wow it will finally work! 
  pumpkinpie1988
 
12:03pm 09/11/2003
 
mood: excited
well idk i havent been to the page in a while but last time i checked no one had updated anything i havent cause it wouldnt let me !! but now it is yay!
 
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  sunshinegrl301
 
10:30pm 24/06/2003
  my parents are such control freaks. they are driving me up the wall. i havent gone newhere all summer. ive been cooped up in the house with them. but now i have sumthin really nice. my dads friend gave me a baby cockatiel. he is so sweet. i wanted 2 name him benji cuz i thought it was a really cute name, but they wouldnt let me name him that (even tho im the one who has 2 take care of him) becuz its more of a dog name...like i care!! so newayz, his name is poe...like edgar allan poe...and theyre not crazy about that idea either but after we got in a huge fight over this they finally are like....its ur bird. (ur damn rite, it is) i want its name 2 be sumthin thats worth sumthin 2 me. not OLIVER!!! and if my mother calls poe 'pretty boy' one more time, i think i might scream. but as long as she lets me call him poe, i suppose i will have 2 keep my mouth under control.  
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  sunshinegrl301
 
12:15am 21/06/2003
 
music: adema/giving in
does ne1 have AIM or AOL....i wanna chat with sum1. newayz, i have been writing alot, mostly out of boredom, but my work has gotten steadily darker and....well....just darker. if ne1 gets the chance 2 read them on my blurty, comment and tell me whut u think.
 
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  notinmydestiny
 
09:22am 17/06/2003
  I think im going to go insane, or probably just kill myself. why is it every single time im almost over my father leaving he desides thats the best tiem to show up again. well here goes, my aunt went out to a bar with her friends, and saw my (already drunk) father sitting there. He procedes to tell her hes homless. has admitted hes an alcoholic and is now slightly suicidal. well dad thanks i havent seen you in three years, so this is all you can sya to me?! Everytime that we start to form some sort of a realtionship you run of. ill never forget how much it hurt when i thought ihad found you after 7 years of nothing, we talked at least once a week for over three months and when i go in to see you(as usual) you arent there. you quit your job. damn that hurt. you started me cutting myself, you started me on pills, you are the reason me nad my stepfather fight constantly, and now you think that if you give my aunt a number im actually goingt o cal it and set myself up for this again?! well your lucky about one thing, your lucky im nothing like you and that im going to call you, because i care about you and i want to fi xmylife, but i dont know if i can do that. i think the damage is already done, that im too late. so if youve already killed me, then what harm is it to walk all over thegrave. yeah i guess i can go get the number, but if you plit on this job and ive got myhopes up for nothing, i swear this is your last chance, you blow this you have nothing left, youll never see me again i can make sure of it.  
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  sunshinegrl301
 
03:36pm 16/06/2003
  this is 4 my teacher....cuz hes so great...and even tho i felt like i could tell him nething....i never really got a chance 2 tell him how i felt....he got 2 read this poem tho...im gonna be a writer sumday, i hope

these past few weeks have been like hell, like all my nightmares came true, when my only goal was to stay alive and trying to make it thru. there was no1 there 2 help me out, no1 2 ease the pain, nuthin left 4 me 2 lose, and nuthin left 4 me 2 gain, my life was sinking slowly, into a painful tale, with my heart so full of hurt, that it felt like it might fail. things got much worse, it hurt so bad, and it felt like it might end, but then i heard ur voice, and it gave me hope again
I LUV YA MR G....
~cassi~
 
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  sunshinegrl301
 
11:00pm 10/06/2003
  so whuts up with every1 else....i kno i cant be the only twisted 1 around here
~cassi~
 
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  notinmydestiny
 
07:36pm 10/06/2003
  I want to thank you for just reading....it means more than you think. Ive psent 16 years looking for soneone to just listen lol. Thank you  
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  sunshinegrl301
 
03:41pm 10/06/2003
  i almost want things to go back to last year, where i didnt realize i was just a pretender, and i actually believed all the stuff i acted out. i had so much fun that year. i didnt care bout nething and i had none of the crazy problems i do now. but now that i kno i have them, i dont want any1 else 2 find out bout it. i just dont kno what could be so god awful wrong with me that makes me want 2 hide from every1. so i keep on pretending im normal and that i have no secrets. and its hard 4 me 2 finally admit that i am majorly screwed up. and im almost ok with pretending 4 everybody...its ok if they dont kno me....but i want 2 kno myself...and its kinda like the saying....'i followed in ur footsteps 4 so long, now my own shoes dont fit.' i covered it up 4 so long that i dont kno it nemore. thas not kewl! its lame! guess whut else is really lame? i cant get a boyfriend, no1 wants me. and even then, im not sure i have whut it takes 2 have 1 rite now. i cant make close relationships like that. i just cnat get along with ppl nemore. and its not like theyve isolated me....i have isolated myself. i CHOSE 2 do it. becuz i was so done with havin ppl hurtin me all the time....so im left alone 2 hurt myself. and alone in my mind is a scary place.  
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my dark life 
  mary_anne
 
12:55pm 10/06/2003
 
mood: thoughtful
ok, i'll tell you about my dark life.
I'm bisexual and for 2 years i had a relationship with a married man.
I suffered too much, and all that is written in my journal.
Right now i have a new life; i have a boyfriend, a job and i'm studying... everything seems fine, i love my boyfriend with all my heart, but he does not know about my dark life and i don't want him to know ever because i know i will lose him if he finds out.


Our sex sucks... i mean is the worst lover i've ever had.... i love him but i feel not a real pleasure when i'm with him, and i can't help but think about my dark life, how bitchy i was and how good it felt...


I don't think i'm a psycho, i accept myself with all that i am, with al mi mistakes. I do not regret anything. Because i really believe everyone has a dark life, we all keep secrets. And it doesn't make us freaks, it's just part of being a human being.

That's all. If you wanna comment, feel free to do so. Thanks for reading!!
 
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  sunshinegrl301
 
11:51am 10/06/2003
  ok, heres how my list of problems go...an eating disorder, no self esteem, HUGE fear of rejection, no acceptance of myself or from others, and because i dont like myself.....i pretend 2 be sumthin im not 4 every1 else and no1 realizes it, i alwayz do whut every1 else wants me 2 do, and whuts even worse is that i kinda dont want it 2 change, not because i get attention but everything feels realistic. and all of this causes me 2 freak out all the time and the only prsn i could talk 2 bout it was my teacher but things arent too bad bout him cuz not many ppl believe it. but i want sum1 2 luv me 4 who i am and i feel like no1 luvs me or even understands me @ all. i have had sum major episodes, and they r really scary, and the only thing that can calm me down is music. thats everything ive been wanting 2 say but couldnt. thats my dark life.  
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I miss someone 
  mistertakono
 
10:06am 10/06/2003
  i miss someone.... but nobody knows who it is.... i love them...  
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  sunshinegrl301
 
10:29pm 09/06/2003
  hi every1, my name is cassi. i live in florida. and i have LOTS of problems. and i am here because the only prsn i could (and actually was) get help from was a teacher and hes in trouble because some stupid girls accused him of molestation, but hes innocent. so basically... plz help me, im desperate..  
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Suggestions? 
  mary_anne
 
10:28am 08/06/2003
 
mood: blank
Any suggestions for the Interests' keywords in the info page??
i guess it depends on the dark secrets of the members of the community.... all the suggestions welcome!!!
 
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Hello everyone 
  mary_anne
 
10:25am 08/06/2003
 
mood: excited
Hey!

Welcome everyone! join now!
This is what i've just posted on the description of the community:

"This is a community for everyone with a Dark Life... For everyone that fears his/her family, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. find out about this part of his/her life, his/her dark secrets... everyone with 'Friends Only' Journals... those who maintain 2 journals (one dark other normal), everyone with a secret on Blurty should join.
Come and tell us your secret. You'll find here people just like you, here you won't be judged, maybe we can help you.
Find friends, advise, or maybe just silly comments."

Join now!
 
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