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Tuesday, April 27th, 2004
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12:44p - First Entery..
Well i don't really know how to start.This is an idea of my friend, to keep from going insane.A lil about myself..
Single(somewhat),not looking.I love to draw,i definatly love music.It's a huge part of my life.I can feel music inside me,there's a small part of me that intercedes with a song.I'm a hard worker, i have a great job.And i have worked hard to get it and i have earned it.I am extremly proud of myself.
But the whole purpose of this journal, is basically to feel relief of of things on my mind.
I am in love, so in love that i can feel him inside me each and every day of my life. I can smell him and feel him inside me,loving me.It's the most amazing feeling ever.And i know he loves me just as much.So what's the problem? He has a girlfriend, whom he loves, and has been with for years.I just recently came into his life.Not a day goes by that i don't talk to him.HB is like, that missing part of my life, that if i could have the perfect life.It would be with him, married with children and a small house.Yes, i know the perfect little picket fence.But it's not possible, i won't allow him to hurt her.Or allow him to leave her for me.I could not live with regrets, or wondering the rest of my life if he coulda been happier with her, or if maybe he wishes he'd done it differant.Yes, we have our little spats, like everyone does.But we have never been able to get through one.There is not anything i can't tell him. He is my best friend, my lover, my life.And sometimes i just want to run to him hold my hands open and say "Lets go baby, lets just runaway together and be happy in an island where nobody can ever find us" Then reality kicks in and i realise it can't happen.There is not anything i wouldn't do for him, and i know he'd do anything for me.Now the problem is, jealousy, i am so jealous of the fact i can't tell everybody "He's mine.This is my man, this is my lover and i love him with all my heart."We flirt so much with each other but everybody's used to it as it being just a flirt.We flirt with everybody else just as much.And everybody thinks we're just the best,we're fun and get along so well with everybody.But when it's just him and i. There's not a thing in this world that could slide between us, not a single strand of hair.We are perfectly one person with 2 heartbeats.The way he looks at me, the touch, his kisses.The way he holds me and tells me he loves me with just looking into my eyes.The way my sking tingles with every touch of his fingertips.The way he doesn't want to let me go when we have to seperate.The way he makes me feel like i'm the woman i want to be, the way he makes me feel wanted and loved and needed like never before.He is my every wish come true.And sometimes it's so hard to pretend he's a "friend".The things one does for love. It's worth every tear that flows from this face.
current mood: thoughtful
current music: Nightwish - Crownless (comment on this)
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