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PoeticSoul's Journal
Everwanted to dump off a big bunch of people from your life and start over with new and possibly better friends? *shrugs* Maybe just the kinds of stress and crap I am going through lately but sometimes I have actually thought about it then I think more and find some strange reasons for giving them all another chance yet again *shrugs* Glutton for punishment in some cases maybe or maybe the fact that I view most of humanity worthless and find it pointless to give a flying flip about what any of them do *Laughs* Ohhh well words on a screen and all that rubbish
Later Days and Nights
Current mood:
apathetic.Current music: Radio.
Well having to use a friends comp due to mine dying a horrible death. With any luck its just the power source inside the comp and will be fixed soon
Current mood:
annoyed.
Well for starters had to be up EARLY for a Saturday to go to the Museum on Campus with Dad, James, and Bri. THEN off to teh lake for who knows how many HOURS of them fishing and me taking pictures ((Not bought my Fishing Licenses yet Ohh poor me *LOL*)) only to have a Blue Heron Crane Stay right by my dad most of the day matching him step for step. REALLY wish I have a video tape of it but did get some great pictures of it. Daughter caught a baby Large mouth bass. Dad and Bri fed the Crane minnows and Sunnies. Then lucky moment WInd blew James hat off his head and right against my arm *lol* Then once home found out supplies for teh flower bed were not the right cut so hae to make it bigger than planned and had to go get more Topsoil and stuff so decided to just have Bri go to my mothers for ano hour or so and give us some time alone out. THat got twisted to her being at the mall too with us ((Sorta was like they were with us We kept running into them)) SO not much time alone other than when inteh car driving me home before he had to go pick her up from Mom ((The pains of having a 2 seater car have to make multiple trips to get everyone where they are supposed to be)) So work in the garden begins tomorrow and hopefully tomorrow will be a less "Active" day I need a rest before all the early mornings of seeing Bri off to school *lol*
Well Later Days and Nights
Current mood:
tired.Current music: Newly burned cd and whatever is on TV.
Everything for everyone
Gotta find a way to do it all
And accept the looks of confusion and shock
When I don't know thigs that I want to do for me
Robotic existance setting in
None of what my heart and mind want
Are even heard any more
Been that way for so long now
Maybe they have lost their voice
Back to the grind of being and doing all thats needed
So much for happiness outside of family and friends
So much for Dreams and wants
They are all that matter Myself is lost
Ohhh well
((Ramblings of tired PMSing Mind THink nothing of it *lol*))
Later Days and Nights
Current mood:
blank.Current music: Household cleaning products running.
I plan something nice and BOOM something says Nope NOT gonna happen.
Like today I though that Watch the kids for a couple hours and then Dad and James and me go out for a bit to a place wher ethey can fish and I can walk around taking pictures and the resteraunt would fix what they caught theway they wanted it but NO Car breaks down
Figured if the Mechanic could fix the car today James and me at least go out tonight but NO Mechanic cant be here till tomorrow IF then.
Later Day and Nights
Current mood:
aggravated.Current music: Movie on TV.
All the lies online amongst "Friends". Ya ignore it let them think you believe them but don't... Sad really that people who call you friend and sister would do ya like this but Ehh whatever ya know... No worries here they wanna be that way I can be that same kind smilng happy "friend" and Oopps did I tell you that... Sorry let me toss out several excuses for you and just keep going
Laughable at best but hey humanity for the most part are little more than maggots in this cespool called civilization *shrugs*
Well Later Days and Nights
Current mood:
amused.Current music: Whatever James i Listening to.
Well My "oldest Daughter" ((Grandmother Nana)) is about to have to be grounded from her car. I offered to pay the bus ride for her to go and take my daughter to the Dr so that James and I could take care of matters we need to attend to. since James is not on the list to take Bri to the Dr for treatment. Nana says ~No I have been up there before thats not a problem~ Problem or not thats not the agreement she has with AUnt Sharon and Uncle Lloyd who helped her get this last car WITH the understanding she would not gou out on the interstate and other REALLY heavy traffic roads.
James love of my life that he is asked me when I went back inthe back to talk to him about it asked me ~Are you going to be able to do the same thing with your dad about the car that you tried to do with Nana?~ Thanks ALOT hun for reminding me I have two kids that will have to be grounded from their cars and bless the Gods/Goddesses that My Mom doesn't drive. Its going to get interesting in th efuture around here I just know it.
Ohhh well Later Days and Nights
Current mood:
annoyed.Current music: Daughters Animaniacs CD.
Mt niece is DAMN Lucky I am not her mother... THat child would not have been able to sit down from about age 4 till now an dnot even now with her little miss princess BITCH attitude.
AND YET The Govenments complain about kids running wild and doing more and more bad and illegal stuff... BUT Heaven/hell/where ever forbid we in this day and age dicipline our children teh way we got diciplined... If sabuse and We go to jail for it... Bullshit.... IF parents could dicipline within reason the same way we were diciplined We would not have HALF the problem we have today out of kids... I mean 5 and 6 year olds calling their parents teachers and other care givers F***Ing B****... HELL NO I say they do that wash their mouth out with soap or BUST that childs butt... Spare the rod Spoil the child.
I HONESTLY think that if More parents would dicipline their kids like they were diciplined we would not have 5 and 6 year olds on some of teh medications they are on and the Healthcaer systems would not be making cuts because the prescritptions would be for kids that TRUELY needed the meds like Ridalin and all the other junk like that.
Later days and Nights I gotta Jet
Current mood:
irate.Current music: Burned cd.
How much more can I take
How many more weights on me till I break
And so many never know
Because to so many they can't see what I can't show
How much longer can I endure
How much longer till I am nothing but a blur
Snapping slipping its all pulling away from me
The feel smell and taste of fleeing sanity
How much more can I do
How much more can I take on for family and you
What else can rip and tear at me
Why can't things people and troubles leave me be
What more trials must I g through
TIll I know what I must do
TIll I can breath again
TIll my life can be mine now and again
Current mood:
indescribable.Current music: Whatever is on the playlist on James Comp.
I mean you don't want to cripple your children socially by not letting them get involved in groups and stuff but in todays day and age with all thats out there its hard enough with a "normal child" ~IF there is such a thing~ and a child like Bri with the Aspergers Syndrome... I want her to go to camps and have fun but also with her condition I guess at times I may try to shelter her due to how cruel children can be much less all the other true dangers out there.
Its been told to me that the Danger sense as it were does not seem to fit into teh Aspie mind till mid teens and that is a big worry and how do you explain something like Aspergers syndrome to people who have no clue and get them to understand that at times special concideration Must be taken that would not have to be taken with another child. I really don't know what to do at times about this and it scares the Hell out of me. James even understand my concerns and shares them. I mean Bri brings home fliers for little league and softball and dance and all this stuff and we know she would love to be able to join in on it all but its had to figure out what she should or should not try for with her unique wiring. I need to I guess call around to some of these places and see if they have ever dealt with Autistic or Aspergers children in any way and see what can be done from there. I really wish there were answers that were easier to find like Ohhh her bringing something home that Says they deal with special needs children cause she is not bad off enough for Special olympics and yet not wired right for some other events she would love to do.
Hell with her die hard want of being a vet in the future I worry about her being able to make it through college sometimds and hope that she will be able to and to be able to do what she wants but there will I guess always be that worry and fear for her on my part of not being able to do all she wants due to the Aspergers and that also scares me that maybe that fear is crippling her Socially emotionally or in someother way.
Wellt hat s all the venting I can muster for now... thanks for LIstening.
Later Days and Nights
Current mood:
aggravated.Current music: All the thoughts bounding around in my head.