Date:	2003-08-18 01:09
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick
Music:	Voltaire - When You're Evil

Wow.....I havn't updated for a long time in this thing. Almost sounds like my Xanga...except with more updates. ^____^. Yeah....I've been posting in my DJ a lot. LOTS compared to my blurty. Well, news news news....updated AITT. Broke up with Kat (probably for the better). I wonder if I can remember to update this thing....hmm....perhaps. Maybe....if I can remember, yay for me. Yeah....my life is boring. Oh well. Its mine and nobody can take it from me. Ugh...I'm gonna go to sleep or else I fear of vomiting onto my carpet like I did a loooooooong time ago...before I moved schools.....So yeah.

Kat left for France about 2 hours ago. I've decided to take some online tests, but it isn't helping at all....


TIDUS'S ASS!!! Your ass has been ~blessed~ by high
summoner Yuna! You keep your ass in shape by
playing blitzball and protecting the one you
love - Yunie!! I bet all your loyal fans wanna
just GRAB your ass!! nyaaah! ^_^v


(Anime) What sexeh Bishonen's ass do *YOU* have?! -^_^- (includes pics!! XD yey!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Psycho Plushie


**X-The Anime Plushie Personality Quiz!-X**
brought to you by Quizilla

You are the brunette, with an amazing personality.
You like to have fun, fit in with the crowd,
and are more often than not you look your best
no matter what you are wearing! Your only down
side is you can be a bit stubborn in your ways,
so lighten up and listen to others once in a
while.


*What anime character and personality would you be?*
brought to you by Quizilla

Brainiac


.:: What's Your Anime Personalitiy? ::.
brought to you by Quizilla

Date:	2003-05-11 11:46
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay
Music:	Piano Lessons - Porcupine Tree

You have Bakura's eyes!


Which Yu-Gi-Oh Eye are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


from lys. take a look at my website, Alone In The Twilight

Date:	2003-05-04 16:50
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	hyper
Music:	You're So Last Summer - Taking Back Sunday

You are burning


What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


My favorite line from this song: The truth is, you could slit my throat, and with my last gasping breath, i would apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

Im bored, so I am posting some of the 'Most Popular' Quizzes from Quizilla.


You have a goodbye kiss- much passion and longing,
but never lasting.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You Have the Power to Turn Things to Stone!


What's Your Magic Power?
brought to you by Quizilla

footsie - you like to goof around and laugh with
the people you care about.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Silly Flirt


What Kind of FLIRT are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


It's amazing how close some of these tests match the way I act, yet others are so far off its not even funny.


You're A Villian!
You evil person, you. You have a dark side to you.
Your destiny is world destruction/domination.
Just so long as those pesky heros stay out of
your way.


What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Neutral:
Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.


What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

Kill someone by the sword


How would you kill someone
brought to you by Quizilla

Date:	2003-04-30 22:00
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah
Music:	Duck and Run - 3 Doors Down

Sparring really drains a lot of energy out of a person. I was grappling with John and Steve tonight, and damn do I suck at it. I can keep the guard position for a while, but than I tire myself out by fighting their strength, and they are quite stronger than me, but I can still hold for quite some time. Steve was watching me and John and he said that I could have gotten an Arm-bar on him. The only thing is, I don't know how to do an Arm-bar, or even what to look for. I just have to learn and practice. Thats how I got to where I am in regular sparring. Learning and practicing. Somewhere around 8 years of sparring practice. I have been in martial arts for over 9 years, but I havn't sparred in those 9 years for the whole thing. I have maybed sparred very close to 8 years worth. I've had my fair share of pain. Just like any sport, it takes a lot of energy, concintration and determination to stay with it. Well, my dad's bitchin, so I gotta leave. See ya!

Date:	2003-04-28 19:26
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored
Music:	Sweet Love Samba - Gravitation

My mind has gone over the deep end. I duct taped both of my shoes that I usually wear to school. I was gonna do my other pair too, but I have no more duct tape. I wanna put nails in the other one though. Max gave me the idea when he told me about some bracelets he made. Haha. I am so bored right now. Later everyone! Gonna go find something to do.

Date:	2003-04-28 07:08
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bitchy
Music:	Glassjaw *not paying attention to the song*

For some reason, I am in a really foul mood. I want to destory something. I've got no clue why I feel like this. Nope...none at all. I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed cuz there is only 1 side to wake up on. Must....destroy.....RAGH!!!! Rage. Death. Blood. Want now...Must get ready for school now. School sucks...boring as hell.

Date:	2003-04-27 21:35
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	loved
Music:	a CD from Jessie that I like *no clue what the songs are*

Test takin time!!!


I'm the cam whore of Livejournal!


Why do people read your Livejournal?
brought to you by Quizilla

Bakura


Which Yu-Gi-Oh Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Cowboy Bebop Character are You like?
Takes other quizzes at Newsies Meets Anime...Anime Meets Newsies...

Date:	2003-04-27 16:32
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	stressed
Music:	Smashing Blue - Gravitation

Am I not wanted by my friends anymore, or am I pushing them away? For some reason, it seems as if the distance between my friends and I becomes greater and greater every hour of the day. No bonds that I have between me and my friends are getting stronger. They are either staying the same or getting weaker. My friends are my life....without them, I would just be a caffeine-obsessed anime nerd computer freak. I litterally would just go to school, learn what the teachers have for me, come home and do my homework on my computer. If there isn't an obvious way to do it, than I would find one, but because of my friends, I don't do that. I go to school, learn some stuff, hang out with my friends, come home, do stuff online with my friends, and if I am still awake, I do my homework.

My dad got pissed off at me because I had a bad time online today, which made my attitude suck. He said if I was gonna keep the attitude I had, to go away. I was about ready to hit him a lot and than leave. It's like he doesn't think anyone can have a bad day every now and than. I rarely have bad days.

(notice for anyone who doesn't like my kat rants: coming up right now. leave if you dont wanna read. this is the last part of this entry, my kat rant) I called Kat today, apparently her dad doesn't want Kat to talk to me because he hasn't given her my messages. She was in the shower when I called. I had Sally call her house about a 1/2 hour later cuz her dad said she was just getting out of the shower. It doesn't take over a 1/2 hour to get out of the shower, so when she called, Kat was at soccer. Kat came back online, and I told her that I called, and she didn't know I called, much less the calls that I made before that she never returned because of her father. Kat and I had planned her coming over here in the afternoon, after soccer. She said she was sick, yet at 3:30 she left to go see a movie. A lot of sense that makes. She is too sick to come over to my house, yet she isn't all that sick so she can go to a movie? Either Kat is starting to not like me as much, or her parents really hate me. I don't know what I am going to do anymore....I guess the only thing I can do is sit around and wait for her. She's the one in charge, so....yeah.

Date:	2003-04-26 21:33
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick
Music:	random pieces of songs that are going through my head

I wonder....should I slowly disapate from everyones lives? It doesn't seem that I can ever have true happiness because if I am happy, it ends up pissing someone off, and than they piss me off which kills my happy moods. Sam and Lys were complaining about what I have posted in this blurty of mine and in the profile of mine. They started to piss me off....but I wont stop talking to them because I am not that way. They are going to have to constantly piss me off for me to stop talking to them. I don't know what to do anymore. It's all so confusing. Ya know, if people like Lys want to complain about what is in my blurty, they can go right ahead. If they don't like it, than too bad for them and they can stop reading. It's not like anyone cares about what I write in here anyway.

I have just realized, that my life has been going down the drain since I met Kat. Even though it has, I still like her, a lot. I don't think it would matter how bad my life gets, I would still love her. I started going out with Alex, than I met Kat. I started to like Kat, and soon she became up there with Alex. My love for Alex started to die, and I started to fuck up a lot when she wasn't around. After that, we broke up. A little while later, I went out with Kat, but she had started soccer and was in Drama, so I knew I couldn't be with her much until Drama was over. Now that Drama is over, she has begun to do things she would do in the summer. With her friends. I just don't know what to do anymore....I really wish I did...I want to cry right now, but I can't. I don't know why, I just can't. I'm starting to feel sick now too. ...............................god damnit all........

Date:	2003-04-26 17:30
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	crazy
Music:	Da hum of mah computer.

I went to go see Kat's play! Yay! She was like....seductivly sexy. I just wanted to go up to her and start making out with her she was so sexy. The play was awesome, even though Kat had very few lines. She was still the best character in there. SNAKE CHARMER!!!! As Zombie said, Kat doesn't need to be a snake charmer to get me. ^_^ It was somethin like that. I think I hit her for that one....or was it the crack about me being the escaped chimpaznee? I forgot, perhaps it was both....But I am happy that I got to see her in the play. I was going to glomp her, but her parents were there....and her parents dont exactly like me. I am so bored right now. I am going to go eat dinner, take a shower and than leave for the teen center. I want Kat really badly right now.........KAT!!! *glomps a picture of Kat in his mind with her costume on*

I dont really have a lot of time this morning. Even though I have been up since 5:00, I have been doing a lot. Like my homework for example. According to my English teacher, I didn't turn in my book called The Giver. It's a good, but sad book. Its a sad book in the sense of not having a happy ending like farie tales do. Kat came home a little bit after I went to sleep last night. When I have my hair grown out long enough, I am gonna start putting it into a braid. 1 long-ass braid. Though I am going to need to get someone to teach me....I wonder if Kat knows how to braid hair. If she doesn't than I will ask Jamie or someone. I hope when school lets out that my dad wont make me get my hair cut like he did last year. I've told him over and over again that I want to grow my hair out but he keeps telling me to get my hair cut. I should hit him hard one of these days. I am gonna skip lunch today and work on things. I have to work for my English teacher because I won't have anything besides reading to do. I would rather do that tonight anyway since Kat is gonna be at her play, Sam probably won't be on, Molly & Holly have softball, and Li won't get home untl like 8:00 or so. Tomarrow I have to leave home at about 8:30 in the morning to get to Set construction. I than have to get to the Teen Center at 2:00 (cuz thats when the set construction thing is done and my school is litterally a block away from the Teen Center) to meet up with some friends. Sunday, Cal & Kat come over. Cal is probably going to sit at my computer for the durration of his being here and who the hell knows what Kat is going to do. I guess it's too early to think about it. Well, it's not too early about THINKING about Kat, it's to early to think about what she might do. I had this one weird dream last night (I don't usually dream, so yeah). It goes as follows:

Cal was sitting in the chair for my computer. My computer was sitting next to my bed, as it is right now, and Kat and I were sitting on my bed in the far-most corner from Cal. Kat was sitting on me, and we were making out, and Cal was talking to me as if I weren't doing anything.

It was kind of funny. I have to go now cuz I have to catch the bus. See ya!

Date:	2003-04-24 20:59
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	mellow
Music:	Obsession - .hack//sign

Kat is supposed to be home right now....oh well. She is in a play, and I didn't really expect her to be back when she said anyway. Those parties after a preformance can last for hours, and you feel bad if you have to leave before the majority of the people. I would know because I was in a play last summer. I dont expect a lot out of people...like promises. I don't expect anyone to keep them. Blaise, he gave me his word 2 weeks ago, that I would get my money on Monday. I have yet to get any of my money from him. I don't really care, as long as he pays me back. He said something about getting fined for taxes. My mom has to pay taxes in like 2 states. Taxes for Minnesota and taxes for Indiana. My sister and I both have to pay a dollar worth of tax. Its weird though....anyway. It's 9:05 and she still isn't back. I called her house about 10 minutes ago and her dad said that he didnt expect to see her home until about 10:00. So I will wait, like I always do for everyone. A lot of people would be angry, but I'm not. ^_^ nope. A part of me expects her to come online and say, "I AM SO SORRY!!!!", another part of me expects her to come online like it is 9:00 and like nothing has happened, and a third part of me expects her not to come online at all tonight. Listening to these three .hack//sign songs has made me realize, I really do diserve the nickname Puppy. When someone gives me an order, I usually do it. I follow people around, or I wait for them pationtly for them to come or return. *sigh* I am so pathetic.

Date:	2003-04-24 16:38
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	gloomy
Music:	Still Waiting - Sum 41 - Does This Look Infected? - Track 5

Life can really hit you hard sometimes. Kat just told me that Alex hasn't been going to church, when she said she would. I felt as though it was my fault, but Kat kept reassuring me that it wasn't. She said that Alex and told her and everyone else that night (in our lil group of doom) that she has been a cutter and depressed before me and her got together. But I keep thinking that I had pushed her over the edge with my actions. She said that she had fallen apart when I got grounded. Right at Valentine's Day. Kat told me the same thing I had told her a while ago, "Just let it go". I am going to....I just want to talk to Michelle first. To put my feelings at rest. Sam and I decided a couple days ago that we would revert back to the way we were before we got all mixed up in emotions and stuff. We used to be crazy, everything we did was random and we just roamed around. We never had our feelings guide us anywhere. We used to act very care-free. It was great. Than I started to become emotional about things. Shortly after, Sam started to. Now we follow our emotions like they are our master and we are their dog. Well, I'm off to cook. See ya!

Date:	2003-04-23 21:17
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	artistic
Music:	Face Up Face Down - Yu-Gi-Oh!

Damn I feel like shit right now. My abs still hurt *has done more sit-ups*, I can hardly keep my arms from shaking cuz they are so tired and my legs....lets just say I can't walk very far unless i am supporting and dragging myself along a wall. I am glad I moved my computer stuff right next to my bed. Kat ish no online. I am gonna miss her, but she gets home early tomarrow! 3:30! ^____^ Just like before. But she has to leave again to go to soccer. Than she comes back! Yay! I am happy. I just hope she can come over on Sunday. I cant decide if I want Cal to come over or Max to come over. I have to decide who pays the least attention to whats going on around them when a computer is in front of them. For some reason, this comes into my mind:

Kat and Adam: *making out on his bed*
Cal: *at Adam's computer, right next to the foot of the bed* Would you two keep it down over there?! I am trying to play Diablo.
Kat: *evil pixie laugh* Never! *continues what she was doing with Adam*
Alisa: *comes in outta no where and starts making out with Cal*
Cal: *quickly saves and quits Diablo to pay full attention to Alisa*
Adam (me): *inbetween kisses* And I though we were loud.....*continues*

That would actually be kind of funny. Well, I am gonna get some sleep because I wanna finish making my notes for my Ancient Civ class and make another drawing for Jessie. To do that, I am gonna need to get up at like 5:00 that way it gives me plenty of time for that drawing. Even though the one I made for her this afternoon took me 5 hours, including a million interuptions and a break for dinner. Another one, no inturuptions, should take me about an hour. Aw shit. I just remembered, I have those damn standardized testing things tomarrow....Math....where the hell is my calculator. I will find that tomarrow too. Goodnight Everyone!!!

Oh! Almost forgot........I LOVE KAT!!!!!

Date:	2003-04-23 17:02
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	drained
Music:	Cold - Stupid Girl

I am really bored right now and I don't wanna eat anything. I guess I won't take much for dinner. I havn't eaten anything today. I have only had .....about 3 bottles worth of pop and some Wheat Thins when I got home. That's all I've eaten. I wish I could just tell my parents that I don't wanna eat and they would say, "Ok. You don't have to eat if you don't want to." If I told them I didn't want to eat, they would go nuts. I havn't been hungry a lot lately....I dunno why. I was depressed, but than I got out of it. I don't feel sick (ill-like sick). Heavy Metal/Gothic/Nu-Metal music makes me feel happy for some reason. The songs would put like a preppy into a violent or a depressed mood, but it makes me feel happy. Ugh, I don't want to go to martial arts class tonight. I wanna stay home and talk to Kat. I didn't post yesterday because I didn't know what to say. I was confused about how I felt because of what she said....I think. I am not sure anymore. I think she loves me, but I don't know. She wants to take things slow, and thats fine with me. I told her that I would follow her wherever she went, but when she wants to think about if she loves me or not and didn't want to go out with me because of jealousy, I told her that I was gonna stand off to the side and watch. I would wait for her for as long as she needs time. I told her that I would try as hard as I could to not influence her decision. I really don't wanna eat dinner right now. Hopefully, Kat will come over to my house on Sunday since she doesn't have anything going on. I want Max to come over so my parents don't freak out that I am only inviting 1 person over and that 1 person happens to be female. I guess you could say I would be using Max, but if we are all in the same room (my room) that won't be a problem. I guess Kat and I are going to have one of those Dominatrix-type relationships where I do as she says. I'm just glad that she really does love me. I care for her. A lot. I just wish her parents would see that I am not really messed up.

Date:	2003-04-21 21:20
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	touched
Music:	Still Waiting - Sum 41

I really love Kat. The two of us, Sally and Zombie went and saw Bringin Down the House. It was a great movie. At the end, I felt like makin out with Kat cuz it got REALLY sappy, BUT! we didn't. I really love her....I wonder where I would be if I didn't meet her. I would probably be dead. She has....shown me that death isn't the answer to a problem. A problem of so much pain kept inside...all bottled up. She has shown me that there is more to life than just fighting, computers and caffeine. Even though those are still what my life is based upon, I am slowly changing. I can feel it. The last couple weeks when I have sparred, I havn't done much on the offensive side. I have been learning to take hits and stay standing, even though I get hit hard, fast and for a long time. Its hard to do that, but it is the fastest way to build up some short amounts of endurance. By pushing your body beyond its limits, you become stronger. Thats what sparring does...at least for me. It pushes me to my limits, and than throws me over the edge, head first. Yet every time, I still land on my feet. Kat has shown me that I don't need to fight to become who I want to be. Peace....peace is good. She has shown me that there is such a thing as real life. With people....and feelings. I used to be kind of cold and distant from people. When I did that.....I didn't open up to anyone. It seems that I tell Kat as much as I want to tell her and some stuff I don't, but do anyway. Secrets are off limits to everyone, but....I open up to her. The whole caffeine thing....she doesn't care about me and caffeine. Alex used to hate me for it. Well, my dads comin, so I gotta go. Write tomarrow!

Date:	2003-04-21 08:05
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy
Music:	Anything But Ordinary - Avril Lavigne

^_^ I am happy. Happy I am. I am happy! ......That was really random. I finally downloaded PSP7. I made an icon for myself because I need help from Molly (who is probably sleeping), Sam (who is at school) or Li (who is either sleeping or at school). Damn me and my getting up early. But today, I got up early happily! I feel really random right now....I should spread my happyness out to everyone in the world!!!! .....Or maybe I will just keep it to myself becuase it is not very often that I get happy like this. Most of my life, I have been too busy either trying to hide myself from everyone or I have been taking in peoples pain. I never gave myself any time to be happy. But now...now I have friends that are like me, are interested in the same things as me and like the same music....well, kinda. People tell me things. Its kinda weird, but kinda not. After someone gets to konw me, they will start telling me secrets about themselves that they don't tell anyone else. Or they tell me things that they dont want other people to know about. And they trust me because I don't tell anyone. Sam, Yukito, Kat, Lys, Li, all of my friends, they have told me stuff that I have not told anyone, and will not tell anyone. They trust me and I will never let them down. No matter how angry I could possibly get at them, I would never tell anyone what they tell me unless they say it is ok to tell other people. I take in their pain, and live on with my life. What I have done is made their life a little easier, and my life a little harder. Sharing memories isn't always a good thing, but it generally makes you life easier. I don't share my memories because I dont have many memories of my own to share. They aren't all that exciting anyway. My life has been boring ever since I have started school. Another reason why I dont have many memories, is because I don't want to remember my past. I try as hard as I can to forget everything, yet some things, I can't live down. People say stuff about me that isn't even true. I am too far away right now to do anything about it, but soon, I will be able to fix the mistakes that I have made in the past...at least the ones I can fix. Prove to others that I am not an idiot, prove to them that I am not weak, and prove to them that I am not someone who can be used for their own humor.

Date:	2003-04-20 22:23
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic
Music:	Just For - Nickelback

Well, I have chosen Kat, ladies and gentlemen. I asked her out, she said no, we talked about the promise, we started to talk about if the last part could really be done....than after a long while, at about 10:30 tonight, she asks me out, and I said yes. I am so happy now. ^__________________________^ I should make an icon....If I could ever figure out how. Now I have a feeling that I would lose Holly & Molly, at the same time, I dont think they are gonna mind too much that I am going out with Kat. They didn't seem to care that I was going out with Alex. I love Kat a lot. I probably love her more than Alex...which is kind of weird cuz during the final days of mine and her relationship, I was thinking that I would never find any love that could even come close to Alex's and mine. I guess I am still right for now because I think Kat's and mine from the start is higher than mine and Alex's ever got. I just wish I could put my arms around her, hold her against my body and be that way with her forever. *sigh* I am so happy. Perhaps this is true happyness....total bliss....god I hope so. I think I finally might be able to take in other peoples pain like I have before, but be able to keep them from affecting the way I am. I love kat....I really do. She's like my light at the end of the tunnel....

Hey, If you all want to take a look at an anime site, my site Chaos Path is on its way to completion. I just need content now. ^_^ Thanks!