Yesterday was spent with the most beautiful girl on the planet. We watched TV, listened to music, had some yummy dinner and came home and played video games. All and all, just a nice lazy day at home being with the girl i love.

She's at a movie right now which is cool, I like her being able to go off and have a good time with her friends. As long as they respect her (that's mainly directed at guys). I always fear people are going to take advantage of her, I don't know why. But anywho, I miss her...it's raining. *pulls out hair*

Well I should go.

mood   //    horny music   //   TV (The Simpsons)

Ever had a day where you just can't keep your emotions where you want them? I blame it on the rain and all it does to be. I guess there's no point in bitching about it when there's not one damn thing I can do. *laughs*

I've spent the last couple days either hanging out with Jenn, the guys or working. Today I'm just goint to spend it with Jenn since she seems to be having a hard time with something, what, I'm not quite sure. I love her so much, almost insanely, and I just wish I could pick her up into my arms and sweep her away to a time and a place where she doesn't hurt, isn't haunted by the past, where it is just me and her.

I drempt last night. Four to be exact, but on one of the dreams, I got down on my knees and asked Jenn to marry me. It's funny, though I am still quite young by most people, I've never been so serious about something like this. Jenn is perfect for me, in every part of the word. I hope I make her as happy as she's made me. The past 6 months have been unbelivable. I want so much more, to see so much more with her. I think, if I take the time now, to prepare my self for such a commitment. That by the time she's done with her 2nd year of school, I'll ask her. I would ask her as soon as I could afford marriage, but I want to make sure everything is pefect. I can see it, one year anniversay, promise ring. 2 year, engagment to get married. Than get married the summer of our 3rd. *sigh* That would be nice. *daydreams*

Musically, nothing really is happening. The last two times we've attempted to play, Parkin was gone. Maybe this Sunday we can jam, because god damn, we have to finish something. I don't want to hold an offical band practice until we have at least a whole nother song done. Then continue work on a 2nd and hold a meeting about what to do with this band. A few days ago, Skyler informed me about a guy who might be intrested in singing for us. His name is Scott and he's much older than us and much more influenced by heavier music. I orginally told Sky that I was open to the idea if Gibbon's doesn't change, but after talking with Gibbons, Matt and Parkin, I'm pretty confident the we won't be replacing him. As long as our music stays orginal, and doesn't become that lame ass, water-down geric hardcore, he said he'll stay our singer. Matt realizes his riffs are becoming all too much alike, and so he's getting back into lessons so he can improve more. Skyler said everyone wants to move heavier, but it's weird, when i talk to them, yes, they like playing heavier music, but they are very happy with us now. Matt thinks we are heavy enough. And I'd have to agree with him. We just need to expand on what we've already formed. Both visually and musically. I want this band to be a band that has soul...that has life to it. That doesn't sound like everything else. That will provoke you to re-read the lyrics over and over until you think you've figured it out. A band that people can listen to and relate to the songs we sing. In a world where music is now soul-less, I want this to be true.

I work from 7pm till close (midnight) tonight, but I don't work Saturday or Sunday, so after my brother's birthday stuff, hopefully I can find time to be with Jenn some more. I can't wait till my mother leaves town, and I can just fall asleep with her in my arms. My beautiful angel, so far away from everything, so peacefully asleep.

I love her.

mood   //    horny music   //   Nine Inch Nails - Even Deeper

So I obtained the new Slipknot album, and for once, I'm hooked on them. There are so many songs on here that have the most beautiful melodies, such moving music while still being true to the "Slipknot" name. There are some heavy as fuck songs that are pretty cool too.

In other news, Matt johnson got a job! Fuck yea. This will help him get back into the guitar lessons he loved so much and hopefully break us out of that habit we were stuck in a few months ago. I think everyone just needs to pick their asses off the ground. But this weekend, hopefully me and him can top off that last song and start on a new one, or another one we've had lying around.

Today was spent with Jenn for the most part before I have to go to work. She's so much fun to be with...to hear her giggle from that umbrella opening sex. At least I'm doing SOMETHING right *laughs*

That's about it for now, I work tonight and tomarrow night, but maybe tomarrow I can jam out with the guys.

mood   //    happy music   //   Slipknot - Circle

God, I love this picture. it just makes me squeel with delight.

The past few days I've spent some good ol' quality time with Jenn =) She took me off to see Godsend which turn out to be a pretty good flick. We got frosty's and ended up back at her house for cheescake. God I love this girl. Plus, I'm turning her into a Manson-groupie *evil laughter*

Matt and I attempted to jam the other day, but Parkin wanted to watch sports, so it was cut short. It's all good though. We have a good amount of stuff done and just need to add this final part. Then we'll start on the next song. Sometime in the next week or so, I'd like to get everyone who is going to be apart of the next step together and discuss everything from our image, our sound and our attitude. We gotta know what we are doing this time around. WTE was just a testing phase so to speak, and the next part will hopefully be our chance to gain somewhat a spot in the local scene. This band, still un-named, is going to be very hush-hush until we have our first show. I really want this to take people by surprise.

Blockbuster is the same as always. There's a slight chance someone there might loose their job, and I really hope it isn't me. I've been there for a whole year and I think I do a damn fine job. *shakes fist at Blockbuster*

That's really all that's happened. I just wish I had more money to get more pot *laughs* I'm just in a mood where being sober pisses me off. Maybe it's because it feels like summer. Oh well. I work till 8 tonight and I'm off tomarrow. Hopefully things improve.

mood   //    bored music   //   Tim Skold - The Point

So I got a wisdom tooth pulled...ouchie. But luckily I got loratab and I'm going to barder some of that for chronic =) Today is going to be a good day

Anywho, I wrote a song on piano the other day and I've actually gotten some really good responces to it, so hopefully I can turn it into something cool. I'm actually thinking of presenting it to the band to make a stripped down, kinda slow song. I mean, we have Outside of Nowhere, but even then, it's sitll uptempo. The into is the only "slow" part. I want to write something dynamic, powerful, and emotionally intense. So yea...

Jenn...hehehe, I love her so much. Lately, I've just been able to talk with her about the most personal things. It so strange how every day I miss her, and ever day I love her more than the day before. I can't wait till I can see her tonight.

I don't work tomarrow, and hopefully Matt and I can jam and finish that new song and maybe jam on some other stuff too.

Later guys.

Hooray for loratab..

mood   //    high music   //   A Perfect Circle - A Stranger (live)

So yesterday was the first band practice of our now "nameless" band. So far it's Matt, Parkin and Me. Brandon Gibbons is still lined up to be the vocalist, but he has to make some serious changes attitude wise if we are going to be able to persue it. Matt, relizes what his problem was and now he seems good to go. Anywho, yesterday, the three of us sat down to jam on a riff we had, and we practically just flowed on it and came up with a whole fucking song. After all these weeks of nothing, it just popped out of nowhere.

I guess our problem with writting was, we worked best when it was just the guitars writting the songs. I dunno why, but when our bass player was there to write, we couldn't think of anything. Yet he'd have tons of cool bass riffs. So nothing would ever happen. The first time we play just us, BAM. It was sweet indeed :D

It turns out that Matt's problem with Sky was, he never really got over the whole Brandy thing, and that's why he was a bitch most of the time. And Gibbons, Gibbons is fucking a 14 year old girl, but last night we told him to blunt truth of how we felt. I just feel like this was the best move. It gives everyone a chance to get all the bullshit out of the way and start fresh. It's the chance to strengthen our friendships.

Anywho, WTE is dead. I'm going to leave the site up and links to music and message board. But no shows or anything for quite some time. WTE layed the foundation for what I'd like this band to become, and I think if we can get just a few more songs written and then bring in a bass player, we'll be good to go.

Later.

P.S.

Jenn is the most beautiful, sexy, amazing, loving person, poet, musician, lover EVER. No battle.

mood   //    accomplished music   //   Marilyn Manson - Antichrist Superstar

After alot of discussion, and alot of just time to think, I'm not going to stand down after Skyler's departure. This is kinda what we need to break out of that bad habit we were stuck in. It's time to evolve a little more and start again.

DON'T PRAY FOR ME!

Well, I've thrown out some ads looking for bass players, and I'm about to go practice with the rest of the guys and hopefully we can figure something out. I gotta keep moving, exspecially since we got some shows coming up.

Jenn....if you read this. I love you =) *kiss*

mood   //    determined music   //   Skold - Don't Pray For Me

Skyler has decided to part with us as a band.

I've very mixed up inside on that subject. Skyler is my friend, and I want him to be happy, so I wish him luck wih his ventures. But I'm also mad that he was pushed to these limits by the rest of the band. Because of THEM we loose an amazing musician, and an even greater friend. 'Cause regardless of what is said, he won't be around as much. We'll talk online, but that's probabley it. I'm going to loose one of closest friends because some people are too prideful, or are just flat out liars and cheats.

"Wish The End" finally came true. And I don't want to be in that band without him. So I guess when Skyler left, WTE died. I don't know what I want to do now.I was booking us a few more shows and hopefully take a step to get things moving, but I decided it's not worth it to try and find another bass player. No one is going to come close to that. I'm thinking of just putting down my guitar for a while, to gather myself and decided what or where I want to go.

"I just want something I can never have" ... it's funny. I pretty much guessed this is how he was feeling, but still, today I started to cry. Thankfully Jenn was there and did all she could to keep my happy.

Oh well, I guess that's the way the pieces fall.

mood   //    depressed music   //   Nine Inch Nails - Something I Can Never Have

Last night we played a show at Kilby. We played 2nd which was a very nice change, but the band before us was horrid, but it was okay since we were not sober to say the least. We played solid. Nice and loud, and just kept going. Dropping one of the songs we use to play gave the set a nice solid ground. Nice and heavy :)

Only now we gotta finish songs and play with some more known bands, cause I have a feeling, it's just going to take a nice crowd to get us moving.

In latest news, I love Jenn. Surprised huh? hehehe
She's has done so much for me lately...I can't wait to see her tonight.
*evil snicker*

Hardcore = trendy
Yes, it's true. This doesn't mean SOME hardcore bands aren't good. I really like the music of it, but good god. Some of the lamest people are listening to hardcore now. These are people who have moved from trend to trend as it surfaces. And while it may not be hardcore itself that's trendy, but the movement is very much that. I like to keep my distance from anything I feel to be a part of the norm. I never liked being one of the crowd, so I return to my industrial/shock-rock this week! Huzzah!

"without you, everything falls apart" - The Perfect Drug

I am really pumped for this band to start moving once again, and I can't wait to hear what comes next. But I should stop rambling already.

Try to save myself, but myself keeps slipping away... hehehehe.

mood   //    amused music   //   Nine Inch Nails - Where is Everybody? (Version)

And as I sit here, about an hour after your gone, I can still smell your hair and the taste of your skin on my lips. The beautiful reminder that there are such things as angels. That dreams do come true, and that faith isn't just a word made up about God.

It's funny. Well, sex that is. The most primal things that we as humans engage in. So intense and so passionate. No one ever minds being naked during sex. But isn't it funny how afterwards, you almost feel compelled to get dressed again. Today though, I layed there. Her legs still wrapped around mind, that light sweat the beads up on your body, keeping me warm and the breeze from outside dancing ontop of my skin like a million tiny fingers.

One armed wrapped around you, and your head on my chest, I kiss the top of your head; and then your cheek to whisper I love you. And we talk of the future like it's so far away, yet neither of us seem to care. It's like the trip there will be worth it, no matter the outcome. This is what I love about you. No matter what life throws our direction, no matter what comes our way, there you'll be. Right there. Right here.

I love you. This phrase is so carelessly tossed around by so many people. but today, I watched tears swell up in the eyes of my love. To see just how much the words mean to her, to know how precious it is, makes me want to say it with every chance I get. Not once have I said them without meaning them, and nor will I ever say them to any one but her.

This girl has my heart. In a way I can't even being to explain.

Perfect. Beautiful. Funny. Trusting. Caring. Forgiving. Adventurous. A wonderful taste in music. A poet. A musician. This girl is the thing I've dreamed of for so long. And I'm so glad to have her. This Wednesday will be the mark of the best 5 months of my life.

mood   //    thankful music   //   Marilyn Manson - Coma White

Last night (earlier this morning) came one those breaking moments. That for the one minute you just loose what ever strength you had built up and just cry. Not histerical tears, just those silent sobs that you choke on while listening to a song.

My old friend, well I shouldn't use the term old. But my friend, who I have known a long time, IM'ed me last night and we just started to talk. And she's always been a great friend to me, and it really seems like she's in a dark place right now. And all I wanted is for her to know, that I'm here if she needs a friend. It's the least I could offer. I just wish she could be as happy as I am with Jenn. She deserves that much.

Jenn...oh my beautiful Jenn. How silly she was last night, demanding to come over when she knew I was upset. I really was worried about her getting mugged or something on her way over here. but she made it here okay. And I just was able to wrap my arms around my dearest friend and just be.

I told her some things I had been thinking, about music, the band. And its funny, cause everything I've thought about didn't upset me that much, but she sat there with tears in her eyes. Crying over my band? I couldn't get it. It was just like "you shouldn't cry over this." and she was just like "i cry for you". It's so weird to have someone so loving to share pain with. I guess you never are truley alone.

I'm not exactly sure what all is going to happen. Everything will be very carefully planned out regardless. I'm not going to suddenly get up and do a 180 on anyone.

I should be in a store meeting right now. But as I knew it, my sister bailed.

I really hope I don't loose my job.

later.

mood   //   hurt music   //   And All That Could Have Been - Nine Inch Nails

*a note to all...this post is coming out of a pissed off Dylan, so don't take it all too seriously*

Cry me a river you fucking babies. Post your snide remarks and pretend to be offended. I am so sick of your fucking drama., and frankly your all just being lame.

I can't say anything honest without offending someone. Seriously, I try to be honest and open about music and ideas, yet i give it, and they get offend..

There's no point to giving my opinion anymore I'll just let people do what ever gets their rocks off.

Fuck this, Tonight has fucking suck my left nut.

My sister gets totally drunk and abandons me when I need a ride in the morning to get to a MANDATORY meeting and fucking laughs at me about it like is "oh so funny". If I miss this, I'll get another write up *i've had some before* and could possibley be terminated from my job. HAHAHAHA...so funny you fucking drunk whore. I hope you get sick and puke on your ugly spic of a boyfriend.

Then I read skyler's post about a SIMPLE fucking comment I made about an idea for the show. Ya know Skyler, I'm in this band too. It's not just every man for himself. The fact that you posted it on your journal like that just rubs me the wrong way, after how many conversations we've had where you tell me you hate DRAMA?!? Well WTF skyler? *shakes head* You even ending our conversation with "..." DOT DOT DOT?

Drama is what that is.

I just don't care.

I miss jenn and that's about it. She's the only person free of BULLSHIT. I trust her, she trusts me. We can spend time together. Never argue. Never any drama. Just my friend...my love...my angel.

My rant is over.

mood   //    enraged music   //   SUCK MY COCK

So it's my birthday. So far so good.

Bought some Prime Times last night just because I could. Bought some other stuff too just because.

Hung out with the band + Tyson last and had a good old time enjoyed by all.

Today has been wonderful.

Will update, and make more sense later.

mood   //    happy music   //   The Middle Distance - In Between

So it comes to a point where my "friends" are glaring down my other "friends". And this band thing has to become the most forced and hollow thing.

I don't want to play with any of them if it's going to stay like this

Brandon always having Cassidey around and putting us 2nd.
Skyler always looking like we are wasting his time and like our music is too pussy for him
Matt just not caring or fucking just rambling on his instrument
Parkin looking like he's lost or what ever I suggest is dumb.

Fuck them. These were my FRIENDS, and now I don't feel that. I can't stand it. I don't even care about the music when it's like that. They all have this fucking attitude about one another, so today, today I'm going to bring it to the fucking front.

If we can't the friends we need to be, there's no point in even trying to take a band further. We have to be able to talk, to trust...to be.

I'm just going to say it today. Everything I feel. And if nothing happends. I'm packing.

I don't want to do this band without any one member. They all are very important to the way this band could go, so why would I wish them gone?

We jammed on a new riff yesterday, it's cool, but we don't have anything else for it. So I wanted to finish the 2 and a HALF minutes of music we do have done. But everytime I fucking suggest something, again, they just stare at me. If they don't care

I'm not going to either.

Bottom line.

mood   //    annoyed music   //   Avenged Sevenfold - Chapter Four

You find yourself in a small cement garage, the floor still stained with sweat and blood from the night before. The walls are covered in stickers and posters from those who have gathered here before you. But you are not alone tonight, as you shift yourself in and out of a sea of bodies. Bodies that sway from side to side, like clothes dangling on wire. It smells of beer....

The sound of a phone rings in the distance, and you can't tell from which way it comes. Ring......Ring....it cries for your attention, drawing your eyes to the front of the room. You search through the darkness for something but you are stopped short, only to hear the beep of an answering machine...and the voice of a woman

"I can't believe I fucking believed you... AGAIN! How come I can't get away from you? Get away from this, and all you hold me to? No matter how hard I try to cut this rope, this rope that holds me, to you, to me and to this twisted version of you, I have yet to know."

Her voice grows broken as she chokes between sobs

"This web that you've caught me in will not be broken....I have no idea how I'm going to..."

*crash*

The sound of glass shattering fills your ears and the answering machine clicks off. As you try to understand what has just happend, emerald lights glow infront you and siloutes dance on the stage like ghosts roaming on empty nights.

The sound of a heart beat echoes now...pulsating with melodies that hang in the air. Such a sense of loss...a loss of control. It sways left and right, back and forth, like a boat out at sea. So distorted, it almost makes you feel sick. But from within this malestrom you can feel the ground begin to rumble. Peircing it's way from the chaos, this bass drives you forward...and to another voice.

"It's too late now!"

mood   //    thoughtful music   //   The Mars Volta - Son et Lumiere

After all these months, after all these days...I still find my heart beating just as fast as the first day you walked on my doorstep. And after all that we've been through, I still find myself holding onto you for just one more moment, one more beautiful second in this unbelivable sernity of your sweet embrace. Oh how I wish we could escape this reality into our own, and finally be able to fall deep into sleep with one another, to a calming sweet kiss, the song that unravles around us.

My angel that came from my dreams and lifted me up into this permanent heaven. This world against worlds, so far from here...so far from everything. From that first warm october day, where we layed in the park, for the first time looking into each others eyes, to last night, where I felt your hot skin beaneath me. Through the tears and the smiles, and the good night kisses good-bye, each day I miss you more than the day before.

How perfect you are in a world that is not. How beautiful you are to love me so. To take me in your arms and show me what you have. My companion...my love.

You make me strong
You make me belive
You make me want to be all the things you see in me

One day I will show you paradise....one day I will show you what you have shown me.

mood   //    loved music   //   Rimco - Live

The CD release show was decent, so-to-speak. There were a good amount of people there, as with any of our previous shows. Though the show lacked energy on our part. I think this is mainly because we thought it would be wise to change the order of songs. This is a reminder that a well orginized set list is key to putting on a good show. That, and a bottle of liquor.

Last night, I finally was able to go off with Jenn for what felt like the first time in eternity. It really bothers me that it seems like we don't get to spend as much time together as we use to. I miss just being able to lie on my couch with her in my arms, and A Perfect Circle playing in the backround. I have a decent work schedual next week, so I really hope we can be together. Last night though, we went off to South Town Mall and met her friend Katie there. Katie....well, she's a very talkitive republican who I seriously find most of her moral standpoints shakey to say the least. I feel very strongly about some issues (gay marriage, war on iraq, etc...) and I really wanted to aruge, but for the sake of just keeping my mouth shut...I did just that. Most of the night it was just Katie talking to Jenn, or to me, or trying to talk to each of us simulataniously. Very little was actually said just between Jenn and I. I hate that. I love being with Jenn, and talking with her about anything...but good god. Some people just kept yapping *pulls out hair*

I'm going to go get my haircut very soon and then re-dye it. It's been far too long and the blonde is showing through pretty bad. But since I just got paid, I really don't mind. That's really all that's happened recently... if you wanna go hear my bands music, check out the link below.

Wish The End @ PureVolume.Com

mood   //   motivated music   //   A Perfect Circle - Magdalena

I had a dentist appointment this morning, so my face is still numb on the left side, but it's all good. I was perscribed some nice Loratab =)

As the subject blanetly says, we got less than a week to go, for my bands CD release that is. Things have gone wonderfuly in the studio and it's all in the mixing stages and we should have it by Friday! A few days ago, MattJ and I stayed behind with MattM and worked on some ambience for the beginning and ending of two of the tracks. Just some sonic elements to really add to the whole experience. This CD is going to be one of those CD's you can loose yourself in

I love Jenn incase you all forgot ;) But seriously, things are wonderful with her. She's been the greatest friend, the greatest love. I can't belive how complete my life is becoming.... I wanna go camping ;)

mood   //    sore music   //   Refused - Protest Song '68

Ya know, just out of morbid curiosity, I wonder why some people still choose to live in the past? It's like they're comfortable within their shell, not about to be hoisted out anytime soon. Such a sad and tragic end to those who don't know any better.

Coming out of this wreck, I've had an eye-opener so to speak. No, I'm not talking religious near death bullshit, but about holding what I have preciously. Time is not as long as we think and we are more frail than we'd like to belive. Love, friendship, art, beauty...these things need to be sought after...fought for. These are the things that matter in the end. I've heard from some old friends who I never was able to let go of the pass. But now, having something so beautiful like Jenn in my life,it's so easy just to be "the friend". Mainly it's Amy who I've heard from, and it was good to talk. It was like a phone call from a childhood friend, twenty years later. At first I was nervous, because in honesty, we had a huge history. But both of us have grown that it was easy to forget all that...and just be friends.

I'm through with drama. I'm not going to waste my time on people who think they have the right to complain about how hard things are, could be, will be. Being with Jenn throuh this wreck has made me just want to live this moment and hope for the next.

Last night WTE got back into the studio to work on more vocals. A good majority of the harsh vocal tracks were laid, doubled, harmonized. We still have one or two more songs to finish, and some very minor guitar/synth parts to lay down and then it's mix and master! It's sounding so good right now, that I can't wait to get it out to the public.
It was just weird to hear Brandon screaming into the mic with no amps blaring beside him. I guess it didn't matter, we were far from sober =)

mood   //    accomplished music   //   Tool - Stinkfist