08:52pm 17/04/2005
 
mood: blah
dear friend,

i want to be honest, but i also dont want to hurt you. there are so many things that i want to say. i dont want u to feel bad, or to angry with me. the truth is, im disappointed. which i know is something you dont want to hear. there are also so many other things i want to ask and say. i mean, you havent been in a relationship for that long. do you know where you are headed? i only want you to be happy, and im worried that you could get very very hurt. i mean, you're 16, how serious of a relationship are you going to have? have you realized how fast you're going? i dont want to offend you at all, or make you angry, which is why this letter will never be sent, but i just, feel the need to say it. i love you and want you to be happy with everything

your friend for life


dear you,

its good to have talked to again, i feel like we havent done that in ages. but, some of the stuff you said was really hard to hear. mainly because it confirmed my fears. i was always afraid of you and aly liking each other. for different reasons, i knew how hard it would be to become a third wheel to you two. also, i had fallen for you, something i tried to deny to others and myself so many times. and i dont feel that way anymore. i stopped a long time ago. but, part of me wants to be honest with me and tell you. because, honestly, my heart broke during that time. and to hear you say that you did like her. i dont know, it hurts me. which doesnt make any sense what so ever. because those feelings for you are gone, im extremely happy and im falling in love with someone else. but it still hurts. its that feeling that it was her. you chose her to like. it makes me feel like im less than her. and i wonder why that is. why her? why not me? i shouldnt be feeling these hurt feelings, and i dont know why i am. i wouldnt matter even if u did like me. i guess all it would do is comfort me, in the fact that i know it wasnt just me. i dont know, it wouldnt make any difference now. it would just be a reminder that i was cared for. i dont want to be with you in that way anymore, i think of you like a brother, but, it still hurts to know that i was so unloveable or something. i wish i could tell you and get the weight off my chest. this secret i have been carrying around for a very long time, that i used to like you in a very different way. but now, it just seems too late, so i will keep it with me. i want to be honest, but i dont think i can be. it wouldnt make any difference. ill just forget about it like i did bfore, until u call again, and remind me that i have this secret. i hope she makes you happy. and that you are as happy as i am with chase.		  
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  dearyou_
 
 
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