---smokin' a bowl-----   
01:15am 25/02/2006
mood: thirsty
music: Foo Fighters: Everlong
mmmm....My apartment smells sooo good right now. Ash and I went to G.L.C. shopping yesterday, and we got incense, oil burners, and purfume oil. I'm so happy and mellow right now....because everything smells so soothing. I'm stoked that I got more of my Arabian Sandalwood oil. It makes me feel calm when I wear it. It's my smell.

Work flew by so fast tonight, becasue I was on my toes. Joni came up to me and handed me this pill, and told me to take it. I didn't ask questions; I just took the damn pill. Joni laughs and says "Good Luck!" She gave me something way stronger than Zanax, apparently. I was good though. I couldn't concentrate on a damn thing, though, let me tell you. I made my goal, I walked out of the barrel with $90 tonight.

I still haven't heard from Adrian, so I've all but given up on that. I knew I was a fool, although I didn't want to admit it. Why I always do this to myself, I have no idea. What I do know is that I let myself believe what guys tell me. It always sounds so perfect, that it's hard not to. I really thought that he might be the one. Fuck that fucking "gut feeling"....I am never going on a hunch again!

I should have had an arranged marriage. I swear. I cannot believe that I just said the work marriage, but I'm serious! I cannot pick a man to spend the rest of my life with...I'd die alone. I know I'm young and all, but it seems everytime I get that perfect guy, either he becomes suddenly unperfect, or I totally freak out! Ha, but I know who my parents would pick for me to marry, and I won't even say it.......FUCK THAT! That man makes me insane!

I'm stoned, I'm tired....I guess I better end this one right here.....