11:19am 17/11/2004
  Dear Rachel,

How long has it been? The past two years seem more like twelve. Do you remember the way it used to be? Driving home from school, laughing about the boys, making fun of our friends. We had fun. Weekends were spent with each other. No one understood me better than you, nor you better than me.

Micah still remembers and accurately recounts the day you met him. He claims that he still has a scar from you nails. Do you miss those days? Do you remember making the bed of nails for 8th grade science? I was terrified when your dad realized that we had nailed the board into the back yard! But today, I have to laugh...we should have known better. How about the day that Jonathan left me? You had never been that furious with the boy. He's back (sorta) in my life again--don't worry, I have no interest in him at all anymore. He asked about you the other day. I almost cried when I told him that you don't talk to me anymore. And then there was the Tuesday (weren't Tuesday's at Subway wonderful? I still can't eat there without thinking about you.) that you announced that the Sunday night before you had recieved your first kiss! I just knew that if your dad found out about it, that not only would you be dead, but he would blame me also (bad influence or something). What about the time when you dad changed? Do you remember how happy we both were? I do.

The day you told me that you had moved in with Stephen, I cried. It wasn't like you, Rachel. Today I understand a lot better what you were going through. I know that things changed during that time. We drifted apart. A lot of that is my fault. I'll admit it. But, Rachel, please know that I never judged you. I was hurt-- hurt about what happened, hurt because I wasn't one of the first to know, hurt because I knew that that meant I had lost part of our friendship. The day I found out that Maria was born, I was so happy! I called and told everyone that we knew from highschool--we were so excited! I tried to see you last Christmas. I even saw Maria. But you never stopped by. That hurt too.

I want you to know that I still love you, and your family. I want you to know, that I still consider you a friend. I also want you to know that I'm not mad at you--I never was.

Do you remember the when we planned our weddings? I know that I wasn't a part of yours, but I still want you to be a part of mine. I'm getting married in May, but I can't keep making my plans until I ask you--are you willing to be in my wedding? If you say no, then I'll be ok. I'll close that chapter of my life and try to leave you alone. But I have to ask before I completely let go.

I miss you with all my heart,
Stephanie		  
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i miss you...    
09:46pm 17/11/2004
 
mood: crushed
( and i'm dying inside, and nobody knows it but me... </3 )		  
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  dearyou_
 
 
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