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This song sums it all up... [26 Mar 2009|02:13am] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | Broken Strings ] Broken Strings - James Morrison Let me hold you For the last time It's the last chance to feel again But you broke me Now I can't feel anything When I love you, It's so untrue I can't even convince myself When I'm speaking, It's the voice of someone else Oh it tears me up I try to hold on, but it hurts too much I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay You can't play on broken strings You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel I can't tell you something that ain't real Oh the truth hurts And lies worse How can I give anymore When I love you a little less than before Oh what are we doing We are turning into dust Playing house in the ruins of us Running back through the fire When there's nothing left to save It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late Oh it tears me up I try to hold on, but it hurts too much I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay You can't play on broken strings You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel I can't tell something that ain't real Well the truth hurts, And lies worse How can I give anymore When I love you a little less than before But we're running through the fire When there's nothing left to save It's like chasing the very last train When we both know it's too late (too late) You can't play on broken strings You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel I cant tell you something that ain't real Well truth hurts, And lies worse How can I give anymore When I love you a little less than before Let me hold you for the last time It's the last chance to feel again post comment

Migraines and Sleep or Lack there of... [02 Dec 2008|11:03am] [ mood | sleepy ] So I have had a migraine for 2 weeks. I've probably only had a break from the migraine for a day maybe 2 within those 2 weeks. I'm going to the doctor's tomorrow. I can't wait to get rid of it. Also I have been having something really weird happening to me in my sleep. It's this crazy feeling of being half asleep and half awake and not being able to fully wake myself it's so weird I feel like I can't breath and I can't move. Both times I was half awake and I felt like someone and saw someone/something standing right next to me or staring me right in the face. One time I was having a dream and I think someone was chasing me in it and when I was in the half awake/asleep state I saw or thought I saw a clown starring me in the face like 5inches away from me. Then the other time it was a man staring down at me and Dave sleeping. Both times I was unable to fully wake myself up but I was aware enough to know what I was seeing wasn't really there. It's the scariest feeling! I felt totally helpless and terrified. I looked it up online thinking it was night terrors but doesn't quite sound like thats what it is. Then I came across Sleep Paralysis and it matches everything that happens to me when I have one of these episodes. I am definately going to talk to the doc about it tomorrow. I just need to have normal sleep and not have a migraine... That would be great. post comment

I need reliefe! [18 Nov 2008|10:53am] [ mood | drained ] I have had a migraine for over a week! I can't take it anymore.. Only time I feel halfway ok is when I'm taking pain pills... excedrin, tylenol 3 ect.. I was going to call the doc's today and try and get an appointment for today maybe they could give me a shot for the migraine or sumthing (they do that sometimes for people with crazy migraines when u go to the hospital in pain) BUT my friggen cell died and I dont have a charger b/c that broke and the only way I can charge it is in the car.... Plus the kids yell so much and everytime they do my head feels like its going to explode in a million pieces. Light noise anything small maximizes the pain x10.. Grrr I need sumone to trade heads with me for a week lol. Well it's Nap time for the kiddos . . . And maybe me post comment

... [15 Nov 2008|02:21am] [ mood | thoughtful ] When its completely silent.. when I'm not taking care of my kids, watching tv, listening to music,or playing a video game im afraid that I'll have to focus on what I am really feeling inside... (1)- post comment

Surgery Tomorrow [22 Oct 2008|11:29pm] [ mood | nervous ] [ music | watching House ] So Im finally having my surgery. Tomorrow at 6am I go in to get my gal bladder removed. I'm so nervous! I just hate the whole idea of surgery. Just can't wait for it to be over. It sucks because I go home a few hours after the surgery and Dave has to go back to work the next day so I won't have much time for recovery. =/ Plus the kids got their flu shot today and they are gunna be very cranky tomorrow if the shot still makes them fevery and tired like it did today. Eh well i need some sleep.. post comment

[08 Oct 2008|01:49am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Bulletproof-Kerli ] Bulletproof-Kerli "Just a simple touch, Just a little glance Makes me feel like flyin'. But where are you tonight? Something isn't right, Can you please stop hiding? I'm trying not to think about All the things you did before, But sometimes it all just gets to me. I can't take it anymore. I'll stay with you, But remember to Be careful what you do, Cause I'm not bulletproof. In your secret place, Staring into space, Leaves me feeling frozen. I just need to feel, that what we have is real. And I'm the one you've chosen. I'm trying not to think about All the things you did before, But sometimes it all just gets to me. I'll stay with you, But remember to be careful what you do be Cause I'm not bulletproof. Ref. Be careful what you say, Be careful what you do. I'm not bulletproof. I'm not bulletproof." post comment

Lonely [02 Oct 2008|08:59am] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | "There's No I in Team"~Taking Back Sunday ] I wish I knew people here. I feel so depressed. I need to go back to the doc to get back on zoloft. I hate feeling like I'm crazy and getting so stressed out over the littlest things. Anyway I am getting surgery most likely on the 23rd. I just don't know what I'm gunna do about the kids and stuff. I could really use some help while recovering BUT like I said I have noone here. I need a friend to talk to when things are rough, when I feel like downing 10 Colanapin and just passing out.I miss Gem. I miss having a her close by so i can just call her and talk to her about anything. She is the one person I trust with all my heart, I mean I trust Dave but I can't talk to him about everything b/c sometimes i just need a girl to talk to. Ugh I dunno... writing helps a bit I guess. Gunna finish watching True Blood. Then going to sleep, or atleast trying to.... post comment

..•:*¨°•.¸.•°¨*:•.-:-.-♥-.-:-.•:*¨°•.¸.•°¨*:•.. [29 Sep 2008|09:03am] [ mood | busy ] Catching up Soo its been awhile again. I wanna start writting more again tho. It's a good way for me to get things off my mind. Anyway, Dave and I moved to Texas again. I am so glad to be out of germany. We found a cute 3 bedroom apartment and still getting settled in. We woulda been all unpacked and furnished but a lot came up pretty much 2 weeks after we moved in. For a few months I was having instanely painful heartburn/stomach pain and I didn't know what it was. For 2 days I couldn't even hold down a drop of water so I went to the Er where after having blood tests done they said to me "Has anyone ever told you that u have hepititis?" My mouth dropped open, I was in shock thinking how did this happen? Well after follow up doctor appointments the doctors told me that the Er was totally wrong and I dont have hepaitits. I was relieved as hell! :) But then I found out I had like 20-30 Galstones in my Galbladded!!! So I had what they call an Ercp done and they took em out and was suppose to remove my galbladder BUT they had to wait b/c the levels of chemicals and fluids in my tummy and liver and galbladder where way too high which means everything is inflamed. SO Tuesday I finally have an appointment with the surgeons to schedule my surgery. I can't wait till this is all over with. One good thing that came out of it so far is I lost about 10lbs within the last week. Yay! Anyway, onto something more cheerful. Zach and Em are getting so BIG! They are walking and running around and eating real food like tiny little people. They also say mama, dada, uh-oh, yeah,ew and Emilie can say her name! She points to herself and says Em. It's so adorable.They also try and say eye and mouth and today she tried to say light. It came out lighh but still close. Sometimes I wish I could go back to when they were my tiny little infants all sleepy and snuggly but then again they are doing so many fun things now. Of course I feel like ripping my hair out sometimes b/c twins are hard to handle but its all worth it :) Ok so I am gunna go back tgo playing WoW and cleaning up a bit... post comment

Been a long time [25 Mar 2008|08:15pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | t.v ] I just felt like writting since I am bored. The kids will be one yrs old in 2 days!!! Zach is starting to walk and they both have 8 teeth and say momma and da da! They are so great! Dave and I are doing good now. Its been up and down but thats how every marriage is I guess. He is in Greece right now. He will be back the 1st which sucks b/c he is gunna miss their first birthday but we are waiting to celebrate till he gets back. In July we are moving back to Elpaso! Thank god I fucking HATE Germany! There is nothing here and all my friends left :(.. I miss Jersey so much. All i do here is play world of warcraft and take care of the kids. It will get better once I am in Elpaso. :) Well gunna go. I will try to keep up with this more often now. It feels good to write.. Gets my mind off things and relieves stress.. post comment

Sums it all up... [08 Dec 2007|11:14am] One Republic-Apologize Lyrics "I'm holding on your rope, Got me ten feet off the ground I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound You tell me that you need me Then you go and cut me down, but wait You tell me that you're sorry Didn't think I'd turn around, and say... It's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late I'd take another chance, take a fall Take a shot for you And I need you like a heart needs a beat But it's nothin new I loved you with a fire red- Now it's turning blue, and you say... "Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you But I'm afraid... It's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late Bridge (guitar/piano) It's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late It's too late to apologize, yeah I said it's too late to apologize, yeah- I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground... post comment

My pregnancy Journal. [22 Nov 2006|11:21pm] [ mood | full ] [ music | Blink 182 ] If anyone reads this still I have a Pregnancy journal @ www.blurty.com/users/2_peas_in_a_pod post comment

i like [12 Oct 2006|09:09am] ..•:*¨°•.¸.•°¨*:•.-:-.-♥-.-:-.•:*¨°•.¸.•°¨*:•.. post comment

**Ultrasound pics yay!** [31 Aug 2006|05:37pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | random crap on i tunes ] It is offical we are having twins. Dave and are are so excited! I had a doctors appointment today and saw them both they grew a lot since the last appointment and now thier hearts are beating.It was awesome and veryexciting to see their little hearts beat for the first time :) Wow its gunna be a handful lol but we both can't wait..Here are sum pics of the ultra sounds :) The twins side by side one baby Just to show u where the little one is i made an arrow The other baby And once again an arrow to show u where our other lil one is I have another appointment in 2 weeks i will let ya kno more then. :) :) :) (1)- post comment

aw cute [28 Aug 2006|03:35pm] post comment

Aw look at the Baby!!! [26 Aug 2006|01:57pm] [ mood | anxious ] Ok this is a pic of the definate baby. There was another bubble the same size with something in it and the doctor says if he had to bet on it he would bet on twins. I couldn't get a clear image on the computer of the other bubble but by next week(aug31st) we will know for sure if it is defintaley twins b/c by then there will be a heartbeat or beats and the baby(ies) will be bigger! I will keep everyone updated on what happens my next appointment! Yay cannot wait to find out :) Dave and i are so excited! post comment

ahh [26 Aug 2006|01:55pm] [ mood | cheerful ] post comment

I AM PREGNANT! [15 Aug 2006|12:56pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Punk rock show-mxpx ] I will keep everyone updated on here as much as possible with ultra sound pics and all that good stuff. I am so extatic! (2)- post comment

Holy Monkeys It's been a long time once again [13 Aug 2006|09:19pm] I have neglected this blurty for a while. So whats new with me... Um, for 1 I got a job working at a medevil store on base. And #2 I started fertility pills to help me get pregnant. I hope to be pregnant in a few months. Alan and Lindsay (alan's g/f) came to Germany to visit.It was a lot of fun to have them here. I cannot wait to go home and visit I miss Jersey and my friends and family soo much I am getting kinda sick of it here. Oh well it could be worse. Oh and also another thing that happened is two of my friends here in Germany left for the states to go to a new duty station. :( Kristen left about 2 months ago and Carrie is leaving tomorrow. It is so sad to see people leave. I mean its like u make friends get close with em and then they are out the door. Dory is leaving in Dec. :( and Lisa is joining the army. Looks like pretty soon I will be the only one left here. It s sad but I guess I have to start to get used to it. We have 3 more years to go in the army and more if Dave re-ups (signs up for more yrs). Well right now I am using Dory's computer because I am watching logan for a lil so I am gunna stop writtin now.bye post comment

once again..It's been a while [27 Jun 2006|05:05pm] [ mood | content ] Hm what is new ... Well I am goin to start fertility pills in about 2 weeks. I hope they work. Its is hott as hell lately, about 90. On July 29th Alan is comin to Germany to visit.That should be fun. I like it here but I do miss the states.Maybe the next time I visit I will be either pregnant or have a baby. There is a chance of twins with these pills .. geez what a handful that would be! lol. Nothing much else is new.I will write more when I have sumthing more to say.Till then Toodles. post comment

Patience~Guns n Roses [14 Apr 2006|12:43pm] "1,2,1,2,3,4 (whistle) Shed a tear 'cause I'm missin' you I'm still alright to smile Girl, I think about you every day now Was a time when I wasn't sure But you set my mind at ease There is no doubt You're in my heart now Said, woman, take it slow It'll work itself out fine All we need is just a little patience Said, sugar, make it slow And we come together fine All we need is just a little patience (patience) Mm, yeah I sit here on the stairs 'Cause I'd rather be alone If I can't have you right now I'll wait, dear Sometimes I get so tense But I can't speed up the time But you know, love There's one more thing to consider Said, woman, take it slow And things will be just fine You and I'll just use a little patience Said, sugar, take the time 'Cause the lights are shining bright You and I've got what it takes To make it, We won't fake it, I'll never break it 'cause I can't take it (whistle) ...little patience, mm yeah, mm yeah need a little patience, yeah just a little patience, yeah some more patience, yeah need some patience, yeah could use some patience, yeah gotta have some patience, yeah all it takes is patience, just a little patience is all you need * I BEEN WALKIN' THE STREETS AT NIGHT JUST TRYIN' TO GET IT RIGHT HARD TO SEE WITH SO MANY AROUND YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE BEING STUCK IN THE CROWD AND THE STREETS DON'T CHANGE BUT BABY THE NAME I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THE GAME 'CAUSE I NEED YOU YEAH, YEAH, BUT I NEED YOU OO, I NEED YOU WHOA, I NEED YOU OO, ALL THIS TIME" (1)- post comment

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