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| 04:32am 24/09/2006 |
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Dear boy who will never be a man,
You really think I'm stupid enough to believe that they're not yours? That they're for a friend?
Do you really think that I don't know about all the other girls? The girl you said you never loved, the girl you said you could never love again... I'm so angry and hurt. I just want you to know, that I've given you my everything. I have nothing left to give and I'm so sorry that MY everything isn't worth anything. I hate you for making me mad at myself. I hate you for making me wish I could change everything. I hate you for making me weak. I hate you for making it so damn hard to love you. I hate you for lying to me. I hate you because everytime I even think about being without you, it hurts more than being with you. I hate you because I'm not naive enough to believe you. I hate you because I can't trust you, and I want to more than anything. I want to believe the pathetic stories you tell me about the girls. I want to believe you when you say you're not drunk, or high, you're just tired. I want to believe you when you say you are just getting off work, not coming home from the bar...
God DAMN IT. I can't look at you without wonder who you're talking to now. I can't listen to your phone go off without wondering who you're talking to and if I should be worried.
Maybe... I should just give up...
Please don't give me a reason to give up. Please don't give me a reason to worry. Please don't hide anything from me. I know you haven't had sex with anyone else... at least I think I know. But it isn't about sex. It's about love. I'm afraid you'll find someone better to love... and it's fucking terrifying. I love you too much to just let you go without a fight. But if you do something stupid, I'll walk away before you have the chance to explain. Deal?
Love forever,
The girl who needs you too much to walk away. |
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