Would I Consider Myself a Failure* [entries|friends|calendar]

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or the moment of truth in your lies [11 May 2005|05:55pm]
oh man .. allergies are soooooooo outta wack right now! i feel like i've been run over with a mack truck.. i started work monday @ a mini golf course.. i work mondays and tuesdays 5-9 and saturdays 2-10. it's real interesting and its semi fun, although no one really comes yet!

I have a new prom date. Adam.. he's awesome! Jon got a gf, kinda and i woulda felt weird going with him.. it's this whole big thing that i didn't want to make bigger so now adam is going with me! =) should be fun..he's coming to LBI and all that fun jazz..

Had my ap gov't exam today. woah. i knew NOTHING on the exam, it was really bad.. after the test christine and i went to get lunch w. my lil sis and then i came home and slept for awhile. I started watching Deliverance, the movie that adam recommended, but it sucked. So now im here, doing nothing. Tired and feeling really sick.

Counting down the days till graduation and my last goodbyes. It's really sad! I don't know if im gonna be able to stand it.. going away and leaving everyone. Esp. Nikki and Raylen and everyone else i've gotten real close to again.. Ange, Adam, Sandra etc etc.. It's going to be real hard. But i know that they'll always be around.. it's something i just know. My hearts telling me not to worry. LIke with nikk and raylen, i know that we'll always be friends no matter how much we talk or even if we dont see each other often, bc we're bonded together. I feel like they're my sisters and they're always going to be there, and im glad. Honestly, i've never felt that secure in a friendship.

And then theres *him*.. the way he makes my heart beat and i think about him randomly and he makes me smile =). i've never cried over him, i've just wanted to cherish all the times i talk to him and all the times we hang out. He's great.<33

ah well .. more later! xoxo --danii
You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [23 Apr 2005|11:15am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Random Survey!

General;
Name: Danielle Marie
Age: 17 and 9 months!
Sign: Gemini

Likes/Dislikes:
*Tell me your favorite and least favorite of the following*

School Subjects: English or gov't is my fav .. math is my least fav
Colors: Fav - baby blue .. Least Fav - brown
Foods: Fav - pasta and steak .. Least Fav - asparagus and sausage
Music: Fav - anything but.. >> .. Least Fav - rap
Bands: Fav -- blinkie, ush, googoo dolls, etc etc ... Least Fav -- idk
Scenes: like outdoor scenes? The beach.. or the park
Movies: i love all movies =)
Stores: no fav, no least fav.

Sex;

Turn ons? eyes, smile and abs on a guy .. someone who can hold me and i feel safe
Turn offs? ugly personality >> no self esteem
Are you a virgin? yes
How many people have seen you naked? none
How many people have you seen naked? none
How many people have you slept with or done some other sexual act? h/u with ... 6 ppl
What's your favorite part of sex? idk?
What's your least favorite part? idk?

Heart;

Do you believe in love? yes
Have you ever been in love? what i thought was love..
Are you a romantic, or realistic? romantic -- but i can be a realist
What's the most important quality in a guy? knowing that he's my best friend, and he'll listen to me and always take my side, even when he knows im wrong, but tells me.
Now without lying, what's really important? just knowing.

Hobbies:
What's your scene?: juss chillin w. my amazing group of friends, either @ mi casa or the movies
Do you like to shop? yess<3 what girl doesnt?
Where do you and your friends hang out? mall, movies, my house .. etc etc

Other:
boxers/reg. undies/thongs/lace/commando? thongs: bikini bottom type things.. and boxers for sleep! =)
sheets or no sheets? sheets
favorite koolaid flavor? cherry
do you snore? lmao. yeahh
which side of the bed do you prefer? smack dab in the middle!
do you believe in love at first sight? yeah
do you smoke cigarettes/drink? no
do you do drugs? no
if so, what ones? --
do you like to draw\paint\other art stuff? not artistically talented.. more talented with words
can you cook? yess .. most of the time
do you cry during sad movies? yeah .. but lately, no
are you religious, if so what religion? yeah -- catholic.. don't follow the set rules tho
are you a dreamer or are you down to earth? i can be a dreamer.. but down to earth when i need to be
favorite day of the week? friday or sunday
are you spontaneous? i would like to think so
would you rather stay in or go out? stay in with friends
do you like to be alone sometimes? yeah
what do you feel is the most important part of a relationship? honesty and trust
what are you looking for in a guy? a best friend.
what physical quality stands out most about you? my eyes? idk. i love my eyes<3
what persnality quality stands out most about you? self esteem
what can you offer him that other boys/girls cant?: a chance to be who you are, and comfortable
do you like to take things slow or fast? in the past -- fast.. but lately, nice and slow.
What do you think of make-up on guys? cute =)

You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [22 Apr 2005|01:48pm]
you bleed just to know you're alive.

prom in 34 days! =) yayy, can't wait. We're going to crane for afterprom, and then Me, Ange, Pretey, Canon, Jon, John, Kevin and Ryan are going to LBI friday - sunday. it should really kick ass! =) im excited.

Spring Break this week. Should be interesting and fun -- =)

So far on wed. i tanned w. ange and pretey and then went to blockbuster and back to ange's house and watched a cinderella story. it was really good!!

Thursday i went to sch0ol with nicole janine and raylen michelle! my bestest friends everr =) yay! lol, fun times fun times. saw adam and we hung around at the pep rally for awhile, and then david picked us up and we went to get him a motorcycle jacket and went to the gall and best buy and my daddy came to get me @630.. it was a fun fun day.

Today, Friday sucks. i was supposed to go for a trial run for my hair for prom and the ppl there were idiots, so we scheduled another apptment for tomorrow @ 130 at another place. i have to babysit at 530 till whenever, o joy!

Saturday, tomorrow.. is the hair apptment and then i'll prob. finish my damn practice ap gv't exam so i dont have to do it.

Sunday is unplanned yet, but something will come along!

Monday, Thom and i are going boy shopping! =D yay .. lol i really love being friends with guys who aren't straight, we get to fight over boys =) im picking him up at his house around 12ish and we're juss gonna chill..

Tuesday, and my last day of spring break will be spent in the city with my lovers! Nikki, Raylen, Ange, Jesse, David, Adam, Barney, Adam's prom date, Jon, Jon's prom date and possible Junior. We're having a mock wedding for nikk and david, and raylen and i are the bridesmaids and i get to buy the ringpop rings! =) hehe..

ah well, more later.. *danii
You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [12 Apr 2005|08:38pm]
[ mood | blank ]

haven't been here in awhile.. but here are my thoughts! =)


i know what i've been doing wrong.. I've been trying so hard to keep up with everyone and have a boyfriend and attempt to be strong for college, and hang out and party and do the typical things that 17 yr old girls do, that i forgot one very important fact. I started to grow up a long time ago and im not a typical 17 year old girl. I don't compete, and when i do, i fall flat on my face. I am me.. and i do things at my own pace, at my own time. I've forgotten that i need to find out who i am first and love me totally before i can love another person like i love myself.. it's not supposed to sound conceited or self- righteous, its just supposed to sound like a quest for self discovery. I don't know why i do the things i do, and i have to stop piling my plate high with things that i can't do at one time. I get bogged down and i make myself sick. I'm not normal, im not typical, im danielle. And right now, i don't feel like me. This isn't danielle, this is not what im supposed to feel. I was fine.. until i started obsessing over him and the impact he had on my life. And now my feeling of happiness and self worth and discovery is gone. I need to be able to go out into the college world and be free, and while it may sound selfish, i want to be able to experience everything with a clear mind that im not hurting anyone. so it has to be ended now. i don't wish to sound cruel or heartless, because im not.. i just need to be me, and find me and grow.

Shawn said that the day i give up is the day he starts listening to rap for its educational value... he's right. i can't give up, nor can i give in.. i just have to start giving myself more time and understanding my actions before i do them. I know i'll feel better once i tell him that i just want us to be friends, and i hope he can forgive me. It's not him.. he's awesome, he's perfect, he's amazing. It really is me this time. I need to be free, and i need to go and do the best i can

( 5 Bled)You bleed just to know you're alive

[26 Dec 2004|10:14am]
weeeeeeeee =D

Apparently people enjoy commenting on my Blurty and leaving NO NAME what so ever .. as well as immature comments. Okayyy, thats all fine and cool. But stop being so stupid. You have lives i'm assuming.. right? Well, in doing what you're doing, you only make me the center of you're world.. enchancing my powers! You don't see it that way? Okay then, keep being immature but i'll make it harder for you, as well as bask in the joy of being thought of every second of every day! Henceforth, this journal is Friends Only.. wanna be added? leave a comment.

-- danielle
( 7 Bled)You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [21 Dec 2004|10:13am]
[ mood | inspired ]

Guess I finally realized what Christmas is all about .. or maybe I always knew, but I just forgot. I've been so caught up in wanting someone by my side for me through it all, that I've forgetten everything else that goes on. All the love that is spread, and all the lessons learned. The good times with family and friends, and the ability to make more memories before the year is through. It's a time of forgivness, joy and love, even if it means sacrificing a little of you're own happiness to see that it gets done. It's about spreading love and joy so that everyone can feel it, and not just the people who want to. It's not about the presents, or even the food or the cards or anything. It's about togetherness, and singing Christmas carols around a tree or going Caroling so you can spread the love to everyone and not just you're family. It's about knowing in you're heart that you have said or done the right thing and there are no regrets. We have four more days to go, lets make it the best four days ever!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!

-- danii

You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [21 Dec 2004|10:13am]
[ mood | inspired ]

Guess I finally realized what Christmas is all about .. or maybe I always knew, but I just forgot. I've been so caught up in wanting someone by my side for me through it all, that I've forgetten everything else that goes on. All the love that is spread, and all the lessons learned. The good times with family and friends, and the ability to make more memories before the year is through. It's a time of forgivness, joy and love, even if it means sacrificing a little of you're own happiness to see that it gets done. It's about spreading love and joy so that everyone can feel it, and not just the people who want to. It's not about the presents, or even the food or the cards or anything. It's about togetherness, and singing Christmas carols around a tree or going Caroling so you can spread the love to everyone and not just you're family. It's about knowing in you're heart that you have said or done the right thing and there are no regrets. We have four more days to go, lets make it the best four days ever!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!

-- danii

You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [21 Dec 2004|10:13am]
[ mood | inspired ]

Guess I finally realized what Christmas is all about .. or maybe I always knew, but I just forgot. I've been so caught up in wanting someone by my side for me through it all, that I've forgetten everything else that goes on. All the love that is spread, and all the lessons learned. The good times with family and friends, and the ability to make more memories before the year is through. It's a time of forgivness, joy and love, even if it means sacrificing a little of you're own happiness to see that it gets done. It's about spreading love and joy so that everyone can feel it, and not just the people who want to. It's not about the presents, or even the food or the cards or anything. It's about togetherness, and singing Christmas carols around a tree or going Caroling so you can spread the love to everyone and not just you're family. It's about knowing in you're heart that you have said or done the right thing and there are no regrets. We have four more days to go, lets make it the best four days ever!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!

-- danii

You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [20 Dec 2004|07:13pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I've officially got the chicken pox and im outta school till thursday.. i HAVE to go back, it's senior teacher day! =D It really sucks though.. im so itchy and blahh, oh well. Tried to actually sit down and do my gov't essay, hah i got the presentation part done for Erick so they can present tomorrow :-\ i feel bad that im not gonna be there, but there's not much i can do! .. Nikki's leaving for Chicago tomorrow, she's coming back the 29th. Oh how im gonna miss her! I've gotten to the point where her, maggs, sandra and raylen are the only ones i can really fully talk to and everything... oh well, gonna attempt to finish this esasy considering i don't have to get up early tomorrow!

xoxo* dani

You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [12 Dec 2004|08:02pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]
[ music | Maggi on the phone! ]

ahh what a great weekend!

friday after sch0ol i went home with maggz, and we went to her house and chilled there for like a half hour, and her mommy and sister came home and we went to drop abbi off at a party, and then we got dropped off at her work, and chilled there for awhile and i FINALLY got everything out, about so much shit and it felt really good, bc i def needed to. and maggz is my best friend EVER<3 thennn at like 615ish, her mommy came to get us and we went to the mall, and we shopped and ate and bought candy and made fun of ppl and saw weird people in stores and haha it was fun times! then i got dropped off and went to sleep early.

saturday morning i went to home depot with mommy and mac and mike and we got stuff to paint with, and we went to A.I Friedman and got stencils and stencil paint and then i came home and took a nap.. and daddy dropped me off @ maggi's house at 515 to go see her dance, and i got there and me and her parents and her sister went there and her mom was videotaping and we bonded .. haha =) and we saw her dance and then we finished and went to applebees and got dessert =) and took food home to go .. we got home and watched her dance performance as well as this other dance she did and it was soo funny =D and then we watched white squall and i cried like a BABY! hehe .. and we had pillow fights and i almost broke her wrist! we named our food.. is it a boy cow or a girl cow? lmao .. we went to bed @ like 1230 after figuring out solutions to our problems!!

sunday, we woke up, ate cereal and my parents came to get us at like 1015ish .. we got coffee and exchanged gifts =) yayy<3 and then we chilled and talked and i took a shower. and we got ready to paint the bathroom downstairs after eating chicken nuggets and naming them .. hehe, sandra showed up and we had paint all over ourselves already, and in our hair! we had fun with that .. and then nikki came, lmao. so much fun!! :-D sandra left at like 430ish and we finished the bathroom, and went to my room to start stenciling.. maggz left at 5 and nikki and did the border around my door, and david called and yeah! we talked about a whole bunch of shit, and then her parents came to get her at 7 .. her daddy is so funny! hehe .. and then i took a shower to get all the paint outta my hair! Moses the shedding skunk.. lol i love u gurlies!!

we missed raylen, she was supposed to come and help out, but we're doing it again next sunday so we can finish stenciling my room and the bathroom, and we're gonna have raylen paint a mural on my wall bc shes the artist! hehe i had an AMAZING weekend and im soo glad i spent it with maggi, and nikki and sandra! i love you ladies with all my heart!!!

( 1 Bled)You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [07 Dec 2004|04:27pm]
[ mood | loved ]

you know .. i've done so much complaining about being so alone and not feeling complete, that i've totally looked over all the people that are there for me and mean so much. I guess i've grown a lot since this summer, and everything that has gone on. I'm glad i am where i am, and the fact that i was able to pick myself back up and actually have people who are there for me through everything. People i know i can count on and go to, people who won't turn me away because it's petty or stupid or because they think it means nothing.

In the past i had nowhere to go, and noone i felt i could talk to about anything because i didn't think they would want to listen. I was unhappy, but i was happy. EVeryone would come to me and i would be glad to help, and i still am, but i had noone to listen to me. It feels really amazing to actually turn around and have a give and take relationship, that two way street that i've never been on before. I'm not saying the people i was friends with didn't love me, or want to help .. i just think they didn't know how. Or maybe im being a little too nice and giving a little too much leeway, and they just didn't care. All they cared about was themselves. It's funny to look back and realize all the people you thought were your best friends, and people you thought would always be there for you... people who never were, but you always thought it was because it wasn't a good time. and it's funny to look back, and realize that the people you never expected to grow close with, would be the people that would always be there for you. people who would love you unconditionally and for who you really were.

Through my entire four years in high school, i've had one friend who was always there for me through everything, one person who i knew would never leave my side and was always willing to listen and give me advice. It feels awesome to look back and know that i had just one person i've known for so long who has never left me and i know never will. And despite the fact that at times we're not always close, or we're not always together, we're always together in spirit. Sandra is like a sister to me, and im so glad that i've had one person who knows it all and still loves me for me.

It's the people who come into your life unexpectedly that leave a lasting impression on your heart and soul forever. Considering the fact that she's my ex boyfriends, girlfriend and we're grown so close so fast will always leave a lasting impression. She's the girl i can go to when i need a good laugh or someone to listen to me. She has been there for me through so many rough times during the summer and during the beginning of the year and she has never ever left my side. She knows it all. She has always had my back, even when i may have been wrong and had stood by me. Nikki is one of my best friends ever, and i don't know what i would do without her in my life! She can always make me laugh, and we have the wackiest conversations, and it feels like we've known each other forever! and hopefully we go to the same college and room together =D

Eric and i were always friends, but i never thought that he and i could get so close, and i would come to depend on him and love him like a brother. He's like a big brother to me, and he's always there for me and i know he always has my back. He's able to make me smile and laugh and always lends a helping hand and a ear when i need to talk. He gives me lasting advice and im really glad that he's there for me.

Maggi. What's there to say about this girl? I never ever thought that her and i would become the best of friends. She is like my sister. We've gotten immensely close in the past two months, and shes ALWAYS there for me. We have the funniest conversations, and we always have a good time together with everything. She's there if i need to cry, and i need a shoulder to lean on. She confides in me her all, and i do the same to her. She's like a sister to me and im so glad that i have someone like her in my life. I've never thought that i would find someone i could confide my all in and love me for who i am. I know when i go off to college that our friendship will remain strong. She's my other half, and i don't know what i would do without her.

The past months have made me realize who my true friends are, and who is always going to be there for me. Sandra, Nikki, Maggz and Eric are my bestest ever! I love them with all my heart<3 I've grown to love so many different people. New people that i never thought i would hang out with or even become close with. Raylen, Jon, Junior, David, Rohan, Lauren, Chris, Justine .. etc etc. I love you with all my heart, and you guys rock my world forever and ever! Never forget<33

xoxo* danielle

( 3 Bled)You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [27 Nov 2004|04:44pm]
just looked at an old journal entry from novemeber 30th, 2003.. here it is!


sometimes the hardest lessons are learned through realizing whats really important*

ok.. so this week has been filled with lasting impressions
that will impact what i do from now on..
i*ve learned that life is too short for the petty bull shyt
and you never know what you have, until its almost gone.
family is the most important thing you have, and friends
come next... because without them, you have nothing.
and i*ve learned that family really can pull together
in your time of need and most people do understand,
as much as you think they don*t.
sometimes you have to put aside stupid things in your life
and realize tthat what youhave in front of you,
and the people you associate yourself with
are the people who form you.
these are the people who make you who you are,
regardless of wether or not that is the person you want them to be.
they show you your flaws, your weaknesses and they show you
that you really are strong.

i*ve also learned that sometimes you gotta set aside your fear
and do something that is incredibly hard to do,
because it may be the only thing that keeps you, or someone else
alive. you juss gotta put aside your fear and do what you gotta do,
and you have to do with pride and honor.

siblings really are the most precious things,
and no matter how much you fight with your younger ones,
they still look up to you in every way possible.

and i*ve learned that giving and helping at this time of
year is the best because not only do you feel good, others
do too. and on that note, i*ve learned who i am, who i want to be,
where i want to go and what i want to do. some things are not
as important as they were to me before, because again, life is
too short to worry about the things you dont have, you juss gotta
concentrate on keeping the things you do.

so all my friends,
you guys are my backbone, and everything i do- i do it for you!

happy holidays to all~

xoxo* danielle<3




kinda freaky how i thought i had everything worked out and then things completely backfired on me! i guess thats life though right? things can ALWAYS be better =D
( 1 Bled)You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [27 Nov 2004|04:29pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Nsync* Home for Christmas ]

didn't go iceskating last night. maggz eric and sandra came over to chil. oh what fun that was.. haha =) for the most part it was fine, buttt idk.

im all in the christmas spirit at least! i guess i sorta feel lonely. hah, what else is new. im supposed to go to the movies tonight, but i prob. won't end up going. i dont know if i can put up with all the *love* alone. ehh, i've done it numerous times, guess i gotta start again!

more later.

xoxo danielle

You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [26 Nov 2004|12:28pm]
[ mood | bored ]

iceskating tonight! guess that could be fun.. if i don't get stuck as the odd one out :-\ . i guess part of me hates being best friends with all couples. i mean, it's not bad at times but sometimes it is. sometimes it gets depressing.

maggz is sleeping over tonight, thats gonna be a blast! yay for best friends<3 =D

no matter how much i complain about being around couples, i do love them all to death and idk what i would do if they weren't in my life! i'd be so lost.

im having mixed feelings about *him* again. i like him, then i don't, then im not sure, then i don't think he could give me what i want, back to realizing how completely stupid it is to have that arguement with myself. oh well. it isn't TOO bad, could definitely be worse so im not complaining!

You bleed just to know you're alive

or the moment of truth in your lies [22 Nov 2004|10:07pm]
[ mood | tired ]

confused. but i know exactly the outcome of whats going to happen if i open my mouth and let the truth spill out. how could i not? it's so painfully obvious that it shouldn't even be a factor. i mean, come on! why put myself into that position? you know what, boys suck. majorly! :-(

on a happier note, i love my friends!! :-D

( 1 Bled)You bleed just to know you're alive

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