|Subject:||So...here it stands...pt 3...?|
So, this evening I got rediculously angry with the one I truly love and we kissed and made up. So...afterwards, she goes to a party. With my bro and one of his friends. The one that always asks me for beer. Anyway, they're over there and I called her cell twice, but to no avail. Whatever. I guess I'm just angry cause I always get left out of the good shit. Almost always, man. It sucks because I have a tendancy to take shit like that personally and when I do so, I put certain expectations upon myself and shit...I don't know. I just feel like sometimes it's deliberate. As though I'm left out for a reason. I mean, shit, I want to get out of the house too, you know? But, I can't. Jake, Sam, and Phil do all the time. Shit, it wouldn't be so bad if it were just Jake or if it were just Phil. But shit...I guess I'm kinda jealous that she'd rather spend time with them than me. I mean, the days that I get off are few and far between, so my party time is cut down to nil. Maybe once or twice during the week. For Sam, it's like every other night. Jake, every night, pretty much. I dunno, I fucking hate getting left out. And it's like I'm a dick head for even bringing it up. I'M the one with the problem. And shit, I just might. But I want to hang out with my girl as much as I can. I barely see her as it is. So I just feel kinda on the back burner. Like I'm not all that important. Maybe I'm dreadfully boring. Hell, it's a posibility. But damnit, I mean I don't exactly feel like I'm neglected, but at the same time, I feel as though it could be better than it is right now. Maybe it's lost that little spark it had back in March. That's possible.
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Goddamn I hate being alone. I hate it so much. I mean, I dunno. That back burner shit gets old quick.
|Subject:||I've got a fucking golden ticket right in my hand|
|Music:||N/A...believe it or not|
Sam is beyond beautiful. We finally hooked up and got together. Unfortunately, certain events hold and bind us together, but I believe that we've conquered so much in so little time. Our relationship has been through so much and I belive that we are still going strong. She's the most amazing creature I've ever met. My word, she's one in 6.5 billion...if one can even fathom such. It is as though she's sent from God Himself. Maybe I'm crazy or obsessive, but she fills in the gaps...takes the edge off...you know? Makes life more palpatable. More taseful. Shit, I gotta shit.
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|Mood:||confused as all hell...|
|Music:||Funeris Nocturnum-Hypernation Mantic|
I don't feel like it's bad. It can't be bad, because she makes me feel so fucking good when I'm around her. She's a dame. A beautiful girl. I'm so into her, but I don't know if it'll go anywhere. Like the car's stuck in park until she figures out where she wants to go. And I'm stuck for the ride. I don't mind. She's really sweet. I like that. Fun to talk to. Fun to be with. I almost love her. Almost. I don't know. She doesn't want to hear it and I don't want to say it. Hehe, kinda weird, right? I'm afraid to say it. Consequences are too great, you know? If I jump the gun, she'll be down the road.
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I dunno, I really really really like her. Nah, man, she's a fucking goddess...I can't get any more specific than that because the words to describe her just don't exist yet. And I'm frustrated as all hell. I don't know what to do. She's amazing. And I want to tell her so much, but I freeze. Oh Sam, I wish I could tell you all this shit, but you don't need any of it right now. That's my dilemma. Classic catch 22.
And it's not like I could ask her. I want to get into her head and figure her out. I almost flubbed up and told her that tonight. Hell, I almost jumped the gun tonight. Gods were watching over me. Good thing. Cause I needed it. We're gonna talk through it tonight. Hopefully, I'll figure out where I stand and where she stands and we'll figure out what we want to do with this 'thing' we've found in each other. She's sexy. God, if you only knew how sexy she is. And free. She's a free spirit, roaming the earth, just like the rest of us, but few of us realize such. And she does. It's beautiful. Looking into those huge brown-green eyes...gawd. I get sucked in every time. FUCK. Why do you have to do this to me Sam? Shit. AARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!! Death metal growl.
Throwing up the horns, mates, Morbid Angel @ Masquerade on 4/25...be there or be dead...
Every time I see her eyes...it's those goddamn eyes. I'm into this girl hardcore. She has no clue how much I like her. I told her, but I have a tenacity for understating things. I don't know what to do. HEHEH
Should I stay or should I go now
Should I stay or should I go now
If I go there will be trouble
If I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know
Should I cool it or should I blow
Nah, I'd fucking love to stay. But I don't know if that's what she needs right now. Why do I have to like her so much? Sam, why can't you be a controlling red-headed slut? Why do you have to be so fucking cool? I mean, I really like you alot and I'm freaking out. Ok, maybe not freaking out, but I'm still trying to figure out what the hell is going on. I'm always in the dark. But whatever. We'll cross that bridge in due time, I suppose. Hopefully the bridge doesn't collapse and we all get sucked into the vicious river below. She's sweet. So sweet.
She doesn't want to hear it. And I can't say it. So why am I so fucked up right now? Sam, you're really fucking with me.
I don't like getting vulnerable. And she cuts me open like a can of spam, one finger and one thumb. That's all, man. And I like it. I like talking to her. I love having sex with her, but I'd rather just talk with her. Sharing of the mind, rather than the body. It just kinda means more when she talks. Fuck it. I shouldn't worry. Hell, I have so many years before the end of my life or the end of the world, whichever comes first. I wish she was here right now. Shit, why do you have to be so freakin hot and shit Sam? Damn. Ok, enough is enough.
Rant, rant rant...
|Music:||At The Gates-Slaughter of the Soul|
I'm feeling pretty good today. Real good, actually. She's completley off my mind...well, for the most part. And I'm good with it. Shit like that, I can't let it get me down. And hopefully, if all goes well this evening at school, I may get lucky and convince someone to go with me to Soilwork. That would be pretty cool.
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|Subject:||Pissed like Popeye|
Man, I'm so fucking bored. I want to go do something. But I don't want to go to aunt's b-day party. I'm so fucking bored. I don't feel like doing shit, but I'm restless, you know? And Jenielle's got me kinda down, not sure why. We're not even 'together' in the sense of the word. We lack such committments. But then again, she's the only gal I'm seeing right now. Life is good, I keep telling myself this, but it's like no matter what, I always get shitted on somehow. I'm always feeling like I'm getting the beating end of the stick of life. Whatever....not like it'll matter in the next 60 years anyway. I dunno...I'm rehashing past experiences faster than a junkie at NA meetings. It sucks. My love life is doing alright now, but I don't know about her end. See, it's that constant reassurance thing I told her about....oh well, let it slide man. Just fucking let it SLIDE. Who cares? Do you? Fuck no you don't, and you know it man. Whatever....when life gives you lemons....
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|Mood:||devoid of emotion|
I dunno...Jenielle's been acting weird the last few days. She didn't want to go to the party, but she's out shopping? Yeah, weird. I dunno, I tend to look too deeply into shit, but that's just my nature. Fuck this entry.
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|Subject:||School and all this retarded homework|
|Mood:||I feel happy...weird right?|
|Music:||Morbid Angel-Stricken Arise|
I'm venting, dammnit. But then Jenielle's eyes pop into my head and I feel this warm, calming sensation in my skull. Probably dopamine or serationin, or a combination of both. I dunno, she makes me feel really good about myself. I want her to feel like she's the only girl that exists, if that makes any sense. I mean, most gals aren't like her. She's well grounded and she likes music. She has a really good head on her shoulders, she knows what she wants to do when she gets there. She's a humanitarian. And she's taking space from that ungrateful son of a fucking lunch lady scum dog...
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This rant is titled School and all this retarded homework. I am lamenting my science class. Jenielle's the only reason I show up to that one. She's just fun. SHIT!!! There I go, on one more hapless tangent destined for the shredder. School is great, don't get me wrong. I like school. But this science prof isn't really all that good of a professor. She gives ambiguous test questions and tells us to energy audit our homes. Oh well....
GODDAMMNNN, Jenielle worked her way into my head again. We hung out today. We were supposed to do homework, but....that ended up not happening. Tim stopped by with J-mo. Jayson looked all kinds of wacked out of his skull, but then again, when is he not?
Today I have not smoked any pot. But I'm not trying to quit THC, I'm trying to bunk the nicotine/tar shit. Mom said I was going to end up like dad with that haggard-assed cough. Fuck. I can't write anymore tonight, cause I got this piece of shit homework thing to do.
|Subject:||The best laid plans...and a 20 step program|
|Music:||satyricon-Into The Mighty Forest|
Jenielle is so sweet. She's nothing short of incredible. I'm really falling for this girl, and it kinda scares me, because it's really really early in the 'friendship' stage...but I guess it wouldn't be considered friendship, but maybe it would? Hell if I know, I just know that I feel fucking sweet whenever we're talking. We talk about some weird stuff, but it's cool. I dunno, we seem to get along rather well. At least I think that...but she tells me she really likes me too. And I totally believe her. Which, again, must be taken with a grain of salt. I want to be careful not to get too attached to her. We have no committments between each other. That's definitely a good thing. I really like that. I seriously haven't met anyone quite like her before. She's so...different. I don't know what it is, but I really like it. I already know her general character. How she acts, how she eats, how she looks at me when I look at her...God, You gave her the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. This beautifully dark siepia light chocolate hue, surrounded by milk white. I can see her eyes when I close mine. It's crazy. I'm just so in to her right now. I don't even think of other girls when I'm with her. Like I said, she makes everything easier to stomach when I'm with her. Soothing, almost. Harmonious. The planets align in perfect unison. Hello, tangent, anyone...?
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The white house will bring down de lay. Just goes to show, you have to have money and good buddies to get into the white house. You can pay your way into office and into power. Just have your check book ready. Fuck our government. It's such bullshit. Just flatline bullshit, scraped from some terrible cesspool of rotting bacteria infested fecal matter. I cannot stand our government. I vote. I do my part as a citizen, unfourtunatly, I am one of those fringe citizens...the ones with certain moral values that conflict with the modern day idea of moral standard. I have rules...rules that work in any time, place, city, state, or country.
Don't strike someone unless it is justifiable, if they hit you first, beat the shit out of them, into a bloody fucking mess, but don't for no reason whatsoever make the first punch...allow them to stoop to that primordial level and then deliver a fist into the nose or jaw
Don't cut short anyone of anything...if they want to bump heroin, let them. It is their body to destroy and if that is their wish, so be it. Addiction is not addiction, but a choice, a state of mind and all this other shit...But never slight someone or give them less than you'd give yourself...
|Subject:||Fuckin Death METAL|
|Music:||A Guesome Find-Devoid of Humanity|
As these days furher and further progress, I find that this amazing creature known as Jenielle is slowly but surely growing on me. Geeze, I'm buzzed after a big ol' bottle of corona extra. The extra means more alcohol, right? I dunno, I'm kinda drunk. But I find that as we hang out more and more, she's confused about her boyfriend. I want her to break it off with him, but I'm not her so I can't exactly make that decision for her. I know, it's weird, but I truly dig her. She's awesome. I want some herb. This drunkenness is unpleasant. New, but definitely unpleasant to the system. Don't get me wrong, when I drink to get drunk, I fucking drink. But right now, it's not nearly as nice as a good herb buzz. I don' t know. Jenielle, break up with that piece of shit bastard and hook up with me. Dammnit!
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Crooked lines speckle your twisted face
I wanna break your fucking nose
Lying on the floor, you fucking disgrace
I wanna destroy your fucking soul
I don't like this guy she's with. She tells me some really nasty things he does to her, real low and real demeaning things. Things I would kill a mortal for. You don't do that, no matter who you are. You just don't fucking do that shit. It's not right. THE HELL IT'S NOT RIGHT, IT'S FUCKING WRONG. Beyond wrong. Beyond a cardinal sin. What this bastard eat shit waste of a human body does is beyond uncool. He should be the one, not her. She deserves so much more than what she's got. She's so sweet and kind and nice. I'm scared that she may turn out to be too cool, you know? But that's looking too much into things. I dunno...but I do know I want some smokage. Heh, looks like that's not going down tonight. But whatever...I love life. I'm enthralled with this amazing woman. So much that it's confusing the fuck out of me. I don't know what to do. I don't fucking know...I guess the best thing is to see what happens. Just go with the flow. That's what I've always been good at, just flowing.
Black abyss monsters calling your name
Heed their sadistic warning
Drowning in this dark void
Never destined to see light again
Spewing precious lifeblood from nightmarish wounds
Abyss sucking you below reddened surface
Swimming through crimson seas
Drowning in the blood of brothers and sisters
Your life halted instantly, death crawling up your veins
Sympathy and remorse are null
Exist to die, exhaust to fry, exiled for life
Suffering through this spiraling structure
Your soul rends by mutant demonic forces
Too brutal to speak of in words
Licking these shards of humanity
Cutting through to the very sinew
Through the breadth of mankind
Suffering through this horrible tragedy made carnal
This chaotic creation damning us to hell
|Subject:||School....and all the drool|
|Music:||In Flames-Lord Hypnos|
Gezus, if I had a nickel for every gorgeous female I see at school, I'd be richer than Bill Gates right now. I want to meet some females after class tomorrow though. One specifically. The brunette-red head. Yah, the homeschooled one. But I dunno...she could be crazy or something. Who knows, and who cares, this is college. As Chef put it, "Children, there's a time and a place for every thing, and it's called college, do you understand?" I can't get over the female population of the school though. It's like damn near every female there is easy on the eyes. Some of them are really really pretty though. Like super model hot. It's crazy. I'm having so much fun at school though. Hard part hasn't started yet, but I'm much much tougher than I was the last go around. It's so much fun checking out the ladies though. I could stare at them for hours and hours and not blink. The females...man...the females...
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|Music:||In Flames-Another Day in Quicksand|
I love life. To the fullest I can. Sometimes little shit gets me down, but it doesn't matter. In the end, nothing matters. But the end isn't here yet, it's the in between that counts. The living part. I want a band like a junkie wants his fix. I'm off work tomorrow. Thank God. I am beginning to loathe work. As though it were becomnig a burden or something. But I do need the money, so I suppose it is a fair trade.
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Life is funny sometimes. Like gut busting humorous funny. It's a joke and I'm the only one that knows the punchline.
I spoke with a phenominal female this evening. I dunno, I wish I was psychic. I wish I knew if she dug me or not. At least that would save both of us some time. And Elaine...man, don't get me started on her. She's a pain in the ass.
But life is going well. I start school soon. I'm looking forward to it.
|Subject:||The second day of the rest of my life|
|Mood:||PSYCHED OUT OF MY SKULL!!!!|
Wow. I'm a bit awestruck, in a way. The words escape me presently, but the emotions are there. GAWD. It's like a wirlwind of emotions when moms and dads fight....extreme fluxuations in tempreture changes have been known to crack pipes....
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THe pieces are fitting into place, at least I think they might be. MIGHT BE. It'd be nice for once if I was right.
She's the only female that could force me off of herb. I'd gladly stop in a heart beat for her. Without hesitation. It's funny because I knew it bothered her when we were together. Maybe she thinks I've changed...who knows.
I'm gonna ask her to a concert.
Wish me luck Great One Who Shines With Infinite Radience.
|Subject:||revisiison of prevvious eentry|
Ok, the cia and rove leak....
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CIA, get your shit together, you're the fucking ELITE. Why would you give informatrion to a news reporter? Why?
Why the fuck would you do that, you stupid CIA?
|Subject:||The slime that is living|
|Mood:||desire for rampant excesses|
|Music:||Arturo Sandoval-Moment's Notice|
I dunno...rampant unsatisfaction burns through my veins right now. I'm not angry at myself, because I've been working at a very comfortable pace, getting my shit back together. I'm almost there. Almost, not quite.
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Livid shock pulsing in the neurons
Dividing and conquering this vengeful mind
Quenching these fermenting flames
Dying on this wretched husk of a ship
I dunno....I really don't. Heh, this entry is gonna be terrible, I just know it. But quite frankly, if you think it sucks, kiss my ass. I'm tired of taking shit from assholes. I'm always getting shitted on by those goddamn assholes. When life gives you lemons....
...you squeeze the fuck out of them into your ex-fiancee's eyes...
She's such a bitch. I'm normally not so derrogatory towards anyone, much less a female. She deserves anything karma throws her way. The Supreme All Power That Is will deal with her, it's definatly not my problem. Speaking of problems, Tim's in a quandry. He's dealing with what I dealt with for months. Only he's gettnig smaller, much more controlled doses of it. I guess that's the secret, if he can pull it off. But I dunno, vibes are pointing to a breakup. I honestly don't see them sticking it out for a long time, maybe I'm wrong, and I hope so...but you never truly know.
Gesus, this song rocks.
I dig metal, but I really like big band. You know, swing music? Shit that makes you wanna get up and just groove.
I'm not crazy, I'm just somewhat fanatic.
Life is weird right now. I want a female, but they're tough to approach. Geezus I'm pathetic.
|Subject:||Sputtering on E|
|Music:||fear factory-self bais resister|
Life kinda sucks right now. I'm a little ill about work and a little ill about my personal life. God, I need a female companion. It' s pathetic, I know. I'm complaining because my social skills are nonexistant. I have no social skills anymore.
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Ladies, if you're interested...heh...this is slowly becoming a classified ad.
I'm ready to burn your bridge down
Knock it down to the ground
Take me away from this hell
Your skull my prison cell
The psychobitch called work today. I was ready for blood the moment those first few syllables rolled off her spear point sharp bloody poisonous tongue. Do us all a favor and swallow some glass or soemthing. We've been apart for nearly a year. She still doesn't get the point. I guess a couple years addicted to speed will do that to you. The wailing banshee herself. I swear, I need something to release all this anger into.
I think it's that relapsing depression. I skirt ahead of it as much as I can, but sometimes it'll catch up and when it does, it's hell. Like fighting a 9 story inferno with a super soaker. But I'm still breathing. Damn it, I'm breathing. I'm alive, perhaps more alive now than ever. Who knows? I sure as hell don't.
|Subject:||Spitting in the eye of the Beast|
|Music:||fear factory-Bite the hand that Bleeds|
So....I'm fucking fed up with work and I'm fed up with the judicial system in this country. Suddenly, I'm beginning to think this 'wonderful' country isn't so wonderful anymore. When they let child molesters off the hook, it makes one think. Hell, I thought all I could about the damn thing and the more and more I think about it the more and more pissed off I become. It gives the impression that if you're filthy rich, you have the ability to be filthy as well. Fucking california doesn't convict anyone. If you want to do a heinous crime, go to California. Full of republican/liberals...they don't give a fuck as long as you're a minority or you have money. Otherwise, look forward to a heifty prison sentence.
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Welcome to hell....population growing...
There's this beautiful lass that comes into my store everynow and then. She's a pharmy gal, works over at Pubelicks. But she's fun to look at, I'm sure she's got a great personality, but I've yet had the pleasure of introducing myself to her. I suck at that. Blatently suck at it. Like a parapalegic trying to fix eggs and bacon, sunny side up. I dunno...I'm socially INEPT. That's my fatal flaw. The art of non-communication is my forte, not spoken word. I hate it. I can't talk to the opposite sex without looking like a moron. Or maybe that's how it's supposed to work.
So...I have work in 9 hours. Definatly not looking forward to it. 9-5-er. Fuckin A, I'm stuck in the rut I didn't want 5 years ago. 5 years ago, I saw myself in front of crowds by now. Bludgeoning human ear drums with violent red music, staining crimson in the acrid humidity of sweat blood and death metal.
|Subject:||Scuzzlebutt's Voracious Rant|
|Music:||Opeth-The Leper Affinity|
Today I realized that all things in life have a price, no matter how cheap they come. Everything has a cost of sorts, be it money time or other. The truck is in ruins, but hopefully I'll get it back sometime soon. I am lamenting work. I am lamenting life. I am succumbing to this fake disease known as depression. What a fucking joke, depression. Opeth is soothing to the ears.
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4-26, soilwork @ masquerade...don't forget that date for the life of you, jeremy. Or else you're totally fucked.
So they had me doing repairs at work today. Stupid shit. They decide to reschedule me to work on friday.
What a joke.
She told me 3 days before hand....I guess she figued three days was enough to reschedule all of my dad's shit. I swear, I hate society. Society is such a great scapegoat. It's even better than Satan was back during the Catholic Church Empire. But it's true.
Society has you wearing clothes, believing mercy killing is bad, and that ganja is illegal. It forces you to do things you normally wouldn't, like pay taxes or envolve yourself in a completely controlled economy. Yes, I believe it's controlled. There's no way the current government would allow this country to fall through...or maybe they would, hell, they're aiming to privatize social security. Ok, that's great. All that fucking money I gave you for five years is going down the drain. Vunderbar. But what kills me the most is the ganja issue. We're mature adults. I can healthily regulate my intake of drugs and harmful substances. I'm not a deadbeat. I have a job and I play guitar. I think that all drugs should be legalized. That way, all the junkies will kick the bucket and the responsible users will progress through life. The thing that upsets me the most is that you can grow it in your back yard. It's a fucking weed. Why is it not legal, that's my question. I understand why heroin and cocaine are illegal, but the THC molecule has so much potential.
The FDA believes it's harmful. But yet, they allow mad cow disease in our beef and has you choking down aspartame, a known cancer-causing agent...makes you wonder.
Go ahead, privatize social security, infest our prisons with non-violent offenders, and feed us infected food. Do we care? Hell, it's the american dream. Suck in a deep, big breath of car exhaust and get your caffee latte enema because it's off to work. Waste your days away doing something you're told to do by 'big brother'.
Maybe it's just a conspiracy theory. A theory at best. Maybe I'm wrong and congress is honest, hard working, and serving my needs. Hah...and maybe I won't die of lung cancer.
And no, I'm not some drunk democrat, ultra-green liberal or some bible bashing republican. I'm jeremy. That's all you need to know. Politics suck, it's like a religion to some people. When you talk politics, you always end up pissing someone off. That's totally ok with me, talking politics, just don't stick up for dumbasses.
IE: bush, rumsfelt, condoleezza rice...need I say more? It's merely coincidence these three are all republicans...or maybe it isn't...? Perhaps the aryan race forgot to wipe out that retard gene and infected the republican gene pool with stupidity...then again, all political parties/activists have agendas of their own. Mrs. Rice won't tell you, but she wants to be president someday. Right, like they'd elect a woman as president. Give her one month and we'll have nuked every country because of cramps, menstration, ect.
BTW, Mrs. Rice recieved a memo about 9-11...sitting right on the bitch's desk. Looking at her. "Bin Laden suspected to strike on American soil." Boy, we sure covered all the bases on that one. It's a shame it took two airplanes flying into our invulnerable country to make us realize that we aren't supreme anymore. We aren't the ones calling the shots in modern times and it scares the hell out of some people. Me? I could give two shits about the government. They've been doing such a good job lately. Hah, sure they have. Everyone I've ever met or watched on tv related to authority reek of this horrible stench of stupidity, as though finding the asshole would require both hands, a dental mirror and lots of balance. If I got work and a car, I don't care. We need other countries to keep us in check, kinda like the separated branches of government. USA does not mean GOD. We aren't the liberaters of earth. We aren't the World Police. It's not our problem they're fighting over in the middle east. I think once that shit breeches on our turf, we bomb them to Allah and back. Perfect strategy. That way, you don't piss off every fucking nation in the process and you have a legitimate reason to fucking wreak a country. If some Americans flew a plane into China, do you think they'd attack our country for the sins of a few? We 'rebuilt' Afghanistan on our own. UN told us not to, but we did it anyway. That's kinda like your boss telling you not to serve beer to minors, but you do it anyway. Not because you want to or because you care....because you can. And Afghanistan has resources. Not the kind that Iraq or Kuwait has, but they have lots of cool shit....like dirt. Why the fuck did we invade Afghanistan to begin with? I mean, was there a legitimate reason for such?
And did you forget us bombing Kosovo? Did you forget Hiroshima and Nagasaki? Have you forgotten Vietnam?
Three events of great human loss. And what do we have to show for it? Well...Japan would've never given up had we not flashed nuclear fallout in their faces. It stopped the war pretty quick. An easy quick gain is not always beneficial in the long run.
Granted, USA's history is not glamourous. On the contrary, Bush seems to think we're a great liberator. Fuck liberation. WE had to fight for our own FREEDOM, let them do it themselves. I'm sure they're completely capable on their own. If I had to, I'd kill for my survival. If I had to, if it was a requirement. If my freedom was constricted....oh wait, it already is. You can't pray at school, you can't do a lot of things, like smoke a doob.
But see, if I fuck up at work, someone doesn't recieve a package in time or it goes to the wrong address. When congress fucks up, people die, starve, get mutilated, dismembered, suffocated. Snuffed out.
And what's the deal with Congress's idea on giving money to religious groups(not to hate on the christians)? I thought that kind of thing was part of the separation of church and state. That infringes on my beliefs. Why am I not getting money to give to the poor or the people that want to spend it on crack and liquer? Where's my share, Bush?
And it all boils down to that all elusive apple pie. You can smell it. The government tells you it's there. Hell, you can even see it, but dare not to eat it. The government will tell you how to get a piece of it, but it's a feat of human imposibility. The best damn pie on earth and you can't have a damn bite. What a shame. This is the world I live in. Lovely, isn't it?
|Subject:||Flaccid Wednesday-the bonding time and why this nation is grrreat!|
|Mood:||like a rampaging bull|
|Music:||Flotsam and Jetsam-Doomsday for the Deciever|
Sat around all day and zoned out on the tele. My, my, my we live in a fascinating country. A country in which our own government shoves it's massive cock right into our asses and fucks us as much as it wants. Example: Shiavo case. If I'm going to be a vegetable, pull the goddamn plug. I couldn't stand living like that. If I can't feed myself and breathe for myself, I should be dead. It's the law of natural selection and because of Pres. Bush's 'compassion', he's forcing this poor woman to suffer. A doctor explained the starvation process that occures when you enter a coma, saying something along the lines of "The patient does not suffer from starvation pains." Well, doc, ever die from coma starvation? My whole point is, if the government can tell me that I cannot die, then fuck them. The same government that condemns everything on list A, some of list B and very few on list C. They obviously feel that death is a serious thing. Don't get me wrong, death is. But seriously, this is a woman who's been in this condition for 15 fucking years. If she didn't recieve the therapy in that 15 year span, she might as well throw in the towel. Her parents are fucking idiots. She's dying, she's been dying for 15 years, just let the decomposition take place 6 feet under instead of a hospital bed. When you can't breathe for yourself, doctors will try to recussitate you, breathe for you. When a machine does it for you, your body is dead. I'd understand if they hooked her up for a few days and it was as cut and dry as that. But human life at the same token should be valued, no matter how poor the quality it is. Atleast that's the government's stance on it. So they pull the feeding tube, Bush signs a right to live bill just for this woman. Fucking a, we have a 'war on terrorism' to fight, we have other countries to bomb and he's writing up a bill for some corpse in a hospital? Where's the cure for aids or world hunger? Why are insurgents still in Iraq?
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Where is this country going? I'll give you a hint, it's really hot and we happen to be sitting in a hand basket...
Republicans, Democrats, Liberals...they all have the same ideas, just a different approach. It's all the same thing to me. To trust a politician is to trust all that is crooked and corrupt. Do I trust the government? Yes, when the economy is good. When we're not up to our assholes in debt, when we're not pissing off every civilized country on this planet, then sure I'd trust the government. But we are in debt, we are pissing off our allies and we're shitting on ourselves. When you elect a cock sucker for president, it's no wonder the entire economy goes right up the bastard's nose.
|Subject:||Love is stupid|
|Music:||In Flames-Accoustic Medley|
This is why love is stupid. You fall in love with someone and then break up with them only to get stuck with some psycho bitch from hell. Then you break it off with her and find out the gal you're super into has feelings for someone else. I'm not complaining, I'm merely making a point. I think love is stupid right now. Today had a really shitty vibe, like some informercial coma. Like bitter vomit charging out the esophagus, burning the plastic liner to a blood red, the same red found in rancid canned enchelladda sauce. Sorry, my spelling is not at par tonight. Today's been a big let down, but I got plenty of rest. I'm working on my triceps now. I hate my triceps. They're like little rubber bands right now, but I'm working on getting them toned. I want some fucking massive arms before I start school. I feel like my mind is atrophying. Maybe I'm choking it off for some weird reason. Hell, I probably am. I dont' fucking know. I need to get laid and I need to get signed/find a band.
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|Mood:||nausiated and congested|
|Music:||Children of Bodom-Mask of Sanity|
Today wasn't that bad of a day. Work was dull, but then again it is work. Weird shit's been hapening lately. The ex called a few days ago, work tries to shistey me out of a job, and I still have nothing to show for the day. Nothing at all. Well, I learned that Detroit is actually 2 days going UPS ground instead of 3.
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