9:45PM
Well, I've just finished working a 9 and a half hour shift and wish that I could just go to bed for the next 20 hours. I'm really not impressed with this thing we call life at the moment. No joke!! It's probably a really good thing I don't own a gun at this point in time. I don't even know where to start with this entry. I don't really want it to come across as a bitch session, but I don't know how to make it so it's not one. LOL Helluva a delima huh?
Anyway, I guess I can start with the fact that we have a house guest for the next two weeks. Sunny has come to visit from Virginia and God knows I love her, but she can be really loud sometimes and I'm so prone to migraines that sometimes it can be a little annoying. I'm glad she's here, but somehow the timing needed to be better. Don't know what that means, it's just how I'm feeling right now I guess.
Yesterday, Bri and I got into a bit of a fight. And over stupid shit to top it off. He said some things that really hurt my feelings and in return I said some really mean things to him. We of course ended up talking things out, but it still didn't do much to make Sunny feel welcome on her first day in town. Bri complains about me saying things under my breath, which nine out of ten times has nothing to do with him and I complained about how I don't feel I or Tom can use the phone without him getting upset because Kym might call or something. He says that's not the case, but I feel differently. I'm not going to argue the point with him, I will just keep doing things the way I have been and be done with it.
Tom and I are having problems and it's not something that just started. Which means that I loved him enough to marry him even though we have problems, but I just have NO ONE to talk to when things get me down, so therefore I keep them bottled up and eventually they build up and I explode in anger. Our problem is sexual and it seems that no matter how often we talk about it, it doesn't get any better. How can that be you might ask, when my hubby is only 24 years old. Well, first off his sex drive is more like that of a middle-aged man and mine is more like a 30 year old woman. He says that he doesn't feel that sex is the most important part of a relationship and that is something I agree with, but sex is important to a point. If I didn't think so highly of my marriage and I could lower my moral standards enough, I'd find me someone to just have sex with. Fuck it, why not? I'm not so sure he won't try to just that himself. I don't know what's going to be going on while him and Sunny are here by themselves. And we must remember that she gave head to CP after only talking to him on the phone and meeting him in person one time. What's to stop her from doing something with Tom? Yeah I know, I don't trust anyone anymore, but a very select few. Oh, well whatever happens happens, Tom and I will work things out or we won't. I don't really give a shit at this point anymore. He's been drinking all day and will probably want to be all lovey dovey and guess who's not going to be? That's right me!!
I miss Angel very much. I can't talk to her much do to my fucked up work schedule and trying to get my hubby to notice me and spend time with me and now we have a guest that is going to "need" some of my attention as well. I miss her very much......I even cried a little bit last night cause I wanted so much to talk to her and see her, but knew that I couldn't. Oh well, I'm starting to get used to life's little disappointments. But it doesn't make me miss her any less that's for sure.
Well, that's all I can think of to write or bitch about for now. Will write more at another time I'm sure.
Talk to every one later. ~~~~Demonique
annoyed