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[27 Nov 2003|10:53am] [ mood | blah ] Well, here it's Thanksgiving and I'm not in the best of moods. Haven't really been in a "good" mood for a couple of days. I know that the holidays are not really a big deal to most people and I don't celebrate Christmas based on religious preferences, but I do like to spend time with my family on Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, my hubby doesn't seem to feel the same way. At least not when it comes to me. He's going to Lebanon and I'm going to SB's. I guess it beats a tv dinner or something, but I still would've liked to have spent it with my husband, but other family members are obviously more important. These people are the same that caused problems over Angel and I not that very long ago. Oh well, I hope that he will enjoy spending his and my birthday without me. I will go out and not invite him, and as my birthday is on a holiday, I'm sure I will find some fun somewhere. My birthday is the 31st of December and there are parties everywhere. His is Dec. 23rd.......and I think I will make it a point to either have to work or have something else that can't wait need to be done. I'm not an important member of his family then maybe I shouldn't consider him to be an important part of mine. I mean if he would've at least offered to stay here with me, I would be more understanding. No, all he says is that he's sure that Angie or Kent could bring ME back tonight. Yeah, she didn't sound too keen about that idea on the phone and then Tom would need a ride home tomorrow some time, yeah I wouldn't want to use all that gas either. Oh well Fuck It.....I don't care anymore. I talked to my son this morning and he said that he would see if my mom, his grandma, would come by SB's to get me. I guess Mom is putting together a little dinner and they would like for me to be there. At least someone in my family cares enough to spend time with me. Well, I think Angel's car is on it's last leg so to speak. We got her a new fuel filter yesterday and DM ended up coming over and putting it on and for awhile it seemed it would run ok and then it started cutting out and dying all the time again. It's kinda sad as I won't get to see much of her if her car's not running until I can get my license taken care of. And with me working now, I will only want to be online for short periods of time. At least til I get used to working again and not be so tired. I think her and DM are going to be ok, if she can just relax and not do things without stopping and thinking about them first. Her words!! LOL I don't know what she's really going to end up doing, she was talking about maybe working things out with Bigman if he diecided he wanted to come home and we even sent him emails in that respect. I hate to say it but I think that she may have been right yesterday when she said that she felt that Bigman was a rebound from DM. I wish that her and DM would get together, cause I think it would make her happiest, but that is something he will have to decide as he's with someone, and he's the on that said he's not happy and that he's not in love with the person he's with. He knows that Angel would have him in a heartbeat without a second thought. He was quick to suggest he come over and fix her car yesterday and then he was all nice and flirty with her. And she was smiling like she did when she first saw him again when she moved back here from Alabama. And I know that I like to see her smiling like that!! Well, it's almost time for me to get out of here and go to SB's. Bri is spending the day with his family and I won't see my hubby again til sometime tomorrow. I hope all of you out there have a safe and happy Thanksgiving. Talk to you later ~~~~Demonique post comment

[24 Nov 2003|08:07am] I hate really fucking stupid people. It's now 7:44 in the morning and I just came back from yet again trying to get my pre-employment drug screen. Yes, I said trying. I called these stupid assed people Saturday morning and they tell me that I need an appointment to have it done on Saturday, but they are open M-F from 7:00-5:00 and I don't need an appointment. What they failed to tell me was that they don't start the testing until 8:30. Now can anyone explain to me why in the blue hell they open at 7:00 if they don't do testing til 8:30?? I can't help but wonder if there is some reason that I'm just not supposed to get this job. I mean I go up to Walgreens Friday and pick up the paperwork. I'm supposed to complete the employment process on the computer, it has a virus. I call the testing place they tell me they're open til 7:00pm. I get there and they don't test anymore, then this shit this morning with the other place. What the hell? Do I have bad karma when it comes to jobs or something?? If I didn't need this job so bad, I'd just say fuck it!! Well, on a happier note, DM showed up at my house yesterday and I put things out on the table about this shit with him and Angel. I basically told him he was treating her like shit and for no reason. I told him that she had been really depressed over the whole situation with him and had spent more time crying over him and the fact that she felt he was willing to just walk away from a friendship that had lasted longer than most marriages do now days than she had when her loser husband decided to walk out of her and her children's lives yet again. I told him I was really worried about the effect that it was having on her as her emotions are already running high with the crap her ex is/has put her through and then add to that the stress of the effect it's had on her daughter and then add the situation w/DM to it and it there was nothing good that could come of it. I found out that he wasn't as mad at her over her having someone write him online as he was about the effect it had on his home life. As him and Barble had pretty much fought for a whole week after it all happened. And I asked him point blank if he wanted thier friendship to be over and he said no. I told him that she sure thinks he does from the way he's been acting towards her when he's called her. He said he was in a bad mood that night and I told him then he shouldn't call her when he's in a bad mood. I also told him that friends stay in touch with each other if for nothing more than to say hi and see how the other person is doing and that if Barble is making it next to impossible for him to talk to Angel online then he should call her once or twice a week. Well, when he left here, he called Angel and she said he was very sweet and back to being the 'old' DM. I knew he was concerned about her and of course I laid it on thick and heavy, cause I knew that if he loved her at all he would listen. He chose to call her when he left here, I had nothing to do with that or what he decided to say to her, except when he said he'd try to call her once or twice a week, but it felt good to know that I at least played a part in making my friend find a reason to smile again. I like to help people in general, but when it comes to Angel, I will do anything short of killing someone to try to make life happier for her and then it depends on the person and the situation. That's why Adam couldn't change things and that's why noone else will change things between us. Well, I guess I'm done for now, I'm going to try to go back out here and get this fucking drug screen done. If I can't get it this time, I AM going to say fuck it and come back home and just begin looking for another job. I can only do so much on my part. Talk to you all later. ~~~Demonique 1 comment|post comment

[23 Nov 2003|01:52am] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Something on Local Station X-103 ] It was yet another long day and I'm so thankful that's it's over!! I got up really early to try to get my drug screen done and was yet again told it couldn't be done today. I'm supposed to have it done by noon today (Sunday) and can't get anyone to do it before Monday. I hope this doesn't fuck up my chances of getting the job, but if it does, I just don't really care anymore. I wanted to go see Pirates of the Carribean tonight and after discussing it yesterday and again today it didn't fucking happen. Then Tom and Bri and I go and rent movies, two of which I want to see pretty badly and one of those is due back tomorrow/today by midnight, but noone else in the house was in a hurry to see it. Now I'm supposed to find some way to fit it into an already tight schedule tomorrow. We ended up watching Willard, which wasn't bad, but I wasn't too impressed with it. I think in part it might have been because I really wanted to watch Sinbad as my fave actor plays the lead voice in it. Oh well, fuck it! I don't care anymore. If I make everything run late tomorrow so I can watch it so fucking be it!! So, I've decided that unless I have a job, I will just stay in this fucking house and rot. It's not like I have much of a choice til I get my license anyway and I think my best friend has hit that point she was warning me about where she's just not going to be around anyone and that will include me. Which I can't blame her in the least. Nothing personal against me, but she knows that I can only handle so much shit and she doesn't like to bring others around her down for it's not their fault that some people like DM and CM are idiots and continue to get stupider by the passing seconds on a clock. Which means I will just wait things out and let her go her way and when she has worked things out in her own time, she will let me know and we will be fine. I, of course, will try to be there when and if she needs me, but this is something I unfortunately can't help her with. I've come to accept the idea as much as I hate the idea. I guess it's time for that reality check that tells me no matter how much I might care for someone, sometimes you just have to let them work things out on their own and if they need you they will let you know. Sometimes, I just wish I could be God for a day and grant some miracles and spread a little happiness into the lives of the ones I love and care most about and even some that I know little or nothing about and maybe include an "enemy" or two. But that's why I'm a poet, for I'm a dreamer and only through self expression can I make those dreams come true. I really think DM is full of shit as he talks to me like he's the sweetest guy in the world, even when I'm bitching him up one side and down the other and swears that everything is ok between him and Angel and then turns around and treats her like shit. Well, if he wants to just let a friendship of 13-14 years just fall by the wayside, that's his choice, but I think it's a very stupid and selfish one. Gee, these guys just need to grow up and act like adults instead of toddlers!! Bri and I have been snapping at each other a lot lately and now I have figured out why. I thought maybe it was just me and the things around me and how they've affected my attitude, but that's not the case. KC's phone is turned off and he hasn't been able to talk to her for the past few days. Someone else that needs to grow up and stop acting like a fucking toddler!! So, things that affect my attitude in a not so positive way and the things that affect his attitude in a not so positive way, are causing us to clash from time to time. Oh fucking well, I can't help the fact that I have a big heart and my best friend and husband, aside from my mom and my son, are the most important people in my life and what affects them affects me. And furthermore anyone who don't like it or can't deal with it don't need to be around me as far as I'm concerned. Bri can move to Philly and be someone that treats him like shit and forget his family and friends here. I'm done with that whole situation and have nothing to say about it anymore. The best part of this whole fucking weekend was that Angel and I went Friday night to see Gothika. Cool fucking movie that actually took a lot of thinking to figure out completely which is the kind of movie I like. I think she would've enjoyed it more if things had been going better for her on a personal level, but we still had a nice time. I bet Tom's brother would've loved to have known about that. Fucking prick that he is!! Yeah I'm not even going to get started on that. He's just mad cause he couldn't get a blow job or a fuck out of my best friend and he's jealous cause he thinks Tom's not only doing me but her too. And noone will convince me otherwise. He's also mad cause he knows his wife is too much of a fucking ugly and stupid bitch to have a girlfriend! Therefore he can't even imagine his fantasies. If I was a lesbian instead of a healthy bi-sexual woman, I wouldn't have her if she was the last woman on earth!! I'd hook her up with a couple of other so called bi women I know, but that's only because I don't fucking like them either. Oh, well, I said I wasn't going to go off on a rant about him and I went and did it anyway. My one weakness: I hate fucking nosy people that have no reason to say anything about my life-style and I don't forget shit very easily either. I'm just glad that Angel and I will continue not only to be best friends but girl friends and anyone who don't like it can kiss our fucking asses!! Well, I'm done ranting for the night. My sleeping pill is kicking in and I'm really tired and have a busy day tomorrow. So ending this here saying good night and talk to you all later. ~~~~Demonique 2 comments|post comment

[21 Nov 2003|07:56pm] [ mood | thankful ] Well today was an extremely long day. I spent most of it with SLB and Taz and then the kids. I've been home for about half an hour if that. SLB and I went to Walgreens to pick up my papers for my drug screen, then went downtown to Legal Aid to pick up some papers for Taz, then went to Dollar General to pick up some things she needed. Then we went and got some stuff for her to make me a pumpkin pie and then got some lunch and went to their place. Taz and I went over to try once again to get his kids for the weekend and as we expected no such luck. Bill the Asshole came out and told him that he couldn't take the kids anywhere and if he didn't leave off the property that he'd call the police. So we left and of course Taz is all pissed off, which I can't blame him in the least. At least he didnt' do anything stupid when Bill came outside. Bill isn't not married to the kids' mother and he hasn't adopted them and I really feel he shouldn't have anything to say about any of it. But it is something that is going to have to go through our wonderful legal system. And I hope that Bill and Lisa get royally fucked over because they're in contempt of court. It would be no less than they deserve, that's for fucking sure. Oh well what's done is done and it will have to work itself out in the end. I was supposed to complete a part three on the hiring process for Walgreens but thier computer has a virus and wouldn't let me get it done. Oh well, I figure they won't get the drug screen results until the middle of next week, so I will just have to take it then. I wrote an email to Tom's mom and told her that depending on how they schedule me we might not make it to Lebanon for Thanksgiving. Which really wouldn't break my heart, but I was willing to go, just to keep Tom from having to do without his family on the holiday. But my having a job is more important than those people and I will just tell him to go without me. I don't give a shit about any holidays anyway except Halloween, so I will be fine if we both don't go. SLG said I could come to her house if worse came to worse or she'd bring me some dinner if I was working so fuck it. Whatever will be will be. I guess DM and Angel haven't worked things out as of yet, but I know that's on his part not hers. I think he's being stupid about the whole situation and he's the one that's losing out in the long run. I know that he will regret it if he doesn't work things out with her and their friendship falls to the wayside. The thing is that I will need to call him sometime over the weekend as I talked to Bri about Shelley's car and told him DM offered him 50.00 for it and he said it was cool if DM wanted it, we'd give him a bill of sell and get it out of here. And of course, being who I am, I willl not be able to talk to him w/o bringing up this whole situation as I think he's being childish and immature and can't just let it slide. I'm tired of seeing my best friend hurt and especially over something she should not have to hurt over. She's a wonderful person and these idiotic men need to realize this before they really miss out on having someone as wonderful as her in their lives in any way, shape, or form. I know that I'm ever grateful that she's become a part of my life and would regret it forever if I were to lose her out of my life. We have our moments when one or the other of us is in a bad mood and we might clash. But we always work through it. Well, I'm outta here as it's almost time to pick up hubby from work. Talk to you all later. ~~~~Demonique 1 comment|post comment

[19 Nov 2003|07:11pm] [ mood | depressed ] Well, I sent my best friend an email telling her I was sorry for whatever I did that upset her and made her not want to talk to me. Guess I must've pissed her off or upset her prerty bad cause she hasn't talked to me in over 24 hours. And the sad part is that Tom bought her something from his work yesterday, but if she's not speaking to me I don't know how I will get it to her. I guess I could give it to MT and have it pass it along. I don't know and I don't know what to think or do as I'm not sure what I did that was so terrible. Oh well, I guess I will one day learn to ALWAYS make sure that I'm not saying or doing things that ANYONE can take the wrong way. Cause evidently even when I think I'm not doing things wrong or off the wall, I am. My friend Rose in Virigina showed Tom and I a poster she had made to mark our wedding. It was really pretty. It had a purple rose up one side with mine and hubby's names written in neat lettering in the center, then in hearts on the lower left side it had the date of our wedding, and on the lower left corner it had a set of wedding rings. It was really awesome looking. She's supposed to send it out to us on Friday along with some cool collector cards she got with WWE Diva Lita on them. They looked really awesome from what I could make out on the cam. LOL She's been really sick and in a lot of pain with her gall bladder, but may finally be getting around the whole insurance thing. They claim that it's an elective surgery and not life threatening, obiviously they've never had gall bladder problems or know anyone who has. I talked to MT on the phone today. She seems to be getting things going for her. She will be starting her GED classes soon and then taking her Data Entry classes starting Dec. 8th. I'm happy for her, I just wish her b/f could be happy and offer her more positive influences, but that doesn't seem likely to happen anytime soon. She said that he was upset as her GED classes would be during the day and her Data Entry classes would be at night and that she would be away from home so much of the time. I think anyone who has the oppurtunity to better themselves should definately invest whatever time they have or need to to accomplish this. I wish her the best of luck. I also talked to SLB and Taz today. I guess they have cut SLB's hours and she's not happy about it at all. It's an hour to and from her job and they only scheduled her for 4 hours today. She's like that's just over what gas it takes for the round trip. Cris is doing really good in school. He's really talking alot better every time I talk to him. He's already made sure that I know that he wants to be a blue power ranger for next Halloween. LOL Taz asked if I'd go with him again this Friday to try to get his kids for the weekend. I hope it works this time as his kids really want and need to see him. No matter the past I know that he's always tried to be a good father to them. Well on the brighter side of things, I have a job interview tomorrow morning. I will probably have Bri drop me off on his way to work and then either walk home or take a bus. It's not that far down the way from here and I'm willing to do just about anything to end this miserable life of being unemployed!! On the worring side of things, I agreed today to do something that I may regret, but I love my husband and I want to do whatever I can to make his life happy too. So anyway, his mom got a hold of us on yahoo earlier and it ended up with us agreeing to come to her house on Thanksgiving. I told Tom the only thing was that I needed to avoid any close contact with his brother at all cost. I wouldn't have agreed, but I didn't want Tom to have to sit at home and eat tv dinners from the microwave or something as we don't have a working stove. And everyone else had plans so I figured what the hell, if it don't work out then I guess it will be a Thanksgiving from hell that noone will want to remember but probably won't be able to forget either. Well, that's all for now, I'm not feeling well and I have an interview in the morning so I will end this entry and think I will go lay down for a while and hope my tummy gets better. Talk to you all later. ~~~~ Demonique 2 comments|post comment

[18 Nov 2003|01:06pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | Mouth ~ Bush ] Ok, can anyone tell me why it is that you always do the wrong things at the wrong time or say the wrong things at the wrong time? It seems to be that I'm getting really good at doing that and it's really starting to piss me off to the point that I just want to stay to myself and not be around anyone, especially scince I seem to just make everyone mad anyway. Angel stopped by about an hour after I had gotten up this morning and I was just sitting here waiiting on my POS computer to run scan disk and she comes in for about two seconds and in that short time span I managed to piss her off. Here's the scenario: keep in mind that I figured she was joking so I of course joked back. Anyway she asked if I had just gotten up and I replied 'not too long ago'. She called me lazy and I said well I didn't get in bed until 3 a.m. and she said 'did I tell you to go to bed at three in the morning?' and I replied 'did I ask you?'. She said 'you need to lose the attitude' I told her she needed to lose hers. Then I said I don't have an attitude, I was joking with you like I thought you were joking with me. She said fine, I just stopped by to see if you needed anything and left. Now what in the world did I do for her to get pissy with me about it? I thought she was joking and therefore joked back....my bad! And I was even smiling.. I guess I was wrong as usual. Tom's mom came by lastnight to drop off some coats for whatever reason. Tom sat outside and talked to her for a little bit and when he came back in I asked if she had brought up the whole situation with Adam. Tom accidentally lied to her as he said I hadn't talked to Adam's wife, but I had and he just didn't realize or remember that I had said I talked to her. But that's neither here nor there. Angie said sihe wasn't mad at Angel and that she had just been busy with her sister and the CPS here in Indy. She also told Tom that I was right that whatever went on between Angel and I was none of Adam's fucking business. About time someone, besides Angel, Tom , or I , see it for what it is and that's Adam putting his nose in my business which is no concern of his what so fucking ever!! Well, that's the end of the bitch session for now. I need to take a bath and do some other things as the day is only so long and only provides so much time to get everything done. Talk to you all later. ~~~~Demonique post comment

[17 Nov 2003|01:42am] [ mood | drained ] Well, thought I'd jot a few things in here before I join hubby in the bedroom and get some shut eye. Had a nice night tonight. Hubby and I went over to Angel's and hung out for awhile and hubby cooked a really kick ass dinner!! He made homemade lasagna and a pineapple cake! It was all delicious and I think everyone ate more than they could really handle, but it was really fucking good! LOL Speaking of Angel, she thought that she had really fucked things up with DM. Friendship and otherwise. I guess her and her other friend Jen had decided to play a little joke on him, not realizing that he'd probably react the way any "typical" man might react and when he did the shit hit the fan. I of course, loving and caring for Angel the way I do, felt it was my place to try to "fix" things if I could. DM called me immediately after it all went down and he was pissed. I told him if she was mad at him, then he needed to call her, he said he had but she hung up on him and then wouldn't answer the phone. Well, I finished the game I was playing online got on yahoo and asked Angel what was going on and she told me that she had Jen talk to DM and play a trick on him to see if he'd talk to someone else. Well, one theory I have is that DM really might have thought it was someone fucking with him. The other one is that even if he talks to other peeps on the net, he may not want to let Angel know for fear that she would get upset and not trust him. I really believe he thought someone was fucking with him but didn't want to admitt that he didn't know for sure it was Angel. To me, DM, is always trying to look "cool" in her eyes and sometimes doesn't realize the trouble that can get him into. In a way it's kinda sweet, cause it's like he doesn't want to seem "stupid" and "out of the loop" in anything that has to deal with Angel. Well, anyway I called him and talked to him about things alittle bit tonight and he said that he still wanted to be friends and that nothing had changed and that he'd give her a call in a couple of days. Which is when I take it Barble will not be around and he can talk freely with Angel. I just hope that Angel will keep her cool when she talks to him and not let the past interfere with the present. Well, I'm supposed to spend the day with SLB tomorrow and help her pick out stuff for the kids for christmas. Joy! I may tell her that I would rather go another day and just hang out here at home for the better part of the day and go over there after the kids get home from school. Don't know what I want to do. It's not too bad when I don't have to deal with Taz and he will be asleep, it's just that she and I are not close as we used to be and I blame her alot for that. I take some of the blame of course, but not as much as I put on her. I didn't cut her out of my life when Tom and I started going out but she sure as fuck cut me out of hers as soon as Taz came into the picture and I resent him not only for that, but for the way he treats my God-son and his brother. He's gotten better about it, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept it or deal with it. I do try very hard to be nuetral when I'm around him for the kids' sake, and most of the time I pull it off. But just the other day he had the nerve to bring up the fact that I have a nice jack in my car and I just looked at him and said yeah, but no reciept. So therefore I just got me a new jack. I had bought it as payment to him for working on Angel's car here while back which he totally fucked for whatever reason and I had felt like the only reason he agreed to work on her car was to get a new jack and when he fucked it up so bad that she's spent the past few months having to pay back her brother-in-law the money he had to shell out to get her car running again, I told SLB I wanted either the money for the jack or I wanted the jack. Of course the reciept was conveniently lost. Oh well, a lesson learned hard is a lesson learned well. Then to top it off he goes to leave and wrecks into her car. Now common sense tells you that if you hit a car while tying to pull around, you stop, back up to give yourself more clearance , and then go ahead and pull around it. Incredibly he just kept going and acted like it was no biggie. What type of person is that moronic? Oh well that's over and done with and NOONE will ever ask him to work on their car again that's for sure. Hell, I changed the air filter on Angel's car today while Tom was fixiing supper. And if I can't figure out how to change her fuel filter and DM don't make it a point to do it, we will just have to come up with the money to have it professionally done. Which either way it won't cost as much as it might have as her fuel filter is inline and not in the tank itself. Thankfully! Unless of course the guy at the Auto store didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground and I've seen that be the case before. I figure if we have to we will buy the book for her make and model and I will do it myself. I just need the tools and a good jack. LOL I took off and replaced my own carb before, I've also replaced the voltage regulator on my own car, and I've assisted with many engine jobs in my long and boring lifetime. LOL Well, I'm going to end this here as I can barely keep my eyes open. Talk to you all later. ~~~~Demonique post comment

I HATE FUCKING IGNORANT FUCKING PEOPLE!!!!! [14 Nov 2003|04:53pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | Three Little Pigs ~ Green Jelly ] I understand that people are often "afraid" of things they can't understand or are unable to accept things that they can't understand or have themselves, but sometimes those people are just too fucking stupid and it has nothing to do with the fact of not being able to accept or not be "afraid" of something!! And unfortunately my brother-in-law and his wife are two of those people!! And thanks to my brother-in-laws stupidity I have more stress in my life than I needed!! It's not enough that I have no job and feel like shit, but now I have to contend with stupid fucking redneck cocksuckers like him. Of course I don't want to vent this where my hubby can hear it so that's why I'm sitting here typing in my journal and listening to the kind of music that really says how I feel! Let the Bodies Hit the Floor by Drowning Pool really sums it up, cause there's nothing wrong with me and something's got to give!! And at the moment it's liable to be Adam's (brother-in-law) fucking head!! He has the nerve to go back to Lebanon and make it look like my best friend is a fucking whore or slut and I'm so ready to take a road trip and put him in his fucking place!! He's so upset because I have a girlfriend!! What the fuck ever, it's not his fucking business as he's not my husband or Angel's and he needs to get a fucking clue to what the real world is all about. He's just mad and jealous because he couldn't get a blowjob and/or a fuck out of her and got his ass rejected. My husband knew about my sexual orientation before we got married and we were together for over 4 years before we ever got married and he accepted then and after we were married. But I guess it's a moot point as Angel has decided that her and I should just be best friends and leave it at that. And I respect her for the reasons she has for wanting it that way, but it's not something that I will be able to just accept and act like it has no affect on me. As always our friendship is more important to me than ANYTHING else that has or could happen and as long as she's my best friend over everything else that's all I care about. But of course all this is having an effect on my marriage, no matter how you look at it. Hubby is caught in the middle and there's not a damn thing I can do about it! I didn't put him there and neither did Angel, his BROTHER put him in the middle when he went back to Lebanon and said the shit he said. I don't care.....noone in Tom's family seems to want to be "nice" when it comes to me, except his baby sister Amy and that's fine with me! Fuck em all!!! I don't need them and I don't need the added headache!! And now it seems there's a problem between him and Angel. I have no clue what's up and don't know what the fuck to do about anything anymore. Right now I'm feeling kinda helpless and hopeless. Oh well, it will work out one way or another. I'm just done....can't even bitch anymore, I'm so over everything! Later ~~~~Demonique post comment

[13 Nov 2003|04:48pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | Cross My Heart ~ George Strait ] Well, shit is going to come to a close one way or another with Tom's brother, Adam. I've decided to put it in Tom's hands and he is going to find out by talking directly to Adam just what the fuck the deal is. I don't know what he (Adam) went back to Lebanon and told his mom and probably his wife, but it couldn't have been good as Angie wrote me and said that Adam needed to fix this problem and she didn't want to be in the middle of it and that she just wanted to put it all behind her. Well all of us on this end are in the dark as to what the hell the problem is, what she wants to put behind her, and what she's being put in the middle of. It appears all the answer lie with Adam and I will not rest until they are revealed. The reason I think it has something to do with his wife is because when Tom did manage to talk to hiim for a few minutes yesterday, Adam said that he'd have to talk to Tom about it when Anna wasn't home. Why?? Something else I want to know the reason for!! I have a feeling that him and her got into an argument or something when he got home and he used Angel to try to hurt Anna. If I find out that's true I will tear him a new asshole!! And then I will have Angel tell DM to put Adam straight!! She has enough shit in her life to deal with, without some stupid assed little boy starting more shit with someone else and involving her in it!! So, I hope for his sake that he hasn't done something stupid. Speaking of Angel, well the cat is out of the bag without any room left for doubt now concerning her ex. She talked to her ex's boss' wife (or at least his old boss) and found out for sure that he has been sleeping with his sister-in-law. I won't do them the honor of mentioning them by name as any name I'd have for either of them wouldn't be nice to begin with!!! Unfortunately her (Angel's) daughter overheard Angel and I talking about it and now she knows what happened and it really broke her heart. Angel and him were together almost 14 years and she stood by him through so much bullshit that there could've been no doubt how much she loved him, and he just walked away from it all and said fuck it!! He does't try to contact his daughter or anything in anyway. What a fucking loser!! No matter whether he could EVER have gotten back together with Angel or not, he shouldn't have just wrote his daughter off!! God he just pisses me off to no end!! What a fucking waste of life!! I used to really like him, though he had played me for a minute, but I got smart and that ended almost as quickly as it began and I got back together with the man I love more than life itself and ended up married to him!! I'm so blessed in that respect and I hope that Mr. Fuckhead is cursed forever for what he's done not only to his children, but to my best friend as well!! And I don't even want to get started on Smelly Snatch!! I mean this is a woman he told me, (when he and Angel came to visit) that she didn't bathe and didn't know how to take care of her children or clean the house or anything. And then he gives up his marriage for that fucking whore!?!? What the fuck ever!!! Oh well, I guess it does have an upside as Angel and DM will end up together and I believe that with all my heart. They are meant to be together and that's all there is to it!! Well, I have cleaned up this fucking house today and it better stay that way or I know two men who are going to get their asses chewed but royally!! I picked up all of Bri's shit off the living room floor and did all the dishes that he and Tom dirtied up, took out the trash and did laundry for everyone! Let me see one of them just throwing shit around and it will be world war three here in Indy!! Well, that's all I can think of to write about for now. If my yahoo don't start acting right, I'm just going to uninstall it and quit using the messenger. It really pisses me off and I keep sticking it out as for about a week it did fine, then lastnight it started acting stupid again. Just my luck as the phone isn't working right today either. Good thing we have the computers going through cable modem or I wouldn't have internet either. Then I'd be really fucking pissed off. Well, I'm off to finish this last load of laundry and probably read my book or watch a movie. Talk to everyone later. ~~~~Demonique post comment

[11 Nov 2003|10:34pm] [ mood | aggravated ] Well, again it's been awhile scince I last wrote, but alot goes on around me sometimes and I just can't get enough hours out of the day to do all the things I'd like to do. I was going to go to bed, but then though, I'd go ahead and write in my journal and check the last of my email before I call it a done day. LOL Went to my podiatry doctor today and feel it was a big waste of time and of 20.00. He looked at my feet, told me I needed to buy a pair of boy's tennis shoes and a special granite type insert for my shoes and then I should be feeling better. If not? Who fucking knows? I don't. He sure didn't make me feel very confident in his ability to diagnos what my problem with my feet is that's for sure. I'm still on unemployment and don't know where I'm supposed to get the money for these new shoes and inserts?? I guess they think I can just shit money out of my ass if and when I need or want to. I wish it was that fucking easy!! LOL I'm sure Bri would help me out but really I just don't want to borrow anymore money from him than we already have. Hubby needs a better job and I just need a job. Speaking of Bri, he's been stuck up Kym's ass for the past month and a little more. I really wish she would've forgotten about him and moved on and left him the fuck alone. Of course, I'm not the only one who feels this way. I just think it's a fucking shame that someone (Kym) can take and abuse someone (Bri) the way she has and he turns around and just gives her everything she can take from him and then offers her more. I mean love is one thing, but I'm sorry, no matter how hard I try I see this as nothing more than stupidity combined with a desperate attempt at not living the rest of his life alone. God knows that not very many people would choose to live their lives alone, but give me a fucking break here. Actually he and I argued over her earlier today and he told me it was none of my fucking business and you know what? He's right, but whether I walk, crawl, never work again, or live on the streets is my business. I don't HAVE to take his money....I will survive one way or another I always do. And I don't have to steal someone's life, heart, and soul to do so! What the fuck ever!! I guess MT is over being mad or upset with me or whatever the deal was. I never meant to single out any one person in ANY journal entry where I rant and don't name names....real or fictional. But sometimes no matter how careful you are or how strong you might think a friendship is, things get taken out of context. Oh well, all's well that ends well. It looks like Angel and DM are working things out as well. But they are a couple of people that I feel honestly love one another and should be together. Angel is so happy whenever she talks about him and I know he cares for her and loves her very much. It's just too fucking bad that he's feeling stuck where he is. Hopefully he will wise up and come to be with the person he TRULY loves, because life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn't love or respect you and that you can't love or respect in return. I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers and hope that they can make a way to be together soon and for a long time to come. I guess Tom's brother, Adam went and told his mom that he wanted to come home early the night he stayed here cause I was trying to hook him and Angel up. What the fuck ever!! I didn't have to do a damn thing if I had wanted to as he made sure to let her know he was interested in her and even sat and talked with her about his bitch of a fucked up wife Anna!! Whom I can't fucking stand and want so badly to whip her ass that it really aggravates me just to think of her being at my wedding!! Stupid fucking cunt noone invited her any fucking way and all she did was complain about needing to get home to her retarded fucking children, that have no respect for Adam as the father figure in their lives and need a good ass whipping laid on them too!! Adam and Angie (mom) wanted Tom and I to move to Lebanon so bad, but Adam ruined any chance of that every happening even if it means that my marriage has to end because of it. I know that won't happen as Tom loves me and I love him and we are willing to make the best of things where we are!! So fuck Lebanon and all the silly little fucking head games that come with it!! Adam ruined any chance of hiim and I being friends when he went and told his mom a lie! I can't stand a fucking liar and make no exceptions, especially when you lie about someone I love and care for and Angel is one of those people not to mention myself. So fuck him too!! And if mom can't handle it, so fucking be it....Tom and I got along fine before without them, what makes it any different now!! I was going to send mom and email, but Angel sent one and I think it says everything that I would say and as she is my in-law I don't want to make things bad for Tom. So I will let it rest. FOR NOW. Well, I'm done bitching for this session, I guess I will check my email and go to bed soon after that as I'm just aggravated with the whole fucking world right now. Talk at ya all later...........Demonique post comment

[05 Nov 2003|08:04pm] [ mood | sick ] Well, I know it's been awhile scince I last wrote, but I've been sick for the past couple of days and still not feeling a 100%, but needed to vent. LOL And thanks to my wonderful best friend, Angel, and all the little things that she does to try to make me feel better when I'm feeling under the weather. She reallly is terrific. Well, I've decided that there is no way in hell that I would move to Lebanon. There is too much stress that has been brought into my marriage already by Tom's brother Adam and his wife, that I cannot nor will I move there for any reason. I love my husband with all my heart and had even considered moving there after the first of the year, but that has changed 100%!! The main reason being is that Adam came down w/Angie a couple of days ago and decided he'd spend the night. Which was cool. Angel, Adam, Tom, and I went out and saw Bruce Almighty and then drove out to the park that Angel and I like to go to and hang out. Well, Adam was most definately interested in fucking my best friend and that was cool too. If Angel didn't care so much for herself and me, she probably would've went through with it. But the biggest reason she didn't is because Adam did just recently get married and she's not divorced yet and it didn't feel right. The second reason is because she had considered what would happen if for any reason Skanky found out that she and Adam had done something. With her being my best friend and Adam being Tom's brother it would've caused major problems. Not a doubt in my mind to that!! But either way that was still cool. I think he had some time to relax and be himself for a little while which was good. But what set me off and pissed me off to know end was when Angie called the next morning and said that she would be picking Adam up. Now, mind you, Angel was going to take him home anyway just a couple of hours later. But, Adam's wife had thrown a hissy fit to get Angie to come get him cause it was their four MONTH anniversary. Boo Fuckin' Hoo!! She was working for God's sake and he would've been home by the time she got off work to spend time with her. But you know what, Adam wasn't in that big a hurry to get home obviously as he was more interested in getting it on with my best friend than having to go to home to his skinny skanky wife. This woman is 35 years old and treats Adam like a child just because he's eighteen and she thinks she has to be in total control of his life and hers. And she's a whiny little twit that seems to get her way because of that! So she whines and cries and complains until Angie comes and gets Adam to take him home. It wasn't cause of no fucking 4 month anniversary it was because she wanted him home to clean house and do his little chores so she don't have to!! Well, if that wasn't bad enough, Adam lied to me and Tom about why he had to leave so soon. And there are only two types of people in life that I can't fucking stand and that's a liar and a thief. I gave up four days and three nights of spending time with my husband less than 24 hours after we were married, so that he could go to Lebanon to help out with Adam and his wife and not one time did anyone try to get home sooner than he got here. He got home one hour before he had to be to work. What the fuck ever!! It will never happen again. I will not keep Tom away from his family, but as it was there was only one person in his immediate family I cared to associate with and that's his sister Amy. So, it won't be like I'm missing out on a whole lot!! Angel says I will get over it, yeah I'm not so sure. I guess only time will tell. And then you got stupid fucking people like MT going around saying I've got my head stuck up Tom's ass!! Well you know what? At least my man loved me enough to marry me and don't have to stay fucking high to be able to live with me!!! She can suck my ass too. I'm done with walking on egg shells to protect someones feelings.....they don't like it, fuck 'em!! I can live happily ever after with noone but my husband, Angel and her kids, and my family in my life and be just fucking fine!!! Well that's it for now, I gotta get ready to go sit through a movie that I am so not in the mood to watch, being sick and all, but I will have to pay for the ticket whether I go or not...so what the hell. I have to get up early in the morning and see if I can't get into the dental clinic and will probably feel like complete and total shit by that time. LOL Well, talk to you all later.......Demonique post comment

Happy Halloween....To All!!! [31 Oct 2003|12:03pm] [ mood | content ] Well today is off to a decent start. With the exception that I have a toothache from hell!! LOL But my cold seems better and that's good as I have at least five little ones depending on me to help them have a happy and safe Halloween. I always do my part to help my God-son and his brother have a good Halloween, but this year we've added their new sister and my best friends two little girls and maybe even the two little girls she babysits for. So all in all it should be quite fun. The only downside is the fact that Taz will probably be going with us. Yay, for us! LOL I really just can't bring myself to give a shit about that man one way or the other. I guess that's not nice, but he's just been a pain in my ass almost from the day he came into our lives. I know SLB is in love with this man and for reasons that may not be obvious to anyone but her, but I still think she could do so much better. At least she is now working at a new Taco Bell, where her skills and good work will be acknowledged for a change. Hopefully that means more money and a promotion. She's one of those people that can do that kind of work. I know I can't. LOL GB and TK are getting married tonight. Tom and I were invited, but I had already agreed to help out with the kids and besides Tom has to work and I wouldn't want to go without him. Bri is the best man and I know he will look awesome in his tux. I've never seen him in one, but I have seen him dressed up in suits and such and he really looks nice. I hope that the wedding is a nice one and that everyone will have fun. Tom and I got married on Oct. 20, 2003 and it was really nice. Bri loaned us a camcorder so that we could tape it and we got a lot of fun footage before and after the ceremony as well as the ceremony itself. What made it most memorable was the fact that Tom and I were both nervous and made mistakes. And it's ALL on video. GB and TK are already married, but they are renewing their vows in front of all their friends as their original wedding was family only. Otherwise it would've taken a long time to prepare for all the people they both know. I used their initials from before they were married the first time as I'm still not sure if he took her last name or she took his. LOL I think it's really great when a guy takes the woman's last name. Tom and I didn't do that as the main reason being is that I was previously married and it's not my maiden name. Otherwise we might've talked about it. LOL Tom still seems ok with the fact that I have a girlfriend. I know in the eyes of most people who might read this as well as God's eyes that it's not cool to be having a girlfriend, especially when you're married, but you know I figure this is my life and as long as it doesn't cause problems for any of us, then what should it matter to anyone else? Angel and I were best friends before I got married and nothing has changed that. She recently had her marriage breakup and moved back to Indy. Scince then we've gotten alot closer and have on occassion taken our relationship to the next level. She's been my girlfriend scince before she moved to Alabama, but we never had the occassion to go the next step. Tom knew I was bisexual when we started dating and knew that wouldn't change when we got married. But I do make sure that I spend a lot of time with him and he knows that I love him with all my heart and would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage. Besides if he asked me to cut off anything sexual with Angel, I'd have to do it. Honestly though I don't see that as happening, I'm lucky in the fact that I have a husband that loves me for who I am and even though he can't participate or "watch" he respects the fact of my sexual orientation. Hell, before Angel it had been years scince I even really pursued being with another woman in the way I like being with her. Sure there were a few I'd thought about, but nothing I'd ever desired to act upon. She's just special in that way. Well, I don't know where the hell all that came from....LOL But I guess I should end this entry here as I have a lot to do to get ready for tonight. I hope all of you have a safe and happy Halloween. Demonique post comment

An Interesting Day in the Life of..... [29 Oct 2003|08:54pm] [ mood | accomplished ] Things are good on the homefront for the moment. G and T are renewing their vows on October the 31st and though me and hubby were invited to attend we won't be going as a prior committment was already made. And I have too many "little" faces that would be disappointed if I cancelled on them. I'm sure they will understand and I honestly think that they only invited us because Bri is their best man and he's also our roomie, so they probably didn't want us to feel left out. And it could've been an honest invite. Who knows? Went out and got some medicine that hopefully correct my current medical problem. If not that will mean spending Saturday night at the friggin' ER. Oh what joy that would be. LOL Anyway, I'm thinking if the doctor says it's a good idea then it can't be all bad. This is my second attempt at a journal on here. The last one caused too many problems on the personal level as no matter how strong some friendships might be, when you are brutally honest with people it can and will cause problems even if they are not the focus of that moment. It's cool though, I'm still best friends with Lynne and that's all that matters. She was not the one that my last entry was directed at, but it came across that way and now there can be no misunderstandings as this journal leaves nothing to give away who I am and the only way anyone can find it is by randomness which I like better anyway. Well, that's it for my first entry and there will be many more to follow I am sure. Til Later.....Demonique post comment

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