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Dear Fuck Face...You Suck!!! [29 Oct 2009|04:28pm]

[ mood | devious ]

Dear Fuck Face, You have pretty much always had a thing for the younger girls & I fucking hate it when you lie & say you don't! You don't even have enough guts to be fucking honest you asshole! Fuck you! The thought of you looking at those fake bitches like that just burns my fucking ass! Your not even man enough to admit shit when you get caught up in your fucking pathetic lies! Your 2nd wife was only 16 & you were 26 when you knocked her up & what about those other young ass bitches?! I was 22 when you met me. It's not like this is your mid life crisis, it's just the way you are...then you wonder why you can't find a good woman? Ha, that's because your looking at little girls hunny who don't even know what the fuck to do with it anyways, fake bitches like in the pornos who are so fucking fake that it makes me wanna fucking puke all over the fucking place! Just your type, but you can't please em anyways cuz your junk is fucked up! You claim that you love me & think that I'm hot & sexy & beautiful, but how are you gonna feel when I start getting older? Your taste in women won't change for me! You do like em young & when you say that you don't your a fucking liar! I'm almost 30 & your almost 40 so I guess now that I'm getting older & your getting older that you just don't get off on me like you used to! Fuck you because I know that I'm sexy & hot & I've never ever had a problem getting a man...or a woman for that matter you jerk off! I can get way more than you can anyways & you know it! Go, have fun, enjoy your little pop tart bitches...oh that's right, most of them won't even look at you or give your old ass the time of day hahaha! I'm like fine wine baby, I've only gotten better with age & when my ex husband got hooked up with that little 19 yr old he couldn't wait to get back to me & get back down my panties & you know what he said motherfucker? He said "Ahhh finally, a real woman, someone who knows what their doing!" So stick that in your pipe & smoke it cock sucker!!! Ha, the jokes on you motherfucker! Your such a fucking liar & I've got more guts that you've ever had!!! It's fucked up that even I can get more pussy than you! The men love me & the ladies do too so bite it, bite it really hard you motherfucking loser!!!

no body said it was easy.. but no one ever said it would be this hard. [23 Oct 2009|12:27am]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | the scientist by coldplay ]

This may be the hardest thing i'll ever have to do.
It wouldn't be so hard if i didn't still love you
But now i'm afriad i have to say goodbye.
I can't feel my heart breaking and i have no more tears left to cry.
We've made it past the thing that broke us apart in the first place,
but i don't think we ever truly made a full recovery.
When i hear you say i love you, you know i feel it too.
I don't think i've ever loved someone so much as you
but you can't sit around and wait for me to get better.
It's not fair to you.
I know that when i look into your eyes it will be the last time i see them.
Your beautiful face shall forever be burned into my memories.
I know that in the end this is the right thing to do,
but it's breaking my heart knowing how much this is going to hurt you.
When i watch that beautiful smile turn into a saddened frown
and slowly watch those gorgeous eyes begin to fill with tears
i will hate myself.
I will hate knowing that i'm the cause of your pain
but i want you to be free.
I want you to be happy and i can't give that to you.
I can't be that person that brings joy into your life any longer.
I feel so selfish.
But you're better off without me.
This may be the last time that we shall ever meet,
and even though there is nothing i can do to take away the pain,
i just want you to know
i'm sorry. and i will always love you.

28 comments|post comment

[19 Oct 2009|10:41am]

[ mood | disappointed ]

Dear The one that hurt me the most:

Why do I still think about you after all that I went through? Why did I hang on and on so long? Why didn't I leave so long ago? Why couldn't you have been stronger than your addiction? I wonder if you think about what we could have had. I tried and tried....I forgave and tried to forget. I want to know if you are regretfull, I want to know that I meant more than what it seemed. You could have tried harder, you could have care more, you should have put me first, you had so much time to change, so many chances. I just miss what we could've had, I miss the delusion that I lived in for so many years, and really that's all it was.....because like they say....people don't ever really change. Do they?

46 comments|post comment

[17 Oct 2009|01:16pm]

Dear Eric,

I know it's been more than five years, but I'm still in love with you. I still think about you all the time. Do you ever think about me?


The person you thought you knew.
12 comments|post comment

for mom . . . [11 Oct 2009|08:43pm]

dear you,

You brought me into this world and left me to fend for myself. You never came back for me..didnt ever send a letter, & God forbid you take a minute to call. I'm doing just fine by the way, all grown up and already in 3rd yr of university. But Im sure you wouldnt know. The other day I was thinking of what my life might be like if you didnt fuck up, but lets be honest. It was bound happen eventually I suppose right?
dont get your hopes up either cause you'll never see me again, and i'll never see you.

<3 everything happens for a reason.
159 comments|post comment

For You (Again) [02 Oct 2009|11:12pm]

[ mood | frustrated ]

Dear R...
Your really fucked up in your fucking head you motherfucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can I love you in the same fucked up way that you love me??? Your such a jerk off for the most part, but you have this way where you can be really sexy & sweet, but even then, your sexually abusive towards me, towards women in general & being w/you was fucking exhausting!!!! When I found out that you were back in jail yeah it made me fucking sad b/c I knew then that you weren't gonna be able to get my dope for me anymore, but honestly I was really fucking relieved that I could finally just rest & honestly that I would just be able to just be!!!!!!!!!!

50 comments|post comment

[02 Oct 2009|09:15am]
Dear Caveman,
I never really loved you, even though I told you I did. The truth is, you sort of pushed it on me by telling me that you have loved me and never stopped thinking about me for the past eight years or so. I never thought about you once in that whole time. And it was really creepy to me that you have been obsessed about me for that long. I know, I was a total bitch for telling you I love you and that I want to be with you forever. I thought I did, but then we met, and the truth is, I was not attracted to you, at all. I do want a boyfriend, but I don't want it to be you.
32 comments|post comment

Dear R [29 Sep 2009|01:24pm]

[ mood | disappointed ]

Dear R,
Honestly I know that I shouldn't miss you after all that you've done, after what you've done to me & put me through, but for whatever fucked up reasons I do miss you...I miss you more than I thought I would! I'm angry as hell because you got busted, I'm angry that your back in jail & I'm angry at myself for ever letting you stick that needle in my fucking arm! So now, here I am, sicker than before, addicted to that needle & trying to not flip out & just lose my shit, hiding the fact that I miss your crazy fucking ass!!! Even though we're both sick in our minds, even though we're both fucking junkies & have really messed our lives up I still love you & miss you & even though I've been telling people that I don't ever want to see you again...the truth is that I do!!! I love you, but honestly I hate you too! You'll be out in 16 months, but hopefully by then I will be clean & straight, but I'm scared because you do have some type of hold over me & you are very convincing & I don't want you to come fuck my life up again! You have changed me & my life forever & remember when you said that you wanted to give me something to remember you by? Well, you have that's for sure & I will never forget you!!!

XoXo B

30 comments|post comment

Dear Dad (aka my "sperm donor") [18 Sep 2009|11:43pm]

[ mood | angry ]

Dear Dad,
You suck & I could really care fucking less if I ever see or speak to you or your cunt wife ever again! You were such a fucking monster when I was growing up, I was so scared of you, of what you were capable of! I don't hate you though I have every fucking reason to do so because you are after all my Dad remember??? Your so miserable with her now & your stupid fake ass life, I can tell, I can see it & sense it & I'm not the only one who can & you know that everyone that knew you before her ugly fat ass came along knows that...we all know how you used to be, you didn't really change or you would do better with your kids & your 5 grandkids that you don't see or spend time with even though we all live within 15 minutes of the house that you share with your wife, or as you call her behind her back "the witch" God, your such a poor, pathetic person! Your getting older now so you better hope that those kids of hers that you claim as your own, you know, the ones who you abandoned your own kids for, the ones who got the Dad that we always wanted, the ones that you bragged about & went on vacations with even though you never took us fucking anywhere, not even once, ever! You piece of fucking shit! I hope that you have trouble sleeping over all the shit that you have done to us, all the pain & abuse & fucking hell that you put us through for 15 fucking years & not to mention what you put Mom through! You know what, I changed my mind Dad...maybe I do hate you after all you loser!!! Have fun living your fake ass life with your ugly wife that you don't even like to be around...hahaha...your so fucking unhappy, it's written all over your stupid face you asshole & you know what? I think it's funny, you know why I think it's funny because your getting just what you deserve so tell "the witch" thanks for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

40 comments|post comment

I wrote this before you left me for the last time. [03 Sep 2009|03:19am]

Dear Jay,

Did you know that when I was younger, confused, and just beginning the depression that would stretch out to last years and years, run my life, tuck me in at night,
I created a fictional person. Not so much an imaginary friend, but more like a dream. I created this boy, my age, and the best part about him was that he didn't
care what anyone else thought. He was my best friend, my almost-boyfriend, and he loved me unconditionally, regardless of the fact that I was unattractive,
unsure, a nerd to the core. He thought I was beautiful in all the ways that made me Allie. I named him Jay.
Funny, looking at myself then and now. Funnier, comparing my imaginary Jay to my real life Jay. You have been my best friend, my almost-boyfriend, and you
have come back to me, again and again. You may not love me unconditionally, but at least you're drawn to me, and that's a start. Though now I am "beautiful", I am
still a nerd to the core, and still sometimes unsure. You like the things that make me Allie, and undeniably, you find these things beautiful.

When you left me at the very beginning of last summer, I was devastated. You would be, too, if you knew the true consequences of your actions. Sometimes I
wonder if deep down, you really do. You know that when I came back into your life, it was with an eating disorder, having left me 30 pounds thinner. Do you know
that when I originally stopped eating, it was because you left me? Do you know that I slept with three different boys that summer in attempts to forget about you?

You've taught me so much about life. All of my best memories are with you; They far exceed the memories I imagined with my pretend Jay. From the drunken
Taco Bell adventure, to you "tasting green" on that acid trip, to hanging out of the sunroof, to me sobbing into your shoulder on BTay's swingset the first time we
reunited after the first time you abandoned me, to the ecstacy, to being protected from a moshpit, to running from police in fishnets, to cooking you chili and
cornbread. You helped me transition from a girl to a woman.

And that's where I sit now. A woman. You've let me back in, and this time, you're putting forth an effort. You've found that the man in you really likes the woman in
me. Deep down, I think you knew it all along, and it scared you. But you're ready now. And it might not work out, but at least we'll both rest assured, knowing we gave
it an honest try.
So here I am. A woman, sitting on your couch, watching you play some stupid game on the Playstation. A woman who cooks you mac and cheese when
you're too stoned to get off the couch, a woman who lays in your arms in your bed under your blanket every night, and kisses your forehead once you're
asleep. A woman, falling for this stupid redheaded man, after she vowed to never ever trust him again. Again, and again, and again.

Please forgive my caution, and please forgive me for the little things, like not playing with your hair the way you play with mine, and not wanting to make out every night before
bed. It's just that if I'm going to do this, I want to do it the right way- the way that feels right for me.

I love you. I have since I met you, on Perth, and you showed me what it was like to want someone so bad you would have done anything to have just once night,
one minute, one second with them.
You still owe me a revolution, and I'm holding you to that.

Peace, love, revolution,
Your Allison.
8 comments|post comment

[11 Aug 2009|10:22pm]
32 comments|post comment

[12 Jul 2009|11:45pm]

[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Thank You Angel ]

Dear Angel,

I have known you for 3 years now, watching you from a distance. Oh no, not in a stalker way so don't be to worried. In a you amazing me with how you cope with everything around you kinda way. All the sluts, the liars, the fakes every bullshit your friends put you through for being yourself ...yet your still you.

I really want to tell you that I admire you, that you complete my day when you smile but I cant. There are many reasons why I must stay silent.
Why would you talk to a girl like me? Came from a broken home, while you had everything at your reach. I laugh with my friend when we attempt to hardcore dance in a park while your hanging out with girls and booze all weekend.

Would you really rather be with me? No, probably not.

I want to be there for you when you get back from your work. Because we all know your hoe of a girlfriend right now is cheating on you. She broke up with you, and you don't even know it. How bad is that? Just to clear her mind so she can go make out with random guys while your teaching little kid. I don't know what to say to that.

I really wish you knew how I felt. How all me and my friend feel. We know you mean well when you try and talk to us but your friend shake there heads at you. We know you try and seek the little bit of comfort from us when you want to try something different and we say 'go for it' your smile lights up the whole God damn room, but then you turn and see your friends looking at you saying 'don't even' and that smile disappears and I don't know what to do. I really don't.

You should be given a girl who wants you back just as much as you want her. And friends who would kill for you like mine would for me. A girl who will give you her heart while you give yours in return. I'm sad to say that she's not me. As much as I would love to be her for you, I don't think I can do it. I admire you soooo much, so freakin much. But I have this little tiny problem called trust. I wish you could be willing to try with me but you need that girl who will give you everything and I'm pretty sure I will give you hard times. I know deep down I really want to be with you, the one to make you smile, for you to write me songs and no one else but I know I cant. I dont think I wouldnt beable to trust you with every single one of my secrets...

I had to write this for you, but I couldn't send it.

27 comments|post comment

[06 Jul 2009|12:15am]

dear adrian,
why do you push me away? i know you get stressed out sometimes, but we've spent 2 and a half years building a love that i thought was much stronger than this. we've been through so much more than this, remember how young we were, how much we learned, how much we grew together? remember our future? how you were going to propose to me? i know you didn't forget, you promised me so many times that you'd never forget. remember when i was scared and you told me "But we're so close.." well what the hell happened to that? you always told me that no matter what you said NO MATTER what happens between us wed be okay, so i wait. i'm so loyal, maybe too loyal, but i love you. youre just that kind of guy that a girl wants to hold on to, you never yelled at me not even when i was being a complete bitch, you always told me everything even though you didn't have to just to make sure id never be upset, where is that guy? i know hes in there somewhere. we've been through this before, you came back to me, you said you realized what an amazing girl you had and how sorry you were. i can only hope you realize that again, cause i have tried to let go, i'm not sure if that's gonna be possible. how can you be so rude, so cold, when i know that really isn't you? you said you hate when you get like this, cant you let me in? cause life right now is just so, bland. i miss that boy who adores me, the one that calls me his goddess, you probably don't know that you're the only guy who has ever made me feel so beautiful, so loved, when its taken away i just feel like a different person. i don't want to hang out with my friends anymore, i just wanna cry all the time cause everything reminds me of you. how can you ask me to let go? when there is no reason to? i begged you for a reason, you don't have one because you know we should be together. you've told me not to contact you, i don't know if i can do this, and i don't mean the not contacting you, i mean life without you, i cant do it. you don't love someone like we did and then just let it go for no reason, its just not possible for me. i've never loved anyone like i love you, and i never will. the hardest part is having a bad day, and youre not there for me.

the girl who will never forget.
27 comments|post comment

[01 Jul 2009|08:04pm]

Dear all of my best friends, and the ONE who can suck it,

I don't care who you are friends with.
I would never tell you not to be friends with anyone because that would just be stupid and selfish.
BUT, for everyone to just.. ignore me for two days to hang out with someone I don't particularly like anymore, or talk to anymore, is really upsetting.
I would never let on to this because I don't want any of you to feel bad.
I wasn't just "good" friends with her. I was her "best friend."
And the way it ended was fucking stupid, but it wasn't just that, it was everything she's ever done,
and everything thing she's ever lied about. Everything she's ever said about ALL of you that was
malicious and shitty. Not to mention the fact that she practically tried to be me.
In every way, shape and form. The way I talk, how I dress, what I like to eat, what I hate to eat,
the bands I love and hate, the people I love and hate. To say it was over the top is an understatement.
How can one possibly continue being friends with someone who does that, and is so manipulative and controlling? It was almost like I couldn't have any other friends or interest. There was no room for me to evolve as a person because that would somehow drastically change our friendship and who WE were.
I didn't want to be a WE. I wanted to be ME.
Compounded by the fact that all of you seemingly had such a huge problem with her then.
And then, once I stopped talking to her, you all became her fucking best friends.
What the hell is that? I don't know if it's you feeling sorry for her for alienating anyone she's ever known because she's literally a crazy person, or because you actually like her now.
Beats the hell out of me.
The only thing you'd ever get out of her is some kind of "drama." I HATE that word, but it's the most appropriate one to explain it.
All she wants is to talk shit and butt into peoples lives because she feels she deserves to know everything, then shove advice down your throat, effectively trying to control what you do. Not even joking.
I should know.
I went through that for a long time. And not to say she wasn't a decent friend while it lasted, but what I realize now, which took wayyyy to fucking long, was that she was never a REAL friend.
She's a leech. Through and through.
The way she treats her boyfriend? Are you kidding me? Pat used to be one of us, and I'm sure somewhere deep down he's still awesome, but he's gotten lost in her. It's fucking pitiful to witness. Seriously.
She's a fake. And a good one. She has you all fooled.
And I'm left here alone while all of you are hanging out without knowing fucking good and well that if you were in my shoes you'd feel real shitty. And if it were any of you, you'd make a big fucking deal about it and get really pissed off.
Well, I am pissed off. I'm really hurt. I feel betrayed. I feel awful.
I will never tell you this because you are my best friends. I've you all for so long it's like we're a family.
I LIVED with all of you. She didn't.
That should elude to the fact that she's out. She's done. Stick a fucking fork in her.
The dream is over.
I don't hate her, I never will. I just want her to grow the fuck up and realize that not everyone has to be stuck to her like fucking chicken feathers to tar. To realize that people are all different, and maybe, just maybe, they don't care what her opinion is because clearly they have a brain in their head and can definitely make their own decisions because they are grown people.
I want her to realize that our friendship didn't end because of some stupid shit she did at a party.
I want her to know that it ended because I literally couldn't take it anymore.
I couldn't possibly have lived me life knowing that someone was living vicariously through it.
I could no longer carry her around with me every where I go. Literally and figuratively.
I had to break it off to really get to who I am and what I want to do.
I couldn't let someone essentially try to live my life while I was trying to live it.
It doesn't work that way. And it never will.
I will never say these things to any of you, especially her, because I really don't think she deserves it.
If I even wanted to tell her, she would just twist it all up and make herself the victim. And I will never EVER again give her that pleasure.


Run your mouth when I'm not around.
Its easy to achieve.
You cry to weak friends that sympathize.
Can you hear the violins playing you a song?
Those same friends tell me your every word.
26 comments|post comment

[04 Apr 2009|11:02pm]

Dear J,

These thoughts, they sound so much better in my head. When I think of word "oragami" I laugh and remember how we spent two whole hours teaching each other the craziest manipulations of paper, just because we had nothing else better to do. When it's etched in pen, the r is disjointed and oddly attached to the o, and it just looks like a word. The memory isn't there.

The roof is leaking again. I can hear the tin bucket pinging again. I always liked tin buckets, always loved how they reminded me of warm Sunday mornings with a tall glass of lemonade and a gardening spade. Like the 1950's without the gender roles. Just love. I guess that's why I bought the bucket from Ikea; because you thought it was cheap, and I thought it was special. And you said you liked it because I found beauty in it. Because I saw the best in everything, even when you couldn't.

The drip, drop, drip drip drop is picking up again. It doesn't have a melody anymore, it's just spattering and stammering like the rush of words that always flowed through my mouth. To me, I always thought you saw it as just a bucket. You never really told me why you liked it, I just assumed because it was Ikea you wanted it, you always liked that store.

You laughed and told me that I was always so insecure, that you found my ramblings adorable, that you loved to hear me talk. That's when you told me about the bucket, do you remember that? And every part of me wanted you to hold me, to comfort me. I wanted to hide underneath our blanket with a flashlight and wait for the rain to stop. We would make shadow puppets, and tell each other our deepest secrets.

But all I could hear was my voice, and the pinging.

I guess all along it was me. In all our wonderful pizza-making-from-scratch nights, or movie marathons, I felt like we were always forgetting something. I had too many questions to ask, and you forgot your cue cards.

I wanted more than I asked for.

Last week, when we were lying together on the couch, and the power was out because of, of course, another thunder storm (we're such romantics, we picked the rainy city), I rested my head on your chest, and instead of feeling the warmth of your body, the rise and fall of your heart, I heard that damn pinging. I didn't want to hate the pinging, I didn't want to even think about it. But it's all that echoed through my mind. It bounced off the walls and reverberated like the only sound that existed in our world.

A random stream of drops.

I wanted you to love me so badly. I wanted you to clutch me in your arms with all your strength as if there really was a monster under the bed. I wanted to mean something to you, like you do to me. But it was always me, always the pinging. And unless I bombarded you with a grocery list of questions, you didn't have much to say.

I don't blame you.

So I'm writing you this letter, folding the paper in half so you'll think its smaller and less significant than it actually is. And if you see a crackle in the paper here or there, don't think it was my tears. Just wonder why hadn't I chose a clean sheet of paper, if that at all.

I probably should have told you long ago that I'm not the one you want. But I guess you figured that out in a different way. We saw x meets y and different trains, and understood that distance makes all the difference. And the need wasn't the deep, or hungry as we would have liked it to be.

I think we saw too many bad remakes of Romeo and Juliet. I'm sorry for making you watch so many chick flicks with me, you should have told me that you hated them.

I am writing you this letter, because you never did. Because I loved you without really knowing why, and that secretly, a small part of me wishes that you'll read this and come after me.

You don't have to.


We're better off this way.

Before I go, I'll empty the bucket, you can have it. And I'll finally call the roof guy. Maybe it's just a band-aid solution, but it's the best that I can do.

You'll never know how much you mean to me,
32 comments|post comment

[25 Mar 2009|12:50pm]

Dear J,
This has all been really hard for me.
I've known you so long but at the same time, I don't really know you at all. It almost seems silly to say that I fell for a man whose face I've never even touched. But really, it's not silly at all...not to me, at least. You saved me. You pulled me out from the cold and gave me warmth. You never gave up, no matter how hard things got. You were always there. Always. And somewhere along the road of sneaking late-night phone calls, singing each-other to sleep and trading crappy, low quality web-cam pictures of each-other...I fell in love with you. It's been almost eight years since we started talking, and still to this very day I find that I may very well still be in love. No matter how many other men I've dated, no matter who they've been or how nice they were...they were never you. Why is it that I've always been lucky to find a great guy, but they've never been enough? I left you because it hurt...it hurt that I couldn't kiss you, I couldn't touch you or smell your cologne or look into your eyes...it hurt more than anything. So I left. I left because I wanted those things more then I ever wanted anything else in the world, and I hoped that by leaving you for someone else, those urges- those needs- would go away. Well it's been eight years and I still feel them. I still think about you almost every day and from time to time, I even cry. Am I stupid for letting you go? Or was it really for the best? I don't know. I can't figure it out... The only thing I do know is that I will love you forever.
I still want to live my life with you the way we had always dreamed about together. But I'm afraid that maybe it's not what you want anymore...which is why I continue to distance myself from you. Every time we talk, I feel like I fall for you a little more each time, and I can't do that now. I can't hurt him the way I've hurt the others. But this is not goodbye, because I don't ever want you out of my life. This is just me admitting that I still love you, because I don't want to lie to you or myself anymore. The sad part is...that I have to lie to him.

Do you think it's true that all good things end, if they haven't even really begun?

Forever yours,
19 comments|post comment

[21 Feb 2009|11:12pm]

[ mood | confused ]

Dear Family,

I don't understand you guys. I hate you all. I want to leave, I have about 700 days left in this hell hole you call home. You never fucking listen to me. You realized at the family reunion that I had completely fucked up my life but you wont talk to me about it. You bitch at me all the time - all I hear is "Failure".
You don't even noticed I'm depressed and pissed off all the time. I'm constantly yelling yet do I see you asking me what's wrong? no. Like you fucked care anyway, no wonder why I hate you. I hear you on the phone with your friends saying that I hate you, and I don't there's no denying it. I HATE YOU. Your a fucking piece of shit and you don't truly care about me. Fuck you. You ignore me like I'm not even here. Like I'm a ghost, just a little glitch in your oh so perfect life. Well I'll tell you what, I'll just make like a ghost and disapear hows that? Fuck.

-Your lovely daughter

97 comments|post comment

Dear B...U really suck!!! [19 Feb 2009|11:20am]

[ mood | annoyed ]

Dear B,
Why do you have to be such a fucking ass?!! You think your better, but your so not!!! Why can't you have your stupid little girlfriend & be a decent father at the same time? I guess that's too fucking hard for you to do?!
In a few months that little bitch will probably be gone & by then S will probably resent you...do you even care anymore?! Your such a fucking asshole & you think that this little 19 yr old is going to stay tied down to you? Ha, that's really fucking funny! You suck!

18 comments|post comment

[17 Feb 2009|12:27am]

Dear K:
I wish you go grow up and speak to me. I wish you would tell me sorry for the last time and mean it. Sorry for the lies and for using me when you knew I was a naive girl who genuinely liked you. It is your fault that I missed out on being with the best guy I have ever met. Because you were here, calling me and what not I ruined my chance of most likely falling in love with the perfect guy. I hate you, that is all you need to know, karma will get you in the end. And don't worry I already wished you were in that plane that crashed, even though you weren't there, you deserved to be for hurting me so bad. I know better now. I would love to see the day you try to talk to me again and I tell you to fuck off, your favorite line. All the good memories of you are overpowered by the bad. I know you dropped out and didn't transfer. Just another one of your lies, my one minute man.
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[03 Feb 2009|04:19pm]
Dear B,
I had such strong feelings for you. I don't want to hear that I'm "pretty and funny and cool" I want to hear that you like me the way i like you. That you want me. I won't. I find it funny that you hoped i wouldn't like you. How could I not? Let me see, you're attractive, funny, nice, you called me pet names. It was great. You are great. I really mean that, with all of my heart. I figured you had feelings for somebody else but I didn't expect you to lead me on the way that you did. That hurts more than being rejected. You say that you know how this feels. I doubt it. I really thought this could be..... I don't know, that this could be close to perfect. I know that wasn't easy for you, but i wish you could have told me up front that you don't feel the same way. I'm going to try to be your friend. I'm going to try and make things better. I hope this works out. I need you to forgive me for being me.
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