Blurty for Joshua.

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Thursday, October 23rd, 2003

Subject:do not deny the vision.
Time:10:37 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
Music:Android Lust - Suffer The Flesh (Masculus Infinitus).
for sometime now i've been wanting to get back into web design. i still have my whole website saved on my harddrive that i had saved prior to my old hosts domain dying on her. i miss having my site hosted on a decent domain. it's somewhat sad that my site is no longer on the internet. i loved that pretty little thing. it was a personal page full of pictures and incoherent ramblings. i guess web design is just something that really interests me and it hadn't really dawned on me how long it's been since i've done any sort of coding short of these online journals which don't require any coding besides the little codes that i do use.

i think i may do some cd reviews for that small review site i'd started but never really launched. there are a few cds that i want to review, mainly Android Lust and Nocturne. i just don't feel right launching a site on a free webspace provider. it'd be kick ass if i could get hosted by someone, but i really don't see that happening any time soon. domain hosters are aweful stingy when it comes to hosting people.

another thing i need to do before launching any sort of website is updating the Shadowized site, which would co-exist with whichever website i happen to launch. for those that don't know Shadowized is the name i gave myself for my musical project that's been going on since sometime in 2000. the main inspirations are bands like Skinny Puppy, Merzbow, Hocico, Alec Empire, Atari Teenage Riot, and Nic Endo, but the outcome ranges to all forms of electronic music. almost all of it is instrumental. i've started messing around with voice synthisizers, though. i'm gonna try to get my latest work uploaded to a server somewhere. probably just a track or two. i don't have the modem speed or patience to upload everything that's backuped. maybe if i had more money i could afford broadband. anyway, the Shadowized project is back in full swing. yippee!

another thing i've been contemplating is getting back into gear on writting. i've this story that was started late last year that was released to a community on livejournal. i just released chapters as i finished them. i know quite a few people are probably wondering what's gonna happen next. in all actuality i had no idea. i'm still not sure since it could go into many different angles. if anyone reading this would like to read what's been done in this project so far send me a message and i'll send it or post it here. i've that saved somewheres, as well. it'll probably take me another couple years to finish.

it seems i've this problem with not finishing projects. i just get disinterested, i guess. it's always my intention to finish them, but it doesn't seem to happen. there have been times when i've finish projects, but those are mainly just my shitty little albums. i think i've scrapped about 3 albums in the 3 years i've been producing tracks. one was scrapped because of a harddrive failure. i should have backed them up to disc before this happened, but never got around to it. *shrugs.*

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Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003

Time:7:54 am.
Mood: amused.
Music:Android Lust - Where Angels Lie.
went to the library earlier and picked up Back To The Future - The Complete Trilogy and Ocean's Eleven both on dvd. it'd been forever since i'd viewed any of the Back To The Future films. i've still to watch parts 2 and 3. i think i may just renew them. =]

i've been spending a lot of time listening to Das Ich and Android Lust. i've taken myself away from industrial and ebm for so long that it's quite refreshing to listen to some kick ass ebm. i dug up some Tenacious D as well for a taste of humor rock. tee hee. i need to get some blank discs. i feel a kick ass ebm mix that needs to be made.

Chris handed me Jacob's Ladder yesterday. i've never viewed this movie. he says it's a bad ass flick. i'm gonna have to give a view. Chris usually has a kick ass taste in movies. of course, he does, he loves Scarface just about as much as i do.

why in the fuck is soulseek not connecting. fucking thing. *pokes it.* cute little program please connect. *taps fingers on desk.*

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Monday, October 20th, 2003

Subject:rise above..
Time:7:23 am.
Mood: bored.
Music:Blue Man Group - Up To The Roof.
went to Chris's again, tonight. we watched a few movies and just chilled. i feel raped after watching The Hot Chick. this is quite possibly the stupidest movie i've ever seen. i am still feeling it's repercussions.

on a lighter note, DreamCatcher was a lot better than i thought it would be. judging from the last few King films. this one i really got into. there were a few things i didn't like about it, particularly the ending, of course. i even refrained from a bathroom break because i didn't want to miss anything. i'd reccomend it to anyone. *nods.*

finally, we watched Anger Management. kind of stupid, but a good laugher. it was crazy. i couldn't believe half the shit Nicholson got Sandler into. just fucking insane, me says.

other than that, nothing to report. worthless trash signing off.

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Sunday, October 19th, 2003

Time:3:52 am.
Mood: energetic.
Music:Nocturne - My Bitch.
i went to visit my neighbor, tonight. i've not been over there in sometime. we chilled for a while, and then we ended up going to the bar. i just chilled for a bit whilst he drank some beer. he asked me to do a Yager Bomb with him. so, i gave in and downed one. it wasn't that bad. i'm not much of a Yager person, but the bomb hit the spot. now, i'm a bit hyper because of the Red Bull in the bomb.

after closing we went back to his place and started watching Any Given Sunday. then he said he was going to sleep. so, i asked to borrow Scarface since he has the VHS that he still hasn't returned to the library after about 3 months. you gotta be down with Tony Montana.

i should finish these books i got from the library soon. they got to go back in 3 days. maybe tomorrow will be book day. lol.

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Thursday, October 16th, 2003

Time:10:46 pm.
Mood: bouncy.
Music:Blue Man Group - Up To The Roof (Feat. Tracy Bonham).
I’m taking the fire escape up to the roof.
Don’t care if it’s not the way you find the truth.
Time to make this right: to rise above.

i'm so in love with this song right now that it isn't funny.

time to get ready to meet Nate at his house. more news at eleven.

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Subject:hey, man! oh, henry don't be unkind. go away.
Time:6:30 am.
Mood: energetic.
Music:David Bowie - Rebel Rebel.
i never did go to sleep this morning. i rolled some smokes and then walked to my friend, Neil's place. i woke them up as Neil answered the door. soon after they woke up. we watched some television then around 2 pm i fell asleep for a few hours. when i woke up i ate some leftovers and watched Law And Order. later i watched Scarface since it was on USA. i fuckin' love this film. it sucked being on television, but they actually showed more than i expected. almost half way through the film Neil decided he wanted to play videogames. not being in the videogame mood i went into his son's room and watched Star Wars with him. soon after i fell asleep.

i woke up to the sound of little Johnathon bitching to his parents, "i can't go to bed. Josh is sleeping on it!" so, on queue i got off his bed and went into the living room. i didn't mean to fall asleep on the little guy's bed, but i was just that fuggin' tired.

Nathan was there and asked if i wanted to go to Donnie's with him. i said sure. we went over to his place and played cards for a few hours. i grabbed my Sean Paul cd back and Donnie gave me a blank disc to burn it for him. then he gave me another blank disc to burn Chingy for him. i hate Chingy but decided to be nice and burn it for him. if he had a burner and i didn't i know he'd burn anything i wanted. so, it's all good.

after we got back to town, Nate and i cruised around for sometime. we just bullshitted about movies and the like. then he told me to meet him at his house tonight around 11 pm and we'll go to Meijer's and Wal*Mart like everyweek.

now, i'm just chilling. i dug out my The Best Of David Bowie cd because i'm in the mood for Bowie. i've been wanting to hear Bowie all week, but ended up putting other things in the ol' trusty cd player.

i think today i'll go to Chris's and watch Any Given Sunday. he's not viewed it, yet, and like me, he's a big Pacino fan. i think we spend way too much time talking to each other like Tony Montana. fun times.

i'm oddly in a good mood. it think it has to do with Bowie and having all kinds of fun today. that doesn't happen too often. usually there's something bothering me to the point of no return.

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Wednesday, October 15th, 2003

Subject:random thoughts...
Time:6:44 am.
Music:shadowized - Holy Wasteland.
i worked on something new to be added to a future release of the shadowized saga that really isn't a saga but sounds cool.

i found an assemblage 23 album in my mp3 library. A23 rocks you! don't lie to me. you know it does.

condemned has dominated my friend's page. how cool is that? tee hee.

the matrix: revolutions hits theatres in less than a month and poor ol' Joshua has no money, thus he probably won't be able to go see it. nothing is sadder than that.

is the fact that i'm so bored that i'm typing random comments into this journal truely pathetic?

um, yeah. i'm bored. *cough*AIM=eternalchaosfa*cough*

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Tuesday, October 14th, 2003

Subject:you have reached the winter of my discontent.
Time:9:37 am.
Mood: discontent.
Music:the silent hum of discontent..
why can't i be like everyone else? why must i find deeper meanings to everything? why doesn't anyone like me? why do i feel like i'm the only one whom hates rap music and loves industral? today's such a blah day. i think i'll sit in bed and meditate. no one really wants to be around me, anyway. i'd just bring them down.

oh, and read this.

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Friday, October 10th, 2003

Subject:what the hell?
Time:5:23 am.
Music:Skinny Puppy - First Aid.
what the fuck is up with all the new journal sites? don't we have enough? like anyone really needs a new fucking online journal. i keep seeing all these journal entries, "i've a new [insert journal site here]! add me, if you like." what the holy fuck is the deal? i guess i just don't understand.

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Sunday, August 31st, 2003

Time:5:51 am.
Music::Wumpscut: - Wreath Of Barbs.
i'm back. i took a small hiatus from just about everything.

in a week or two i may be moving. not far, just about 15 miles away. that is, of course, if i can get in where my friend works. his girlfriend and him are getting a place closer to where he works and if i get in there they offered to let me move in. i'll only have to pay 50 dollars a week. so, you know what that means. i'm gonna be phat paid. lol. i'll have the money to finally get everything i need to make my studio. that and the money to buy all the cds that i've been ripping off for the past few years.

i recently viewed House Of 1000 Corpses. what a bullshit film. it was massively over hyped. i know it's Rob Zombie and all, but god damn. could he think of something better? ripping off Texas Chainsaw Massacre isn't my idea of a "great" film. Cradle Of Fear was much better than this piece of shit, and it still wasn't great.

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Thursday, August 21st, 2003

Time:7:06 am.
Mood: depressed.
Music:Velvet Acid Christ - Exquisite Stench.
i feel like such a piece of shit. thanks, michelle, fuck you.

i pulled a prank, and in the end the person the prank was pulled on took it the wrong way. i've such a way with words.

sometimes i wish i were never a product of procreation.

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Tuesday, August 19th, 2003

Subject:i've got to get away from here. this is not a place for me to stay.
Time:9:46 am.
Mood: bored.
Music:Massive Attack - Karma Coma.
i was on non-intentional hiatus, but i'm back. not much else to say. i went to ozzfest out of default. even got to go for free. i had a nice time. CoF rocks hardcore live. best part of the whole fest. i wanted to see Manson, but after seeing CoF i know MM couldn't even top it. it was bad ass finally seeing Tim Skold perform, though. Cradle are really cool guys, too. i went through and got a cd signed for my friend. i was really impressed by how cool they were.

i'm extremely bored. someone IM me, or something.

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Saturday, July 26th, 2003

Time:4:41 am.
Music:Twiztid - She Ain't Afraid.
i'd rather kill myself than put you through the pain, again.

*yawn.* i'm bored and wide awake. someone kill me, or IM me. it's all the same.

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Saturday, July 12th, 2003

Time:3:29 am.
Mood: awake.
Music:Deine Lakaien - Reincarnation.
why is it eveytime i go to write something it turns out teen-angsty? i know i've more of a brain than that. i don't want to unleash an album full of "fuck you. i want to die. i'm pissed off. grrrrrrr!" tracks. that's just lame. i'd rather not be reduced to a ranting retard.

anyway, i downloaded Velvet Acid Christ's Pretty Toy single. ya know, that new single that jus' came out? the 4 tracks on this single are fuckin' great. if Hex Angel sounds like this it's going to be fucking great. i wish Erickson would tour since i missed the last VAC tour. argh. the way things look we'll never see another VAC tour. argh, again.

um, i can't think.

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Monday, July 7th, 2003

Time:6:28 am.
Mood: confused.
Music:Massive Attack - Dissolved Girl.
i was just thinking about school, of all things. in school my worst subject was english. it's not that i was a stupid american, i just didn't like to do the work. nearly all the books that we were to read i found boring and ended up putting the book down after the first chapter or two. the only thing i really did efficently was essays. that was my highpoint. i've not really thought about this in sometime.

my senior english teacher and i never got along. it seemed everything i actually took time out of to do and work on she degraded. she even gave me an f on my scrapbook which forced me into failing the course. i guess i shouldn't have tried so hard for her not to like me.

another thing i never understood about highschool was why we were forced to take 4 years worth of english. if you can't speak english by the 9th grade there's something wrong. i think you should only have to take that much of the course if you really want to or if you want to be a teacher or take college courses on literature. i would, actually, rather enjoy doing some essays, again. i just can never think of anything to concentrate on long enough that would make a worthwhile essay. everything that i could think of i've already done, at one point or another. i guess i could do an anarchistic essay, but it'd probably just coming out as a half-assed rip off of the fight club book/script. it's not that i'm an anarchist, i just hate certain aspects of american culture. especially corporate america. buy. buy. buy. conform. consume. etc. fuckin' makes me sick.

i need some new books. i may sell some cds and then buy a few from amazon. i need to get the rest of palahniuk's catalog and i want to read american psycho. and i think i should read 1984.

anyway, i was just listening to Massive Attack's 100th Window album. this album is so euphoric. i've always been impartial to some good ambient. in addition to the soundscapes Sinead O'Conner's vocals on a few tracks are just beautiful. i've never really been a fan of hers, but the vocals she donated for the album blow my mind. the only woman's voice that i like more than her's on this album belong to Ani Difranco. it's kind of odd. i really like Ani, but i don't much care for Tori Amos. i don't know why, either. i guess it's because every song of hers i've heard gives me this feeling that she wants me to feel sorry for her. she seems to have this slutty image, too. i don't know. it's weird. i'm indecisive on the whole Tori issue. *shrugs.*

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Subject:there's something burning in my soul.
Time:3:58 am.
Mood: bouncy.
so, i'm re-organizing mp3s when i run across a couple directories i totally forgot about. i start listening to some of this shiznit when all of a sudden i'm kicked in the ass by a kick ass beat of recognizable proportion. then i realize i hardly listen to the track because it's almost 13 fucking minutes long. Raymond Watts is somewhat kooky sometimes. of course, i'm talking about Sympathy For The Devil. no, it's not a Rolling Stones cover. it's a kick ass track by PIG. of course, all tracks by PIG are kick ass. who would expect any less from a member of KMFDM?

the members of KMFDM aren't the sanest of characters. Tim Skold went and joined forces with Marilyn Manson and made the stupidest album of M. Manson's whole fucking career. the beats weren't totally shitty on Golden Age Of Grotesque but the lyrics were for shit. it seems Manson doesn't know how to properly utilize Tim Tim. i don't understand it, either. the score Manson and Tim Skold made for the film Resident Evil kick much ass. then, they produce this album full of shit.

i think the best side project of any member of KMFDM would have to be Schwein. that album was great. 'twas Watts and Sascha K. from KMFDM and some band from Japan. they even did a kick ass cover of Pig's Sanctuary. this version almost beats the Spent Sperm remix on Wrecked.

anyway, i also came across Lords Of The Rhymes - The Lords Of The Rhymes. i forgot all about this song. i found it way back in the day on the Manson BBS. funny funny shiznit.

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Sunday, July 6th, 2003

Time:4:49 am.
Music:the silent hum of inperfection.
i was just watching Terminator 2: Judgment Day. James Cameron can really write a story. he could have written the T - 1000 out of the film much sooner than he did, but that would compromise the integrity of that character. the visual effects of the film are still amazing some 12 years after the film's release. of course, i'm somewhat biased since i've loved this film since i was 12 years old. it's odd going back and watching a film that you use to watch in your younger years.

i still remember sitting in the theatre with my family watching this film. it was one of the few times that we actually got along. i wanted to see this film so bad and my sister wasn't into this sort of thing. so, i had to virtually beg her to watch it. i think i had to, in turn, suffer through My Girl or some shit. it was well worth it, though.

i think it's rather amazing how much of the film used live action compared to scalled models. the actors really had to go through hell. upon having to actually go through military training to make the sequences look real.

on top of everything else, i can really feel for these characters, unlike many other films. they've been put in these situations that they really shouldn't be succumed to, but have no other way but to try and survive or the fate of mankind will suffer. there's not much one can do to prepare for this. you can't really tell anyone what's going to happen because who's going to believe that in a few years from now mankind is going to be erased?

sorry, i kind of went off there. i really need to give this dvd a rest. it's pretty much been permanantly in the dvd-rom drive. lol.

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Wednesday, June 11th, 2003

Time:5:19 am.
Music:Linkin Park - Meteora - 05 - Hit The Floor.
it's too fucking hot in here and my friend wants me to move in with him. he's living in California, now. he's heartbroken and going through some bullshit. i dunno if i want to.

i think i'm going to sit out side for a while and think.

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Wednesday, May 28th, 2003

Subject:there's always something between us.
Time:9:39 am.
Music:N.E.R.D. - Lapdance (Trent Reznor Mix).
yesterday my computer tells me that this site doesn't exist and today it magically appears? what in the fuckin' hell!?

anywho, i've not been around much. i've been living with my friend Neil, pretty much. i purchased The Breakfast Club and Colors the other night. good films. Colors cracks me up in spots, though it really shouldn't. heh. gotta love those 80s films.

rented Femme Fatale from the videostore. not a bad film. only bad part of the film that i saw was when Antonia Bandaras was suppose to be fucking Rebecca-romijn Stamos on the pool table. when they switch to the side view you can clearly tell she's still wearing her underwear. she still has clothes on but yet she can fuck his brains out? what the fuck. it's not like she's afraid of being naked in front of a camera, she's at least half naked throughout the film. i'm still a bit upset that they took a really good idea and turned it into a half-assed seduction/dick tease. since much of it takes place in France the sub-titles get a bit much.

the new Velvet Acid Christ album is finished. it's set for release in August. i can't fucking wait. it's been 3 years since he's released anything.

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Saturday, May 17th, 2003

Subject:bleeding internally...
Time:6:25 pm.
Music:Faith No More - Jizzlobber.
it is official. Mike Patton is the fuckin' shit! he doesn't just make music he revolutionizes it. he uses everything possible to him. many people don't know that his musical styling are much more than being vocalist for now defunct Faith No More. he has also been involved in such projects as Mr. Bungle, Fantomas and Tomahawk. he's the man, the shit, etc.

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Blurty for Joshua.

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