Azrylle's Blurty

One woe doth tread upon another's heel, so fast they follow... Okay, so last night blew big time. Things were going okay for the first part - and actually the majority - of the day. The day was mostly just hanging out, and then 7:30 came (guys' open dorm!). I went to George and Mike's room to watch The Emperor's New Groove cuz I absolutely LOVE that movie! It is sooooo funny. Anyway, we had to take a little detour to McDonald's to pick up Tim Short from work, since his usual rides were gone last night. Then we got back and watched the movie. When it was over, we dispersed, and I went up to Brooks and Ben's room to watch some of Two Towers with Ben and Christina (Brooks was gone on some baseball trip at the time). After a while, it was nearing the end of open dorm... a little past 10... when Kat came and found me. We were getting silly and we stole a whiteboard marker from Rob's whiteboard all the way at the other end of the hall... I saw one of the baseball team members coming in the door downstairs through the window next to Rob's room, and I was like "oh crap! Kat, they're coming! Must hurry, must hurry!" so I ran down the hall with marker in hand... I started writing on the board "Ask someone to the Valentine's banquet" when all the sudden I hear Brooks' voice saying "hey, what are you writing??" I looked, and he was halfway down the hall already, and I'd only managed to write "Ask some" so I quickly erased it. He was like "okaaayy..." and walked into his room. I ran to put the marker back, but no sooner than I did that did Kat run and grab it back so she could finish the job... GRR. this is where it gets bad. So she totally didn't write the right thing. She wrote "Ask S to the Valentine's banquet" and then signed it with some ambiguous pseudonym-type thingy... I was MAD. Especially cuz then one of the suitemates Chris was like "Hey Brooks, Kat wrote a note on your board!" We were both like "SHUT UP CHRIS" but it was no use. I didn't really see his reaction to the note, but I doubt I would have liked to have seen it after what I know now... You see, afterward, I was already pretty pissed that Kat had made the note personal when I had only meant it to be a funny little anonymous joke note. See, I also scratched "Brooks is a hottie" into this one big blob of whiteboard ink on his board to be funny, cuz I saw that someone had written that BJ was the sexiest hottest man alive on his board (right across the hall). It was just to be funny, and he wasn't supposed to know who did it, cuz it was supposed to be a teasing comment just like BJ's. Well, THAT got ruined. I'm almost positive he's gonna go ahead and assume I wrote it. Crap. But no, that's not the worst of it, believe me. So we get back to my room, and we start talking to Emily Cook about stuff... and she doesn't know what's just happened with Brooks -- or that Brooks has even crossed our minds at all for that matter. But she starts talking about how, during a conversation that he was involved in, they asked him if he was gonna ask anybody to the banquet. Apparently, he said "No, I don't think so, cuz I don't like anybody on campus [that is to say, he doesn't like them like that...], and I don't think you can go to a banquet 'as friends' and really just be friends." Quite frankly, I think that's a big load of crap. You can TOO be just friends. Anyway... so that means that if, in his head, he honestly believes such a fallacy, he's gonna think that I'm all in love with him or whatever because of what Kat wrote on his board (seeing as how she wrote that in MY presence too). What's worse is that now he's probably gonna think that I DID take what he told me at Ferry's End the wrong way (btw, Breigh told me that Ferry's End was the name of the place where Brooks took us Friday night). Don't get me wrong, I do like him, but I wasn't so foolish as to take what he said and start this little retarded thought in my head of "ooh, he's in LOVE with me!!!!!" or some crap like that. But now I have reason to believe he might think that of me... I mean, heck, when I think about how all of this has happened with PERFECT timing and PERFECT coincidence, I've gotta be honest with myself and admit that I would probably think the same thing. It sucks, too, cuz no matter how perfectly horrible it seems, it's not like that at all. And now I may have lost his friendship, cuz he's probably gonna be all weirded out around me now... !@#$%!!!! I cannot believe this. Like, I saw him in the food line when I got up to get something else to drink, so I kinda flicked him in the arm and said hey. he was just like "hey..." quietly and scarcely even glanced at me, then started moving down the line, away from me. I saw Ben Perry and started crying, and he asked me if I wanted to talk. I kinda filled him in on the goings-on of late, and he told me that maybe I was overanalyzing the situation - that maybe Brooks was just distracted and not just avoiding me. We'll see, though, in the next few days.

Clearly, because of all this, I'm rather sad. I have a right to be, DO I NOT??? So Kat started pulling this crap on me about how I'm basically not entitled to my own feelings, thoughts, and opinions... AGAIN. I'm sick of fighting with her. And the problem is, SHE is the one who always picks the fights. I'm serious. I am so trapped. It's like being in a box and having the walls closing in from all sides. And that analogy is perfect for me and my current agony, cuz I'm partially claustrophobic as it is! So anyway, she was getting all in that "serious" mood of hers again tonight while we played pool. It makes me sick to hear her going off on those tirades, cuz she talks like she understands all the workings of the world and like I should listen to her all the time because I'm wrong and she's right ALWAYS. She even blamed last night on ME. Okay, nothing bad would have happened if it had just been me. Without her "help," there would have been no specificity in the note on Brooks' board, thank you very much!! Her statement of defense was "well I didn't know you didn't want me to write that." Oh please, if she's such a guru on these things like she thinks she is, she would have known better at the time. So I don't even want to hear her mindless chatter. It really is mindless. It is stuff I've already heard from myself that got filed away in the "useless knowledge" file because it ended up messing with my head rather than helping. Therefore, I take her comments in stride from now on. All that comes out from that pathetic dolt's mouth is bull crap. Nice warm fresh BULL CRAP. Hypocracy is her middle name, I swear it. Anyway... Now that you're all updated, I'm gonna listen to some music to cool off and then go to bed. As always, if I think of anything I missed tonight, I'll let ya know later. Or if something comfuses you, leave a comment! That works too. You don't even have to be a member! *cheesy advertisement music* Yeah, so I'm done now. Bye.

Oh, yeah, and here are some lyrics (actually, the refrain) to the song I'm listening to (as mentioned below) that are really echoing in my thoughts:

I don't like this place at all
Makes me wonder what I'm here for
Someone takes this pain away
Dying to see another day
And I don't want to be your friend
Or pretend I can fit in too
I'm incensed, I'm blown away
Dying to see another day

Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: Yet Another Day, by Armin Van Buuren feat. Ray Wilson