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| 05:14pm 18/04/2005 |
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Dearest __@#$%,
& I know you're never going to read this but I had to say it to you. So here it goes. {IT'S NOT LIKE I FUCKING WANTED TO HURT YOU.} From now on I'm not even gunna waste my time w/anyone cuz you've pointed out to me that I'll just end up breaking their heart & I don't wanna put anyone through that pain. You make me feel like shit and you don't even try. HOW COULD I HAVE LET MYSELF HURT YOU SO BAD... I'm so worthless in matters like this. & I couldn't even stop you from crying because if I said anything to you I would have cried for hours... God, YOU MAKE ME WANNA HURT MYSELF. Oh how I wish you could have read this... But even if you could I doubt you would care...
Sincerely,
%$#@__ |
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| 08:25pm 18/04/2005 |
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Dear Mike,
Remember the first time we kissed, how it was random, but we both loved it. And how that very same night we started our relationship? Our relationship of imperfections. Sure, people doubted us as a couple, but you never lost faith in what we had started. I'm sure neither of us thought we would fit so perfectly together. I know I wasn't ever expecting so much from you, from us. BUt i have to admit I cherish every memory i created with you. I'll never forget any of our moments. Good or bad, I loved it all. Just because I was with you. I remember every time I'd see you calling or I'd hear you voice, my heart would leap. But lately I havent had that same feeling from anyone. At first when we broke up, I thought nothing of it. But then I remember Eric telling me you had a "thing" for Alyssa...even though we were over I still wanted to kick her ass. Just the though tof you having feelings for another girl broke me down. I never thought I was the jealous type...until you. That's when I realized that no matter how hard i try to make myself forget or get over you, I'll never be able to do it. Ya know it'z funny the very next weekend after we broke up, I made out with this one kid, and the whole night i was with him I couldn't get you out of my head. And as soon as he leaned in for the kiss, I suddently felt disloyal to you. And i wanted to be with you that very second. I miss our long hours on the phone. WHen it seemed their was always something I could talk to you about. I miss knowing you would always be their for me to run to when i was lonely. I miss you calling me because you were bored. I remember you to my State-Cup Final Game for soccer, even though you hate the sport, just because it was so important to me that you were their. Just knowing you were on the sidelines made me want to play harder. Do you remember when i found out that i gave you boners? and how you were so embarrassed? To tell you the truth, i was very flattered. I remember when we hadn't talked for two weeks, one day at school Izzy came up to me and told me how you said you were doing bad because you hadn't talked to me. When i heard that, my heart melted. I remember when your bracelet that you gave me broke, i started crying because it seemed like that bracelet was the only thing i could keep of you that was totally mine. I loved how you didn't judge me for my drinking problems, how you supported me. I remember Callie and Quinn asking me how I oculd ever like you. And i replied, "how could i not like him? hez perfect" and they just laughed. BUth they weill never understand what its like to be more than friends with you bestfriend. To know that I'll always be able to trust you. They will never know how good you treated me. I remember people telling me I could do better than you. But in my eyes their was none better. Because i was looking for something deeper in a relationship than just the usual go out for one week. And you had that in you. I remember when i wrote that poem about you. How every word that i wrote came out, just as i wanted it to. I still mean every word of that poem. Remember wehn i was extrememly mad at you for forgetting our deal? I was so hurt that you could forget something like that, i didnt know what to do. I will never forgive myself for saying those things to you. I just wanted you to live a better life than i had. I didn't want you to go through everything i had. I care for you so much Mike. You dont know. Words can't describe. Maybe...Hopefully in the future we will once be together again.
Love always
Arielle |
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