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[13 Nov 2002|03:57pm] |
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i used to think getting up for promotion at 4.30 in the morning was nothing. i hated it and pulling the blankets off clint's bed and joining forces with bob to drag scott out of his was normal. listening to dad being perky and jovial and too energetic for the morning was something i'd gotten used to. and we all complained about the long days and the shit we had to do and everything wasn't ideal, but part of me misses it.
i quit because i thought i had no choice. and that's probably debatable and i probably did screw it up, but i didn't think i'd miss it so much. i got up at 11 today, had classes, met up with some friends and came back to the dorm to do some reading. nothing happened and it never seems to anymore.
i don't have the right to be moaning about college. i chose to do it, i could still be on the road with the others and i ended it. and i don't regret it and i do. it's just days like today when nothing happens, i feel as though i'm not doing anything, i've faded into the masses and there's nothing special about what i'm doing and who i am. make your bed and lie in it i guess.
*shrugs* most of the time, i'm pretty happy. school's good, i enjoy it and i've got great friends and a good job and i like what i'm doing over all. a boyfriend would make life better, but after the thing with nick, i should be lonely and depressed for at least another month or so.
i should write about that sometime. not now. i swore i'd start my reading.
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