she makes me feel so happy and good inside, so I hope it last and I dont screw up. Monica you will always be my little care bear and I will always be yours.
 
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12:07am 06/04/2004
 
mood: enraged
music: Human Target Range - Nigger Knocker Stick
GUESS WHAT,.......you suck. lol. You know you wish your band was as good as mine. Human Target Range is - me DeaD ZerO aka joshua.....SykO SpaZ aka nick.......PyrO HatS aka russell. We are the beautiful people. SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK AND ROLL, THEN MORE DRUGS AND SEX WITH UNDERAGE GIRLS!!! Life is great. What more can we ask for. So give us your hate and we will just swallow it, digest it, shit it back out and make you eat it, cus we hate you anyways,........esp the girls that didnt want us, know dont you wish you had us you cum guzzling whores HAHAHAHA, much love bitch.
 
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11:30pm 01/04/2004
 
mood: lonely
music: Human Target Range - Gang Banging Preteen Cunts
I love myself, I want you to love me.
When I feel down, I want you above me.
I search myself, I want you to find me.
If I forget myself, I want you to remind me.

I dont want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself.
I dont want anybody else..........I touch myself

You close your eyes, and see me before you.
Think you would die, if I were to ignore you.
A fool could see, just how much you adore me.
Get down on your knees and do anything for me.

I dont want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself.
I dont want anybody else........

Im the one that makes you come running, keeps you coming all the time.
When Im around, youre always leaving. I want to make you mine.

I love myself, I want you to love me.
When I feel down, I want you above me.
I search myself, I want you to find me.
If I forget myself, I want you to remind me.

I dont want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself.
I dont want anybody else......
I dont want anybody else, when I think about you I touch myself.
I dont want anybody else......
I dont want anybody else.....
When I think about you I touch myself.
 
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11:11pm 28/03/2004
 
mood: predatory
music: Human Target Range - Trailer Park Trash
Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, introducing the rudest, badest, meanest, most hated band of all time. Here to fill your ears with some of the most irritating, mind blowingly xxx rated music. HUMAN TARGET RANGE...... on guitar Joshua aka DeaD ZerO, on bass Nick aka SykO SpaZ, and on drums Russell aka PedO PyrO. Playing such songs as "We dont care", "Candle light circumcision", "Trailer park trash", "I dont want to go to church", "No reason to live", "The hate song", "Said the lama", "The flower song", and many more including many cover songs for Marilyn Manson such as "Sweet dreams", "Minute of decay", "Dope show", "Beautiful people", "Rock is dead", "Cake and sodomy" and many more. Come for the music, stay for the show, watch the freaks dance on stage, watch a man eat anything you give him, dead animals galore, sodomizing of little girls, sacraficing jewish children. We dont care if you hate us cus we hate you anyways,.....We hate everyone and everything! No one is safe from our hatred. Underage female groupies and dead babies are what we like. BUT GUESS WHAT! FUCK YOU ALL Good night
 
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11:08am 07/03/2004
 
mood: predatory
music: KoRn-MY GIFT TO YOU
There you are my precious, Long ago.
Hiding behind the shadows, Of your broken soul.
Why is it always you want something, You can never have.
Why did you try to tempt me, How could you be this way.

Your throat I take grasp
(Can't you feel the pain)
Then your eyes roll back
(Can't you feel the pain)
Love racing through my veins
(Can you feel the pain, Can't you feel the pain)
Your heart stops beating
(Can't you feel the pain)
Black orgasm
(Can't you feel the pain)
I kiss your lifeless skin
(Can't you feel the pain)

There you are my precious, with you broken soul.
Rubbing my crotch elated, Taking control.
Why is it always, You fuck up something you have always had
Why did you try to tempt me, How could you be so cold

Your throat I take grasp
(Can't you feel the pain)
Then your eyes roll back
(Can't you feel the pain)
Love racing through my veins
(Can't you feel the pain, Yes I need the pain)
Your heart stops beating
(Can't you feel the pain)
Black orgasm
(Can't you feel the pain)
I kiss your lifeless skin
(Can't you feel the pain)

Here I am just a man
Feeling pain gives me life
Relieving us is my plan
I'd do anything just to see through your eyes
Just to see through your lies
Just to see through your eyes
Just to see through your lies
Just to see through your eyes
Just to see through your lies
Just to see through your eyes
Just to see through your lies
Just to see through you eyes
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Yes I need the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I HATE YOU
......fuck
Your throat I take grasp
(Can't you feel the pain)
Then your eyes roll back
(Can't you feel the pain)
Love racing through my veins
(Can't you feel the pain, Yes you need the pain)
Your heart stops beating
(Can't you feel the pain)
Black orgasm
(Can't you feel the pain)
I kiss your lifeless skin
(Can't you feel the pain)
Lifeless skin
(Can't you feel the pain)
Lifeless skin
(Can't you feel the pain)
Lifeless skin
(Can't you feel the pain)
Lifeless skin
 
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11:08am 07/03/2004
 
mood: predatory
music: KoRn-MY GIFT TO YOU
There you are my precious, Long ago.
Hiding behind the shadows, Of your broken soul.
Why is it always you want something, You can never have.
Why did you try to tempt me, How could you be this way.

Your throat I take grasp
(Can't you feel the pain)
Then your eyes roll back
(Can't you feel the pain)
Love racing through my veins
(Can you feel the pain, Can't you feel the pain)
Your heart stops beating
(Can't you feel the pain)
Black orgasm
(Can't you feel the pain)
I kiss your lifeless skin
(Can't you feel the pain)

There you are my precious, with you broken soul.
Rubbing my crotch elated, Taking control.
Why is it always, You fuck up something you have always had
Why did you try to tempt me, How could you be so cold

Your throat I take grasp
(Can't you feel the pain)
Then your eyes roll back
(Can't you feel the pain)
Love racing through my veins
(Can't you feel the pain, Yes I need the pain)
Your heart stops beating
(Can't you feel the pain)
Black orgasm
(Can't you feel the pain)
I kiss your lifeless skin
(Can't you feel the pain)

Here I am just a man
Feeling pain gives me life
Relieving us is my plan
I'd do anything just to see you eyes
Just to see through your lies
Just to see through your eyes
Just to see through your lies
Just to see through your eyes
Just to see through your lies
Just to see through your eyes
Just to see through your lies
Just to see through you eyes
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I hate you, Yes I need the pain
I hate you, Can't you feel the pain
I HATE YOU
......fuck
Your throat I take grasp
(Can't you feel the pain)
Then your eyes roll back
(Can't you feel the pain)
Love racing through my veins
(Can't you feel the pain, Yes you need the pain)
Your heart stops beating
(Can't you feel the pain)
Black orgasm
(Can't you feel the pain)
I kiss your lifeless skin
(Can't you feel the pain)
Lifeless skin
(Can't you feel the pain)
Lifeless skin
(Can't you feel the pain)
Lifeless skin
(Can't you feel the pain)
Lifeless skin
 
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Me Tired   
10:50pm 07/01/2004
 
mood: sleepy
Well i got a job now. I am working with my friend christina's dad in his auto shop. I am making good money now and i am gonna get a car soon. Its not the prettiest but its cheap and it runs good. I also have a cell phone now. I work 8 hours a day 6 days a week sometimes more but its all good. I am sleepy but i dont want to sleep. I am still looking for a girl/f but with no luck. Oh well maybe next time.
 
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10:13pm 24/12/2003
 
mood: melancholy
music: Slipknot - People = Shit
Bahhumbug, i hate christmas, not really but i hate being alone for christmas. I know i am not getting anything for christmas. I dont really care, all i really want is a girl/f. But like that is gonna happen. I went over to my friend David's house, i watched him make the slipknot crew in his wrestling game. It was pretty damn good, they looked just like them. Then we just sat around and played some music. The rest of the day i just sat around and watched tv, there was nothing on of course. I hope some how maybe i find some happiness tomorrow.
 
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08:22pm 23/12/2003
 
mood: hungry
music: Disturbed - Mistress
I just got home from christina's house and it is raining so now i feel like a drowned cat (since i ride a motorcycle). I didnt even get to go over to crystal's house and give her the pictures, so now i hope i can go tomorrow. I hate being single, its really bad when its christmas and your alone. I only wish that I find someone to be with for christmas, and new years eve.
 
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11:11am 23/12/2003
 
mood: depressed
music: Cradle Of Filth - Her Ghost In The Fog
This is just the first entry so blah. I am trying to get some kewl stuff to fill the void. I have nothing to do today so I plan on going over to my friend Crystal's house. She, by the way, is a girl that I really like but cant date since she has a boy/f, my luck huh. I drew her some pics the other day and I want to give them to her. I hope she likes them. Oh well.
 
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