WalkingHeart's Journal

19th January, 2004. 1:35 am. amf

well asshole here I am again..hurting real bad..no boohoo's...Well hell, now what? I'd like to smoke a big ole bud, but it makes me think even more and I have to go..Im getting depressed and now my stomach is in knots...see ya..and AMF

Please do not forget our soldiers no matter how u feel about war..Our soldiers are fighting..people are dying..we can not forget them

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15th January, 2004. 4:58 pm. long time

Long time no see asshole Wonder why that is, Feeling a little better now? YOU STILL HAVE DEBT. so dont go jumpin just yet,,I have been getting to the doctors, and somewhat doing what they are tellling me to do,,IT JUST SUXSXX I want to get back to my old nice old (young then) buttttttttttttoh fucking well;;

have a safe one k kiddo

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8th January, 2004. 6:57 pm.

Hey Dip Shit..
Aint wrote..Dont know why..Still just feeling like shit...Me and my dog against a world we're (i'm) afraid of....I so much hate my past....arrrgggggggggg.......

Current mood:

angry.

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7th January, 2004. 12:10 am. me AGAIN

Hey its me again...Still havent layed down..errrrr..just cant seem to do it..i love so much sleeping, but I love so much just being able to get up let alone stay up...shyyyyyttt..the damn dues I'm paying for..Everything I've ever done wrong is coming back to haunt me...I guess Everything has haunted me ever since I was a child..EVERYTHING.....

Well now I got the damn munchies..shyt, at least I'm eating today..There for a few days I wasnt eating at all..A sandwich or a half a sandwich a day was all...today I've munched out quite alot..maybe its cause I got out..I DONT KNOW....(do you?)..now Im going to go see ummm tater chips...whewww Im hurting..errrrrrrr...wish I knew why I cant lay down then when I do I dont want to get up..behind closed doors...Debts aint paid yet..hopefully I'll pay back all my dues before I die...I wouldnt be judged very well as a man:_( It hurts me too...

I havent heard from my brother in a couplea days..that kinda has me down..i dont know, it's probably my fault why he hasn't written.....arrrrrrrrrrgggggg...If only I could be normal..

i gotta go, this is depressing and i dont want to be depressed..not before i go to sleep..nightmares..

later

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6th January, 2004. 8:40 pm. ?

Hey Assshole..(my other one:)..lYeah I'm talking to myself..Chances is loooking up at me wanting to go out..them damn eyes and her sad 'I want to go out' face..Havent heard from my family in a few.dunno, maybe they are mad..dont really know. I'm really wanting to go to bed and forget this all, but I dont know why I'm still sitting up..Stoned I guess..Plus I'm not too sad..Guess thats whats keeping me up..That and somehow family is in my heart right now. I got a good one..A messed up but proud kinda family..I really dont know though..Me and my family really dont know each other..We know each others goods and bads and we hold too many secrets I think. I'm not really a part of the family anymore to be honest..I just cause them a bunch of headaches and money and pain..Only when things are bad do I get to see them..HOpefully before I die we'll all get together and their be total peaceLike I said I'd like to get to bed..My butt is okay but still...I hadnt took hardley any meds today either. Took my Zoloft and about 3 pain pill..my stomach medicine and my coummadin. That was it..Well I just too another 1/2 of a pain pill..One of these days I'd like to be off all of it.............................CAUSE IT SUXXXXSSS
and who the fuck are you?

now I gotta get for a little bit..I want to lay down..Hell I'd like to talk to my brother or my sister or anyone..but its just me and my Chances up here on a mountain..all set in our strange ways that cause me so much PAIN and...oh every damn thing..
later

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6th January, 2004. 5:57 pm. today

Oh I forgot..I went out and faced the world today and got some stuff done..All the time I was ridin in that van and when I had to talk to that lady I would sweat..But I got it done..Dont think they can help much but..Have to get my brother to help me..I gotta get some help..Dont want no nursing home again..Damn I'm feeling like shit..Bout time to lay down..Everything is Hurting:-( ShYYTTT..I have to change my dressing and get some sleep...AMF (audious muther fucker)

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6th January, 2004. 5:47 pm. stupidity

285,000 Frog Tunnel

BERLIN (Reuters) - Germany's cash-strapped government is paying 225,000 euros ($285,200) to build a tunnel to help frogs avoid the perils of a busy road, officials said on Monday. Ruediger Zech, a local council spokesman in the Berlin district of Reinickendorf, said the project would allow native varieties...

what a fucking joke..Can't keep the children of this world fed, but you can make a fucking tunnel for native frogs....jeeeeezzz why is this world so stupid..Some of thems not stupid..they just dont
open thier damn eyes
okay theres that hotmail thing again..gotta get...what the fuck ever right..NOBODY CARES!!!

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6th January, 2004. 1:14 pm. just a

Im trying to do something with the blurty look..did it fucking work..I put html and stuff in it...45 minutes and I have to go out and face the fucking world..uggg

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6th January, 2004. 1:12 pm.

Hey All!!!!
Now just who the hell is all? I have no friends..I have a computer and a dog named Chances..Who I just let in..LOL now she's wanting to play..Damn her slinging that shoe hurts...Now she's running in and out of the back room..I feel bad cause I havent ran her in so long..almost 8 months I havent let her run..Makes me feel real sad:(
I mean sad sad sad and even more lonely..
just seeing how my computer hotmail is right..should be big letters there...lets post this and see if it works before DOING ANYTHING ELSE!

Current mood:

awake.

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6th January, 2004. 11:28 am.

Hey All,
Well I dont know what to say..Ihave to go out to the government place to see if I can get some assistance. Both with the cleaning of my home and help with my bills...and if I havent said yet,,,Im in a wheelchair.... been in one for 20 years..recently got out of the hospital and a nursing home after a 7 month stay..YUCK...Now I have to go to all these meetings, the doctors etc......okay now time for me to sign off

Later

Current mood:

drained.

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