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Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in
Azrylle's Blurty:
| Monday, February 9th, 2004 | |
| 6:24 pm | DUDE! I totally got an email from Schwaggy today! I couldn't believe it when I opened the window and there was this unread email from "Andrew J Schwagerl"... I mean, I hadn't heard from him in forever! He moved away to California - toootally on the other side of the country - so this was a big (and pleasant) surprise! ^_^ It was a nice pick-me-up right before Chem Lab, and considering it's 3 hours of chemistry, a pick-me-up was MUCH needed. I wanted to go back to my room and relax and get some privacy, but Breigh's in there with the lights off and asleep in bed. *groan* DANG IT. So I'm down here in the computer lab... I WAS people-free for a little while, but now some other freakfaces are in here. My emotions are going both ways, it seems... I'm elated that Schwaggy emailed me, but I'm also frikkin pissed that I can't get a moment to myself today!!!! What the CRAP. As if back-to-back classes from 9 till 5:15 weren't bad enough, I can't even be by myself in my own room. Dude, she's never in there and she HAD to be in there now!!! AAAARRRRRGGGHHH GET OOOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood:  exhaustedCurrent Music: Born Too Slow, by The Crystal Method |
| Saturday, February 7th, 2004 | |
| 7:20 pm | IT'S SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy crap, it has totally been snowing today ^_^ -- excitement! Alright, seriously, I'm from Georgia; I don't see a whole lot of snow lol. Supposedly, it's starting to stick now... One can only hope that it will! Okay, so like I was in my room for a long time today, and then after I showered and got ready, I emerged from the tomb. As I was walking out the hall door and into the stairwell, I looked ahead out the window and saw SNOW! I freaked and ran down the stairs to get outside! I was all excited... No one was around when I first got out there, save a few people on the tennis courts. I had to share my elation with someone, so I started heading toward them, but then I saw Christina Berry coming out of Huston dorm... so we (both being from Georgia) danced around happily together ^_^. Anyway, I'm gonna head over to the guys' dorm now... it's open dorm over there again.... Let's see what happens THIS weekend. ..SNOW!!!! Current Mood:  jubilantCurrent Music: Meant To Live, by Switchfoot |
| Thursday, February 5th, 2004 | |
| 5:32 pm | Yeah, so Rob stood me up bigtime, lol. ~_^ I called him and let him know. HEHEHE. Anyway, tonight I'll be eating dinner in the cafe with Lyndal (and hopefully Christina too) if the food doesn't completely suck up there. Dude I totally don't want to know what I got on my Zoology lab practical today! What's even worse is that I have an exam in there tomorrow to top it off!! Also, strict room is tonight, so I gotta clean my room before 9... AND I have three chapters to read and summarize in Their Eyes Were Watching God which, I might add, I don't have a copy of yet, so I have to borrow Breigh's copy. GRR! AND I have a short paper to read for and then write up... Ugh, please somebody shoot me in the face! Never mind. I have a pencil. I'll just STAB myself in the face! MERGH! Meh! Ni!! Argh... And on that note, I'm off to dinner. Current Mood:  stressedCurrent Music: Smells Like Teen Spirit, by Nirvana |
| Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004 | |
| 2:20 pm | Okay, Myra wasn't in her apartment... So Me and Abby wil just have to come back later. I think Abby went upstairs to fine a post-it note to put on her door... Oh well. Now, where was I? Ah yes. I'll back up a little to the beginning of the conversation so it makes a little more sense in context. "When ARE we gonna watch the guy flick!?" "Hey look, talk to Emily cuz she hasn't said anything to me about it." "Maaann..... cuz I really wanna do the guy flick thing...." *pouts* "Hey you and I can watch a movie this weekend, though, just us." [Not having really heard that last comment...] "I want to bond with my real brothers..." --at this point, Natalie looked at me and was like "Um.. did you just catch what he said?" to which I replied, "What do you mean? What'd he say?" She told me what he said, and I was like "oh, that. Now I remember hearing it but I didn't even notice before! hehehe well in that case, watch this.." I turned back to Rob and was like "Hey Rob, 7 o'clock?" "Tonight?" [I just shrugged, and then he said he had something to do... can't remember what he said but oh well... it was some class he had to go to... but then he continued...] "...but how about tomorrow night?" "Okay, lol." "Awesome. What movie are we gonna watch?" "Whatever you wanna watch." "How about Braveheart?" (I can only assume right here that he said that cuz Jeremy may have mentioned the fact that I'm borrowing it on V-Day... that's what happens when guys sit together I guess...¬¬) "Sure why not? Sounds good." "Okay then." *grin* I resumed eating, and all the time Natalie was just giving him and me this look of bewilderment, like she couldn't for the life of her figure out what just happened and how it happened. I just laughed and told her it'd be okay ~_^. Then Rob walked by us when he had gotten up to put away his dishes and whatever and put his hand on my shoulder as he went by. Natalie gave me another look and couldn't help but laugh. I was like "Just watch, he probably thinks I'm serious"... and Natalie was like, "well, HE might be serious, lol" and we were both like "oops... uh oh hehehe." Current Mood:  amusedCurrent Music: Finest Dreams, by Richard X feat. Kelis |
| 11:52 am | What the crap? I just got online and John put up his away message. Some friend. That better have been a coincidence, cuz if he has some reason to avoid me that I don't know about, I'm gonna be pissed. There's only one thing I can think that would give him reason, immature thought the reason would be, to ignore me... and he BETTER not have that reason!! Anyway, so last night I saw Ben Stewart and stopped him as he was walking by me during dinner. I asked him if Brooks hated me, to which he replied "No.. He doesn't hate you... he's just kinda... nervous around you now." I started to cry, but I fought it back, thanked him, and continued on with my dinner. After thinking about it some and having Christina talk to me about it, I decided that I'm not gonna let it bother me. If he's not gonna give me the benefit of a doubt, be mature, and talk to me about it, then he's not the kind of friend I would have wanted anyway. No big loss. Just gotta let it go. On a more positive note, as I was leaving the cafeteria, Christina and I talked about how we were gonna get a violent movie and have anti-guy night on Valentine's Day.... She said something about Braveheart, and immediately I thought of Jeremy Mattheiss. Joy was scanning cards last night, so we went over to her desk and I asked her if she had seen him leave the cafeteria yet. She wasn't sure, but then Christina asked her who she borrowed HER copy of Braveheart from... Joy couldn't remember but said we could watch it that night if we wanted to.. so yeah, last night we watched it... but anyway, back to the cafeteria... yeah so while we were standing there talking to Joy, I turned around and, lo and behold, Jeremy was leaving the cafeteria. I was like "Jeremy! Just the man I wanted to see." He was like "okaaay..." and came closer. I linked my arm in his to pull him close to ask him, and I really expected him to pull away. Surprisingly he didn't, so I continued with my question: "You have Braveheart, correct?" "Yeah.." "Could I possibly borrow it for Valentine's banquet night? cuz I'm not gonna get asked and so I wanna watch people get hacked up to release my anger..." *big innocent grin* "LoL I guess, sure." "yay! Thank you.....[he starts to leave].......are you gonna go to the banquet?" "No way, banquets aren't my thing." "Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot I tried to get you to go to the Christmas banquet and you wouldn't, hehehe" "heh yeah.." ... and that was that. He went up the stairs. It was funny cuz Christina and I left pretty much right then too, so we weren't far behind him and were talking about the movie. I think I saw him kind of chuckling... he probably thought my fascination with the movie and excitement at being able to borrow it were humorous. We did end up watching the movie last night, but he doesn't have to know that!! LoL Cuz I still wanna borrow it from him <3<3<3 ^_^ Okay, no more stupid schoolgirl crap, I promise hehe. It was funny though, cuz today something cah-RA-zaaay happened. Since Natalie Best and I didn't have Intro to Bible class today, we decided use that time after chapel to go up to the lab and look at the slides containing the specimens that we'd need to be able to recognize on the lab practical Thursday. When it was almost noon, we decided to finish up the last few slides and then go down to the cafeteria for lunch. When we got down there, I saw Robbie and Abby sitting by themselves at the end of the long table closest to the kitchen - the good part was that at the other end of the table sat Jeremy with some other people. ^_^ So I got my food and sat down next to Abby... so I could inconspicuously look ~_^ TEEHEE. Natalie sat down across from me when she had grabbed some food. I noticed that Rob Carter (the RA of my former brother hall - have I mentioned him before? probably, if I ever talked about the guy flick, and I think I have...) was sitting next to Jeremy.. and he looked in my direction so I waved and said hey. He waved and said hey back, and then I mentioned the guy flick to him yet again: "When ARE we gonna watch the guy flick!?" "Hey look, talk to Emily cuz she hasn't said anything to me about it." "Maaann..... cuz I really wanna do the guy flick thing...." *pouts* "Hey you and I can watch a movie this weekend, though, just us." [Not having really heard that last comment...] Ah crap, I have some business to attend to, cuz me and Abby are gonna ask Myra if she'll let us sleep in an empty room upstairs... cuz both our roommates are sick and we slept on the couches in the lounge last night HAHAHA. So yeah, we'll continue this later. Current Mood:  hyperCurrent Music: Can't Touch This, by MC Hammer |
| Monday, February 2nd, 2004 | |
| 2:05 pm | Well, I would have been in Freshman English II right now but Dr. Legg gave us some assignment to do in groups that would be due Wednesday... All we had to do was read a couple articles on the halftime show of the Superbowl and compare the two different approaches to it. It didn't take very long, so now I have some extra time to relax before Chemistry lab. GOOD. I could use the resting time. I'm actually kind of thirsty, but I didn't get a drink when I went up to my room to drop off a package I got today. Oh well, ya can't think of everything, I guess. So anyway, I'm going to lab today instead of Wednesday, so I don't have to be Kat's lab partner. ECK. Oh crap, 'scuse me, I must be going! Current Mood:  thankfulCurrent Music: Another Day, by Ray Wilson |
| 12:27 am | One woe doth tread upon another's heel, so fast they follow... Okay, so last night blew big time. Things were going okay for the first part - and actually the majority - of the day. The day was mostly just hanging out, and then 7:30 came (guys' open dorm!). I went to George and Mike's room to watch The Emperor's New Groove cuz I absolutely LOVE that movie! It is sooooo funny. Anyway, we had to take a little detour to McDonald's to pick up Tim Short from work, since his usual rides were gone last night. Then we got back and watched the movie. When it was over, we dispersed, and I went up to Brooks and Ben's room to watch some of Two Towers with Ben and Christina (Brooks was gone on some baseball trip at the time). After a while, it was nearing the end of open dorm... a little past 10... when Kat came and found me. We were getting silly and we stole a whiteboard marker from Rob's whiteboard all the way at the other end of the hall... I saw one of the baseball team members coming in the door downstairs through the window next to Rob's room, and I was like "oh crap! Kat, they're coming! Must hurry, must hurry!" so I ran down the hall with marker in hand... I started writing on the board "Ask someone to the Valentine's banquet" when all the sudden I hear Brooks' voice saying "hey, what are you writing??" I looked, and he was halfway down the hall already, and I'd only managed to write "Ask some" so I quickly erased it. He was like "okaaayy..." and walked into his room. I ran to put the marker back, but no sooner than I did that did Kat run and grab it back so she could finish the job... GRR. this is where it gets bad. So she totally didn't write the right thing. She wrote "Ask S to the Valentine's banquet" and then signed it with some ambiguous pseudonym-type thingy... I was MAD. Especially cuz then one of the suitemates Chris was like "Hey Brooks, Kat wrote a note on your board!" We were both like "SHUT UP CHRIS" but it was no use. I didn't really see his reaction to the note, but I doubt I would have liked to have seen it after what I know now... You see, afterward, I was already pretty pissed that Kat had made the note personal when I had only meant it to be a funny little anonymous joke note. See, I also scratched "Brooks is a hottie" into this one big blob of whiteboard ink on his board to be funny, cuz I saw that someone had written that BJ was the sexiest hottest man alive on his board (right across the hall). It was just to be funny, and he wasn't supposed to know who did it, cuz it was supposed to be a teasing comment just like BJ's. Well, THAT got ruined. I'm almost positive he's gonna go ahead and assume I wrote it. Crap. But no, that's not the worst of it, believe me. So we get back to my room, and we start talking to Emily Cook about stuff... and she doesn't know what's just happened with Brooks -- or that Brooks has even crossed our minds at all for that matter. But she starts talking about how, during a conversation that he was involved in, they asked him if he was gonna ask anybody to the banquet. Apparently, he said "No, I don't think so, cuz I don't like anybody on campus [that is to say, he doesn't like them like that...], and I don't think you can go to a banquet 'as friends' and really just be friends." Quite frankly, I think that's a big load of crap. You can TOO be just friends. Anyway... so that means that if, in his head, he honestly believes such a fallacy, he's gonna think that I'm all in love with him or whatever because of what Kat wrote on his board (seeing as how she wrote that in MY presence too). What's worse is that now he's probably gonna think that I DID take what he told me at Ferry's End the wrong way (btw, Breigh told me that Ferry's End was the name of the place where Brooks took us Friday night). Don't get me wrong, I do like him, but I wasn't so foolish as to take what he said and start this little retarded thought in my head of "ooh, he's in LOVE with me!!!!!" or some crap like that. But now I have reason to believe he might think that of me... I mean, heck, when I think about how all of this has happened with PERFECT timing and PERFECT coincidence, I've gotta be honest with myself and admit that I would probably think the same thing. It sucks, too, cuz no matter how perfectly horrible it seems, it's not like that at all. And now I may have lost his friendship, cuz he's probably gonna be all weirded out around me now... !@#$%!!!! I cannot believe this. Like, I saw him in the food line when I got up to get something else to drink, so I kinda flicked him in the arm and said hey. he was just like "hey..." quietly and scarcely even glanced at me, then started moving down the line, away from me. I saw Ben Perry and started crying, and he asked me if I wanted to talk. I kinda filled him in on the goings-on of late, and he told me that maybe I was overanalyzing the situation - that maybe Brooks was just distracted and not just avoiding me. We'll see, though, in the next few days. Clearly, because of all this, I'm rather sad. I have a right to be, DO I NOT??? So Kat started pulling this crap on me about how I'm basically not entitled to my own feelings, thoughts, and opinions... AGAIN. I'm sick of fighting with her. And the problem is, SHE is the one who always picks the fights. I'm serious. I am so trapped. It's like being in a box and having the walls closing in from all sides. And that analogy is perfect for me and my current agony, cuz I'm partially claustrophobic as it is! So anyway, she was getting all in that "serious" mood of hers again tonight while we played pool. It makes me sick to hear her going off on those tirades, cuz she talks like she understands all the workings of the world and like I should listen to her all the time because I'm wrong and she's right ALWAYS. She even blamed last night on ME. Okay, nothing bad would have happened if it had just been me. Without her "help," there would have been no specificity in the note on Brooks' board, thank you very much!! Her statement of defense was "well I didn't know you didn't want me to write that." Oh please, if she's such a guru on these things like she thinks she is, she would have known better at the time. So I don't even want to hear her mindless chatter. It really is mindless. It is stuff I've already heard from myself that got filed away in the "useless knowledge" file because it ended up messing with my head rather than helping. Therefore, I take her comments in stride from now on. All that comes out from that pathetic dolt's mouth is bull crap. Nice warm fresh BULL CRAP. Hypocracy is her middle name, I swear it. Anyway... Now that you're all updated, I'm gonna listen to some music to cool off and then go to bed. As always, if I think of anything I missed tonight, I'll let ya know later. Or if something comfuses you, leave a comment! That works too. You don't even have to be a member! *cheesy advertisement music* Yeah, so I'm done now. Bye. Oh, yeah, and here are some lyrics (actually, the refrain) to the song I'm listening to (as mentioned below) that are really echoing in my thoughts: I don't like this place at all Makes me wonder what I'm here for Someone takes this pain away Dying to see another day And I don't want to be your friend Or pretend I can fit in too I'm incensed, I'm blown away Dying to see another day Current Mood:  gloomyCurrent Music: Yet Another Day, by Armin Van Buuren feat. Ray Wilson |
| Saturday, January 31st, 2004 | |
| 3:06 am | P.S. I'm hungry, dang it... And now it's too late to eat... *pouts* Current Mood:  hungryCurrent Music: The sound of silence - no, not the song, just pure SILENCE. |
| 2:45 am | Today is over, thank goodness... Actually, I'm not glad that the post-class part is over... I'm just glad the week is over cuz it SUCKED. UGH. Anyway, so after classes were over, I went to dinner and then back to my room for open dorm. Dude, okay, so I went into Amy's room and watched O Brother, Where Art Thou? with her, Eddie, Mike, Sarah, Christina, and Aaron. Then Kat showed up and we decided to go to Walmart... Ben Perry decided to go with us per our request, then we actually convinced Brooks to come with us too! Brooks and Ben were eager to get out of the car when we got there, so they ran across the parking lot to this super-uber-steep hill by Walmart... As they were climbing, some dude came out of the building and started yelling at them to get down from there. Kat and I started laughing so hard!! - and we definitely retreated into Walmart as fast as our legs could take us... and still laughing of course. I think the laughter lasted for like 5 minutes straight! Oh man, it hurt!! LoL But yeah, so then Brooks was teasing me all through that stupid store and it was really starting to get on my nerves. I voiced my anger as we drove toward our next (and might I add unknown) destination - Brooks was guiding us there with his stunning intellect. HAH. So anyway, we drove a long time, and all the while we talked about various crap. At one point, Kat brought up the Tennessee-Wesleyan soccer game from last semester and how those guys on the baseball team that were standing near us started making fun of us. I started telling the story: We totally were not saying anything to the stupid guys - just cheering on our players - and they started mocking us... like my nose. They were like "Look at that nose! Man, how big is that thing???" and Kat had replied "bigger than your... [she trailed off]" When I said the thing about the nose, I heard Brooks saying "what? you don't have a big nose" in the background, and I couldn't help thinking, whoa, man, SOMEbody needs glasses!! Anyway, the drive continued, and eventually, we ended up at this dead end road running right into a ramp leading into the Tennessee River (I think that was the name of it). The place was so beautiful! There was very little ambient light, so the stars were so clear to be seen, and the moon was breathtakingly bright - the light from it was sparkling on the barely rippling waters... Whoa, I'm going all poetic up in this piece! LoL, what can I say? I've been feeling poetic all night... as usual! The moment I saw this place, and when the realization that Brooks had shown us this, I had this whole new respect for Brooks, despite his constant teasing. But yeah, so we climbed down some rocks next to the side of the road and were wandering around the sandy ground that extended into the water a long way out. We were freezing to death, but I didn't care, cuz I was just wandering around, staring up in wonder at the night sky. Eventually, I parted from the rest of the group and walked back toward the ramp so I could climb on the rocks and see the sights over there. Brooks slowly followed behind, while Kat and Ben stayed closer to water's edge. Eventually, he got over to where I was, and he called me over. I was thinking "uh oh..." but then he said this: "Yeah I don't know what I said in Walmart to make you upset, but I'm really sorry about it." And of course, I told him it was fine - after all, never let a boy know they hurt you! Then - cuz apparently he wasn't done yet - he was like "...and also, don't take this the wrong way or anything, but..." And at that moment I was like "oh crap, here we go..." BUT then he continued with "...I think you're a very attractive girl." Good thing it was dark, cuz I dunno WHAT the crap my face did at that moment - I don't want him to know either! BUT all I could think to say in my most articulate hour was "well, thank you." and when he still kind of paused uncomfortably, I just said "thank you" again in a disarming tone to make him feel better and then I started walking off toward the ramp again. He was like "wait, you're not gonna leave me here, feeling all dejected-like...." or something like that - I don't remember everything so well when I'm kind of blindsided and FREAKING COLD. But yeah, so I turned around and walked back to him and was like "oh, okay, I won't leave you then" or, again, something like that. So then we were just kind of moseying around and he started throwing rocks in the water and yelling "help, help! oh no! Sherry fell in!" I'm not sure how much Kat and Ben heard but yeah... that was ... special. So I was playing along a little, kind of screaming or whatever. Hehe. After a while of wandering about under the stars, the guys got cold and flocked to the car. Kat and I remained outside and danced around, singing whatever songs we could think of, even if we only knew like three words to the song. Good times. I think we were out there for like an hour, and when we decided not to torment the guys any longer, we went back to the car, only to find the two of them eating all of Kat's cheese puffs and fogging up the windows while they relaxed in the now-obnoxiously-reclined front seats. We rolled our eyes and made them move, and so we were off. Back to school *sigh*. So now I'm here. And I really wish that it wasn't over. I know for sure, now, that he has someone because of a comment I made earlier at Walmart. I mentioned in passing that I hate Valentine's Day, and he said something along the lines of "me too" but then I was like, "well, at least you have somebody" and I'm not quite sure exactly what he said in response, cuz he totally mumbled it but... It sounded something like "well, not quite in the way I'd like it." I dunno. I figure he was talking about the whole dad-won't-let-girl-date-him thing I heard about from Christina. Oh well. I guess no one really knows what the future holds, so I really needn't be mulling over it so... after all, "que sera sera... whatever will be will be... the future's not ours to see... que sera sera." Let's just see if I can actually get asked to the sheer agony of-- I mean, the Valentine's banquet... ¬¬ ... yeah so anyway..... If I don't get asked, I'm totally renting some horrendously violent movie and watching it, and totally replaying all the extra-gory scenes like ten times each, JUST out of spite for my cruel fate. Friday the 13th, huh? Maybe I should just rent the MOVIE Friday the 13th! Yes, I am a genius! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! EEEEEVIL GENIUS!!!!! ... okay, so maybe not so much... LoL. Anyway, I think that's all I have to say about tonight AND the future - for now. If I think of anything else, naturally I shall come back straight away to relieve myself of such thoughts by putting them here. But for now, I'm off to bed. So.... tired.... and I'm actually being expected to get up in time for stupid brunch! I dunno why the crap, on the ONLY day that pretty much everyone gets to sleep in, they make "lunch" end so early! WHY BRUNCH ON A SATURDAY?!?!?!?! -- ahem, as you can see, I'm rather passionate about that subject... but enough about that, it's bedtime!! Nitey nite, all. Current Mood:  thoughtfulCurrent Music: The sound of Kat in my ear... ^_^ Phones = cool. |
| Thursday, January 29th, 2004 | |
| 12:25 am | Well... I just made an attempt at getting John to come up and be my "date" for the Valentine's Banquet... I mean, he didn't freak out and think I was hitting on him... but he didn't concede either. He has a concert that night, which really sucks. I'm tired of going to these things with people who I hardly know or am afraid that they like me when I don't reciprocate. Of course, in response to my lamentations, all John can say is "seriously, formals/banquets are things that should've died in high school." -_- thanks, John.... Ugh, so now I dunno what I'm gonna do. I know no one is gonna ask me, cuz even the guys I do know well enough to enjoy the company of, they've all got other girls in mind. I give up. Plus, just when I was starting to trust Kat again, she went and betrayed me AGAIN. She talked to Biddy last night and was asking him all this stuff about the issues that have made me choose not to talk to him anymore. THEN she came back to me today and was telling me how wrong I am for ignoring him and blah, blah, blah. Thank you very much, I'm entitled to feel how I want to feel about people and situations, and it wasn't HER who got hurt and screwed over totally, so I do NOT want to hear her crap anymore. It's really none of her business - it's between me and Biddy. Forget all of them. They aren't worth my time at all, and I think I'm finally understanding how true that is. Thanks, God, for showing me how right Mom has been all this time. I'm through with this. I know the people who haven't let me down yet and who I know aren't so wishy-washy as some. There are only a few who I can tell pretty much everything... like a whole FIVE out of 600. There might have been six, had Kat not stabbed me in the back, but... c'est la vie. Anyway, I'm keeping everything to myself now, because it's not worth the crap I get later. I might tell Christina or Lyndal, but mark them probably the only ones, unless Sarah wanted to know stuff. Current Mood:  cynicalCurrent Music: Born Too Slow, by The Crystal Method |
| Wednesday, January 28th, 2004 | |
| 1:44 am | IT'S SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood: gigglyCurrent Music: Jane Says, by Jane's Addiction (live) |
| Monday, January 26th, 2004 | |
| 7:13 pm | Ok, I was reading back through some of my more recent entries.... And I need to clear something up. I don't feel right leaving it without justifying it. The thing about Kat... Yeah, I was in a really bad mood and I was PMS-y... and I was just being a jerk and not thinking things through that day. Later, I decided I needed to quit broogding and just talk to her about it. She told me that she hadn't intentionally invited Leslie to make me angry, and she didn't really think she was gonna go with us anyway. And all that other stuff? Like I said, PMS. Maybe she was just in a bad mood too or something... or maybe I was misinterpretting, cuz I tend to do that since I'm PARANOID-DELUSIONAL a lot. So to all fo you who have been reading my journal, I apologize for my temporary a-holicness. I can't say it won't happen again, cuz Fred doesn't just visit me once in a lifetime (I WISH!!!) but I'll do my best - and if all else fails, take it in stride and move on... or just ignore me, lol. So anyway I think I'm gonna go shoot some pool.... yes... that sounds like fun... Maybe. We'll see... Just watch - I'll get down there and realize "Wait, I don't want to play pool... Hmm...." and then leave hehehe. that's what I did earlier, right after dinner. It kinda sucked cuz I had already let Christina go, so then she was gone a moment before and I had to walk back alone. BAH. Hehe... so yeah, if I decide not to play, I'll wander around aimlessly until 10 or 10:30 - cuz then I'll go to the gym and hope that Darren and Kat are there playing indoor soccer. *sigh* Then again, I might give my bed a nice long friendly "hello"..zZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz... Current Mood:  boredCurrent Music: Yet Another Day, by Armin Van Buuren feat. Ray Wilson =)=)=) |
| Sunday, January 25th, 2004 | |
| 9:24 pm | Tonight was better than I thought it was going to be. I've been getting homework done, I got to talk to my mom online a bit, and there was some definite bonding in the game room this evening! LoL Okay, so the day started out bad - I was supposed to go to church with Kat, but when I woke up, my back was aching in the place that it's BEEN hurting for a while now. I mean, I was experiencing excrutiating pain in that spot on one of my breaks... my mom tried to massage it out some, but it only helped a little and temporarily at that. Kat did the same the other day, so I figure she'll understand cuz she knew it had been bothering me. I hope. Anyway, then Breigh offered to bring me a plate of food from her grandmother's house for lunch... then she decided I oughtta get out of bed at least for a little while, then stay in bed later. So after Breigh went to church, she came back, picked me up, and we were off to her grandmother's house. She had made chicken and dumplings (YUUUMMM) and I got to take some back to my room, so it's waiting for me in the fridge for tomorrow. Only thing bad was that the grandmother AND one of Breigh's brothers were smoking... I tried not to make any faces while I avoided breathing the smoke as best as I could. I think I did okay, and I made sure to be very kind and thank her for letting me join them and for her wonderful food. When we got back to Bryan, I read some in Natalie's zoology book, and then I got online and talked to Mom. Then, I went to dinner... and when I came up from the cafeteria, there was a pool table free in the game room. I decided to play a little game against myself - I figure if I keep doing that for a while, I'll get better and not be so ashamed to play in front of others hehehhe. Anyway, so Matt Joss walks in, and asks to play with me. I was like "Dang it" but I let him. THEN, Mark Livesay - NO, he's not the school president's son - came in and was watching us play... I didn't know him except for the fact that I knew his name and could put it with his face... That was it, though. There was another guy, and he transferred here this semester.. I dunno if he's foreign exchange or not... I can't remember his name (I'll have to ask Matt later) but I see him around a lot, and he's nice, funny, and just all-around cool. Anyway, they wanted to play teams, so I figured, what the heck. Since I wasn't going to be playing by myself anymore anyway, there was no harm in it - except that I would be making a fool of myself in front of more people.. people I didn't even know. LoL! Figures. But I ended up on a team with Mark, cuz he's really good at pool, and he was helping me out with a lot of shots. We, of course, won the game, and I actually made some good shots! *gasp* ..so then two girls came in to watch (Kim and Krista) and played the winning team (us). We won again, but then we started losing. But that's okay... Brooks Walker came in and was playing by himself, and we lost a game just as he was starting a new game for himself. I asked if he was planning on playing by himself, but he said he preferred to actually play against someone else. It was so funny though, cuz when he wasn't shooting, he was reading some book on rhetoric for homework. Occasionally he read aloud to me, basically cuz he was making some sense of what he read by saying it back to himself in his own words... Makes sense to me. But yeah, I was learning about ...stuff... while I played. He is hilarious anyway... I love his facial expressions! they keep me amused. But yeah... So I played with him till near the end of our game.. cuz Mark got back into the game at the other table and I told him I still wanted us to be a team. Matt filled in my place at Brooks' table. Brooks was like "yeah OKAY, leave then" but he was gonna too if I didn't! So I felt bad, but maybe I shouldn't have hehehe. I think Brooks cursed me, cuz then I started playing BADLY. Like, worse than usual! We still won the game but not by my doing lol. The girls left cuz they had somewhere to be, and not too long after, Brooks left to finish his homework too. I stayed with Mark and Matt and watched them play a couple games, then I took my leave. I was happy as I left though, cuz I now knew Mark Livesay as more than just.. a name. And he even said goodbye to me - WITH my name! Yes, that's right, he said my name a bunch of times tonight. I know that sounds silly and retarded schoolgirl-ish, but it's not, really. It just means something to me when someone knows my name and actually uses it. It makes me realize that I'm not as invisible, unpopular, and unknown as I think I am sometimes. Just a pick-me-up, that's all. But yeah, so I'm in a good mood now. SO good of a good mood that I think I shall go do some more homework now! And I gotta give Natalie her zoology book back and study fot the quiz tomorrow with her. Crap, she's probably long since out of Kerusso by now! And I'm off! *poof* Current Mood: cheerfulCurrent Music: I Turn To You (remix), by Melanie C |
| Saturday, January 24th, 2004 | |
| 2:09 am | Ooh ooh!! And also, I just want to say to those who are bothering me about "stuff" - I AM not and WILL not allow myself to be interested in anyone on campus, savvy???? Yup, I think I've made myself crystal clear here... And seriously, I WILL go to bed at some point before the sun rises - honest! Current Mood:  crazyCurrent Music: Loneliness, by Tomcraft |
| 2:05 am | Oh yeah, BTW, I can't believe I didn't mention this before but... I AM SOOO GLAD IT'S THE WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This has to have been the longest week in the history of weeks at Bryan. Like I said to one of my friends earlier today, this wasn't a week... it was a WEAK. LoL Current Mood: relievedCurrent Music: Girls and Boys, by Good Charlotte |
| 1:46 am | Ok, so Katie's coming next weekend rather than this one... maybe. And of course, I didn't have to worry about missing the guy flick with my former brother hall cuz it wasn't going on tonight. DUDE. Life As A House is soooo sad!! I was like sobbing at the end!!!!! Robbie and Abby felt pretty bad for me, I guess, cuz they were hugging me and stuff... I couldn't help but laugh through my tears, cuz really, I was okay, it's just that the movie was heartbreaking - GOOD as heck, but so very heartbreaking. Anyway, after we watched that movie in Abby's room, we went to my room to hang out and listen to music. I found out - quite reassuringly really - that Abby and I, and even Robbie, share the same interests in many things... and I'll tell you what, that's not the norm! I am definitely... different hehehehe. Anyway, so we were gonna get food, but then we just went to the Lion's Den to watch TV... We ended up landing on Mask of Zorro for a little while, then Abby started feeling sick, so we all went back to our rooms... I went to a room down the hall and watched the end of Sabrina (the new one) cuz I LOOOVE that movie anyway. Soooo good! ^_^ But yeah, so Breigh has been having a rough day, so I talked with her a bit, trying to help.. then she left cuz she couldn't sleep.. so I came down here to listen to music, check email, and do whatever till I actually get tired. I'm starting to drift as we speak, but I want to listen to a few more songs on Launch first. Well, with that in mind, I shall come to a close for the evening... I'm such a psycho weirdo person! What was Breigh think of me being her roommate?? Poor girl, lol. I wonder what she must be thinking when she catches me in the act of being so dorky and weird.... After all, I try not to be so extreme around her, but sometimes she just accidentally stumbles upon me in my...well, WEIRD state. Hehe Current Mood:  weirdCurrent Music: Blue Monday, by New Order (80's, WOO!!) |
| Thursday, January 22nd, 2004 | |
| 5:29 pm | CURSES TO ALL MEN... okay, so just Biddy. I got out of Zoology lab early today cuz Natalie Best is my lab partner and we decided we're going to take time this weekend to read over everything before we dive into our lab work.. We'll do that on Tuesday of next week. Anyway, so I'm registering for a friend from home, Katie, to spend the night on Friday night when I hear the card beep at the door to Long Dorm around the corner. Then I hear the door being pulled again and again but not opening, so I decide to be nice and let the poor girl in. WEEELLL... it ends up actually being stupid Biddy at the door, and naturally I didn't let him in - besides, his card worked right at that moment. When I saw him though, I accidentally mumbled "Figures.." out loud. He just had this retarded look on his staring face. Grrr...!!!! Then he waits for a while on the other side of the wall (cuz by this time, I've gone back around the corner to finish filling out that form) and then Natalie Campbell (his wretched girlfriend) comes up the stairs from the base floor and sees the back of my head then sees him, and starts laughing. Yes, that's right, laugh it up, you despicable trollop. I'll be the one laughing when the two of you come to your tragic end.. and if you two actually make it, I pray for the sake of the human race and the entire world that you aren't able to reproduce. --Dear spirits, take that thought from my head!! *smacks forehead repeatedly* I never want to have that mental image EVER. *shudders* Anyway, I don't want to think about them anymore at all. I have successfully not spoken a word to Craig Biddy since the week before Thanksgiving break, and I intend to keep it that way, but that doesn't keep him from showing up wherever I am on campus *growls*... I swear, there is no getting rid of that craphead. Okay, since it would be an abomination to devote a whole journal entry to that ass, whether it's in insult form or not, I'm going to write about something else for a little bit... but it probably won't be very long, cuz I'm tired of typing (I did have a long entry after this point, but this is the only part I saved, and I accidentally pushed the back key *cries* all is lost, CRAP IN A HAT!!!! I was saying how I'm looking forward to the weekend, but there's gonna be some problems with my schedule during it.... You see, my former brother hall is finally showing the guy flick for them and my former hallmates tomorrow night... and I've been looking forward to this for a while now! But it so happens that Robbie, Abby, and I were planning on watching Life As A House that night too. So I'm hoping that I can persuade Robbie and Abby to watch their movie earlier on and hope that the other starts later in the night, so that if I'm lucky, I can watch both all the way through! Yeah right, I doubt the likelihood of that happening, but it sure would be nice. Katie, like I said, will be coming to spend the night that night too, but that shouldn't be a problem as long as she's willing to come with me to watch both movies - cuz I AM watching them one way or another! LoL Anyway, it was funny though. Today I saw Tim Opelt come up to the cafe as I was sitting down with my food. While I was eating, and while he was waiting for his food to be made, I felt a bump on my table... it felt like it had come from below me, like someone had kicked my chair or the leg of the table, but I knew no one was near me. I thought to myself "...surely, Tim isn't being retarded and throwing stuff at me..." So I got up to throw away some of my trash and refill my drink as Tim was getting his food, and he said I should look under my chair. I laughed and told him what I had thought and that apparently I had been wrong about it... So I did as was suggested to me, and there it was - my highlighter that I had let him borrow like at the beginning of last semester hehehe. Every time I've seen him, I've always been like, "You still have my highlighter.." and then I'd smile teasingly. I guess he got tired of my bothering him hehehehe. Well, it's weird cuz I had a dream about him last night or the night before last,-- I'm standing next to a sink or something, and he sees me and is like "are you okay? you look like you're about to faint..." Sure enough, I pass out... and for whatever reason (you know how dreams are), my shirt is off when I hit the ground (I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!!!! o.O) ...but Tim runs over to me and tries to help me... but that's weird since I'm only wearing my bra. I don't remember anything else happening, but yeah... so, when I saw him today, I was like "oh no..." and then I kind of laughed to myself. Anyway, after he was done eating, he left, and I didn't hear him go, but I did glance around later and saw that he was gone. I decided to try to get a headstart on my reading for next week in Intro to Bible, so I pulled out the assignment sheet and my Bible..... Yeah so I looked down at the assignment for next week.. Guess what it says the Scripture reading is? "2 Tim 1-4; 2 Tim 1; 2 Tim 2; 2 Tim 3; 2 Timothy 4" ... I rolled my eyes and muttered under my breath, "Funny, God. Reeeally funny." No blasphemy intended, of course, but I mean, come on, what are the odds of that?? Well, I wrote more than I intended to! So now I'm off to dinner... I have less time now, cuz instead of the usual time, it started at 5 and ends at 6 tonight... So see all of you later! Current Mood: hungryCurrent Music: Dead Boy's Poem, by Nightwish |
| 1:34 pm | Okay, so today has been better than yesterday - except for one tiny thing: FRED. He definitely came to say hi to me this morningwhen I got out of the shower. I freaked out too, cuz it really wasn't smart of me to be using white towels during the "time of the unknown." OK, so I'm an idiot, sue me! LOL. Anyway, I hate Fred. He's a real pain in the butt - really. Intro to Bible went well today, cuz despite the fact that generally I don't have the attention span for an hour and 15 min. class, I actually stayed with the mainstream discussion. I mean, yeah, I daydreamed every once and a while, but not as much as usual. wOOt! So anyway, I am reeeally not looking forward to Zoology lab in an hour... THREE HOURS of that, dude. UGH, it makes me wanna shoot myself in the face cuz I am SO tired. I don't know why, cuz I slept a lot last night (no chapel today so I got to sleep in ^_^) - it might be cuz I was having to get all my reading for Intro to Bible done last night, so I had to skip my nightly 30 min. walk. Oh well, I'll walk tonight, and hopefully I'll get to go to the weight room and work on my upper body again. Now that my abs aren't screaming with pain from that first time, I'll probably be able to get back on those machines. Okay, okay, enough about that... all I wanna do is be braindead until I have to go to lab... I'm just gonna sit here on my bed and listen to music.... Man I can't wait till this week is over, cuz I am so homework-ed out!! >. Current Mood:  drainedCurrent Music: Juliet, by LMNT |
| 1:19 am | It is a very disheartening thing to walk into a crowded cafeteria and not be able to find one single person to sit with. That happened to me tonight... But things got a little better later. I went to Walmart with Kat, Heather, and Aaron, which is always a nice little vacation ... but I couldn't stay too long cuz I had mounds of reading for homework to do! There was just one thing about the Walmart trip that bothered me.. or rather what WOULD have been the Walmart trip if things had gone as I feared they might. You see, we were all waiting in the lobby about to leave when Kat sees Lesbo come in... and she invites her to come along! What kind of friend does that?! Just cuz she's decided to be all chummy with that disgusting leech doesn't mean it's right for her as my friend to subject me to such uncomfortable situations. I definitely did not appreciate that, especially because she KNOWS our history! Besides, she had made a comment earlier today in Chem class that kinda pissed me off too... Just because I had other homework I had to do and was choosing not to go to the lab today for time reasons, she gave me this look like "what a retard, that's a stupid thing to do." What does she know of my schedule? What happened to the COOL Kat I remember? She's like a walking timebomb these days... she hasn't been like she used to be, and I can definitely say I do NOT like the new Kat. She's not as good of a friend to me as she once was, and if she's going to be putting me through painful moments and hurtful opinions, I want none of it! She better change, or she can just forget about my friendship, cuz what she's doing is NOT what real friends do to each other!!! I wanna know that someone out there REALLY cares about me... where's Dweenie when I need her? I wish I was back at home... I want to be home now, with my parents, and with my brother, so I can hang out with him and make him feel better during his hard time too. We'll suffer our loneliness together! And Dweenie and Cherith... after the time I spent with them over winter break, I think I can safely say they care about me. Where are those people who actually wouldcheer me up? At home, that's where. They listen to everything I need to say and they don't judge it, which is more than practically anyone at BRYAN can say! I won't name the ones who still mean something to me, at the risk of leaving out a name or two unintentionally. For those few, I love you. For the others, why do I even waste brain cells on the thought of you???? ARGH!! I'm so tired of all this crap. So tired... Current Mood:  aggravatedCurrent Music: Say It Isn't So, by The Outfield |
| Monday, January 19th, 2004 | |
| 1:42 am | DUDE. Tonight was awesome! Okay, so I'm wanting to get back into the habit of exercising, cuz I desperately need to lose some weight... Well, Christina and I have decided that we're going to make each other walk for 20 or 30 minutes every night, and I plan to hit the weight room as well. Anyway, so we went for our first walk tonight, and as we were walking past the soccer field, I saw a deer grazing on the edge of the practice field. Then we looked closer and found that there were five of them together! It was so beautiful to see them... especially when they walked away with their cute little white tails sticking up, LoL. Then we finished our walk and talked about lots of random cool/deep stuff, hehe. After she went back to her room to call Ben, I went to the gym to watch Kat play indoor soccer, cuz I figured they'd still be in there playing. I was right. Darren tried to get me to play with them, but I insisted that I have no talent or experience for that kind of thing - and I'm way out of shape. They started getting jokingly mad at me, and finally Betsy talked me into playing. I got to play for like 5 or 10 minutes, then everybody left - except for Darren, Kat, Tim (Short), and Josh..and of course, me. I was gonna leave so I could get some homework done, but Darren wouldn't let me go, and neither would anyone else. They were going to play basketball, and that's the game that got me hit in the face to the point that I have a ball phobia! Darren told them that me and him were a team against the three of them, and that we were gonna totally beat them. I was like "yeaah... right... no." We did lose, but it was a close game, which says something about the three of them hehehehehe. J/K They were all awesome to me. But I DID get mad at Darren (jokingly) cuz he made a bet with them, so now he has to buy them all a 6-pack of Dr. Pepper. I felt bad and told them they shouldn't make him pay up, but he said it was okay and that it was his fault because of all his misses. LoL He was being way too nice and forgiving, cuz I SUCK at basketball!!! hehehehe. Anyway, he kept thanking me for being on his team, and kept thanking him for putting up with me on his team, LoL. Yeah, it made me feel good - like I'm not some freakish loser that no one wants to touch with a 10-foot pole. It's a nice feeling, really, knowing you're not like that. LoL indeed! But yeah, so I better go to sleep so I'm not a zombie in Zoology tomorrow morning... After all, we have a quiz!! Eck.... Current Mood:  accomplishedCurrent Music: Bottom Of A Bottle, by Smile Empty Soul |