Saturday, November 21st, 2009

gagyourmouth Time: 12:02 pm.

List of CDs I'm going to buy (eventually): Third Eye Blind - Ursa Major Atmosphere - When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint that Shit Gold The Offspring - Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace Paramore - Riot! Paramore - Brand New Eyes Good Charlotte - Good Morning Revival Brand New - Daisy Brand New - Deja Entendu Thursday - War All the Time Thursday - A City by the Light Divided The Starting Line - Direction Shiny Toy Guns - We Are Pilots Rise Against - Appeal to Reason Placebo - Without You, I'm Nothing Bright Eyes - Digital Ash in a Digital Urn Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning Islands - Return to the Sea Hot Hot Heat - Make Up in the Breakdown Hot Hot Heat - Elevator Hollywood Undead - Swan Songs The Faint - Wet From Birth The Early November - For All of This The Early November - The Mother, The Mechanic, and the Path Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs Dead Poetic - New Medicines Dashboard Confessional - The Shade of Poison Trees Atreyu - Best Of Atreyu - Lead Sails, Paper Anchor Armor for Sleep - Dream to Make Believe Across Five Aprils - A Tragedy in Progress

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yellowbirdx Time: 3:43 pm.

"This is the acceptance speech. The end of anger and denial. I accept that you and I will never be the same again. That while those days will live in my mind forever, they're over. I hate it. But I accept it. And I'm moving on now."

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nocavemen Subject: The letter Time: 3:30 pm. Mood: crushed.

Tyler - The past couple of weeks hanging out with you have been amazing. We've had more fun that we've had in a long time, and I've certainly had more fun with you than I've had with anyone in a time in my life when I needed it. I appreciate the fact that we can both look beyond the past to be able to enjoy one another's company again, and know that we've achieved something I'm not sure we've ever had, which is friendship. Know now that though I may not have been available in the past, if there is ever anything you're going through where you need a friend, for anything at all, you can always call me. That being said, I need to tell you, I can no longer see you. Going for months on end without hearing from you or seeing you made it easy for me to believe you were having a hard time with this. It made it easy for me to have less distractions while trying to pursue my career. It made it easy for me to tell myself that I was better off. Seeing you now makes me realize I was only kidding myself. Like I said, I love the fact that you came to me for advice and that I could be a friend to you. But hearing you talk about someone new, helping you move on, it's making me regret letting go of you. It's making me understand that we can never be together again and that it's truly over. Considering that I've always held out hope in the back of my mind that we would be together again, this is extremely hard for me. I would like nothing more than to continue our new friendship and what we have now. But for the sake of my heart and my sanity, I know that right now, that is not going to be possible. That is all I could come up with today. I started on it this morning. I've been coming back to it through out the day and taking breaks when it got too intense. I know I need to finish it, and give it to him the next/last time I see him. I tried texting him today to ask if he wanted to get together this weekend, but he hasn't responded. God...I'm not looking forward to it at all.

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jackrabbit30 Time: 12:59 pm.

My husband took this picture. Going to blow it up and frame it for him. Milo all over again...his son, Toby

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jackrabbit30 Time: 12:52 pm.

I just had a wonderful outing with my friend. We talked about all kinds of things. She told me her son told her that he can see a difference in Kelsey. Her attitude is different. It is like she is a totally different person. I was so glad to hear that. I am glad our whole family is different and a family once again. a different and new family. One that I have always dreamed of.

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gagyourmouth Time: 12:50 pm. Music: Rage Against the Machine - Renegades of Funk.

I had no idea how many people from Virginia there are in the emoleericks community on blurty. There are four, including me: one from Virginia Beach, one from Bristol, and another (Deanna) from Richmond where I live. So Deanna and I are trying to rendezvous downtown at a concert. I know I said I'd never EVER meet up with anyone I've met online, but it's a public place so I'll have plenty of witnesses if she ends up being a he, and a serial rapist. Speaking of rape, did anyone hear about that girl in Richmond, California who was gang raped at her high school's homecoming dance, in the dark with no security cameras and everyone either just stood there and watched, or walked away and NO ONE called for help! What the fuck is wrong with everybody?!

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gagyourmouth Time: 11:21 am. Music: Xiu Xiu - Under Pressure.

I don't really want to, but I'm going with Patrick and Stephanie to Durham to have Thanksgiving with their family. Matthew and his parents might come, too. It was either that, or go to Keyser, West Virginia with MY family and see my cousin and his new wife and I am NOT doing that.

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junkybabe Subject: GRRR!!! Time: 9:42 pm. Mood: depressed.

things were going ok, not great, things weren't even good 2 start w/but that was expected i mean nobody just puts down their dope & their needle & gets *out there* & has this great life...i mean seriously, my life is a real fucking mess & everybody else i personally know who shoots dope like I do (yeah i said DO b/c as usual i fucking relapsed!!!) has this messed up life too! it sucks so bad & it seems like no matter how badly i want 2 stay clean off this fucking shit that i just can't do it & that just kills me inside, i hate it...wait, no scratch that, i really fucking hate this shit so fucking bad that i can't hardly even stand it anymore!!!!!!!! no happy person w/this good happy life sits around & starts shooting dope...i believe that there is always an underlying cause 4 ppl like me, the ppl who use & get hooked & their life get's totally jacked up & then there are the ppl like J who can take it or leave it, use 1 day then not even want/need it the next day, do some 4 a couple days then just put it down like nothing...shit, that must be nice b/c honestly....i'm fucking miserable either way, on dope or off dope i'm just so fucking unhappy that it's unreal & i should do better b/c i have 3 kids & they need me & i love them so much & i just want 2 do better & put this fucking dope down 4 good, but man, it really has this strong hold on me & i pray my heart out but i still relapse & then that messes shit up even more!!! it's like a snake w/it's tail in it's mouth & man i want out of this shit so bad, but eventhough it feels like i want this more than anything maybe i just don't want it bad enuff...or probably more like i'm just not strong enuff 2 fight it, this is a really big fucking monster here & i feel so damn weak & it seems like no matter what i just can't win this fight & even if i do win the fight like i've only had 8 days clean since August so if you look at the whole big picture of things, i'm losing this war really bad here & it's killing me, it's ruining me, my body, my life, my health, my soul, everything!!!!!!!! man, i need some serious help, but i don't know what 2 do & i guess maybe i just give in b/c of the bad withdrawal pains so it's *easier* 2 just shoot my dope & feel relief i guess, i don't know. i knew that this was gonna happen, it always does!!!

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nocavemen Subject: Time to let go Time: 3:59 pm. Mood: discontent.

I do want him to move on, and be happy. I just always thought I'd be doing it first. Comforting him as a friend, giving him advice, as a friend. It moved our relationship to somewhere it's never been before; a friendship. And I truly love how that feels. He opened up to me by telling me these things. He said he hadn't talked to anyone about this, and I'm glad he felt comfortable enough telling me, even though I sort of did have to drag it out of him. He's asking me advice on how to get a girl, and I'm actually sitting there helping him! And what's even more strange was, it felt good to me to be helping him. I didn't feel weird or uncomfortable at all. Until this morning, when I got home and played the events of last night again with a sober mind. We fooled around a bit last night at I was totally uninhibited, but not just from the alcohol. I felt like I could be free with him because I didn't have to worry about how it might be strange later. And he's telling me over and over that we're just fooling around, that's all it was. I'm saying, "I know this...I know this! Can we just get down to it already?" And he tells me he loves me. I tell him I love him too, always. And after, he's asking what we're going to do when we start dating again. I told him I'm not looking to date right now. I want to finish school and get myself a career and a car and a place of my own. Then when all that is squared away, I can try to pursue something. Then I realized he wasn't talking about me. "I thought you said you didn't want a relationship?" He says, "I don't." Then he's talking about "dating", not a relationship. Then he talks about this girl. He asks me, "Have you ever met someone and just known you were supposed to be with them?" I was silent. I didn't know how to answer that. I would have said, "Yeah...it was with you." But that wouldn't have worked. I said, "I actually don't know how that feels..." He really likes this girl, and he says he's such a douchebag because he gets so nervous and shy around her. I had never seen that side of him before. He said he wanted to try to make a move, but he just couldn't. And I'm sitting there telling him what to do! He tells me he's lonely. I tell him that I know exactly how he feels, then I apologize for hurting him and making him feel that way. At one point, I told him, it wasn't working with us. It had to be ended, we just weren't happy. Like, I was the one telling him that, instead of him telling me that. I get home this morning, looking through my journal about what I wrote last about him, and it said that I was so in love with him. Then the tears started, and they pretty much have been going all day. It is so very hard to let him go. Again. I know that when things get serious with that girl, I won't be seeing him anymore. And it will really feel like a giant hole in my heart. I'm trying to get as much of him as I can now before that happens. It's weird to say I know we don't belong together and we were just making each other miserable. I mean, we were. But, I still miss him. I was still holding out hope somewhere in the back of my mind that somehow, someday, we would be able to work through all of that and we'd be so much better than before. But I'm starting to realize, that just isn't a reality. It isn't going to happen. And I feel like such a failure for giving up on us. God knows I wanted it to work, and I felt like I had exhausted all other means. It was most definitely a last resort. But I see him now and hear him talk about someone else, and, he's okay. His world didn't come crashing down. He's moved on. And for whatever reason, I can not find it in me to do the same. He is not for me. We were not meant to be. Just keep telling yourself that. It hurts so god damn much. He isn't mine. I need to let him go. You always will have a piece of my heart. You are my first love. That is something that happens once in a lifetime. I love you forever, Tyler.

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gagyourmouth Time: 12:36 pm.

On a Tuesday afternoon my mom came in my room and said get the fuck up outta bed and get a god damned job so I told her hey hey fuck you mom and threw the phone at her head but I missed and hit her in the snatch so I slammed the door in her face don't ever barge in my room or I'll kick your ass and call the cops and tell them I'm abused and you'll wind up in jail while I go snowboard in Vale no one to post your bail cause daddy loves me more he says that you're a... You're worthless, you're lazy, you're stupid a little over weight now give me 20 bucks Mommy, you're worthless, you're lazy, you're stupid a little over weight now give me 20 bucks no make it 50 bucks Now mom writes me letters I write return to sender let her rot there in her cell I watch the dogs mate on her bed sorry mommy I had to pawn the china silver and all your jewelry I had to eat and rent a bunch of prostitutes like you Guttermouth - Lipstick

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gagyourmouth Time: 11:07 am.

This week at work has actually been FUN. The airbelt isn't overwhelming at all; in fact, we all stand around and talk for several minutes at a time, doing nothing but waiting for packages. We talk about any and everything, really: baseball, tattoos, piercings, etc. And the best part of it is, Mike Matthews finally retired! Adam told Gail and I today, but he told Gail something he didn't tell me: that he drove around doing donuts on someone's yard in the truck yesterday and didn't fix it so they made him "retire" two days early. Don said that he thought Mike's last day was tomorrow, but yesterday was. I think he ruined someone's yard on purpose so he could retire sooner. I don't know why he waited THIS long, because he hates everybody and everybody hates him. He complains and bitches about everything. When Don talked to him about retiring, all he did was grunt in response. So TL, Don, Gail, and I all talked about how much we hate him and how glad we are that he's gone. Really, most of what we did today was stand around and talk. It was so light; I had maybe 450 pieces as opposed to over 800 on the boxline. It's going to be really hard to go back after Christmas. Even yesterday, which was the heaviest day of the week by far, was no match for the volume on the boxlines. On my way home, I saw my mom getting out of her car at her work, so I pulled into the parking lot and talked to her. My dad's still sick so I made him some tea and he might go to the doctor's office so I'll drive him there, if my mom's not home by then. This week has gone by really fast. I don't know if it's because the airbelt is a cakewalk or because I've slept through most of the week, or a combination of both, but next week is Thanksgiving already and it's only a three-day week! Oh yeah! I also saw Theresa today; she was leaving and I was coming to work, and she asked if Mary had her baby yet and I said I don't know, because I haven't talked to anyone who knows. She asked me like I knew and she didn't and she's out of the loop, but I guess we both are. Most of the people we all knew were from the airbelt and they either quit or are on a different shift. Donna might know but she's on vacation this week.

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sadward Subject: All This World I Give to You Time: 7:52 am. Mood: +++++++++++. Music: Ascendancy// Trivium.

My hair is falling out in masses. I dyed my hair again. You know To free myself of the salt & pepper look. Bald is in. Soooooooooo Wonder why I suck at answering texts? As I've always sucked at answering my phone Well, let's try 80 hour work weeks. It leaves me with little motivation to do anything but piss and smoke cigarettes &sex. I can never be too tired for that. At least with Cam[mmmmm] Ma said last she checked I was at like $2600+ for two weeks. No, I don't make that much. I've been working that much to accumulate such a bulk. 5am-9pm. XD I hate my employees. NONE HAVE ANY FUCKING COMMON SENSE No one respects me 'cause of my age. Fuck age, do they not realize I had power to hire them that I can easily fire them? I'm having a staff meeting. There will be an ultimatum, kids. And Caroline, who has been here just as long as I have- who should be my right hand man by now- IS WORTHLESS "Stephanie where is this Stephanie how do I do this Stephanie we're out of this Stephanie we need your help Stephanie Stephanie Stephanie Stephanie" Mother fuckers. I am not omnipotent. I can not do it all, though I am having to try! God, that woman... if I could I would do some serious wicked awful things to her flesh. firefirefirefire My body wakes me up at 5.30am automatically anymore. That's fucked I say. I can't wait for this paycheck. I can't wait to see their faces when I pull this through. I'm 23 yrs old & I'm going to own this place. Well, If I ever live passed all this micromanagement. LET ME DO MY JOB LEAVE THE FUCKING STORE YOU'RE IN THE WAY JESUS I have the most insane boss. No... really. Ask my mom. She works at the restaurant as their accountant. She comes over to the store to help sometimes. RadioHead and Trivium have never been better friends to me as they have been these days. As well as the Pixies and Placebo. &Cameron. God, if not for him... the lot of you would have received invitations to my funeral a long time ago. suicidesuicidesuicide I could write how awesome he is to me for... an annoyingly long time in this bulletin... I'll spare you. Just know, I'm a certain kind of a woman & he's a different kind of man &when we're together, I feel like a whole person. Not some whack job trying to live in a world with other aliens. My scars go invisible, & I want to help myself- for myself for a change. Not someone else. 'cause when I'm happy I can make someone else just as happy times like a million eh? I haven't seen one skullfuck of a person I've ever hung out with in my coffee shop. IT'S A MOTHER FUCKING COFFEE SHOP IN GOTDAMN ORANGEBURG-YEAH KINDA BIG DEAL A PLACE TO HANG OUT BESIDES WALMART GRAB A FUCKING BOOK YOU ILLITERATE FUCKS AND CHILL ON MY COMFY COUCHES WITH A FUCKING AWESOME CUP OF COFFEE AND GOOD MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND Do you like being miserable? Treat yourself. I just got in a snickerdoodle coffee, lol HEY don't judge me There's a demand for it besides, it smells great. Who's known me long enough to remember how I wanted to own my own coffee shop? Anyone? It's kind of nostalgic being manager here just for that fact, Makes me want to pull out my old blue prints for "Tujours Volupte" It would be so much easier if I could do things my way. Alas... MICROMANAGED We have breakfast sandwiches =D Anyways. Coffee&Cigarettes Gaaahhhhh I went to Cameron's grandmother's church something or other. I met like, his entire family. I had a great time. Fooooooooooddddd I like his grandma, she's like so laid back & doesn't give a fuck. She's so cute ^.^ I was nervous as fuck. I kept thinking she didn't like me. I think Cam could feel I was all insecure so he secretly spoke with her &came back to me and said, "She really likes you. She says you have personality..." I'll end that quote so as not to offend anyone. It made feel better and not so stand-offish to speak with her. So I would march up to her & talk! We went to her house after the shindig so I could meet Red, the dog. It... was so... fucking cute to see Cameron play with him. I've never seen that side of him- with animals. I'm getting him a dog soon if not for Christmas. His mom & Joe came in yesterday to the store & brought me a birthday present O_O I was surprised. That was only the second time meeting her. First time was very brief at the old house. Uhm. I would bone Cam's mom. Her ta-ta's are rockin' They caught me at a hectic moment. Just got out of a meeting and running around like crazy. I'm sure I looked haggard. &this stupid blond hair. That I'm keeping for awhile 'cause it only cost me $125! 3 bleachings. Black&Red are bitches to remove. Remember this. & now my hair is falling out in clumps 'cause I dyed it this morning to relieve myself of that trailer park salt&pepper look. YEH My knuckles have been fucked lately. I've come into this habit of beating the shit out of a wall when overly stressed & super frustrated. Sorry bathroom in Four Moons >.< &I think it's about time I clean the blood splatter from Cameron's wall. He's seen me come home and just plop in bed & cry. My mom said she gets the same when overly tired and stressed- all weepy. I don't even try to cry. I can't stop it. I'll have a conversation and tears just stream down my face. It's fucked. We're running away. This Friday we're going to DT Columbia to stay at the Marriot for the weekend and party. The hotel has fucking three bars in it. Mini vacation. Bar hop all in the same vicinity without having to drive or be in public or on the streets. Then just crawl to the elevator and to the room. Great idea, yeah? I'm trying to get Rachel & Mark to come. It was Rachel's idea. She has to come! People are still calling me Courtney Love -_- OH OH OH OH OH CAMERON HAS OFFICIALLY ASKED ME TO MOVE INYAHYAHYAH YEY! I can bring my cutlery over & we'll have a full set of silverware! lol He's cleaned my hippie room so I can have a closet and smoke room. Just need to get my computer in there as well hangers for the closet. Then my cat! Mad is going to be so mad. He'll go into hiding & be a total douche to me. but I miss him & he must come. Lydia needs a home... Mom is getting rid of her 'cause Max died & she wants all animals gone. I would take her but that piss Mad off more. Or maybe comfort? Familiarity? He hates her but maybe he's just covering. Anyways.. two cats here seems a bit much. Especially if I get a dog for mah buddah. FUCKSHITDAMN all I do is rant anymore. bitch bitch bitch holy fuck, we've watched some horror movies lately! over 20? some seriously fucked. Thanks Angie! PETA are some sick fucks. Kirisute Gomen? Ahhhh I'm 23 kids. I keep forgetting and saying I'm 22 still. Cameron woke me up and gave me presents in bed ^____^ A beautiful necklace & an awesome jacket that is so 60's w/ a hood [i lurve hoods >.<] My sister got me some bad ass, Jack Sparrow boots. "I hate your combat boots, so I got you some new ones." These bitches are on some hot heels. Pictures? Ok, soon. I wore them to the Keenan Wine Tasting & Five Course dinner Cam & I went to at Four Moons on my birthday, [Mike's present to me. $100 a ticket O_O] So much wine, so good, so buzzed. The day before Cameron got to experience me & crab legs, lol. It's tradition to go eat crab legs for my birthday because it's only the best food ever. I attack some crab legs. SERIOUSLY my mom cracked all of Cameron's for him LOL LOL he sucked at it. She also drank a beer in mourning for the dog... yes, my mother drank a beer. I think it's the bad influence of Cameron. They bought beer together one day while I was working. WTF WTF work time? No, but I'm going in anyways. computer work I never get to do needs to get done. PRETEND I'M NOT HERE TIL 10.30! PISS OFF aside from work... my insides are all fuzzy with this thing called 'happy' It's plagued me. &now I want his body so bad. textexttexttext Speaking of insides, last night I kept having mini anxiety attacks for like 5 hours. I hate it. It feels so fucked. I want to gut myself. Protege Moi

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ohlalalust Subject: empathetic? hah. Time: 2:20 am.

i don't even know anymore it's like something has taken control of my mind and i can't think for myself.. or i'm scared to think because of the fear that somebody can hear my thoughts. perhaps it's time i take a breather or maybe i just need to sit down smoke a nice fat blunt and contemplate some things. yeah my mind is seriously twisted.

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christinarenee3 Subject: WHOA it's been way too long Time: 10:22 pm. Mood: excited.

I can't believe the last time I wrote in here was September 21st.....eeek i need to get better at this. Here's an update....finished insanity...got really bad with it with only two weeks to go....my shifts at work really didn't help....didn't really lose any more weight bc of it (I think it's bc I need to lose more fat and work on my stamina and endurance before a workout like that will help...i did get EXTREMELY muscular tho...my legs and arms ewre toned for the most part...)...good news is I've been 163.5 consistently and just this morning that's where I was still....so yes I've gained a little back...GOOD NEWS tho...I have 3 papers and then I have a 6 week break from school (quarters are amaaazing) and I'm getting back into the routine of my 6 day a week workouts and healthy eating habits....i'm not working over my break bc I have a job here at school and this is my last chance to spend quality time with my family...bc i'm 99% positive in june or july after graduation I'm moving to California with my best friend :)....so TOMORROW....i'm gonna start working out and basically being the best that I can be! I'm so excited that I have that long to stay at home with no work, classes, or hw...it is very well deserved LOL and i WILL do better at keeping you guys posted Then: 168.5lb Now: 163.5lb Loss: -5lb

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jackrabbit30 Time: 3:22 pm.

do you or someone you know work in the medical field? If so do you know how I can find a company to start my transcription job with? I have a degree but having a hard time finding a company to accept me since I am an entry level transcription....

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jackrabbit30 Time: 9:32 am.

Psalm 91 1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a] 2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." 3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, 6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. 7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. 8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked. 9 If you make the Most High your dwelling? even the LORD, who is my refuge- 10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. 11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; 12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. 13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. 14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. 15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. 16 With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

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jackrabbit30 Time: 9:29 am.

What is in the heart will flow out of the mouth. Lord can clean up your life, mouth, and any addiction. God deals in mysterious ways. He provides us with a way to get away from temptation. If something comes up right now to make a decision those are the decision we don't need to make right then. Stop and Pray about it. Devil will tempt you with your weakness. What is your weakness? Love God enough to make time with Him. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. he is present in 3 different ways 1. the Word, 2 Holy Spirit 3. in You and Me. Power of life or death comes from the tongue. The Devil is out to steal out identity.

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jackrabbit30 Time: 9:22 am.

Isaiah 58:11 Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your soul in drought and strengthen your bones. YOu shall be like a watered garden and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail

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jackrabbit30 Time: 8:54 am.

Need an idea for Christmas? Or just want something soft to sleep on? I have the thing just for you.... 1000 THREAD COUNT EGYPTIAN COTTON SHEETS! MANY COLORS TO CHOOSE FROM. FOR ONLY $30. I HAVE A FEW 800 COUNT LEFT FOR ONLY $25. just e-mail me jgable2005@hotmail.com thanks

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jackrabbit30 Time: 8:06 am.

Let's Pray Almighty Lord, when I get scared I become frustrated. As I think about all the "what ifs," worries begin to consume me. I'm sorry for not trusting You. Please help me dwell in Your presence and find sweet rest in Your shadow. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen.

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jackrabbit30 Time: 8:04 am.

One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do." The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework."

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jackrabbit30 Time: 8:01 am.

Let's Pray Dear LORD, I am so grateful that in Your eyes, I have great worth. I am so thankful that Jesus took the time to heal this broken woman and that He takes the time to take care of me as well. As I go about my day, help me to reach out to those who feel worthless and share the love of Christ. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

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jackrabbit30 Time: 8:00 am.

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or ?That?s Michael, he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."

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jackrabbit30 Time: 7:57 am.

Let's Pray Holy Father, I'm humbled at the very thought that I could be viewed as precious in Your eyes. Thank You for taking on my sin so that I could take on your righteousness. Please help me to see myself as You see me. Help me to thrive in Your beauty! In Jesus' Name, Amen.

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jackrabbit30 Time: 7:54 am.

I am glad the puppies are finding new homes! Only three left. they will be gone today. So that only leaves Toby.

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gagyourmouth Time: 3:36 pm.

I got this weird test in the mail on Saturday that's supposed to test my A1C levels in my blood. A1C levels are used to check for diabetes in patients, but I thought I already had it. So what's the point? I don't understand. I got it through my prescription drug insurance for free, and it came with everything I need, except the needle. I don't know how or where I'm supposed to get it done, or if I have to. I don't want to get blood drawn if I don't have to, because I get all my insurance is through my work; I don't know who voluntarily would. They wouldn't deny me coverage because I have diabetes; they can't. That's illegal.

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gagyourmouth Time: 9:16 am. Music: Beastie Boys - Girls.

The airbelt started today. I have to admit, I was a little bit apprehensive because what if it's not as easy as I remembered it? But it was; EASIER than I remembered, actually. I got there 20 minutes early so I sat in my car for 10 minutes but then I couldn't stand it anymore so I went inside, clocked in, and walked to the airbelt. I saw a bunch of people already standing around by the airbelt so I stood around with them while the supervisors put the trucks in. Gail showed up with Adam and we waited more than an hour before packages started coming down. Gail said that she and Adam waited for me for a while but I was already down there because i know where it is. I was the only one of the original people on the airbelt. Donna's on vacation, Mary's having a baby, Brian quit, Zonnie and Theresa work Twilight and Midnight now, and Noel and Johnny are now supervisors for the airbelt. Eric's on metro but I don't know why he's not on the airbelt. It's kind of disconcerting that Johnny and Noel are supervisors now, especially Noel because he's been there barely a year, and was hired after I was. So it's kind of hard to take orders from someone I have seniority over. But it was so easy today; we didn't start until almost 5am, and I clocked out at 7:47. I only had three trucks today, but who knows how it'll be tomorrow. When my mom asked me why I was home so early, I told her and she basically said that I'm disposable because I don't do a lot of work. That's just the way the airbelt is! I had 4-5 trucks on the boxline, but now I have three. Some people have two, or even one. That's just the way the airbelt is designed. It doesn't mean I'm any less valuable to the company. That's why the airbelt is so much lighter than the boxline. Nobody has more than 3 trucks. Sorry if you don't like it, but that's just the way it IS.

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nocavemen Time: 7:30 pm. Mood: satisfied.

Ok, so I talked to Mr. T. We sort of came to an agreement. I told him I'm cool with what we have now, whatever that is. Us hanging out and fooling around without any sort of commitment to one another because we aren't wanting relationships. I didn't know I felt that way until I heard the words come out of my mouth, actually. I told him I want to finish school, get my license and get a job before I worry about a relationship. He said he wanted time to figure himself out because he's in no place in his life right now for a relationship. Plus, I mean, he's never really had that time in his life as an adult. He was with me since he was 16. And yeah, I guess you can say I've never had that time to myself either. But just these past few months have been awesome. I mean, I'm happy, I have friends and somewhat of a social life, I have a career goal, I know that I want to move up north eventually, so that is a goal of mine. So yeah, I have things going on right now, and so does he, and we don't need to fuck it all up by being together again. However, I did ask him if there was a potential of us being together again. I can't remember how I worded it though. But he said, "Who knows?" I think this is a good arrangement. We can be together while we are apart and figure out what we want from life, then when that's all done, we can be together. Or not. I went to lunch with Marcy today and we talked about that, and she was telling me why I don't want to be with him, and it's like, "You know, you're right." There's so much crap about him that I don't like and won't be happy living with. And who knows if he'll change or not. Right now, we can enjoy one another's company and not worry about having to answer to anyone. I described it as "casual". We didn't talk much about it though because he said, "I played two rounds of golf and didn't get any sleep." I felt like saying, "Yeah, I know....I was there." It was just so easy to be so passionate and so loving with him. Yeah, that's good for me. I won't look for a guy, but I know if I want to fuck, I have someone to call for that. And besides that, we have fun together. More fun than we've had hanging out together in a long time. So, I guess it is a friends with benefits kind of relationship right now. Didn't think I was that kind of girl. But, like I've said before, life doesn't turn out the way you planned. Hmmm....So, anyway, that's what's what. I'm going to go wax myself now with some new wax I got, then take a bath, put on this DVD of old Christmas cartoons and go to sleep. Peace.

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nocavemen Subject: Lots-o-crap Time: 2:09 pm. Mood: accomplished.

Let's see, so much has happened, I don't know whether to start with the really interesting stuff of the stuff that happened first. On Tuesday, Marcy and I went to that restaurant to see Rob, and I got up to refill my drink and Marcy's like, "Are you going to the bathroom?" And I'm like, "What? No, I'm going to...oh, yeah, do you want to do that now?" That was our plan for her to go talk to him. I told her that I'd go to the bathroom and she'd talk to Rob about me. So, I did, and she did. I got out and on the walk back to school she told me that she told him I liked him, but he said he has a girlfriend. Which is total crap, because when I first started liking him, Marcy knew and asked if he had a girlfriend, and he said "No." And she brought that up to him, and he said his relationship was on the rocks at the time and he didn't know how to answer that. But I'm kind of okay with it. I couldn't really see myself with that guy anyway. But then I got all depressed because I don't have a man, or even a crush anymore. So, yesterday on my lunch break I texted Mr. T and asked if he wanted to go to the movies. We texted back and forth a bit and we decided to hang out. I called him when I got out of school and he told me to meet him at the bar we met at last week. So I got something to eat there, had 2 ciders, and a cherry bomb and was totally smashed. We went to the movies to see 2012. During the movie, in my still inebriated state, I put my arms around his and snuggled up to him. I was waiting for some sort of reaction, but he pretty much ignored it. After the movie, his friend had texted him so he asked if I wanted to go to their house to hang out. This was around 1 AM. So, we went over there, but I was feeling a little awkward, because these were people we'd hang out with when we were together. But he had a few more drinks, but I couldn't because I was driving, and we sat around and talked for at least an hour or so. Then I drove him to his place, and he was complaining about his back hurting. I told him I'd massage him, only I didn't have any oil with me. He said he didn't care, so I lamely tried a dry massage. It was awkward positioning in the car. He said he'd give me 20 to massage him until he fell asleep. I said that would be fine, so we went inside in his room. It was dark in there. He layed on his back and I told him to take off his shirt. I did the best massage I could, seeing as how we were on his bed, which was on the ground because he doesn't have a bed frame, and I didn't have any oil. He turned over and I gave him a bit of a hand and arm massage. Then, well, I'm not sure what happened. He kind of pulled me on top of him, I think, and we were holding each other like that for a little bit, then he started to kiss me. So we were making out a little bit. I stopped him and told him I couldn't do it. I think I said it was because he was just supposed to be my friend and I can't make out with friends. And I think at one point, maybe before we started kissing, I was saying that I missed him and that I was sorry for being a bitch to him and being so mean, and he was saying how we couldn't be together because "we" don't want to be in a relationship, and I said "That's not true." I'm not exactly clear on the order of these events here. So, yeah, we were making out and I was feeling all over his chest because his shirt was off, and it was like he was a different person. He's lost so much weight since we broke up, and he wasn't muscular, but it was a lot easier to feel his muscles. If anything he was bony. But I couldn't stop touching him. I took off my shirt, and before I knew it, we were naked and screwing. Only, he stopped me halfway through and told me it was a bad idea to be doing this. I don't know why he didn't think of that before he started kissing me. But I was so incredibly horny, I ended up giving him head. We layed together naked for a little while, then he fell asleep and started snoring. I tried to get dressed. I got my underwear on, and he made the familiar "Uh uh" sound he used to make whenever I tried sneaking out after he fell asleep. After I heard that, I was like, "You know what, screw it. It's 4 in the morning now, he has to get up around 6, so I'll be home shortly after that anyway. What's another two hours?" Besides, I couldn't leave him. I pulled the blanket on top of us and snuggled up to him. We slept with our arms around each other. His phone rang around 6 and it was his friend telling him to get up because they were going to play golf. He rolled over to me, and started touching me, and was getting hard. He pulled me on top of him and said he wanted to fuck my brains out. So we did have sex, first thing this morning. Which I don't think we've ever done before. It was incredible. Just as amazing as I remembered it. Afterwards he said, "I'm sorry...", I said, "What for?" And he said, "You have to leave because I'm going soon." And I said, "I know," I spooned him, and kissed his neck. We got dressed and he walked me outside. He hugged me and I curled up to hug him. We didn't say we'd see each other soon. I gave him the $20 back he gave me earlier for massaging him. I said it wasn't fair because it wasn't a decent massage. He said "Okay, but I do want a massage soon." It was amazing. Now I'm left wondering what the hell we are now. I want to be with him, I do. And he doesn't. Not sure if he doesn't want to be with me or he doesn't want a relationship period. God....I miss the shit out of him. I'm going to call him later and ask him what we are doing. If we're just going to screw for now, that would be okay with me, but I do want the prospect of being together when it's all done with. I miss him...

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noxassociationx Subject: come the bells, come the bells, come the morning bells. Time: 9:39 pm. Mood: sleepy.

Page France may be my favorite band ever. Too bad they're not together anymore. It's ok though because some of them are now in Cotton Jones and they make wonderful music as well (but I still like Page France more). And I met Michael and Whitney a few months ago. :) They are cute.

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gagyourmouth Time: 8:35 pm. Music: Rancid - Poison.

Stanford beat up on USC today, 55-21. That score should've been the other way around. I cannot believe USC has lost THREE TIMES this season. I can't even remember the last time that happened. And they were all in the PAC 10 so now they have no chance of going to the Rose Bowl. I'd hate for everyone to think it's because of true freshman Matt Barkley; it's really USC's defense that's ruining their season. It's not what it used to be 5 years ago, or even last year. Their loss to Oregon and now to Stanford were the most points scored on them under Pete Carroll. Also, Matt Barkley isn't getting any protection from the offensive line. You know he's good if he's a true freshman starting quarterback. He started all 4 years of varsity football in high school and the coach even let him call his own plays. He's went to the same high school Matt Leinart did. He'll be a captain next year for sure. He already acts as a leader and a motivator for the team. HOWEVER...he's a true freshman so he SHOULD be good...and he is. But I'm also one of those people who doubted him the first game, until USC beat San Jose State in the first game of the season something like 56-3. From then on, I expected all their games to be like that. Now that they lost 3 games to teams they could've easily beaten, lots of people place the blame squarely on the quarterback. I don't want to be one of those people, because I know better, but another part of me is thinking, if Matt Barkley is so damn good, why is his team losing?

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gagyourmouth Time: 10:44 am.

The Dow Jones has been hovering around 10,000 for weeks now, and the Nasdaq recently topped 2,100 for the first time in I can't even remember. They've both been trending upward since March. Anyone who thinks Obama doesn't have some positive effect on our economy is living in a strange republican fantasy land, or WANTS Obama to fail so they can say that they were right. It was our beloved George W. Bush who got us into this economic mess to begin with, and left it for his successor to clean up. It would've been a problem for anyone who took office, so I don't know why so many people are still using Obama as a scapegoat for the state of our nation at the end of the Bush administration. It's nutty.

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gagyourmouth Time: 9:42 am.

My mom's having a little bit of a delayed reaction to my tattoo; she first saw it on Wednesday morning but she seemed to have gotten over it quickly and didn't say anything about it until just now, when I went downstairs. She bitched at me, saying that I had no right to do that. I'm 25 years old; she needs to get used to the fact that I'm going to do what I want now. I'm well into adulthood and I work hard for my money. I'm going to spend it on whatever I please. If I want a few tattoos and piercings and if I want to dye my hair sometimes I'm going to. I'm an adult and that's the way it is.

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chelseaskingdom Subject: Whaaaaaaa? Time: 1:19 am.

The morning after I wrote the last entry, I woke up to a text message from Kent saying that he got a call from an ex and hearing her voice brought back so many emotions and that he was sorry. I had a good cry in the bathroom and then quickly dried it up and went about my day. He and texted a little throughout the day and he told me that they broke up 6 months ago and they were together for like 2 months. I made it clear that it was okay and that when and if he ever became single again, I would give it another try because I owed him that much after patiently waiting for his chance for so many years and remaining a loyal friend while he waited. Honestly, I sort of deduced that I deserved it because my intentions toward him weren't entirely pure and I knew he was like my silver medal. He was the guy I always knew I could be with if I got tired of waiting for the kind of guy I really wanted. But I also knew that there was a good chance I'd grow to feel that way about him in time if we got serious. I talked about it with Amanda and I was over it pretty fast. It's awesome to have a BFF. For once I didn't have to go talk to my Mom about it because now I have a couple of girlfriends to mull things like this over with. I love Mom and she's the best Mom that ever lived (seriously) but I don't need her to know EVERYTHING. She new what was behind my intentions toward Kent and I didn't need her in on this saga of that shit. I didn't need her advise or her guidance. I dealt with it with my closest friends and I walked away unscathed and without my Mom, and by association and an addiction to gossiping, my Sisters didn't have to know about it. As luck would have it, they lived through not knowing all about it and managed to find something else to talk about. Unreal, I know. But in the end i respected Kent for his honesty and for not stringing me along. So tonight, I get off work...by the way I got a job as an office manager and I love it. More on that later...and I'm screwing around on the internet while mom watches TV and the home phone rings, its a strange name and number that neither of us recognize, "Jessica Miller" so I answer and sweet female voice asks for Chelsea. Well that's me. And she begins to ask If I know a Kent Willyerd. I answer honestly and she tells me that he's her boyfriend. At this point I must step outside to talk privately. As if I didn't know where this was going. She says that she found an email in his account that talked about "missing his kisses". I told her that I've known him for over 4 years and that we have been on dates. She wanted time frames and I gave them. We went on 3 or 4 dates right after I broke up with my finance' in late June and then we dated a few more times this time last month. She said she saw pictures of us at the Kemah Boardwalk and I told her that yes that was me and that was one of our early July dates. She asked how serious it got and I told her that we had hugged and kissed and that yes it was growing into something serious. She said that he's been caught lying in the past and that's why she got into his email. By this time I'm totally understanding what she's going through...duh Byron and I have been there. She said that she found directions in his navigation system in his car to my house and to the hotel we stayed in but that he said I was just playing with it. I told her that that night when I screwed around with his GPS was the last time I saw him and I told her about the text message I woke up to the day after Halloween. By this time I was partly in her shoes and partly thinking of the fact that he broke it off with me and brought our thing to a close so he could make it right with her and that was when I started lying to her. I told her that that was true, I was just playing with it because I had never really gotten to play with one of those TomTom's before and that no we never went to a hotel together. She thanked me for my honestly and I told her I understood and would have expected the same from another girl and we hung up. I called Kent right after we hung up and it went straight to voicemail so I left a message telling him to call me back immediately no matter what time it was. Then I got to thinking about how much she's probably been hurting and I remembered those long nights of sitting up and hating myself and hating Byron and crying because I'm not good enough, I'm not pretty enough or whatever enough. I thought about how Kent obviously wanted to make it right with her and how he broke it off with me for her when he could have kept dating me and having sex with me and she never would have known. That's when I called her back. I decided I could save their relationship if she believed we had never been intimate. When she answered, I said that I just wanted to make it clear that we had never been sexual and that although he still cheated by kissing me and dating me, we had never had sex. This time it sounded like she was in a car and that someone else was there. I was sure of that when she said, "Stop it, Kent". She was only half in the conversation because she was trying to get someone to leave her alone for a second so she could talk to me. I'm not so sure I believe it was Kent though. She could have just said that so I would think they were together at that moment to make sure I understood she was the #1. But anyhoo, she said she'd call me back and we hung up. She didn't call back though. So after that I came back in with an obvious shocked expression and had to tell Mom about it all. Mom was shocked too and wondered why I never told her about Kent dumping me 2 weeks ago for another girl and I explained it honestly. She also asked why I lied to the girl for Kent. Well, he was trying to make it right after he royally screwed up and cheated on his girl. That's how I am, your past mistakes make no difference once you're genuinely making a change and make amends with what you've done wrong. Very little is unforgivable in my eyes once someone makes the right changes. But this all of course means I can NEVER give him another chance and it means that he IS just like every other man in his 20's and this means that he put me in a position to do to another woman what Byron did to me. I realize that I'm innocent in this but I was still the one he cheated with and I don't like that AT ALL. I couldn't get a hold of Amanda or crystal so I called Austin and told him all about it and that lead to a 4 hour 'here's everything about and my life story' conversation. He's wearing me down too. I pretended to not know until tonight that he has been flirting with me this whole time. I was trying to lead up to telling him that he was too young for me and that we couldn't date but I chickened out. Oh well, maybe I will give him a shot, hell I have nothing to lose except some space on my bedpost. He is pretty cool and he's not ugly...just not the type of guy I'm looking for physically or age-wise. Maybe he is a mature 21 year old. I doubt it, but only time will tell. I realize now that I shouldn't have volunteered the lie about never being intimate with him and that I shouldn't have tried to save his ass. He fucking cheated on her for Christ's sake and he courted me and made me think it was okay to fall for him. I'll tell you this much, the puzzle fits together now. This explains why it took 2 weeks for us to actually get out hotel room, massage, romantic...whatever. He had to tie up the girlfriend loose end. It was never family drama that made him keep rescheduling. It wouldn't surprise me if he never went to North Carolina either. I feel really dumb for letting another guy snow me into believing I could trust him. Another fucking tool. I did however come in and send Kent this email so he would know how angry and used I feel but that I saved his bitch ass on the sex thing. If she reads this like she did the last email, it will probably carve in stone the belief that we were never intimate: So I am as man stupid as I thought I was. You're just like the rest. You ass I can't believe you cheated on your girlfriend with me. And don't start telling me that you didn't cheat because we didn't have sex. You were cheating the second you asked me out on a "date", the second you held my hand for the first time and the second you leaned in for a kiss. This explains why I was put off on our date for 2 weeks. There was no family drama, there was girlfriend drama. Oh wait....just in case you haven't already heard, Jessica called me today after getting my phone number out of the email I sent you telling you I missed your kisses. She asked me questions and I answered ALL of them honestly. After I hung up with her, I seriously considered lying to her and telling her we had sex just to get you back for making me an accessory in your web of fucking lies to someone you claimed to love. Instead I called back to reassure her that we had never been sexual so she didn't sit in the dark crying and wondering how far you and I really went. But it doesn't matter because if she's anything like me, it wont make a difference because you still cheated whether or not sexual intercourse was involved. You know Kent, I really have to know how you could bring yourself to do that to a girl after sitting on the phone with me for all those months listening to me cry about what it did to me emotionally to be cheated on by Byron. His cheating tore my self confidence, my my esteem and my emotional well being to shreds and then barely a few months later you do it to another girl? How long have you been with her anyway? Months, years? Have you ever been cheated on by someone you were in love with Kent? It's the worst feeling in the world. What the fuck is wrong with you? You're so lucky I didn't make some shit up about us to make sure she dumped your ass for good. Do not ever speak to me again Kent. Your mask has slipped and now I know who you are. I'm just sorry I didn't find out a long time ago. You better walk away knowing how god damned lucky you are. DO NOT REPLY TO THIS. I never want to hear from you again. You're disgusting. And there it is. Me enabling him to be a piece of shit and treat a girl this way. Oh well. I'm over it all. I hope she catches him the next time he cheats.

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junkybabe Subject: 48 random things survey Time: 12:47 am. Mood: lazy.

48 of the most random things you probably never needed to know about someone. REPOST WITH YOUR ANSWERS 1. Your name spelled backwards?: idnarb (that sounds stupid lol) 2. Where were your parents born?: Kentucky 3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?: aint no rest for the wicked by cage the elephant 4. What's your favorite resteraunt?: Hmmm...i dunno lol, i like a lotta different places 5. Last time you swam in a pool?: a cpl summers ago 6. Have you ever been in a school play?: in elementary school 7. How many kids do you want?: i have 3 already 8. music you DISLIKE most?: country 4 sure 9. Are you registered to vote?: yep 10. Do you have cable?: yep 11. Ever prank-called anybody?: haha, yes, but not since caller ID became really popular lol 12. Best friend?: yep lol 13. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?: yes, both would be awesome 14. Furthest place you ever traveled?: Austin, Tx 15. Do you have a garden?: no, but i would like that 16. What's your favorite comic strip?: i haven't read those in a long ass time lol 17. Do you really know all the words to the national anthem? yes 18. Bath or Shower, morning or night?: depends on my mood 19. Best movie you've seen in the past month?: Spun, i ordered it online b/c none of the movie stores here had it 4 me 2 rent. it's a drug movie, it's pretty wild lol (btw, ummm i need it back now tammy!) 20. Favorite pizza toppings?: lots of cheese, pepperonis, bacon, ham, banana peppers, olives 21. Chips or popcorn?: either 22. What color lipstick do you usually wear?: i usually wear lip gloss, i like sparkley pinks or just clear glosses that make my lips nice n shiney lol 23. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?: ummm no...lmao, why would I do that, that's stupid 24. Orange Juice or apple?: probably OJ, it's pretty tasty lol, but then again, so is apple..hmm, either then lol 25. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with? my ex bf Rusty b4 he went 2 jail 26. Favorite type chocolate bar?: carmellos are awesome & i like butterfingers too lol 27.When was the last time you voted at the poll?: at the last election duhhhhhhhh lol 28. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?: this past summer, mmm, their so good like that 29. Have you ever won a trophy?: nope, i suck at sports stuff lol 30. Are you a good cook?: sum ppl say yes, others say it's ok, depends on the person i guess cuz it's a matter of opinion, not fact lol haha! i think i can be though...don't really like cooking though...lazzzyy i know 31. Do you know how to pump your own gas?: no, my butler dude that follows me everywhere & does everything except wipe my ass does...lmao, of course i pump my own gas, durrrrrrrrrr 32. Ever ordered from an infomercial?: yes 33. Sprite or Coke?: coke 34. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?: yes 35. Last thing you bought at a Walgreens?: i have never even been in a walgreens store...there are none in my town 4 me 2 go to sooooooo 36. Ever thrown up in public?: omg yes when i was pregnant w/my 1st daughter, i got outta the car & got morning sickness right there in the grocery store parking lot...it was gross, but ppl understood cuz my belly was huge already so they didn't pay much attn 2 me lol 37. Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love?: hmmm, how bout finding true love w/a person that is already a millionaire lol hahah...that would work right 38. Do you believe in love at first sight?: not really, but i do believe in lust at 1st sight that we sometimes maybe mistake 4 love 39. Can ex's be just friends?: yeah, but it's harder 4 certain ppl. me & my ex hubby get along better now than we ever have lol 40. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?: my aunt...she won't even talk 2 me now b/c of my cousins drug use...wtf 41. Did you have a lot of hair as a baby?: i dunno, ask my momma lol 42. What message is on your voicemail?: dunno, haven't checked it yet 43. Where would you like to go?: tons of places, 2 many 2 name (almost anywhere but here in GC) 44. What was the name of your first pet?: i don't remember, i was like 5 or something lol 45. What kinda backpack do u have, and what's in it?: i have a denim backpack that's like 10 yrs old, maybe older that we use 4 the babys diaper bag lol 46. Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?: SB, known him 4 a long ass time, we've always been really good friends, we still are =) 47. What is one thing you are grateful for today?: life 48. What do you think about most?: hmm... probably school

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noxassociationx Subject: It's-a me, Maaaarioooo! Time: 8:13 pm. Mood: nerdy.

I got a phone call from Mario today. Thank you, Game Stop for making my day. It's really annoying how paranoid I get sometimes. I was supposed to go get blood work done over a month ago and still haven't gone. I wonder what my doctor will say next time I see her. I haven't gone because I'd have to wake up early on a Saturday and I'm afraid of giving blood because the last time I did it, I almost fainted and it was not a pleasant experience.

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noxassociationx Subject: Christmas talk. Time: 10:28 pm. Mood: thoughtful.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that winter is on it's way. I am actually enjoying November, even though it is slightly more chilly. It hasn't even been that cold. I'm excited for Christmas even though it lasts about half a day, and then you go home and do nothing. I like buying people presents and watching them open them...especially if they're surprises. :) I really miss what Christmas was like when I was little. I need to buy presents for 15 people and I've gotten 4 people down. I still need to figure out what to get people and some people told me not to get them anything, which is always awkward for me. I feel bad if I don't get them anything, but then if I do get them something, I don't want them to feel awkward if they didn't get me anything. :\ I don't even know what i REALLY want. I have a ton of things I want, but nothing that I'm super excited about getting. Well...I'll be a little giddy if I get a Nintendo DS because I REALLY want to play Scribblenauts. It looks so fun. Speaking of Nintendo games, I can't wait for New Super Mario Bros. for Wii to come out on Sunday! :)

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junkybabe Time: 8:04 pm. Mood: high.

3 days & no shots! Yay!!! I feel a lot better! I'm still using, I'm just not shooting the dope anymore! I couldn't have just quit "cold turkey", I've tried that shit b4, it don't work 4 me so I've went from shooting to eating & snorting, hey, it's better than shooting, but hopefully someday I will be off all this dope 4 good!!! That would be awesome!! When I eat or snort my pills it last longer plus my arms aren't sore from shooting & there are no fresh track marks & that's great, my arms look a lot better, there's still some bruises & some little scars that will hopefully fade, but man my arms looked like total shit everyday, sometimes really bad when I was shooting dope!! I was talking to 1 of my friends 2day & he has been wanting to stop shooting, he talks to me about shit & he really does want to stop shooting too, but he's been doing it for so long, it's gonna be extra hard 4 him I think b/c damn he's been shooting for years now, like 15+ years, it's pretty much all he knows & that's some hard ass shit 2 break away from too!!! He asked me 2day if I was feeling better & I really do, I mean...wow, I mean yeah it's rough, it's gonna be rough for a long time, for the rest of my life really, trying not to relapse & start shooting up again, but it's just a part of my life, just something that I gotta deal w/& fight! I honestly haven't even wanted a shot of dope since last week b/c Monday nite I got a call from a friend of mine & ended up going 2 her place & she shared some of her dope w/me, we did "our thing" & then we jumped in her car 2 go 2 another friends house & she wanted me to drive since her license is suspended & what ended up happening is that we got into a wreck & it scared me, well it scared both of us, but I was really pretty shook up about it b/c the way things had been going anyways were bad & I just knew that it was time to put the fucking needle down & try 2 stay away from it so that's why I haven't shot dope since b/c I fucked up, I crashed my friends car, but she was cool about it since we didn't get hurt & the guy that we hit was ok, he was actually really nice about it, but when the cops came me & her were pretty nervous b/c we didn't know if the cops would know by looking at our eyes that we had been using & we were kinda thinkin that they might want to test us or somethin, but they didn't & everyone was ok & after that I came home & cried & talked to J about it & just knew that I had to stop shooting b/c when I wrecked my friends car it was b/c I went straight thru a fuckin red light, didn't even look at it I just blanked out & my reaction time was so damn slow & I knew it was b/c I had been shooting dope & a thousand things went thru my mind like that I could have hurt the guy that I hit or my friend or myself all b/c I was high, man, that's crazy, it's very irresponsible & careless & shouldn't have happened, but it did & yeah it taught me something too!!! My friend lives really close by now, she moved outta where she was staying & moved to the street that we live on so she's 1 of my neighbors now too & that's cool b/c she comes over & we talk & hang out & goof of on myspace. Things have been better 2day, but the housework is way behind & the laundry & I'm dreading trying to get caught up on all that shit LOL, but it must be done...man, it's crazy how much regular everyday things like housework & laundry get behind just b/c I was 2 busy scoring & shooting dope!! Well, off 2 upload more pics to myspace, my Momma has been letting me use her digital camera, it's really nice, wish it was mine...used to have a really nice one, but had 2 take it back 2 pay rent...sucks!!!

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gagyourmouth Time: 7:57 pm.

The name "obamacare" is a pretty clear giveaway that it's about hatred for the president, not the legislation. Obama hasn't written one word of the legislation, nor has he had the opportunity to sign or veto it, Clinton tried to fix health care too, and the push to reform the health care system has been there for decades. People are sadly misinformed.

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jackrabbit30 Time: 12:58 pm.

In life you can absolutely count on one thing, - everything can turn around in one day, in one minute sometimes. Don't you dare to give up, - you might be a moment away from a windfall.

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