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Monday, April 21st, 2003

    Time Event
    8:05a
    ^_^ I am happy. Happy I am. I am happy! ......That was really random. I finally downloaded PSP7. I made an icon for myself because I need help from Molly (who is probably sleeping), Sam (who is at school) or Li (who is either sleeping or at school). Damn me and my getting up early. But today, I got up early happily! I feel really random right now....I should spread my happyness out to everyone in the world!!!! .....Or maybe I will just keep it to myself becuase it is not very often that I get happy like this. Most of my life, I have been too busy either trying to hide myself from everyone or I have been taking in peoples pain. I never gave myself any time to be happy. But now...now I have friends that are like me, are interested in the same things as me and like the same music....well, kinda. People tell me things. Its kinda weird, but kinda not. After someone gets to konw me, they will start telling me secrets about themselves that they don't tell anyone else. Or they tell me things that they dont want other people to know about. And they trust me because I don't tell anyone. Sam, Yukito, Kat, Lys, Li, all of my friends, they have told me stuff that I have not told anyone, and will not tell anyone. They trust me and I will never let them down. No matter how angry I could possibly get at them, I would never tell anyone what they tell me unless they say it is ok to tell other people. I take in their pain, and live on with my life. What I have done is made their life a little easier, and my life a little harder. Sharing memories isn't always a good thing, but it generally makes you life easier. I don't share my memories because I dont have many memories of my own to share. They aren't all that exciting anyway. My life has been boring ever since I have started school. Another reason why I dont have many memories, is because I don't want to remember my past. I try as hard as I can to forget everything, yet some things, I can't live down. People say stuff about me that isn't even true. I am too far away right now to do anything about it, but soon, I will be able to fix the mistakes that I have made in the past...at least the ones I can fix. Prove to others that I am not an idiot, prove to them that I am not weak, and prove to them that I am not someone who can be used for their own humor.

    Current Mood: bouncy
    Current Music: Anything But Ordinary - Avril Lavigne
    9:20p
    I really love Kat. The two of us, Sally and Zombie went and saw Bringin Down the House. It was a great movie. At the end, I felt like makin out with Kat cuz it got REALLY sappy, BUT! we didn't. I really love her....I wonder where I would be if I didn't meet her. I would probably be dead. She has....shown me that death isn't the answer to a problem. A problem of so much pain kept inside...all bottled up. She has shown me that there is more to life than just fighting, computers and caffeine. Even though those are still what my life is based upon, I am slowly changing. I can feel it. The last couple weeks when I have sparred, I havn't done much on the offensive side. I have been learning to take hits and stay standing, even though I get hit hard, fast and for a long time. Its hard to do that, but it is the fastest way to build up some short amounts of endurance. By pushing your body beyond its limits, you become stronger. Thats what sparring does...at least for me. It pushes me to my limits, and than throws me over the edge, head first. Yet every time, I still land on my feet. Kat has shown me that I don't need to fight to become who I want to be. Peace....peace is good. She has shown me that there is such a thing as real life. With people....and feelings. I used to be kind of cold and distant from people. When I did that.....I didn't open up to anyone. It seems that I tell Kat as much as I want to tell her and some stuff I don't, but do anyway. Secrets are off limits to everyone, but....I open up to her. The whole caffeine thing....she doesn't care about me and caffeine. Alex used to hate me for it. Well, my dads comin, so I gotta go. Write tomarrow!

    Current Mood: touched
    Current Music: Still Waiting - Sum 41

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