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Sunday, February 11th, 2007
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10:27 pm - Parenthood
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Lately I've been seeing so many moms with babies or young children, or expecting moms, or even dads carrying around little babies, and it makes me long for my own child in some fundamental way. Not an "I want a new toy" type of way, but an "I want to nurture and raise a child" type of way. Especially now that I'm in a relationship that gives every indication that it will likely be permanent, I can really see myself settling down and starting my own family in the not so distant future.
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| Monday, February 5th, 2007
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11:12 am - Parenthood
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So, I am the proud new parent of a baby iguana. He came to me as Iggy, but has been renamed as Monster. He's quite the little monkey; he's perfected the art of escapism, and can free himself of the confines of his cage in under 10 seconds. The only bad thing about that really, is that he gets to close to his heat lamp andhas ended up with a couple little burns. Hopefully soon I'll have a new cage for him that h won't be able to escape from. Also it won't be to long before he's to big to slip through the slats on this one. Crossing my fingers!
I'm not the only one who is a new parent, either. My boyfriend inherited the puppy that used to belong to his mom and her boyfriend. She's only about 4 months old, and they had her since she was old enough to leave her mother. However, they decided that they're not going to be home enough to give her the attention and training that she needs, so they gave her to Josh. He's currently laid off, so he can be with her pretty much 24/7, and when he goes back to work he can take her with him, because he lives in a trailer during the time he's at work. Jessie's going to be really good for him, because he just lost the dog that he grew up with this fall, and he took it pretty hard. Not to say that Jessie can replace Chance, but they'll be good for each other.
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| Sunday, December 10th, 2006
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2:14 pm - New relationship
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So, about my other big news that's happened since I've written last. I have a boyfriend now! Long story short-it's a guy from home who's been 'chasing' me for a long time, and finally I'm not attached to anybody else, so I'm free to actually let something happen. I know it seems pretty soon after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, but I think that was over long before it was over. I just didn't want to admit it, and was trying to hang on as long as I could because I like the security of having a boyfriend. I know this guy will be so much better for me though. 1: this time he's actually my age (!) 2: he was interested in me enough to 'chase' me even when I wasn't really showing any interest in him (and he didn't give up!) 3: he seems to be really set on having a long term relationship, not just a short term 'fling' 4: he seems to not be focused just on the physical stuff-he's actually interested in me as a person, and my opinions and thoughts (not that the physical stuff is bad, but if that's the only thing that you're focused on, everything else seems to disappear, and you lose all other connection) I think this is awesome, and may actually lead somewhere, because this is the first time that I didn't really 'put myself out there' wanting the guy to chase me, or be interested in me-he actually came after me of his own free will, without me having to flirt or chase him in any way. It seems like that's what I was always doing with other relationships, that I was the one doing the chasing, and when I stopped doing that, that everything just died out. Well, we'll just have to wait and see where it goes!
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| Saturday, December 9th, 2006
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12:25 pm - New car
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So- It's been a while since I've written anything, and a lot has happened in the meantime. Well, two big things really. The first thing isn't really that groundbreaking-just that I found out that my car isn't going to pass another safety inspection, and the inspection runs out in March, so new car for me by March 31st. I'm thinking I might be better off to spend the money and get something either brand new or just 1 or 2 years old that's just been leased. I know it will be more money, but at the same time, I shouldn't have to worry for quite a while about anything breaking, or having any unexpected expenses. I've been polling my guy friends who know some stuff about cars, and the general consensus seems to be that Toyota and Chev are both good options. I've been looking at the Toyota and Chev websites exploring my options, and so far for Toyota I like the Yaris, and for Chev I like the Cobalt. Neither of them are overly expensive, they seem really nice, and I've heard good things about them. Oh well, we'll see. I just figured that it might be a good idea to figure out now what I'd like to get so I don't go into a big panic in February or March, and end up getting something that I'll end up not liking in a few months.
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| Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
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10:22 pm - Without his help
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It's been 15 days since my boyfriend broke up with me, and I'm finally starting to realize that maybe it was a good thing. To start with, he's 17 years older than me, but I thought that didn't matter. Well, I guess it did to him, or at least that's the main reason that he gave me when he told me that it was off. Well, it's been taking me a while to come to terms with the whole break-up thing because I was pretty attached-which is dumb, because I should have known that it wasn't going to last forever (mainly because of the age thing, and because my parents didn't approve of any part of the relationship.) Well, tonight I called him just to talk for a few minutes, because I was bored, and I really have no close friends up here, so really, he's about the only person that I'm really close to (well, that should be past tense, because I know he's over it-I'm pretty sure that he's basically forgotten about me, except as a casual acquaintance.) Well, when he heard that I'm planning on just working for a while and then doing community college instead of going to university he pretty much spazzed, and went into this big rant about what a bad idea that was because
a: community college is so much less than university
b: who would ever want to hire me
c: I'd be making so much less money
d: I'm pretty much throwing my life away and setting myself up for a third class existence
e: I'm so young, so why would I choose to not go to university? after all "four years is nothing at your age"
Why am I even stressing out about this? I mean, he's old and set in his ways, and very distinct ideas about how the world works. He's actually very cynical, which I am now starting to realize. He thinks life is all about getting the best education you can and making as much money as you can. I tried to convince him that maybe some people have a different opinion, but he couldn't hear me past the roar of his practicality speaking.
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| Monday, November 27th, 2006
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9:41 pm - Car repairs
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So, 4 new tires on the car, and I'm $336 poorer. They were on sale though, so that's a good thing. I saved just under $100! The bad news is that a lot of stuff in the brake system is now in bad shape (well, it obviously has been, but now I know about it!) I'm going to need new rotors for the brakes, and 3 out of 4 of the brake lines will need to be replaced. Yay. I keep asking myself if it's worthwhile to be doing all this, or if I should be taking this money and putting it towards a new car. At least the tires can be switched to a different car. Let's see if it can last until spring without anything major breaking, and then we'll talk.
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| Sunday, November 26th, 2006
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1:58 pm - New family
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Well, I've started attending a church up here. I used to go all the time at home (largely because I was expected to go with my parents) but now I am going of my own volition. Last week was the first time that I went since I moved up here in September, and it already feels like I have been going for quite some time. The people are really friendly and accepting, and not to nosy, trying to find out details of my personal life. (not that that's been a problem in the past, just something that I've noticed that people in general tend to do-not just church people) There doesn't seem to be to many people there that are my age, but there's one girl that's probably about 10 years older than me that I'm starting to become friends with. There's also a couple older couples (as in maybe a little older than my parents) that have kind of taken me in. I think I'm really going to enjoy this! It's kind of hard to understand (for me, anyway) but when I wasn't going to church, I didn't really miss not going, but now that I've started back, I can't imagine not being there on a Sunday. Well, I guess I had my 'time off' and now we're back to 'business as usual'!
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| Friday, November 24th, 2006
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8:14 pm - On my own
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I'm glad that I am living away from my parents now. Don't get me wrong-I love my parents extremely. It was getting a little oppressive though. I mean, they we're older when they had me, so they were already pretty set in their ways, and not very tolerant of all the stages that I managed to go through as a teen. My family is pretty fundamentalist Baptist, and as I was growing up and developing my own worldview, I became a little more liberal than they are. They tried to make me fit into their nice neat little box that they had for me, but I would have nothing to do with it. All I wanted was to be seen as my own person, and to be allowed to make my own decisions, but they would have none of it. Finally this summer I decided that I was going to move out and go to school somewhere. I think the main reason for me deciding that was so I could finally be responsible for myself. Dad, being the quintessential overprotective father didn't want to let me go (I think secretly he just likes being in control). Anyway, I left, moved in with a few other people that I had never even met before, got a new job, and started school. Being on my own is great! Sure, I worry about money, and I still miss my family (even if I don't miss living with them) but life is good. I even came to realize that the main reason I had started the course I was in in the first place was for an excuse to leave home, and not because it was something that I felt really passionate about. So-I dropped out of the course and started working full time. I even got an opportunity to apply for an assistant manager position at the store I work at. So now I can go home to my parents at Christmas time and say 'look, you were so afraid to let me go, but I'm really doing OK. I can survive without you'. I know I could never 'disown' my parents, even though I'm sure they have fantasized about disowning me at various points throughout the last five years or so. Like that time I never came home after working a night shift, and Mom eventually found me at a guy's house (fortunately, I was fully dressed at that point!). Or the time I got kicked out of a Bible school for being out past curfew with a guy (even though it was completely innocent, but more about that another time). Or the time when they found out that I was dating a guy who's 17 years older than me. But I'm getting better. I'm discovering who I am, and what my priorities are in life. I'm not throwing myself at random guys just so I can feel secure anymore. (well, almost never-like every addict, I still have my moments) And I don't go around telling everybody about how I hate my life. Because I really don't. I'm realizing how grateful I am for my parents and how they still loved me, even after everything I put them through. I just hope that one day when I have a daughter who is going through some of these stages that I'll be a little more understanding, because I've gone through them myself.
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6:55 pm - Madness
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The madness that we call Christmas is now upon us. It's amazing to see how a holiday that originally was a holy day has become so commercialized. Please realize, I have absolutely nothing against progression, or whatever. I also understand that there are more and more people who want to have nothing to do with the religious aspect of the holiday. I just find it really hard as a 'religious' person to focus on why we actually observe this holiday in the first place.
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12:36 pm - Intro
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So, this is my first time doing this online-journal type thing, so let's be a little patient with me, shall we? Basically this is my first time living away from home on my own, and I need to do something to help me pass the time without going stir-crazy. Ok, that sound really bad - like, I'm to pathetic to even try to go out and make some friends, or find something to occupy my time, but really, that's not the case (honest!) I do have friends (my roommates, co-workers, a few people I met at school-before I dropped out, and people from the church that I just started going to) It's just that really, I'm more or less a very private person. Don't get me wrong, I love people, and being around people, but I'm happiest when I'm just on my own, doing my own thing. So-this is my own thing. I'm not going to reveal every little aspect of my personal life or anything like that. I think in a way, this is going to be like a mini-psych session for me. You know, sometimes it's just easier to talk stuff out, and before you know it-bam! you've solved your own problem. Well, sometimes it's that way with me, just there's nobody in my life right now that I want to burden with any of my problems. Oh well. Anyway, right now I'm going to go perform a little shop-therapy, and try to find a winter coat. Until later!
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