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our day today. [12 Dec 2003|06:48pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | the heater. thank god. ]

ahhhhhhhh......no noise......today: woke up, looked at clock, went back to sleep. woke up to lilli jumping on "mikey daddy" and announcing that she had deemed that minute "WAKE-UP TIIIIME!!!!" after breakfast we went to the mall to get a Santa picture before her dr appointment. WOW. what an event. she was good, it was somewhat surprising, but Santa, well, he must have been having issues because right when we were about to sit down (and after we had waited for 45 minutes, mind you) he decided to go take a piss break or something. waited for 10-15 mins for that, he came back looking for his breather. they couldn't find it, so of course the entire time he sounded like he was having an asthma attack or something. THEN lilli decided she didn’t wanna sit on his lap alone ((smart kid)), I sat down w/ her. THEN Santa says "let's get Daddy in the picture, too!" so mike sat down on the other side and Santa says "put your legs over mine" and then told him to put his arm around his neck (mind you he didn't suggest that *I* do any of the aforementioned) and then Santa goes "he isn’t gonna try to KISS me, is he?" to which I could only reply..."I hope not" b/c he had quite the tight grip on my waist. ugh. nastiness. so in our final picture, I smiled, Santa looks like he is having a heart attack, lilli looked stunned, and mike just looked....highly uncomfortable. HAH. no wonder it was free. after that, we went to McDonald’s, ate, played on the plaything, and went to her appointment. she has an ear infection =[ then we came back to Denham, dropped off her rx, took mike to work, looked at a school for lilli (which was just dreadful), picked up her "mediskins", and I dropped her off at her daddy's. now I’m at home, have nothing to do but nap and bathe, and then go pick mikey up from work. hahah, he'd shmack me for calling him that. oh well =) and now off to deliver Smeagol a hoodie.

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interesting.... [09 Dec 2003|03:51pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

my poor lil sis. my psycho parents are searching HER room b/c they found weed in my stupid lil brother's room when he came home for an hour the other day. and they're drug testing her. poor lil thing, they hurt her feelings. someone needs to beat his ass. he blamed beky for the weed, ratted me and mike out when mike stayed at my parents' house w/ me while i was watching their 50 bajillion kids, and he doesn't realize that he's burning bridges here?? first of all, i'm 21, my parents really don't give a fuck if i have my fiance over for the nite. second of all, beky (and mike and i) have a lot of dirt on him if we want to retaliate. BUT, we aren't that childish. he's just making an ass out of himself. geez. on a more interesting note, lilli's father will be going to jail tomorrow (or so he says) for 90 days for his State of LA vs. (Matt) contempt of court charge b/c (and i told him this was going to happen, numerous times actually) he hasn't paid child support for nearly five months now. GEE that money would be nice to have right about now so i could afford to buy my daughter Christmas presents this year...the year she's finally old enough to understand, and I'm flat broke. it's really sad/depressing. maybe santa will bring me a money tree? ah, that would be nice. i promise i'll water it santa! i won't let it die!!!

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[09 Dec 2003|09:54am]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Care Bears video in the other room ]

See what drug you are.

Ah, early mornings....how I despise them. Yeah, Lilli's in the other room eating her breakfast and I'm reading up on news and such. It's a pretty fucked up country when your own Congressmen are killing people with their irresponsible driving. I must go take the lil one to skool now.....she's FINALLY DONE EATING!!!! =D

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grr [07 Dec 2003|01:22pm]
You are a Succubus!
You are a kind of demon, but your only goal is to
lure the innocent and naive into your deadly
trap. You use your sinful body to worm your way
into the hearts of mortals. When they have
fallen for you you rob them of everything they
hold dear - and last you take their very soul.
Yet you are a creature of pleasure, delighting
in all sins the flesh has to offer. Your
victims die with a smile on their bloodstained

What kind of supernatural being are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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hm. [06 Dec 2003|01:32pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]
[ music | SHH!!! My kid's trying to take a nap! ]

see? when i'm not in Podunk, KY, I don't get so bored I have to update my journal every ten minutes, hah! I've been kinda busdy all week. Had fun Wednesday nite w/ friends at my apartment, which was kinda sad b/c that's the last time for a while. We spend too much money on fun things =\ Luckily though, Xbox can be fun now for more than ten minutes at a time. We have pictures from Wed. nite, I may scan some of myself in my lil skoolgirl outfit =D cute cute. Anyway yeah...went to Josh's funeral yesterday, it was so sad =*( It was a double funeral for him and his dad, and it was two hours long, not including the burial, which I didn't go to. There were an estimated 2000 people at the wake alone, which amazes me. The church that they had the funeral in was packed, we had to sit upstairs in the balcony area. They gave everyone this sweet picture of Josh and his dad sleeping all cuddled up together on the couch, and the reason it was so cute is that it looks like it was taken probably within the last two years, if not the last year. *aww* My Snagwi and I are supposed to have a nite to do whatever tonite, but we can't stay up too late, b/c he gets to wake up early and go to work tomorrin (as Lilli would say). Maybe we'll just stay home and I can kick his ass at volleyball >=} Lilli is in my bed trying ot take a nap. Splendid idea, little nymph =) I think I shall go cuddle w/ the best snugglebug in the world =)

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AAAGGGHHHH [30 Nov 2003|11:13pm]
[ mood | stressed ]
[ music | The weird bird clock ticking beside me ]

ARRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH 18 HOURS!!!!!!!!! That is the level of my frustration right now, and only people who watch Spongebob/Jellyfish Jam will know what I mean by that. Paducah, Kentucky (ie, Podunk, KY) has GOT to be by far the most boring place on the planet. The dingleberry on the asshair of the world. Yes, my friend, that is it. I've updated my journal like every 2 hours. OBVIOUSLY I AM BORED BEYOND HELP. Among other things, it appears that I am currently unable to hold a civilized conversation with anybody without being an inconsiderate, unappreciative little bitch. I feel like such a child. A spoiled, rotten brat. I get to come home tomorrow (I HOPE, for the love of God, PLEASE let me come home tomorrow) and quite possibly to another funeral. Another much more painful funeral. And a lot of tension that I need to hurry up and resolve, because it is pointless and all my fault. I don't think it's possible for me to piss anyone else off right now. And for the record, I'm usually not this whiny, but I think that's part of the reason I got this journal anyway, the other being my Little Cloud Puff, aka Amanda. I'm so exhausted, and I hope it's from lack of sleep rather than....other reasons. *sigh* I've decided I DESPISE people who don't know when to keep their goddamned mouths shut. Like take, for example, a friend. A know-it-all. Person A makes a statement to vent frustration, Person B (the annoyance) makes another Know-It-All statement, to which Person A expresses difference of opinion. Okay, so Person A argues because she knows better. IN OTHER WORDS, PEOPLE, don't tell people things that you don't have any knowledge about!!! Don't feed me bullshit, especially while I'm in the middle of an emotionally traumatic time. SHIT.....what's the point man?? To piss me off even more? All you are doing is making an ass out of yourself. You aren't telling me the so-called cold, hard truth, you're just being a dick. You're just running your mouth about my business when it's nothing you should have the audacity to speak of. People are irritating. The end.

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I don't think I can handle this [30 Nov 2003|07:47pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | just my tears... ]

Someone make it stop...all I need now is for my apartment to burn down, my car to get stolen, and to end up pregnant. That is all it would take to push me over the edge. I hate guilt, I hate sadness, I hate it when bad things happen to the best people, and I hate that I am powerless to change the past and that I didn't get to apologize. I was too stupid to realize what I could have had, but in a way, maybe I shyed away from that for a reason. I have a wonderful guy in my life right now that I wouldn't trade for the world, but I also have a lot of guilt on my shoulders and a lot of what-ifs. I hate feeling like this because it makes Mike feel unloved, but that's so not true. I'm just so bogged down with other shit that I cannot mentally handle it. I think my brain is overloaded and that something has got to give or I will crack.

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It's been almost a WEEK =*( [30 Nov 2003|10:02am]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Opeth-Bleak (in my head) ]

GOD this sucks. I hate being in a negative atmosphere when I'm unhappy. I hate being out of town when I didn't want to leave in the first place... I get to come home tomorrow, but it's a 9 hour drive in the car w/ my stepdad, mom, and little sis, which really wouldn't be that bad if he'd just speed a bit...like me heheh :) then it'd only be an 8 hour trip. Not as bad, see? I really hate that I can't do anything to help this situation, and I really REALLY hate that no one has any answers, to any questions. It's just so sad. I don't think anyone quite understands it, and I can't talk to my "pillar" or whatever about it, because it'd just upset him. OMG, I swear to God, if my little sister walks in here ONE MORE TIME to see if I'm done with the computer yet, I'm going to kick her J-Lo lookin ass. I can't wait to go home, and I've only been gone since Friday. She was online for like....3 and a half hours last nite, no kidding, and actually bitched ME out when I said...HEY...ADDICT....GET OFF!! heh. I'ma go kick her.

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sheesh...that took forever [30 Nov 2003|12:10am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | just the whirring of the computer ]

Finally got done setting up my damned journal. Amanda was going to harass me until I did, so...I did it. Had a long ass day in Kentucky w/ my family, my grandfather's funeral is tomorrow =( Sad sad sad =*( I so didn't wanna travel for 9 hours this weekend, I wanted to stay home and eat leftover Thanksgiving food and get fat(ter). But, shit happens, and here I am, and I miss my boy!!!! My daughter, however, does not seem to notice that I'm gone. Damned grandparents. They have her spoiled rotten. Grrr >=[ Anyway, I'm tired/bored and I have nothing left to do or bitch about, so I think I shall retire to my nice, cozy, comfy couch in my aunt's kitchen and try to get some sleep before my trip to hell and back tomorrow =\ Blah. Someone buy me a magic carpet so I can go home, please? Early Merry Christmas present? Hmph.

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