| dear mr. i'm-too-good-to-hug-or-kiss-my-girl, |
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| 02:12am 07/04/2008 |
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mood:  crushed
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it's too little too late...when you asked me if i was mad at you, i wish i could of just yelled out "yes! yes i am fucking upset with you!" "why?" you'd ask, and i'd reply with tears in my eyes "because unless you're fucking me, you don't touch me...you tell me you love me...yet don't show it...you sent me a text that said 'i wish i was lying in bed righ now holding you.' why? because that sounds better than being at work!? because i can't remember the last time you did that!!!" then i can't even guess what you would say...then i'd cry more because you'd probably make up some stupid "stress excuse" that you always use to try to make me feel bad for bringing it up, which is actually quite fucking funny, because you always get mad when i'm upset about something but don't bring it up, then i do, and you freak out and make me feel bad for feeling bad in the first place!!! *sigh* i hate fucking cheating on you...and "technically" in some small, strange twisted way, i really haven't...i have not had sex with him...but i let him kiss me...i've never kissed back...it's never even been on the lips...i let him "love" me...i let him shower me with affection...because that's the only thing we lack...or i should say i lack...i lack the feeling that you love me, in a way i know you do, but i don't feel it...it's like knowing earth quakes exists with out ever experiencing one...only difference is that i felt loved by you once...i think that's why i'm so bugged now, because i've lost it...and it frustrates me...that's why i still go on dates with other guys...that why sometimes i skip out on class and lie to you and don't come home till 11 o clock when i was suppose to be out of class at 8...that's why i have that paranoid look on my face because i'm scared i accidentally smell like him...that's why... |
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