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well its been sometime [06 May 2004|06:51am] [ mood | exanimate ] [ music | silence of the computer lab at EVMS ] Well its been a while since I last wrote in here and I'm all alone at EVMS so I figured what the fuck? Yea Not much has been going on......Life is shitty as usual. Brittney called me last night which is kinda weird. I dunno how I feel about her anymore. My dad's a total asshole right now and I want to murder him in his sleep and MY pet rat just had nine babies. So life is a little stressful. Well While my life is going down the shitter I guess I'll either talk to you or see you later........Even though no one ever reads this sincerely dead, Frankie (2 played ring around the lesbians!)

Ack.......So angry [29 Apr 2004|07:29am] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | talking to Incredible Hulk ] I am so angry right now. I mean this chic sam is pissing me off. She is a really preppy girl (you know the one that tries so desperately hard to act like she's "punK") Well anyways she has this habbit of being a little two-face bitch..hehe. And she was talking about this girl whose a little fat and talking about how she shouldn't wear what she wears so i was like first of all at least she wears whatever she wants to instead of conforming into some stupid trend and then i was like you shouldn't talk about her like she's not a person. And this chic has been so nice to me and stuff so thats why i stuck up for her. And then in the gym locker room sam was talking about how transvestites were so nasty so i yelled at her yet again for judging AND stereotyping a group of people she didn't know let alone even interacted with. Then when I leave I shouted " Oh no how dare someone be different instead of a mindless conformist like you!" IT was great then she started talking shit about me saying just because idress differently doesn't mean that i have to act like a freak and stuff like that. I know this sounds weird but i would actually feel better if she stood up for herself for once. I mean then at least i would have some form of respect for her instead of just thinking she's a little backstabbing weasel. Well thats about all thats going on right now .Not much else sincerely dead, Frankie I Love you Addy ( ring around the lesbians!)

Ack...I'm so angry [29 Apr 2004|07:04am] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | nothing just the silence of the computer lab at EVMS ] I am so angry right now. I mean this chic sam is pissing me off. She is a really preppy girl (you know the one that tries so desperately hard to act like she's "punK") Well anyways she has this habbit of being a little two-face bitch..hehe. And she was talking about this girl whose a little fat and talking about how she shouldn't wear what she wears so i was like first of all at least she wears whatever she wants to instead of conforming into some stupid trend and then i was like you shouldn't talk about her like she's not a person. And this chic has been so nice to me and stuff so thats why i stuck up for her. And then in the gym locker room sam was talking about how transvestites were so nasty so i yelled at her yet again for judging AND stereotyping a group of people she didn't know let alone even interacted with. Then when I leave I shouted " Oh no how dare someone be different instead of a mindless conformist like you!" IT was great then she started talking shit about me saying just because idress differently doesn't mean that i have to act like a freak and stuff like that. I know this sounds weird but i would actually feel better if she stood up for herself for once. I mean then at least i would have some form of respect for her instead of just thinking she's a little backstabbing weasel. Well thats about all thats going on right now .Not much else sincerely dead, Frankie I Love you Addy ( ring around the lesbians!)

Hate [26 Apr 2004|06:52am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | nothing just the computer lab I think I am angering them ] I hate my dad so much. I just want to kill him!!!! grrrrr. Oh well I'm stuck here for another 3 years....... Anyways Rocky was fun. Its was great when we went to get into berts car after the show They put condoms on his winsheild wipers and a note that said drive safely. Then at about 2 in the morning we went to IHOP and they put these church business cards on our table. After we talked to another rocky goer at IHOP we left and went to walgreens to originally buy condoms but end up getting "finger cots" instead. We wanted to covers rob's car in them but it was 4 in the morning and joey's mom was a little angry. It was fun though and I can't wait til this weekend. I might get to see tammy and I haven't seen her in forever so yea......byez sincerely dead, Frankie ( ring around the lesbians!)

royally fucked [22 Apr 2004|07:15am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Just emily and becca talking. ] I am officially done. I hate this stupid school, i hate this stupid family, i hate this stupid world. uggh MY dad found the razor i use to SI and was yelling at me and calling emily a worthless piece of shit. Then he yelled at me for crying and the only person all morning thats asked me whats wrong is the security guard. figures....... I can't go home tonight. Theres no way in hell. I'm going to do something stupid. I really wish I were dead Sincerely dead, frankie ( ring around the lesbians!)

Back to day 1 [21 Apr 2004|07:12am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | nothing just eating goldfish in the computer lab ] Well I was trying not to SI but try as i might I seem to fail at everything so I'm back to day 1 now. I'm not gonna write much because the keyboard is pissing me off. Its all lopsided and angering me. Yea so ................ not much is up right now. I'm gonna go so umm bye ( ring around the lesbians!)

Not a whole lot [18 Apr 2004|02:59pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Mindless Self Indulgence "Faggot" ] ummmm Not a whole lot has been going on. I just found out this girl Cassie has a crush on me. I'm not sure what to do. I mean I don't really know her but she's pretty cool. I really don't want to go to school tommorrow. I don't feel like dealing with the people and drama there. Its so irritating. I have to finish my english project. This should be fun. I don't have much more to go. So I'm just kinda chillin and holding my rat. I can't think of a very feminine name for her so if you have any ideas post them up here. Well I better go and continue on my english shit byez sincerely dead, Frankie #624 #837 ( ring around the lesbians!)

Why? [12 Apr 2004|05:37pm] [ mood | exanimate ] [ music | Tool.."Sober" ] Why is everyone I fall in love with dead?.....and not to mention a serial killer. hmm something about killers i'm just attracted to. Oh well maybe he'll be reincarnated and we can live happily ever after. Why can't I find a nice handsome serial killer to just settle down with. Brittney was dead too though she was not a serial killer. She's dead in another sense. She's dead in spirit. Eric and Dylan are only dead physically. #624#837. so....what else is there to talk about. Brittneys acting like a little whore. Emily is too. I have tried to tell her that what she's so angry about is just he-said she-said bullshit but she doesn't seem to believe me. Oh well I guess the world hates me. Tammy is supposed to get me a "hookup" with some hot guy in a badn. Though the chances that he is a serial killer are very slim, let a girl have dreams. sincerely dead, frankie #624 #837 ( ring around the lesbians!)

cute [09 Apr 2004|08:36pm] [ mood | exanimate ] [ music | Kittie "Brackish" ] 1. Who are you: Freak, Cutter, Goth, Creepy chic 2. Nicknames: Brie, Frankie, dirtywhore 3. Feet size: 8 4. Do you have a crush? Yes 5. Girlfriend/Boyfriend? no 6. Age you act: Should I really answer this? 7. Where Do You Live: Virginia 8. Where you want to live: Here....or Germany 9. How many siblings: 1 10. Favorite Salad Dressing: umm I don't eat salad that much 11. Ever gone skinny dipping? who hasn't? 12. What are you watching? the computer?? 13. Last person you talked to: Lexx 14. Favorite movie: Rocky Horror Picture show 15. Favorite Book: It by Stephen King 16. Favorite Type of music: Rock & Metal 17. Favorite types of cars: Corvette 18. Favorite Saying:Fuck you 19. Favorite Fast Food: uhhhh french fries dipped in those frosties at wendy's 20. Favorite Ice Cream: strawberry 21. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Vodka, Captain Morgens 22. When Do You Go To Sleep: depends on what i'm doing ;) 23. Most Embarrassing Moment:When I tripped walking to a car and broke my ankle 24. Stupidest Person you know: cough cough..tie between james and kyle 25. Funniest Person you know: Joey, other joey, James, Rob (taco target), Bert 26. Favorite holiday: Halloween, I love the dark things of life :) 27. Favorite Food: ummm 28. Favorite Song: Manson "Spade" 29. Favorite Television Show: Law and Order, Family guy, Futurama, Insomniac...real world (yes im a loser) 30. Favorite Radio Station: Fm99 31. Favorite junk food: ........ 32. Favorite happy love song: I don't think I listen to any happy songs 33. Favorite Drink: Cherry Coke 34. Favorite article of clothing: My "Midget pants" 35. Favorite Animal: Snakes, rats (odd couple eh?) +||SECTION TWO: The Future 1. School: Anywhere 2. How Many Kids You Want: none but if i have to.....2 3. What Kind Of Job You Want: I want to go into forensics 4. Wedding song:Anything by Manson or Guns N Roses 5. Pets? too many to name 6. 5 years from now? Dead 7. 10 years from now? still dead +||SECTION THREE: Have You Ever.. 1. Done Drugs: No way drugs are bad! ;) 2. Run Away From Home: can't 3. Hit A Girl: umm YEA 4. Lied: yes 5. Stolen Anything: Yes 6. Broken A Bone: Yes 7. Cheated On A Test: HAHA Yes 8. Cheated On A girlfriend/boyfriend: No 9. Gotten Drunk: Yes....JOEY 10. Been With Two guys/girls at once: No sounds fun though... 11. Been In The Hospital: Yeah.. 12. Let a friend cry on your 13. Fell asleep in the shower/bath: I have 14. Gone to Church: 3 times......all when I was living with my Grandmother 15. Never slept during a night: Mmmm hmmm 16. Ever been on a motorcycle or motorbike: Yes 17. Been to a camp: NO!! 18. Sat in a restaurant w/o ordering: Yea 20. Gone a week w/out shaving: Yes, only when i'm lazy....or don't have gym 21. Didn't wash your hair for a week: nope 22. Broken something valuable: Yes :( 23. Thought you were in love: Yes, God that sucked 24. Streaked the streets: cough cough 25. Screamed at someone for no reason: lol yea that's me 26. Said I love you and meant it: Yes 27. Been hurt by a guy/girl you loved: Yes... FUCK YOU BRITTNEY 28. Stayed up till 4 am on the phone: no sorry it was 2 AM 29. Pulled a prank?yea! 30. Made fun of someone? Yes +||SECTION FOUR: Which Is Better.. 1. Coke Or Pepsi: Coke 2. Cats Or Dogs: cats 3. DVDs or VHS: DVDs 4. Deaf Or Blind: Deaf 5. Pools Or Hot Tubs:pools 6. Television Or Radio: T.V. 7. CDs Or MP3's:cds 8. Apples or oranges: neither 9. Strawberries or Blueberries: Stawberries!! 10. Gold or silver: Silver 11. Vanilla or chocolate: chocolate 12. Movies or music: movies 13. Park or Beach: park I HATE THE BEACH 14. Hot or Cold weather: cold 15. Sunset or Sunrise: Sunset +||SECTION FIVE: When is the Last Time You.. 1. Took a shower: yesterday 2. Cried: this morning 3. Watched a Disney movie: wheeww its been a while 4. Given/gotten a hug: Today at lunch 5. Been to the movies: Its been so long... 6. had a boy/girlfriend: A couple weeks ago 7. kissed someone:hmmm 8. Said I love you: hmmm 9. Danced: thats confidential 10. Did a survey like this: Not too long ago seeing as how i'm such a loser +||SECTION SIX: What is.. 1. Your Fondest Memory Of This year: None of them 2. Your Most Prized Possession: MY writing 3. The Thing That Makes You The Happiest: ::looks at arm::: guess 4. Your Favorite Food For Breakfast:cheetos and reeses...only emily would get that 5. Your Favorite Food For Dinner: Pasta!! 6. Your Favorite Slow Song: I dunno... 7. Your Ideal BF/GF?: Someone who won't hurt me +||SECTION SEVEN: What do i feel about... 1. Bill Clinton: Awesome president until the truth came out... 2. Love at First Sight: Exists only for a moment 3. Abortion: Go for it, whore 4. Smoking: Whatever floats your boat 5. Death: The one true thing I want 7. Rap: DIE DIE DIE 8. Marilyn Manson: HE's my true love 9. Premarital sex: All for it 10. Suicide: Everyone should try it! +||INFORMATION 1. Name: Frankie 2. hair color: black/blue 3. eye color: blue/green 4. current height: 5’4" 5.glasses/contacts:glasses 6. birthdate: January 27 7. ethnicity: White...thank god 8. religion: athiest 9. current age: none of your business +||SOCIAL 1. best guy friend(s): bert,rob(taco target),kyle, james, crzy lesbian,Mike,other james 2. best girl friend(s):Joey! 3. current crush:Ahh! You don't wannt know 4. boyfriend/girlfriend: I'se be all alones 5. are u center of attention or wallflower: Both depending on where i am 6. what type automobile do u drive: Nothing 7. are u timely or always late: Always early....paranoid 8. do u have a job: No 9. do u like being around people: depends upon the people 10. hobbies: Writing, Drawing, Failing math class, Hitting rob with exploding anchiladas then getting it in his coke, giving rob my coke because I feel bad, being texas crawdad, uhhhhhh......drooling? +||LOVE 1. have u ever loved someone u had no chance with? yes 2. have u ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did? Yes... 3. do u have a "type" of person u always go after: usually the trouble maker, yet he HAS to be somewhat smart 4. want someone u don't have right now?yea 5. ever liked a close guy/girlfriend? Yes 6. are u lonely right now? Always 7. ever afraid u'll never get married? yea 8. do u want to get married? Yes, and no 9. do u want kids? No I hate the little shitlings...j/k 10. would you rather love or be loved? Be loved +||FAVORITES 1. room in house: Mine :) 2. type of music: Rock 3. location for dates: a bed, back of a car, movie theater..cough cough 4. memory: The beautiful scene on the beach that one day..........lol 5. day of the week: Fridays & Saturdays 6. color: black/purple 7. perfume or cologne:uhhhhh 8. flower: roses!! 9. month: October 10. season: Winter +||In the last 48 hours have you.. 1. cried: 48 hours? Yes 2. bought something: yea...starbursts 3. gotten sick: Yes 4. sang: Yes 5. said I love you: nope 6. wanted to tell someone you loved them? yes 7. met someone new: no 8. moved on:never have never will 9. talked to someone: Yes 10. had a serious talk: yes 11. missed someone: Yes 12. hugged someone:yes 13. kissed someone: No 14. fought with your parents: Yes 15. dreamed about someone u can't be with: yes ( ring around the lesbians!)

The whore is all I see [09 Apr 2004|06:49am] [ mood | infuriated ] [ music | Still the silent computer lab ] God I hate my dad so much. After the worst week I've ever had in my life and tho only thing I was looking forward to.........he of course takes away. I mean he thinks we'll be doing ecstasy or something. I hate him. He doesn't trust me at all. I mean all we'll do is probably just hang out Its not like its some keg party with strippers. And then emily freaked out on me when I didn't even know I did anything. She was just yelling at me at lunch and I busted out crying. I mean she is all I have at maury One of the last things I was holding on to. And she let go I fucking wish I were dead, I say that alot don't i? who knows maybe I'll act on it when I get home. sincerely dead, frankie ( ring around the lesbians!)

Quite Beautiful [08 Apr 2004|07:04am] [ mood | cold ] [ music | Still the utter silence of the computer lab ] Yea Yestday was pretty interesting I cut at school so I'm in the bathroom and there's all this blood dripping down my arm then this really preppy chic walks in ......that was great. Luckily my parents didn't find out though. I'm sitting all alone in the computer lab........It's fucking freezing in here. I can't wait to go to joey's this weekend and finally get away from this hellhole. Its going to be spring break!!!! woohoo!! And I get to go to Bert's b-day party so that should be fun. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BERT AND HERMAPHRODITE!!!!! <-Don't ask You don't want to know. Well this isn't going to be very long because I want to get out of here because my fingers are literally going numb so I'll write in here when I get home sincerely dead, frankie ( ring around the lesbians!)

whatever [06 Apr 2004|06:52am] [ mood | angry ] [ music | Nothing...just the humble silence of the computer lab ] Well I haven't written in here in so long...whatever. Addy talked me out of suicide. I would feel so bad leaving her here all alone and I can't stand hurting people so I decided to put it off. However, the people at my house are drving me insane ( that is to say I'm not already there). I was arguing with my dad in the car and he grabs my hand and like crushes it. It hurt soooo bad It still kinda does but not as much. I can't wait til this weekende. I get to go to joeys and finally escape emily and the rest of this damned school. I'm so bored right now I got to school early so here I am. Just sitting all alone in the computer lab eating a reeses......Well this is fun Oh and I have a message for brittney: Burn in hell you whore Sincerely dead, Frankie ( ring around the lesbians!)

Thats it [01 Apr 2004|07:05am] Thats it! I'm fucking doings this tonight. Everyone can finally be happy. I'll finally be gone and you all can finally be rid of me. You all hated me anyways. I hate this fucking world and I WILL be dead tonight (6 played ring around the lesbians!)

Been a while [31 Mar 2004|07:09am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Death on top of my lifeless body ] Its been a while since I last typed in here. I tried to commit suicide last night..again. I hate being alone IT scares me and I don't know why. I wish I just had someone that wouldn't hurt me and actually liked me. Brittney's girlfriend left her. I felt bad She imed me saying she was so sorry for what she did because now she knows how it feels.......I don't know what to do. I feel like everything is falling apart and I feel so stupid and moronic. I just feel like i'm losing it. I really wish I were dead. I wish I had never been brought out of that womb that harbored me from the troubles of life. Somehow I just wish everything was fine about and I wish I wasn't all alone. But most of all I wish I were dead. Sincerely dead, Frankie (1 played ring around the lesbians!)

my thoughts on brittney [25 Mar 2004|06:12pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | The sound of my heart crushing in her very own hands ] What’s it feel like to just be left behind? To know that you’ll never ever be good enough no matter how hard you try. And try so hard to make this unrelenting pain die down. Yet no matter how hard you try you just can’t turn your back on this dieing world no matter how callous it is to you. Every time someone hurts you, you only become that much more gullible. Do we even know that one moment where we know that we have been dubbed insane. To do something so horrible beyond the human imagination that they cannot grasp what you’ve done so they label you. To know in those last moments that they are your last minutes of freedom and maybe if you could just make them believe it was some joke, yes then you could get away. But no , they have already discovered your dirty little secret and try as you might you can never hide it again because the truth has been uncovered. So you run. You run so far away in hopes of getting away from this reality and finally find somewhere where people know who you are and understand these feelings you feel. A place where you never hear those “ I hate you” ‘s muttered under someone’s breath. To finally know you belong…..or at least you think you do. Until you wake up one morning to know that its all just a stupid joke. And you were the punch line. No matter how hard you try you just can’t seem to get away from these feelings. You can never escape your past nor the memories that haunt you. The people that hurt you and the emotions they uncovered. The feelings they unleashed on this world. They never knew just how mean you really could be, but now they’ll never use you again. Yet no matter how much these people hurt you , you still feel sympathy for them. How can I feel this? You ask yourself. So finally you know what you must do to get out of this situation so they can never hurt you ever again and they can never get to you. Death. To know those last moments are coming when you’ll never have to deal with this awful world ever again. Now you have finally escaped . Until you wake up that is. Then you realize it was only a dream. You wake to realize you can never escape from it. You’ll never be heard. They’ll never care. It’s that simple. Now your possessions own you. The one possession you can finally trust, the one that took your very life is now the only friend you have here. You feel so empty. You’ve been used one too many times and now you’ve had enough. You show them that now you won’t take it. You have to get away. But try as you might they still own you and you can’t get away. Present yourself Press your clothes Comb your hair Tuck it in You just can’t win You just can’t win You just can’t win You just can’t win You just can’t win You just can’t win And the things you own Own you. Why'd you waste your time when i am merely nobody in your eyes Just an insignificant teardrop on your face Yearning to say my goodbyes I hope you’re pleased when you see my casket Lost in my eternal otherworldly stare I hope when you put the flower on it You regret saying you didn’t care When I told you I loved you I meant it with all my heart But when you said I’d never be good enough My flesh ripped apart Now I waste this blood on someone As filthy and grotesque as you When you never care if I lived or died When your words of love were never true When this blade digs deeper and deeper Inside these disease filled veins I hope you stand there watching Lost in your eternal everlasting reins I hope when you place that flower on My locked box into a land beyond your dreams Into a place more horrible than this dieing world Where you have no life to fall apart from the seams I hope you stand there in your ignorance Alive to the others but clearly dead to me It opens up your eyes to this horrible mistake I hope you can finally bare to see The nightmare you turned into my life With no conscience clear at any time The life you wasted was not your own It was always clear to you that it was mine The nights I spent lost in your eyes Were nothing but mere webs of pain you spun To catch me in you deadlocked cell of pain To kill the only one The only one who saw through you Your opaque cheap disguise When You said I was something I believed you Until I saw your web spun of lies Now I clearly know I’m nothing And I was never something at all Just a mere insect caught in your web Spilling blood on the wall sincerely dead, frankie ( ring around the lesbians!)

back in black [24 Mar 2004|06:57am] [ mood | infuriated ] [ music | no music...no one is in here yet ] I'm back in school because I'm finally "better" yea I went to the hospital at 3 in the morning and didn't leave until 5:00! Then I got put on : Auxcillin (not sure how to spell), Sudafed, Motrin, And Vicodin ....so um yea. I no longer want to die (LIE!) as i have realized that brittney is just an inconsiderate bitch who seem to like to hurt me so you know what FUCK HER. Nothing else has happened. Oh yea we got two new puppies yesterday and they are sooo cute. They each weigh only 14 oz. and fit in the palm of your hand. We got a white one and i named him zero and I don't know what the orange one's name is yet Well I better go now Byez DIE BRITTNEY DIE sincerely dead, frankie ( ring around the lesbians!)

Wish you weren't here Wish I were dead [22 Mar 2004|06:58pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Papa Roach : "Broken Home" ] Brittney left me. I feel like dieing. I wish I were dead And the worst thing about it is that she blamed this whole thing on me. I wish I were dead since I just can't seem to do anything right. I can't even cry because this hurts so bad. I mean I would have done anything for her and she shoves her shit in my face. Maybe i just am what everyone says i am : NOTHING. I'll never be anything and I never was. I'll never matter to anyone and anyone who loves me is a cruel person. Its all some cruel sick joke to get me to fall in love then you tell your joke and I'm the punch line. Do I have a sign on my face that says USE ME?!?!? or HURT ME?!?!? Anyways I still wish I were dead and I hope I do die...SOON! ( ring around the lesbians!)

bored yet again in the computer lab [19 Mar 2004|06:51am] [ mood | scared ] [ music | just two guys in here talking ] Yes i am sitting here once again in the computer lab bored as hell. I haven't seen wedensday in a while and i want to see her this weekend but i can't because she has this whole saturday school thing so i'm just going over to joey's like i always do. I'm all alone in here Emily isn't here yet ....I had another nightmare last night and it was horrible I was walking with emily, becca, and ben and they were all telling me i hate you and stuff like that so i started crying and then next thing you know becca's yelling at me and telling me to go kill myself and saying how she'd do it for me. So I just ran away from them and then later on I came back and saw emily and ben making out behind a tree so I killed her.......I don't know why I just did Then I chased becca down and killed her too. It was so horrible to see your only friends(at maury) die right in front of your eyes and then to know that you killed them with your own savage hand makes it even more traumatizing. Well I hope I don't having anymore nightmares they are starting to disturb me but oh well I'm crazy anyways sincerely dead, frankie i LoVe WeDeNsDaY ( ring around the lesbians!)

Thursday [18 Mar 2004|06:35am] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | lol cranky....nice vocab. ] Its only thursday......arrggghhhh!!! :sigh: I'm so bored I'm here at EVMS freakishly early and only had enough money to get a SMALL coffee which somehow pisses me off. lol good times. Well I better go now seeing as how theres nothing else to write because my life is so freakishly boring sincerely dead, frankie i love wedensday ( ring around the lesbians!)

good times [17 Mar 2004|06:58am] [ mood | accomplished ] Disorder Rating Paranoid: Very High Schizoid: High Schizotypal: Very High Antisocial: High Borderline: Very High Histrionic: Moderate Narcissistic: Moderate Avoidant: Very High Dependent: Very High Obsessive-Compulsive: High -- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- ( ring around the lesbians!)

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