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Saturday, March 19th, 2005
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9:50 pm - EFFING TIRED
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24 hour partay was a good time, chinese remix of cats in the cradle, jam sessions, paul, card games for 6 hours, exploring the basement, Port City Allstars are crazy good, autographs, elaine, camp medley breakfast pancakes, johnny apple seed, love shack, the broken guitar, gone crazy come morning time, window window window window window, no school all day with emily taking pictures of the school YES!!, Rugby and football tomorrow YES!!!! staff meeting, and church what a day what a day
current mood:  cheerful
current music: land down under- penny wise
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| Monday, March 7th, 2005
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1:17 pm - zoodles
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are so effing good. girls league has devided, ah im now a longhorny lol. chantal will not talk to me any more and she leaves me and allie out of the groups plans now, it sucks. Im making some patchwork and I suck. al and em are both away skiing, al is with skeeter, so im left alone with jack oh well jack isnt so bad maybe we will go for a walk. maybe ill go see ed, hes a cool guy, cousin sarah apoligised last night for every thing
current mood:  frustrated
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| Friday, February 25th, 2005
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10:54 pm - ...........
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I havent updated for a bit now every time i update I seem to say that.
sarah is back in school
mom says sarah isnt a happy kid
she always decieved me
now that i think about it
why didnt I see it sooner
I wouldnt be too happy if I was in her situation either
but am I really happy with my own life
i shouldnt think so
I dont think i know any one who is 100% happy with life
But I am happy about somethings I went to Aida last night it was so good. I was blown away. Hockey game was a good time too. and i always have a beeter time in the summer and this one is really shaping up to be a good one
current mood:  complacent
current music: aida tunes
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| Sunday, February 20th, 2005
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8:34 am - You were there
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so this is going to be a very unorganised one jumping from thing to thing as the memories seep back into me.
im grounded for two weeks cause I skipped tech class
I skipped tech class beacuse I needed to get away for a hour I couldnt take it.
I cant take it beaucse I have lost my best friend.
Not only have I lost my best friend I lost a cousin.
They are the same person
she isnt dead or any thing shes in rehab
when she comes back will she be the same
she actually is dead, we have lost that special bond between us
when she comes back we wont be able to talk
we havent really talked for a couple of months any way
not really since the summer
drugs dont work
and another thing
I cry all the time
I cry beacuse I lost her ]
beacuse I dont want to end up like her
beacuse I dont know what I want to be when I grow up
beacuse I dont think I have enough money to pay for collage
beacuse even though I know my parents love me so much I still push them away somethimes
because I dont have any talents
or any that will get me any where
there are no boys that love me
chantal and I are not friends any more
Im not six anymore
beaucse of the age that I live in
beacuse im not 20 yet
beaucse people that are way worse off than I am are happier than me
and will make some thing of themselves
current mood:  blah
current music: crystal village-pete yorn
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| Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
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8:15 pm - Nevermind
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I feel so extreemly emotional when I listen to this album. i hardly do any more though. It reminds me of grade 8 and thats part of the reason but the otehr part is that the kurt cobain story is so sad with in its self It makes me want to cry. I always for get how great nirvana was and I get all caught up in my jam bands and what not but then i go back to the first REAL music I lisened to not spice grils and stuff that dosnt count but the first stuff I picked out for my self in like grade 6 was nirvana lisened to it all through middle school and it was my life in grade it then in high schooo i stated to change my tastes but every once in a while I go back to my "roots" and I just lisend to that album. its so beautiful. It makes me cry actually any nirvana does that not just that album
current mood:  exhausted
current music: I hate my self and want to die
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| Monday, February 14th, 2005
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8:59 pm - paper dress catch on fire and you lose her in the haze
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call me janis
any ways Sum forty flippin one was so much fun last night. saw ant and corey and the boys from camp (sussex and them) I loved it and I dont even like there music BRAVEHEART. Nosebleed from being kicked in the face. Dreads. and wool sweaters. I cant even explain it it was way too intense yet I was totally at ease. god I love concerts sop excited for sarah mclaughlin.
I am in the tableau at the home house my goal has come true!!!!!!!!!!!!:)
stuff still isnt the same
current mood:  crazy
current music: jefferson airplane
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| Friday, February 11th, 2005
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11:55 pm - skinned our hearts and skinned our knees
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again I havent updated beacuse I have my own not online journal. stuffs been weird lately. I do not enjoy it one bit. I feel exculeded from emily and chantal beacuse of allison but I really like allison and I dont wnat to ditch her for them but I really like them and I dont wnat to ditch them for allie. Im in the middle of both of them.<--- I prefer to save that type of thing for the home journal but I cant find it now.
* * *
went to the movies tonight and saw hitched. jordan pretty hair and anthony were there 2 for 1 lol. they girls saw corey tonight. Im all sick. SUM 41 ON SUNDAY im so pumped. its gonna be awesome. not really i dont like there music but gosh im excited. nappy d jokes at work dying my hair strawberry blonde tomorrow im excited for that aswell
current mood:  sick
current music: different drum-lemonheads
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| Saturday, January 29th, 2005
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8:21 am - exam week
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so I havent updated in a wwhile, my computers broken. so exams this week. filled with good times. Recored stores. Museum trying on bonnets, puppet shows and news casts. mister music " so that will be hemp beads insence" yeah * giggles* bought a beautiful coat at value. bus stops with smoking girls. west 49 guy. right ver there dude. cheers. parkway ice cream stand. vanilla, vanilla strawberry, vanilla buleberry, vanilla blueberry strawberry twister. um nobodys alloued back there. "cause that would be the cool hippie/rasta thing to do. so im staying the weekend at aunt chrissys house. shes pretty nice actually. workings tonight. oh we went to the movies and jenn came that wasnt too bad but the actual movie was I was so bored. and I had alot of milk and that makes me all stuffed up. I'd say its time to go vegan but its really hard when im at home with the family and they are eating such good stuff. so im gonna wait untill I move out
current mood: calm
current music: moring has broken-cat stevens
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| Friday, January 21st, 2005
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9:06 pm - oh so bored
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Your Life: The Soundtrack | Created by aiko and taken 18679 times on bzoink! | | Opening credits | loser-back | | Waking up | morning glory-oasis | | Average day | sea foam green-jaw breaker | | First date | crash into me-dmb | | Falling in love | near you always- jewel | | Love scene | wrap your arms around me- ben harper and eddie vedder | | Fight scene | dead leaves and the dirty ground-white strpies | | Breaking up | peice of my heart-janis | | Getting back together | body is a wonderland-john mayer | | Secret love | little pink stars-ben kweller | | Life's okay | that says it all- duncan sheik | | Mental breakdown | basketcase-green day | | Driving | some sorta of thug lovin music | | Learning a lesson | jah work-ben harper | | Deep thought | anna begins-counting crows | | Flashback | everlong-foo fighters | | Partying | my drug buddy-ben kweller | | Happy dance | im down with that-petit project | | Regreting | time of your life-green day | | Long night alone | ghost-howie day | | Death scene | drugs dont work-ben harper | | Closing credits | change-blind melon | Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink! |
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| Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
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9:36 pm - we shall be free
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so just listened to a bit of garth thats always a good time.
so If you say something enough times does that thing eventually become true even if you yourself know its a lie. does it take on a life of its own and you just go on living your life and that becomes a part of it and the lines between whats real and what isnt become a blurry grey area?
^ that was so unlike any thing i ever say
but there some stuff, feeling I have, feelings others have that I wish didnt exist. so I was kinda hoping that if I said the opposite they would go away
Exams in 4 days
if I could just hear your pretty voice I dont think i'd need to see you at all.
so hutchinson is a funny girl. no sat split this week im crushed and ever so dissapointed. saw erin for the first time in a while. she funny, but there is some rough stuff there
current mood:  cranky
current music: dead leaves and the dirty ground
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| Monday, January 17th, 2005
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8:42 pm
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fall is here, hear the yell
back to school, ring the bell
brand new shoes, walking blues
climb the fence, book and pens
i can tell that we are gonna be friends
walk with me, suzy lee
through the park, by the tree
we will rest upon the ground
and look at all the bugs we've found
then safely walk to school
without a sound
well here we are, no one else
we walked to school all by ourselves
there's dirt on our uniforms
from chasing all the ants and worms
we clean up and now it's time to learn
numbers, letters, learn to spell
nouns, and books, and show and tell
at playtime we will throw the ball
back to class, through the hall
teacher marks our height against the wall
and we don't notice any time pass
we don't notice anything
we sit side by side in every class
teacher thinks that i sound funny
but she likes the way you sing
tonight i'll dream while i'm in bed
when sill thoughts go through my head
about the bugs and alphabet
and when i wake tomorrow i'll bet
that you and i will walk together again
cause i can tell that we
are going to be friends
I love this song(again)
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8:29 pm - Losses
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So Ive been thinking about this alot lately. its not that I think sex and all that stuff is yuck as I say. Its a deeper thing ( I didnt think I was deep). Im afraid of losing my innocense. I wish I was in grade 3 not beacuse you didnt do stuff with guys or girls but simply because you were free to do what ever you wanted to do (pretty much) no one jugded you. No one cared what you wore. I miss all the games I usted to play how creative I was how I didnt care what anyone thought of me and didnt think any thing of anyone else. I miss catching bugs and making houses for them. I miss my back adidas with the blue stripes they made you run so fast. I miss playgrounds and pig tails. I miss the carebears and fraggle rock. So its not that I dont want to do "yuck" beacuse its yucky its beacuse once you do that you cant go back right now im still pure and im mad at my self for doing some tings that I have done( drugs, drinking) Im still to yound for all that. As a whole I feel everyone I know is growing up too fast. they need to feel validated by others to feel good about them selves. When girls are 10 they should still be playing with dolls or whatnot but no they are being the dolls themselves trying to be like brittany spears or some strange thing. Im so glad that I saw this and my brittany stage only lasted abouot a year or so. I know that we all have to grow up and every one will grow up at different times but for now I just want to build a tree house and live in it
current mood:  discontent
current music: Dead Leaves and the dirty ground
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1:00 pm - butterflies are passive agressive and they put their feelings on the shelf
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Journy to MO is complete. Snow day :) I really should be studying right now but no matter I'd rather not. went to see rent last night it was amasing. they had awesome voices there was one part in "seasons of love" that was simply beautiful. it was kinda sad I wanted to cry a bit. I really hate it when people twist my words around and make me sound like a huge egocentric bitch that only cares about material objects. JEEZ. Napolien chats with mel.p so spencer started to talk to me at like 2:30 the other night. I was midly amused. I really want to make some thing right now but I dont have any suplies and its snowing out so im not about to walk down to the mall and such.
current mood:  creative
current music: sad song
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| Sunday, January 16th, 2005
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10:58 am - i still think we should meditate
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so yesterday splits with hutch good times. I left her though had to buy some paint. corey so is funny friday night, "its a seal, now its a mouse, seal, mouse, I like the seal best" lets make a weasel " look at the weasel arms" what up ashlee " you make me wantta la la". gangstas. saturday nights with erin and hutch pies in the face. blue cheese on mike. good times. so history project today, climb to MO. I actually studied for a good hour today. Go Me!!!!!!!!!!!
current mood: amused
current music: wild world-cat stevens
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| Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
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6:58 pm - if you want to destroy my sweater
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I dont hate chantal anymore she hasnt been quite so annoying yet im still not liking simon
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6:55 pm
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so alot of stuffs been going arouond lately and im not liking it too much. ill pose for ya, that was so funny. exams coming up soon. I have an 85 in bio contrary to what hansen says. so ben kweller is about the hottest guy ever. even hotter than b-max lol,
current mood: creative
current music: family tree
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| Monday, January 10th, 2005
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8:52 pm - Love( stole this from tori)
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Love is a Piano Dropped for a Four Story Window...(Ani Defranco)
...And you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. What if no one's ever been in love? What if there is an emotion that runs that deep,that is so powerful but no one has reached it. If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around, does it make a sound? Yes?..No? So then if no one can really explain love then how does anyone know what it is? I think love is really pain. Not, I fell and my knee bled, pain or, I just got out of surgery, pain but a pain that we sometimes don't realize. Love or whatever you want to call it makes you do crazy things. And people fall in, the kind where you meet the perfect person in the park and go out to dinner all the time and laugh none stop, and sometimes you stay up just to watch the stars together. That's sugar-coated love. Spending a life time together though children, getting fat, debts, fights and every other Gooddamn thing that you could possibly imagine and still not knowing what you'd do without eachother, that's the closes to true love I can imagine.
One time my cousin, who ponders the finer things in life, explained to me the theory of the origin of love, (it's a theory of Plato's) here's how it goes, (in a nut shell):
"So... originally there were 3 sexes. One (The children of the sun) looked like 'two men glued back to back'. The children of the earth were 'two women glued back to back'. And the children of the moon were like a man and woman glued back to back. Basically they looked like we do now like, had two arms and legs and everything, but were 'glued' to the back of another person. Each half of a person had it's own mind though. Like they were separate thinking people. Kind of like siamese twins. Anyways, the story goes that they knew nothing of love. But they were getting too intelligent/powerful/defiant and this scared the Gods. Thor said he would simply kill them all, but Zeus told him not too. Zeus said he would 'use his lighting like scissors' and basically split the people in half. It's said that our soulmate is the person who we used to be 'joined' with. Like, back to back. Because after Zeus cut them in half, Osiris and the Gods of the Nile gathered a huge storm together and swept the halves across the earth. So love is essentially us looking for our 'other half'."
Maybe that's all love is, us looking for our other half.Maybe its more, maybe it just simple a feeling we have towards someone that no one else can feel.But I still think it's a form of pain not neccesairly a bad pain but a pain that you can feel, like how you have to sacrifice and how you have to give up putting yourself first because that other person means so much to you. I really quite scared to fall in love, I want it so much but at the same time I don't know if I could handle it, I don't know if I'm ready for my other half.
Conors sister tori wrote that, i think its beautiful, she is such a good writer, I cant express me self like that, but thats pretty much how I feel, I wish I could talk to her but its too werid but we could probably be such good frineds judging by her journal
current mood:  crappy
current music: dawsons creek- goo goo dolls
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| Sunday, January 9th, 2005
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7:59 pm - its been a while
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I havent updated in a bit. exams n 2 weeks I haventeven cracked a book oh well, conors birthday party last night, that b max sure can play black bird. thats all that came out of that night really. Im slowly not liking simon. this is a good thing. and im quickly detesting chantal.
current mood: content
current music: jewel
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| Saturday, January 1st, 2005
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11:33 pm - Big Fish
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I just watched big fish (again) and Ive added a new song to my favourites
Man of the hour
Tidal waves don’t beg forgiveness
'CRASHED' and on their way
Father he enjoyed collisions; others walked away
A snowflake falls in may.
And the doors are open now as the bells are ringing out
Cause the man of the hour is taking his final bow
Goodbye for now.
Nature has its own religion; gospel from the land
Father ruled by long division, young men they pretend
Old men comprehend.
And the 'SKY BREAKS' at dawn; shedding light upon this town
They’ll all come ‘round
Cause the man of the hour is taking his final bow
Goodbye for now.
And the road
The old man paved
The broken seams along the way
The rusted signs, left just for me
He was guiding me, love, his own way
Now the man of the hour is taking his final bow
As the curtain comes down
I feel that this is just goodbye for now.
current mood:  touched
current music: man of the hour-eddie vedder
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8:25 pm - little giants
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How could I for get my fav movie of all time\
Junior Floyd: You wanna learn how to kiss?
Becky O'Shea: No. Why, do you?
Junior Floyd: No. Eeww I just got that vomit taste in my mouth.
Becky O'Shea: Come on, you gotta learn sometime. I mean if you wanna have kids and get a job.
Junior Floyd: You can have kids without kissing!
Becky O'Shea: But you can't get a job.
Junior Floyd: Well, become a teacher then.
Danny O'Shea: We can go camping and make moose sounds.
Becky O'Shea: No, Dad.
Danny O'Shea: O.K. forget the moose sounds.
Mike Hammersmith: What's that cheerleader doing with a helmet on?
Kevin O'Shea: That's no cheerleader, that's my niece Becky, and she's pissed
Becky O'Shea: What a hunk. What am I talking about? I'm the Icebox. Icebox doesn't like boys. Except for that one...
Jake Berman: My mom says the pads you gave me weren't enough...
Danny O'Shea: This whole town may love you, but I'm the only one who knows how truly sick you are.
Kevin O'Shea: I treated you like a prince.
Danny O'Shea: You ignored me.
Kevin O'Shea: I took you to see the Cleveland Indians.
Danny O'Shea: You left me at the stadium.
Danny O'Shea: I don't know but I've been told.
Little Giants: Butz's butt is green with mold.
Danny O'Shea: You say thank you I say please.
Little Giants: Kevin sits down when he pees.
1) Hey icebox, you look like a boy and play like a boy, but do you pee standing up? 2) Nah, when she's hot to trot she's still gotta squat.
Without Ice Box, Spike's gonna rip off my face and wear it on Halloween!
Chicken little flee flicker on go. What's that? A pitch to Johnny. Pitch to Johnny, you can't pitch to Johnny, I'am Johnny!! Now what? Run to him.
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