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| 05:57pm 02/04/2008 |
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Dear Brian,
It's been a crazy month for us. We just got together and there has been so much shit that has happened already. We did some things that we knew we shouldn't have done and now we're paying the price. The price is large, not being able to talk about you, see you, having to sneak around just to talk to you when I want to. I've had a lot of second-guesses about what we are and what we should be, too many for the short time that we've spent together. So many rumors are going around and there have been numerous times that I believed them, numerous times that you disgusted me, numerous times that I wanted to do nothing more than hit you. I've stayed despite that, and I still wonder if it's the right thing to do. I know that my feelings for you are strong, otherwise I wouldn't have put up with everything that I have been; losing the trust of my parents, fighting with them, disobeying them. I know too that you care for me, as all evidence has shown. You've stuck by me despite the times that my parents have beaten you down and tried to run you off. We've never been in this situation. I'm so curious as to how it will work out, what will happen next, which very well may be a large part of the reason for why I've stayed with you. It's exciting and myschevious, sneaking around, having late night sex at all hours of the night, rolling around on the floor wrapped up in you, holding one another up as we're too drunk to make it to the next room alone. It seems so full of passion, more passion than I have ever known. Our adventure has been an eventful one to say the least. I can almost not even wait for what waits for us around the corner, what other trouble we'll get in to, and how long, if long at all, this will last. I know one day I'll look back on this and laugh. You're nothing like I've ever known, and despite the pain I've felt, I'm so glad that we happened. How crazy it is that we managed to stumble upon one another and end up in this. I've known you for almost 2 years, feeling deep companionship with you, and now much more than that. We've evolved into something that no one else in the world seems to want or to even look at. I love the danger within it all, I love being angry and able to express it, touching you and not being afraid of who sees it, living every moment in fear of being caught with you but still feeling so much excitement as it happens. It's amazing. We have something that I swear I will never forget. One day it will end, it's inevitable, I dread for the day that that happens, the pain I'll feel, and the changes that will be made to my life. At the same time I long for that moment, knowing all too well that through whatever happens, everything will be okay, you and I will always be okay. I'll never forget this.
Yours |
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