San's Blurty
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in San's Blurty:

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    Friday, October 17th, 2003
    5:04 pm
    With so much drama in the CHS its kidna hard bein San L.Y double N
    Yeah so...idk iv'e been feeling realllly weird lately...idk i cant knock it....i've been obssesivly tired, and it's puttign me in a crappy mood...I can't exactly explain every thing..cause then i'd have to kill you, or my self...who ever i find it will probably be you

    You like apples?

    Girls don't like boys...
    ..Well boys that live with in a 10 mile radius of me ne way... They don't like me so there for i dont like them ..

    HA how you like them apples?

    Gay i know ..what are ya goan do...sleep is what i always say

    Ight so i'm thinkin i might want to drop out of school...if i wasn't such a pussy willow, and acctually had something to look foward to by not being there besideds solitude and seclusion, dont sound to bad acctually..but yeahhhh... any way

    I guess this is a pretty shitty update since im really to chicken to say what i want to say and what i did spit out is more like chewed up bacon bits....i guess i'll stop before who ever is reading this keels over from bordom, maybe take a nice nap.

    ight mamas off...ill tty kids lat

    Current Mood: shitty
    Current Music: good charolett thanks to jacks previouse away message
    Saturday, September 20th, 2003
    12:57 pm
    Your lipstick his collar don't bother angel i know exactly what goes on...
    Just think of this and me as just a few of many things to lie around
    to clutter up your shelves And I wish you weren't worth the wait
    because there's some thing's I'd like to say to you...

    I don't think that you know what you've been missing Cuz I don't think that
    you know what you've been missing

    I dare you to forget those marks you left
    across my neck from those nights when we were both found at our best
    I could make this obvious, and you, you could deny me all in one breath
    you could shrug me off your shoulders...

    I don't think that you know what you've been missing Cuz I don't think that
    you know what you've been missing

    I don't think that you know I said I don't think you know
    I said I don't think you know what your missing

    Hey, lush, have fun It's the weekend
    Hey, lush, have fun

    Hey, lush, have fun It's the weekend
    Hey, lush, have fun

    I don't think that you know what
    you've been missing I don't think that
    you know what you've been missing

    Just forget me it's that simple
    Just forget me it's that simple


    Current Mood: crushed
    Current Music: tbs
    Wednesday, September 17th, 2003
    2:44 pm
    theses are the things...i wish..i knewwww in high school
    ight so due to current events i found out a few thigns...1)no matter what, if you have a secreat that you feel that would be best kept to your self due to that fact it will upset your best friends or come out confusing, and your inital feelign is to keep it to your self and let it ride out,even when peer pressured by noisy beasts...just keep it to your self, just keep it to your self....2) high school comes adn goes the peopel you meet and come across will soon be gone in a matter of 3 years in my case one to go, so don't obsess over people you don't like or do like for that matter...lifes gona go on weither you like it or not 3) no one and nothing is worth you haveing a stressful day over, i mean like littel stupit things...i learned in health today stress can kill you so don't let a stupit bitch at your lunch table be the death of you. i relize i stress over way to many things and try to please way to many people, when i should maybe just relax a deal with the here and now....i also appologise to much, that sounds stupit, but you shouldnt be sorry over eevery little feelign you ahev or try adn justify your every last just adds more stress...and i reallllly need to work on that...and also have to stop assuming all of the world hates me

    the climax... %====D ----

    Sandy pants is acctually attracted to 10th grade boys EKKK ..idk wahst up with that tehre are soem lil hotties that look like tehre 19 and then i see them walking into a class with my lil sister and im like woah..sandy not suppose to like connetquate boys, crushes sure, but idk about a long term quartship..even though i said id give them a chance im still to impulsive/fickles ne way, and so my mom says is the worst combination to have.... so yeay for me!! WOOP WOOP!

    ight kids thanks for letting me get a few things off my cheast..thst just how i do..ttyl sexys

    Current Mood: annoyed
    Current Music: alk3
    Sunday, September 14th, 2003
    7:50 pm
    you want the truth...YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!
    With one or two I get used to the room. We go slow when we first make our moves. But five or six bring you out to the car. Number nine with my head on the bar. And it's sad, but true. Out of cash and I owe. I got you. Desperate desires and unadmirable plans. My tongue will taste the gin and malicious intent. Bring you back to the bar. Get you out of the cold. A sober straight face gets you out of your clothes. And they're scared that we know all the crimes they'll commit. Who they'll kiss before they get home. I will lie awake. Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you. Then you'll fall for every empty word I say. Barely conscious in the door where you stand. Your eyes are filing sleep while your mouth makes your demands. You laugh at every word, trying hard to be cute. I almost feel sorry for what I'm gonna do. And your hair smells of smoke. Who will cast the first stone? You can't sit or spend the night all alone. Brass buttons on your coat hold the cold in the shape of a heart that they cut out of stone.
    You're using all your looks that you've thrown from the start. If you let me have my way, I swear I'll tear you apart. Cause it's all you can be. You're a drunk and you're scared. It's ladies night. All the girls drink for free. I will lie awake. Lie for fun and fake the way I hold you. Then you'll fall for every empty word I say.

    ****the truth about getting drunk nice and compact all in one lil brand new song*****

    i had this idea on my mind after talking to a friend about "drunk"...and amazingly i just ahppend to listen to this song like 5 seconds later...

    Current Mood: aggravated
    Current Music: brand new
    Saturday, September 13th, 2003
    3:24 pm
    I think i'd be good for you and you'd be good for me...
    so yeah...i haven't updated in a while like ussual on account i have nothing interesting to say... i still don't but im sure i can construct something fairly interesting

    well today i was going to go to the chs sacheam game but because of the rain it sort of turned me off...took my dad on some errands saw marcy marc...rented soem movies at teh librery..ya know boring day so far...gotta go to the beer distributer later to get a job..this should be good, moneys money and im a dick for quitting my old job but ya know shit happens

    so yeah me and kelly are convinced mario loves us sure sure he claims to be useing us but you can tell tis all out of his die hard affection for his two favorit and mario acctualy did that sprint relay thing last night for the def. peopel, that was pretty damn funny. you all should try it some time

    me and denise as well are takeign teh lovely mellon balls and mr. tim on an excurtion, they dotn know what it is and its goan stay like that , but they beter belive tehy have another thing comin if they try to get out of it

    Surgery, what surgery?

    i desided i have to stop being such a dick to people, along with my thoughts of never dateign a connetquate boy....i mean i had bad luck in the past but as open as i am with other things i shouldn't close off that end of me either..not like ne connetquate boys would ever want to date me ne way so idk who im kidding...but w/e i'm gona try to be open and a positive like the lil opptimist that i long to be...the cup is not half empty as pesemest far as he sees nothigns left in the cup..yeah alil used for you there i couldn't help my self :-*

    so yeah as like always i have nothing really that great to say ..except for the fact i ahve the basball game on in the background and right befor this "kate smith" was about to sing god bless america he announcer came on to relay alil information and in the back ground you here a big " FUCK YOU"..haha yeah only in america so "god bless america" hahahha good stuff

    ok im fone nothign more form my lil brain love you all and to all a good nigh

    Current Mood: anxious
    Current Music: the used
    Wednesday, August 27th, 2003
    9:22 pm
    What did that get there
    apparently when you type in on my computer it brings me to blurty...this is enw to me adn i dotn understand y it happend..all i wanted to do was look at nerf herder merch adn now tis got me updateing my journal....what kidna of crack head's idea was this!

    so it goes

    well sicne im here ill give alil looked at some brideds maids dresses..took us 45 minites to get there at least 5 minites to find and 15 to get fat( aka we stoped for lunch at the cheese cake factory) , ne way every eon got realy ncei dresses miens kidan gay but w/e ill deal with it, with my hair and makeup done ill dazzle im sure...

    as well as this my brother just got hi new car tradeign his 2001 mustang for a 2002 golf?..even trade? i think not...but i get to drive teh mustang or jeep if you will till my parents let me get my own will ahev to do...he asked me to go for a ride which was shocking in that and hes acctualy pretty good at driving stick ussualy i wotns tep foot in a car that is not autimatic on account im not ussaly prone to motion sickness but 5 speeds liek to bring that upon me with all the annoyign julting..its a black car alil bigger interier, pretty ncie when i thoguth it was goan suck balls...

    estaby where for art thou estaby

    speaking of brothers..what happend to mien and why was he replaces with this sweet fun lvoeign version of him tillca nt get over how nice he was to me all really litterly boogles the think im beign sarcastic but ask en oen who knows my family well i.e jen and they will tell you how bizare this situation really is.

    i guess im done..i never really wanted to update this thing..i guess it was a subliminal message...but in the words of my brother " yeah, wut eva n*gga"

    tootles :-

    Current Mood: confused
    Current Music: the quiet things that no one ever knows -brand spankin new
    Friday, August 22nd, 2003
    11:08 pm
    words of wisdom
    FUCK EVERY THING! fuck you fuck ya mama fuck a duck fuck the po-lice...just fuck it..all of sick of every ones stupit shit...shut ya mouth an open your mind maybe..theres some food for thought..i'm done, im done with it all sick of it all, shove it up your candy ass cause I HATE YOU..


    Current Mood: pissed off
    Current Music: no one knows -queens of the stone age
    Thursday, August 21st, 2003
    1:09 am
    Man Gina
    ok let me just sit here and have a talk with every one out there in cyber world... I came to the conclusion today (well a while ago but today..totaly confirmed) that i only get hit on by guys i ahev no attraction to what so ever...completrly not my type compleatly only after one thing gross mutha puerto rican 40 year old men on bicycles and the blackest black gankstas of america..not even carmel im talkin full fledged straight from the swaheli tribe of africa black...seriously..i dont even dress slutty like "hey ma whats up" i dotn even have a "gudunk gudunk" i got my flat italian ass...teh only thing i got goin is the meat on my bones that them men (steriotypicly) seem to like...

    ...the dilema

    I normaly go for the compelate opposite..ok not soem oens traight out of corprite america but ..not that.... The type of guys im into have a totaly diffrent spin on what tehy seem to look like..i guesss tehy take oen looka t em adn got me pined to be soemthgin im not orrrr i know there type is eieht lierk that cue lil sweet gurl in teh sun dress thasta vegen and hugs trees oorrr this cool punk rock chick that makes her own cloths and can tell you ne thing you wanna know on ne garage band on long island..

    ...biggest dilema

    thats not me..i'm sandra...san, sanna ..sandra pants unfortunatly.. i could give you my good qualitys but that would be considered an ad in the dateing section of the classifyeds, eitehr that or we'll leave it at that

    I just know theses stupit white boys look for soemthgin that closely resembles "l" <--that....and these black/peurto rican men llok for somehtign lookin like "lD" <---that (suppsoe to be a booty) ...WHAT ABOUT US INBETWEEN GURLS ..GOD for serious....i seriously got screamed adn whistled at by the grimmyest guys..then while in teh pizza place i saw this guy i thought was sooo freakin hot of course didn't even give me the smallest incling of a glance in my direction even to read the chokeing hazzored sign...and tehn is eehim waitign out side with this busted ass gurl whos prolly onw of them feminist types who doent shave her legs and eats granola...when he was freakin hotter then god knows (well he wasnt that hot but the hottest guy we saw all day since i was dragged to the most un cultured part of manhatten)...i seriosuly think its a here i am think collage is goan rock helll no its prolly goan be just the same...we will see ya'll we WILL see..

    ight my bitchign is done if you ahev ne suggestions please feel free to enlighten me with long as they dont involve me changing or startign to hug trees or..idk goign to outy Dion


    Current Mood: exhausted
    Current Music: Boys of summer - ataris
    Sunday, August 17th, 2003
    3:50 pm
    you lil ball buster
    Last night, i put alot of things into perspective...I relized, you really can't trust any body but your self. Sure people will try to help, want and try to comprihend your problems, when in reality, your the only one who can truely turn your life around...i also relized no matter how much you try to gain exceptance there are just some people out there not willing to give in and grant you that... telling people your problems is almsot like a double edged sword even if they do except it they wont ever compleatly understand and if they don't then your screwd and placed in a possison of vonarability...

    i'm kind of feelign very alone and unsure lately... It finnaly hit me that ..i'm graduating, and there is nothing i can do about it...and i cryed....i'm graduating and to me it seems my own friedns and family don't want to be around me ne i did somethign so wrong and now i have to pay the price...of course every one will put the blame on me and say i'm over reacting your takign every thing the wrong way, when to me this is the way and this is how i feel so how can it be wrong...i just cant understand things that i need to and that scares me....this life i had for 17 years is about to change drasticly, for better? for worse? who knows...all i know is things will never be the same, Sandra the person in her family known for fearing change in the simplists of forms is goan move out of her hosue make new friends, granted i will keep the old, and be thrown into somethgin unknown ne thing i ever had to deal with in my entire life..tell me thats not alil nerve racking..its over, my life as it stands in this form of the word is over...

    i just want to tell every one i love them, no matter what..thats all..and dont take advantage of other peoples vonirability..cause it seems thats been happenign to me alot lately...which throws more fear into my ability to be strong, testing it .

    ne way...maybe i'll be able to shake this or at least cope for now...

    untill then i leave you with these words of advise
    " Making sex is like chinees diner, its not over untill you both get your cookies."

    -signing off
    yours truely

    Current Mood: uncomprihensive
    Current Music: non
    Tuesday, August 5th, 2003
    2:12 am
    yeah so what are ya gona do eh?
    can't sleep...can't eat...can't lay in my bed and watch t.v... ..peter popoff is over i missed it....CANNNNNNNN MASTERBATE, annnnd talk to jason...but not at the same time...thast just weird, sorry jay i mean not sayign you don't turn me on or nothin but a lol not my style to combine the two forces, or is it :-X DUH DUH DUH...

    biskets in teh oven gona watch em riiise

    so i feel it eyah i feel the dick...the dick that liek to shadow over in beign dicked over, i seem to fall in these traps were i alwasy assum ne one who ever maeks plans with me audimaticly has to keep tehm or i want to kill tehm in a most bruttal way, but apparently peoepl ahev no problem breaking plans its upsetign ya know your all lookin foward to somehtign and just doent happne...crimmy..i think im to whiped is waht it is, if i even spelt that right...but w/e ill cry about it later...eww my ahnds smell liek dirty vagina..i must hit the road..later kids...

    oh tip time

    ever not by a bathroom liek in a basment and have a washer and dry off hand very clseo by...sorta liek me...then you can just get soem detergent and turn teh washer on for liek 5 seconds and wash those bad im inivative..ok later fuckers i mean woo wyah umm heh LOOK OVER THERE...

    Current Mood: weird
    Current Music: a.f.i
    Friday, August 1st, 2003
    2:20 pm
    Courtasy of Link...
    As slip knot once said .. "People=Shit"

    Current Mood: crappy
    Current Music: Stupit gurl -cold
    2:20 pm
    Courtasy of Link...
    As slip knot once said .. "People=Shit"

    Current Mood: crappy
    Current Music: Stupit gurl -cold
    Monday, July 28th, 2003
    9:48 pm
    threw with being cool...
    yeah so i'd say i had the msot kick ass time at the lil par-tay, mini par-tay if you will in which drinking was involed, fight club,"Herrs" prezele nuggets, wrestle mania, salmon, and some sort of sexual homosexual ghost....I serously had the best time,idk about you kids, thanks for the person who threw it and all who attended, sicne im suppose to keep this on the d/l but i forgot why, oh well..

    hunger strikes but i refuse to do a thing about it...

    For some reason i have this sneakign suspition that my friends are starting to hate me...maybe case im starting to hate my self and just audimaticly assume everyoen will follow in my lead..or mayeb becsaeu im a parinoid temprimental biotch from the hood ya herrrrd....

    i think i need a new variety in my life alil more jazz to spice it up, ya know how all them plain potato chip companys soon relized yeah there are other opptions out there like sour cream and chive, and mastque bbq, yeah and 80% of the time your hands lungin for one of those babys at aunt berthas 95th birthday party over the ruffled...

    I miss my old friends for one not that i dont enjoy my new friends group w/e but i just would liek to encourpirate new with the old..i just seemed so much happyer adn less peevish when i sorta get a chance to see tehm all instead of forgetign about tehm all together i.e denise tiana steph sammy my sister, ya know the drill, i barly see them and i think it's putting a damper on my moral meter... i still <3 all my friend don't get me wrong but i think you all know what i'm getting at.

    so tonight i watched a movie with my sister like old times..oh man out of all peoepl she was the biggest part of my life seh is my life, adn we barly see each otehr ne mroe or hang out so tis liek so weird when we use to belike almsot 24/7 now its liek high and bye inbetween friend sessions...thatw as the number oen thing that kept me sain adn insain at the same time..a nice natural balance, shes my bebe guuurl... things are going to have to change

    i also miss hangign around with amanda and kelly and like the hearls with tiana...idk my life is changeign yes that what i sort of wanted but its starting to take a turn for the worse i.e not the way i wanted it to..i'm hopeing sr. year will just kick ass and i can just relax for once and like not care about ne one but my self..well you know what i mean im not that evil...

    idk i just feel empty and it really sucks..and since idk who to exactly talk to or who really gives to shits...this is waht i talk lil cute blurty wurty oh yes you are your a cute blurty mwah mwah mwah

    well w/e i really only trust my self to say ne thign im reaaally feelign to and i guess thats where teh problem lies..yes with lies...but untill i get over that fear its "Hi i'm chipper, wanna buy gurl scout cookies" sandra all the way baby..i guesss i don't minfd i'm quite use to it, and i'm sure i'm not the only one who thinks that way about them selves

    and this gaining weight thign is just a door stopper man..geeze my high self esteam has widdled from omg your so high your like in the clouds to omg your so high but your sorta under teh clouds juuust alil now...NOOO i'm not full of my self playa please, but who said you can't lvoe your self come on they ahev liek self help books for that shit..i was alwasy proud of my self adn my body now im like upset at my self for ruinign waht work for...but hey thats what happens i guess....

    i don't feel like tlakign ne mroe caue i relize peopel acctualy read these things soo i'm done ..lata kids drive safely

    Current Mood: confused
    Current Music: A.F.I
    Friday, July 25th, 2003
    4:04 pm
    ...Oh no that was probably just for Lauren Nokelty :-D
    OH so yeah aparently sandy pants drinks now...even though after 4th of july i told my self i wouldn't ever ne more...yeah well that has been long gone was jen annnd stephs birhtdya yeasterday so i visited them both stephys was fun i alwasy liek hangin there, then iw ent to jens party at michelles and i really regreat going cause im hate drinking if im just gona go to bed like 5 minutes later its pointless. i was pissed of and in a weird mood all day which made me like mad when i was drunk and really stupit and annoyign liek ussual..i belive i even called jarad realmuto like 2 in the morning while jenw as was probably talking on my s/n probably making me sound like a jack ass..oh well not my problem ever hehehe...yeah i was so exited kate and nikki were there there twoo funny bunyns i miss those gurls...kate beter order me a porta house caseu im starvin...yeah jen just thinking of our sleepign arrangemetns how is it ever sleep over theres alwasy soemthgin terribly wrong with them and you always get the shit end of it...its too funny...ogm wait jen ha ha did you huuurr that like burt mcrackin use to sing in band called giveing back saturday and like he totaly felt leik they were useign him so he joined this new band and they called them selves teh used after burts hard ship omg i totaly read that in spin magazine too and like it allll truuuueee alwasyyyyyyyyyyyyysssssss ne way goin out with xine adam and stephy tonight so i will be sure to tlak to you cats and kittens lata :-

    Current Mood: sore
    Current Music: Alk 3
    Sunday, July 13th, 2003
    4:20 pm
    holey moley
    listen think i might like run adn play in traffic....i could be burning cds right now if i had money to buy cd's since i usded up all 100 of teh free ones i ahd aka like 40 cause tehr rest were all messed up aka my burneds a piece of ass fuck..

    so it goes

    so im listeign to teh new brand new cd which i looove by the way..even though it sounds nothign like them i <3 it..last cd i burned was rise against ..i was listeign to soem of the bands off my new warp tour cd and alot of them are amazing i gotta burn soem f-in cds but this god damn problme of oh idk not haevign ne burnable cds..yeah thast right im bitchin adn you like it!

    i orders a few thigns from mercdirect and inter punk..hope thast shizzle comes parents wont let sue tehre card ne mreo caseu there all oo somoen goan steal my card number and oo i dotn want you blowin your pay check save your money, yeah ok crazy loons its my money first jens gona let me borrow ehr debit, so HA f -u ...parentals...but now i got to wait for that ebast to get back form north cary, which is liek a week adn im so impatient i think i may kill, im just afraid liek teh thigns i want will amgicly not be tehre ne more...caseu thast how i do adn how every thing does to me... im to tired and bored right now to think of ne new thigns to tlak about...when i ahve soemthign to tlak about i aways forget to update so theses entrys alasy becoem monotonus and b-o-r-e-i-n-g ...well my new job is the shit i maek so much gosh darn money its rediculas...also oh man and the best news of all MACELLA AND MATTAO ARE GOING OUT <3333333333... im sooooo cited for them this is the bestest thign ever, michlle deserves the best case she alwasy get the shit end of teh deal, and i def. consider matt one of the best, same for matt, he deserves perfict, adn since me adn micehlle are basicly twins, and well you all know im perfict, michelle is a clsoe second and im thrilled they found each other...

    as for my love life..i'm not even worryed about it ne more.. which is weird, cause i ussualy am..constantly, so i'm realy happy i'm just content with were i am and not..go sanna its ya birf day...i like beign single for once, i like what ti has to offer, not to say i wouldnt love to be with seomoen caseu i would, but tf its not happening now, then its not happenign now...i'd rather just be pateint with this sort of thing for now on, cause lord knows i have the worst luck ever with guys. I have soem sort of good guy repelent which attracts the scum of the earth caseu they obviously love the smell of shit...

    i hope i hope i hope stephy calls me i miss that bay-be...i wanna chill with her, sehs liek never free cause shes a friggin work-aholic now...ig not i guess ill wait for michell to get back from beign with her sister... i lveo how every oen ahs a life today ..its friggin sunday peoepl y cant you be home for me..beasts...

    ight pussy cat goan go i suppose..mayeb convince teh parentals to elt me drive to cvs..whooa that would be a shocker...ttyl bruttal monkey fuckers...oo speakign of fuckers, today was a nice time in teh tub haha ;-

    Current Mood: blank
    Current Music: brand new...track 9 new cd
    Sunday, July 6th, 2003
    10:19 am
    9:59 am
    so you think
    wow...this week was full of things that happend that were very ironic, in the sence not exactly working out how i wanted, ironic in a annoying bull shit sorta way....and then i relized i let people walk all over me to much. now i've known this in the past but holy shit i totaly got that consept for a week straight. idk i'd like to say i'm not gona let it happen ne more but of course we all know thats not true no matter how you put it. People, listen just relize what your doing, this goes for every one not just the fact i'm alil bitch adn complain about every thing this is in ne concept when dealing with the public, friends, family british military ect.... Treat people like shit and its willing to come back to you twice as bad. for real like its so shitty, is it that mutha fucking hard to be cautios of other peopels feelings even once and a while? i mean come on now...i'm no angel eitehr i should probably take this advise too sometimes..but right now were not tlakign about me were talking about me beign pissed off at other peopel have no regard for other peopls feelings...its just somehtin that pisses me off and being up typeign this at 10 in teh morning on a sunday, brings out the ricky lake audience member in me..don't ask me y, it just seems to way i had a few realizations, opiphanys waht ever you want to call it, adn i'm goan try starting fresh cause apparently what i think i want isnt half as close as to what i need..and why my basement smells liek old moldy gym shorts? is beyond me...maybe its the fumes going to my lil head makine me think im like father jesus (hey-zeus, for those of spanish desent) way i waws watching my girl upstairs it was sorta in teh middle i dont even know if its the first or second one but who would name tehre kid after a partical in science or greek letter if you will like ooo samantha isnt exactly doin it for me hunyn quick whip out my fraternity book form collage and pick a letter that sounds "science partical" like.... oh in case you dont know her name is beta...ok ne way back to that..i'll tty cats and kittens on teh flip side.ya dig ;-

    Current Mood: full
    Current Music: wayne wonder...and yeah i cant rememebr the name of the song
    Sunday, June 29th, 2003
    2:45 pm
    Every thing was beautiful, and nothing hurt
    as for Me...i don't know what to think ne more or even how to go about understanding what i want to think or how to feel...As to a certain person, what ever happens in teh future is probably whats suppose to happen. I'm not exactly sure what i want to say to you at this point in time since im still playing sences in my head over and over tryign to make sence of it all. If you could do me oen favor it would be to please stay true to how you realy feel, i dont want it to be fake but then again dont be afraid to take that chance and see what could realy come of ne thing. If im offending you in ne way by posting this my deepest appologies, i just dont want to keep turning to people that don't understand, and as of now your the only person i'd feel comfortabl turning to,even though your the only person i can't. Please don't pretend liek it didn't happen caseu it did, and i know you feel, and i'm not even refering to the physical...but ne way this is for you, i'm sure you'll sort of understand what i'm saying, please want to talk to me...


    Current Mood: not sure
    Current Music: incubus
    Friday, June 27th, 2003
    3:14 pm
    and the days go by i don't know why
    so here i am..sitting, tired in my basement, pondering on todays plans. We all seem to lazy to come up with something good since is raining and were all lazy fuck heads....and right now i'm typeing and not looking and only hit back space a few hundred it goes...

    Ight so last night it was pool party at michelles after me laura and jen slept over the night befor..anne marie steph tommy joe and matt the new hofstra collage boy, soon joined us...we had a slammin good time at elast i did cause i love gettin toget with my friedns no matter what we yeah then laura michelle matt adn joe went abck to my hosue and watched old school, meh it was ok i kidna fell asleep, tehn woke up to QVC with this gigantic plus sign necklace which by the way was beautiful...matt and jose` left around 4 and em laura and michelle hit the ball sac. it was funny...

    Yeah so this is for adam..even though i already told you..i think i miiight be well not over what ever it is im on but not as intense...its, love, and happyness and how to achive it is way to confuseing

    so im done casue im to tired to think lata kid

    Current Mood: blank
    Current Music: castles in the ski..thats stupit techno song
    Wednesday, June 25th, 2003
    7:35 pm
    You're my best friend, best friends with benifits
    yeah so i wanted to update this thing and tehn alanis came on teh radio adn i got voer excited about tia dn it just put me in teh mood to rock out to some it goes

    Ok so my theory about love... i'm never gona see it, it just doent want to find me..kind of like when your playign hide and go seek with a bunch of little kids your baby sitting, you don't acctualy want to find them case that measn ther just gona keep playign with you and annoying you chose to take your tiem adn not find them so you can watch some t.v or take a short 3 hour nap while one hides behind the fernis and ones traped in the laundry shoot... oh what you don't do that?..well w/e you should i have good ideas that ussualy go to waist but more then likely your sayign to your self "hey, thast acctualy a good idea..sinister, but effective." ne way after that long drawn out explination of love and y it doent want to find me and now that life hosue is on teh radio and im loseign my train of thought, i'll change the subject..or just take it in a new direction

    see this life house song "hangin by a moment" i use to lvoe..when i ahd i listen to it and want to bash teh radio with a mallet being these lil rock stars enjoy rubbing it ever so harshly in my face...Alanis had more my stlye...i think ill put my head phones on adn ignor the radio..although i just resently read that by listeing to headphones for about an hour alone increases teh abcteria in your ears by about 700%..thats alil freaky....just a fun fact for yall, i got amillion of em...yeah its tiem for alanis this must be upsetign love song,your never gona get ne one so start cryign and get use to it you pathetic loser hour on the radio..what station is this even its like walk 97 ,somthing old i have no it goes...

    So today was super hot adn i babysat in teh sun for liek an hour made 10 bucks..still sunburned form the day at the beach abd i couldnt go today becase of these burns..oh eyah adn cause anne marie desided tot ell em aslt minite i couldnt go..nice of her to give me a heads up..but ti worked out ne we watched fight club last night, hope you understood it anny pants...i rented movies for tonight...i wanted to ahev movei night but it doent look like jose`s around so i guess im just gettign crunk tonight at michelle's and well watch the movies so bored and michelles not haveing me over till like 10..there were suppseo to be a few peoepl going now everyoesn coppign out cause there pussy's, and yeah there just pussy's lol...

    no oesn onlien so it looks liek im the only big ass loser around on my computer..i could of went for a walk with my sister and sam but i had to update this journal didn't I..DIDN'T YOU SANDRA HUH HUH ALWASY GOTA DO WAHT YOOOOU WANNA DO ENEVR WAHT III WANT TO DO..III WANTED TO GO FOR A WALK ADN GET OUT OF TEH HOSEU ADN NOW YOUR STUCK EHRE ALONE FOR 2 AND A HALF MORE HOURS..Y DO YOU ALWAYS MAKE TEH WORST DESIONS EVER!!! it goes

    well in a lighter note away from my inner self, i passed my road test!!!!! woooo woooo.. its like a big boulder has been lifter off my shoulders, also schools voer and i passed all my regentses althoguh im still waitin on chem, but w/e i think i passed but barley..w/e i always make out thinkin im about to right another poem..mayeb about lonlyness..cause i'm quite alone right now..its just me and alanis and were rockin out to jagged little pill, which by teh way is one of the most oustading albmums every created with its lyrical mastery and all teh arangments work out so beautiful for my little ears, a poet this women is, and talented as well...i use to mayeb i sitll do, but when i was younger i looked shockignly similar to her, peoepl use to call me alanis all teh tiem or start singing...mayeb teh big brown eyes and long curly hair did it, oh man i miss my long curly hair it was so beautus and now that im not a totaly spaz and know how to do hair somewhat i could do the most awesoem things with it, god damn it ::forgive me father for i have sined::...i always feel guilty useing the lords name in vain..well typing it ne way, i alwasy hesitate but yet do it ne way...

    and every time i scratch my nails down someone elses back i hope you feel it..well can you feel it?!

    don't forget to win first place...don't forget to keep that smile on your face.....

    i think....i'm gona go, i feel very emotional/sublime right now, and i'm not..exactly sure...where its gona lead me...alanis is taking me to a diffrent place so yeah... i g2g

    Current Mood: seduced
    Current Music: alanis ........<3<3<3
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