Starting tomorrow.. [Mar.27.2012 // 03:21am] I'm gunna start to use this more :)..... Again lol Moves the Stars for Noone

newness [May.24.2010 // 05:58pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | Watching if these walls could talk 2 ] OoOo new layout! lol took some time and I had to make the background myself but it is finally done YAY! Anyway.. I emotionally freaked out a bit last night about the whole situation with Dave. It gets to me how he could just throw these 2 beautiful children and 5yrs of marriage away. BUT whatever I can't change things and I am a better person without him. Even if it is hard at times its better. I have my kids and they mean the world to me. I'm lucky to have such great healthy kids. They are hard work and sometimes I wanna rip my hair out lol but its worth it. They are getting so smart and big. I just realized how long I had this journal and how much has changed.. I just hope they keep changing for the better. I wanna be the happy me i used to be. (1)- Moves the Stars for Noone

[May.17.2010 // 01:56pm] My new journal.. Im still gunna write in this one but the more personal entries will be in the new one My new Friends Only Journal Moves the Stars for Noone

This song sums it all up... [Mar.26.2009 // 02:13am] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | Broken Strings ] Broken Strings - James Morrison Let me hold you For the last time It's the last chance to feel again But you broke me Now I can't feel anything When I love you, It's so untrue I can't even convince myself When I'm speaking, It's the voice of someone else Oh it tears me up I try to hold on, but it hurts too much I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay You can't play on broken strings You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel I can't tell you something that ain't real Oh the truth hurts And lies worse How can I give anymore When I love you a little less than before Oh what are we doing We are turning into dust Playing house in the ruins of us Running back through the fire When there's nothing left to save It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late Oh it tears me up I try to hold on, but it hurts too much I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay You can't play on broken strings You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel I can't tell something that ain't real Well the truth hurts, And lies worse How can I give anymore When I love you a little less than before But we're running through the fire When there's nothing left to save It's like chasing the very last train When we both know it's too late (too late) You can't play on broken strings You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel I cant tell you something that ain't real Well truth hurts, And lies worse How can I give anymore When I love you a little less than before Let me hold you for the last time It's the last chance to feel again Moves the Stars for Noone

Migraines and Sleep or Lack there of... [Dec.02.2008 // 11:03am] [ mood | sleepy ] So I have had a migraine for 2 weeks. I've probably only had a break from the migraine for a day maybe 2 within those 2 weeks. I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow. I can't wait to get rid of it. Also I have been having something really weird happening to me in my sleep. It's this crazy feeling of being half asleep and half awake and not being able to fully wake myself it's so weird I feel like I can't breath and I can't move. Both times I was half awake and I felt like someone and saw someone/something standing right next to me or staring me right in the face. One time I was having a dream and I think someone was chasing me in it and when I was in the half awake/asleep state I saw or thought I saw a clown starring me in the face like 5inches away from me. Then the other time it was a man staring down at me and Dave sleeping. Both times I was unable to fully wake myself up but I was aware enough to know what I was seeing wasn't really there. It's the scariest feeling! I felt totally helpless and terrified. I looked it up online thinking it was night terrors but doesn't quite sound like thats what it is. Then I came across Sleep Paralysis and it matches everything that happens to me when I have one of these episodes. I am definately going to talk to the doc about it tomorrow. I just need to have normal sleep and not have a migraine... That would be great. Moves the Stars for Noone

I need reliefe! [Nov.18.2008 // 10:53am] [ mood | drained ] I have had a migraine for over a week! I can't take it anymore.. Only time I feel halfway ok is when I'm taking pain pills... excedrin, tylenol 3 ect.. I was going to call the doc's today and try and get an appointment for today maybe they could give me a shot for the migraine or sumthing (they do that sometimes for people with crazy migraines when u go to the hospital in pain) BUT my friggen cell died and I dont have a charger b/c that broke and the only way I can charge it is in the car.... Plus the kids yell so much and everytime they do my head feels like its going to explode in a million pieces. Light noise anything small maximizes the pain x10.. Grrr I need sumone to trade heads with me for a week lol. Well it's Nap time for the kiddos . . . And maybe me Moves the Stars for Noone

... [Nov.15.2008 // 02:21am] [ mood | thoughtful ] When its completely silent.. when I'm not taking care of my kids, watching tv, listening to music,or playing a video game im afraid that I'll have to focus on what I am really feeling inside... (1)- Moves the Stars for Noone

Surgery Tomorrow [Oct.22.2008 // 11:29pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | watching House ] So Im finally having my surgery. Tomorrow at 6am I go in to get my gal bladder removed. I'm so nervous! I just hate the whole idea of surgery. Just can't wait for it to be over. It sucks because I go home a few hours after the surgery and Dave has to go back to work the next day so I won't have much time for recovery. =/ Plus the kids got their flu shot today and they are gunna be very cranky tomorrow if the shot still makes them fevery and tired like it did today. Eh well i need some sleep.. Moves the Stars for Noone

[Oct.08.2008 // 01:49am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Bulletproof-Kerli ] Bulletproof-Kerli "Just a simple touch, Just a little glance Makes me feel like flyin'. But where are you tonight? Something isn't right, Can you please stop hiding? I'm trying not to think about All the things you did before, But sometimes it all just gets to me. I can't take it anymore. I'll stay with you, But remember to Be careful what you do, Cause I'm not bulletproof. In your secret place, Staring into space, Leaves me feeling frozen. I just need to feel, that what we have is real. And I'm the one you've chosen. I'm trying not to think about All the things you did before, But sometimes it all just gets to me. I'll stay with you, But remember to be careful what you do be Cause I'm not bulletproof. Ref. Be careful what you say, Be careful what you do. I'm not bulletproof. I'm not bulletproof." Moves the Stars for Noone

Lonely [Oct.02.2008 // 08:59am] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | "There's No I in Team"~Taking Back Sunday ] I wish I knew people here. I feel so depressed. I need to go back to the doc to get back on zoloft. I hate feeling like I'm crazy and getting so stressed out over the littlest things. Anyway I am getting surgery most likely on the 23rd. I just don't know what I'm gunna do about the kids and stuff. I could really use some help while recovering BUT like I said I have noone here. I need a friend to talk to when things are rough, when I feel like downing 10 Colanapin and just passing out.I miss Gem. I miss having a her close by so i can just call her and talk to her about anything. She is the one person I trust with all my heart, I mean I trust Dave but I can't talk to him about everything b/c sometimes i just need a girl to talk to. Ugh I dunno... writing helps a bit I guess. Gunna finish watching True Blood. Then going to sleep, or atleast trying to.... Moves the Stars for Noone