Karla's journal

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Sunday, April 20th, 2003
12:03 am - trouble...
the school found out martha and i ditched and so they called my house and i got in trouble... thats why i havent written in a while.

current mood: sleepy
current music: married with children
Thursday, April 10th, 2003
4:35 pm - Taylor's house
Martha, Jeffrey, and I went to Taylor's house... it was fun. But Martha's so digusting, she threw her pad in his bathroom trash. Ugggghhhh.

current mood: disgusted
current music: "U Don't Have To Call" by Usher
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
6:21 pm - My bet
I lost my frickin bet with Jorge. So now I have to clean the house for a month! That's shit. lol I also talked to Taylor today... he's "brb-ing" cause he always "brb's" GRRR, lol I LOVE N SYNC!

current mood: bouncy
current music: "Tearin Up My Heart" by N Sync
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003
5:00 pm - Ok, I'm just PMSing
lol I started my rag today... and I wrote the last entry a couple of minutes ago. But I just got some Pepsi and calmed down... I needed to. It's ok, I mean, I understand it was Rose's birthday. I'm just angry that I didn't get to see him... cause I really wanted to. And cause I hung out by myself for 2 hours today while Martha and Jeffrey were fuckin in the car. lol. I didn't mean everything I said. I have my Prince Charming, I just, I dunno, trip out... but I'm trying to change. Taylor loves me and I love him. But seriously, I'm never ditching school to go see him again... lol I already have 2 absenses. Hmmph.

current mood: calm
current music: "Underneath It All" by No Doubt
4:42 pm - Ditch! (and kick it by myself)
So today I ditched... with Martha and Jeffrey. Taylor was supposed to go but, I called him and he says "It's Rose's birthday" so he couldn't go... I wanted to go to his house to meet her and say at least Happy Birthday cause I didn't ditch for nothin, but no, he said I couldn't. He said "I'm sorry" and I just hung up on him... then Jeffrey stopped at a gas station and I called him again and GRRR he made me so mad! He made Martha mad too, Martha went off on him. She was like "IF YOU REALLY LOVE A GIRL YOU DON'T DO THAT TO HER!" and it's true, I didn't stop her, I was laughing... then when the pay phone hung up we got in the car, I was so mad... I was wearing his sweater, I TOOK THAT SHIT OFF LIKE IT HAD HERPES or somethin, AND I WAS SO CLOSE, SO CLOSE! to throwing it out the window... but I just gave it to Martha and told her to put it in the back because I didn't want to wear that shit. And it stayed there the whole day too.... I didn't even touch it until after school... WTF, I just called him and his phone is in Rob's room, WHATEVER. I swear I am so mad I slammed the phone onto the hanger... TWICE. I almost broke it.
I'm not mad for a stupid reason. I'm actually mad for a good reason. Wanna know why? Cause I ditched for NOTHING. I CALLED HIM IN THE MORNING TO ASK IF HE WAS GOING... HE SAID "YEAH" so I got all nice and stuff, I fixed my hair (I straightened it) and I was happy... I CANT BELIEVE HE MADE ME WASTE MY FUCKIN TIME... AND WE HAD AN ANIMAL STUDIES TEST TODAY! I NEED TO FUCKIN TAKE THAT TEST, I HAVE A "D" IN THAT CLASS... UGGGGGHH I JUST REMEMBERED THAT! Man, that's it... Taylor hasn't been making the time for me since after Friday. People are right... sex changes everything. But that's fine... he doesn't make the time for me, I don't make the time for him.

current mood: angry
current music: "Running" by No Doubt
Monday, April 7th, 2003
5:28 pm - Taylor's house again tomorrow
I'm goin over Taylor's house tomorrow again... lol I'm not actually gonna stay in his house, Martha and Jeffrey are comin as well. So we're gonna go out and just kick it. But anyways, I have to go do my laundry, LATER!

current mood: good
current music: "You Lied To Me" by I-dunno-who
Sunday, April 6th, 2003
5:53 pm - Church
I went to church today. It was really awesome. I was only in there for like a second and I started to cry, the atmosphere was so beautiful. I felt really close to God, and I begged for forgiveness. I commited a sin on Friday having sex with Taylor and when it was over I felt so much better, I felt like God forgave me. I really hope he did... and I got a free Bible for accepting God as my Savior. It was so awesome, I'm goin back next Sunday!

current mood: accomplished
current music: "Nobody" by Keith Sweat
Saturday, April 5th, 2003
9:33 pm - My Taylorito
lol my boyfriend just left me to do homework... well, that's nice. Haha, I miss him so much, it's unbelievable. He's the best boyfriend ever, I swear. lol I love the way he is with me... like last night in the car. I love that he would tell me "I love you" every 5 seconds, or how he would kiss me every 2 seconds. lol I can't say yesterday was worth it (It wasn't worth my mom crying, I felt like shit) but it'll always be a special day in my heart. It was the day I gave myself to Taylor in body and not just soul. I hope he can understand how special yesterday was to me. lol And I supposedly "give the best head", haha. It wasn't that good, I almost choked on it. Yesterday getting to his house and getting home was an adventure. lol I got lost getting to his house, and Erik got us lost getting to my house. I swear, sometimes you have to have some funny moments. And those were 2 of the funniest experiences I've ever gone through. Erik was makin me laugh my ass off last night... him and Omar got high and he's all like "Taylor... Taylor" and Taylor's like "What?" and Erik goes "Aw, fuck it, I'm high" and all of us were laughin. Before he got high, we had a nasty ass turn, like one you had to go 5 mph and he did the turn like in 50 mph and we went over the ramp onto the other lane and there were the cops and Omar was rollin the joint. lol Erik was cravin a sandwich and he goes "Karla hook it up with a sandwich" and I'm like "what kind?" and he goes "Turkey" lol OMG I had tears in my eyes cause to get to my house you have to go up a steep hill and we were goin down and he put his hands up and just cruised on down. lol. Taylor has the funniest friends... Aw, I miss kissing my baby. lol I got so used to it, I feel weird not doing it. Haha, I was in his house from 9: 30 in the morning until 12:00 in the morning the next day, and the whole time, his dad didnt know I was there. And we had sex with his dad in the house. lol I felt kinda bad about that... but the whole day I snuggled up against him in his bed. lol I have a tie between my 2 favorite times. One is I fell asleep in his bed and all of a sudden I feel him kiss my cheek and I woke up and he told me I had knocked out for 10 minutes. Just the concept of the kiss was so sweet, I wanted to die with happiness. And then before he went to go ask Erik for a ride he kissed me and he pulled me down to the bed and we just kissed for a couple of minutes. lol See, I do have the best boyfriend! :) I love my baby so much, I dunno what'd I do without him. And I have 2 of his baby pictures, his school ID from last year, and one of his sweaters. His sweater is gonna get worn out, lol. Aw, I love him with all my heart and soul.

current mood: cheerful
current music: "I Need a Girl Pt. 2" by P. Diddy
10:52 am - Guess not being a virgin anymore isn't much fun
One day of fun with Taylor... almost cost me my life today. Fuck, yesterday was fun, but this morning, NOT SO FUN. Taylor gave me a frickin hickie. And my mom saw it this morning, and she beat my ass (my back has bruises all over) and she tried to choke me. I didn't really care that she hit me, but the fact that she CRIED. Cause she was hurt that I would deceive her that way. And I'm afraid that she's gonna take me to get tested (to see if I'm still a virgin) CAUSE I'M NOT ANYMORE... FUCK! I don't really know what to do... I'm just sad because she cried, my mom NEVER cries, unless it's for a really good reason... Man.

current mood: sad
current music: none
Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
6:53 pm - Taylor's house tomorrow
So, I'm goin to my baby's house tomorrow. :) I love that fact... lol that's all I have to say.

current mood: anxious
current music: "Nobody" by Keith Sweat
Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
5:24 pm - Poems!
Aw, I HAVE THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD! Look at the poems he wrote me...

When we first kissed you took away my breath
And when I felt you close as I kissed your head
I think about that night as I lie in bed

Every since the very start
You stole my heart
Cuz I couldn’t stand being apart

In my world you are my stellar queen
Youre the most beautiful person ive ever seen
For your happiness id do anything

Come with me and never go away
Well make love to marvin gaye
Just please tell me that youll stay

You mean the world to me
To my heart you have the key
with you im as happy as can be

___________________________________________________

Since the first time I heard you speak
After being with you for just one week
My love for you was so strong it made me weak

Youre the one ive been longing for
Every time I talk to you
I love you even more

Youre my only girl
Youre always on my mind
Baby you rock my world

Thinkin of you as I write this letter
Don’t worry bout a thing
You know ill make things better

I wish I could see you every single day
Believe every word when I say
Ill love you till I live my last day

I love you pebbles! 11/16/2002

And he's all mine! :P

current mood: loved
current music: "Nobody" by Keith Sweat
Tuesday, April 1st, 2003
4:17 pm - Fun-filled day
So yeah. Taylor wrote me a poem. It was beyond fuckin sweet! It started off with "When you first kissed me, you took my breath away" or somethin like that. All I know is that it was sweet. And I loved it! I'm definetly ditching Friday and goin to his house. Bringin him breakfast too. :) OoO can't wait!
So Kevin's, um... lol. He moved right onto Jennifer. Like today at lunch I went to the cafeteria to get my food and he was sitting at a table with her, and I looked at him, he looked at me and just stared at me. He didn't say "Hi" or anythin and I was like "Fine" and then when my friends and I were leaving, he was looking at me and I didn't say anything, so he followed me and said "Why you acting like that?" "Acting like what?" "Can't even say "hi"?" and I said "hi" then he left cause Martha wanted somethin from his backpack and when he came back she asked him for money to buy some chips. He gave it to her and she was like "C'mon Karla..." and she pulled my arm and then Kevin grabbed my other arm, and he pulled me towards him. He said "No, she's mine" and he pulled me all the way to his chest, it seemed like he wanted to hug me so I pulled free and went with Martha. When we came back he told me to sit next to him on the bus after school, I said yes but knew I wouldn't cause I always get a ride from Martha's boyfriend. I got a ride from Martha's boyfriend, so I didn't see him. Then he called Irving on the bus ride home, he wanted to talk to me, and he was like "Oh, so you're gonna play me like that?" and said he was gonna call me later. I dunno.
Enough about that, P.E. was a trip, YET AGAIN. Today, when we were going back to the girl's locker room, there was a fat, hispanic girl ahead of LaTeacha, Shenika, Valerie, Tion, and me and LaTeacha goes to Valerie "I dare you to pantse her" and Valerie said "No, that's fucked up" cause the girl was like those fat, shy girls that don't do anything to anyone. But Shenika goes up behind her and pantses her, I felt so bad, I just walked away. And I got close to Jennefer and Sheila, and Jennefer was talkin bout how fucked up that was, I couldn't help but agree. So the girl stands near us and Jennefer goes up to her and starts talkin to her, she introduces Sheila and I. Next thing I know, LaTeacha, Valerie, Shenika, and Tion walk over and the girl starts crying. LaTeachea's apologizing and Jennfer tells the girl in spanish "Don't believe her, she's full of shit" and LaTeachea and her start arguing. Next thing I know Valerie and Jennefer get into it, EVERYONE, I MEAN EVERYONE starts lookin at us, and Amy's like "EVERYONE TURN AROUND THIS AINT NO SHOW, TURN THE FUCK AROUND!" lol God, such DRAMA. Valerie's all talk no action, she was talkin bout how she was gonna fuck up Jennefer, Jennefer walks right in front of her, SHE DOESN'T DO SHIT! I was like "What the fuck..." Whatever, it ain't my problema. But anyways, yeah that's all folks.

current mood: okay
current music: "Can't Let You Go" by Fabolous (this is my song!)
Monday, March 31st, 2003
5:16 pm - Special things I'll do and did for Taylor
Jealousy is one of my biggest turn-off's. I hate it, it makes me feel like I'm not trust-worthy. And Taylor has the biggest case of jealousy. Like I can't talk to Kevin now cause Kevin has feelings for me. Which is okay, I mean I don't want to do anything jepordize my relationship with my baby, he's my world. But I feel like Taylor feels like it's my fault that Kevin has feelings for me. It's not, I never played with Kevin that way. Maybe Kevin felt it was okay for him to tell me he liked me cause at that point in time I was mad at Taylor. But whatever, Kevin and I don't talk anymore, it was said and now it's done.
So anyways, Martha's a hoe. lol, not a bad hoe, a FUNNY hoe. She ditched school today to go with Jeffreyand they fucked. Oh God... lol enough said on that.
Johnathan's plan for Saliva is hilarious. He's all playin with her... haha, WTF HE WAS NAMING ALL THESE THINGS THAT I WISH TAYLOR WOULD DO FOR ME. Johnathan was sayin he'd put rose petals all over the floor and have vanilla scented candles with Marvin Gaye and Barry White in the background. But see, I would do somethin like that for Taylor. At Francisco's house. Like cause Francisco lives across the street from the beach and the little beach house... hehe, GET WHAT I'M SAYIN! lol not like that. But the beach house has a patio and I dunno, a little romantic dinner and some dancing to that beautiful song "At Last" by Etta James. And since it's on a mountain you can climb to the top and there's like a swinging bench at the top that overlooks the ocean and it's so fuckin pretty. I could do that for his birthday... it's on a Friday night, his family can have him on Saturday. :) OoO I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT FOR HIM, I'm gonna start planning it now! See, doesn't Taylor have the best girlfriend? And he doesn't appreciate me! :( lol j/k, sometimes I feel like he doesn't... but whatever. CAN'T WAIT FOR MY BABY'S BIRTHDAY, THERE'S A LOT OF IDEAS GOIN THROUGH MY HEAD...

current mood: creative
current music: "Can't Let You Go" by Fabolous
Saturday, March 29th, 2003
3:33 pm - Boring
It's so boring... I need to get the fuck out of this house. I should have gone to Taylor's house... at least I could have done something there ;) Haha, I talked to my baby earlier, but, I think he's mad at me or something. He turned off his phone. :( Cause I told him he wouldn't hang up on me and he did, he called back, I didn't pick up, and I haven't spoken to him since. But my man is sick, pobrecito. :( I want to go make him feel better... :) Bye.

current mood: bored
current music: "In da Club" by 50 Cent
Friday, March 28th, 2003
5:17 pm - Taylor :)
lol I TALKED TO TO TAYLOR TODAY! I TALKED TO MY BABY! Aw, I was trippin for no reason... he ran away from home! (Babe, if you read this, I'm sorry for all the bad shit I said, just paranoid) and I'm so happy I can burst!
I did ditch. Just 4th period though (we had 4th period for 2 hrs. today) and Laura, Silvia, Martha, Judy, and I went to go take pictures. They came out nice... I came out pretty. So anyways... I'm just so happy I talked to Taylor, I can't think of anything else! :)

current mood: happy
current music: "Beautiful" by Snoop Dogg and Pharrell
6:05 am - Poor Taylor...
lol Pobrecito Taylor. He was searching for Karla, he found her. lol He has been avoiding me. Well no more I tell you! I'm ditching today, paying Jeffrey to take me to his house, and I'm gonna fuck him up. No more Mrs. Nice Girl, I'm serious. I called today, the answering machine went off, I call like 30 minutes later, THE ANSWERING MACHINE MYSTERIOUSLY DOESN'T COME ON. lol He turned his phone off. Ok, I can deal with that. But is he gonna be able to deal with my foot up his ass? Haha, If is his dad is home, I won't cause a scene. But if his dad isn't home, OoO he better pray on his lucky stars that Martha comes inside with me and holds me back when I start beating the shit out of him. :) It's ok though... if that's the way things are gonna be, that's the way things are gonna be. I just can't wait to go see him and beat his ass. :D

current mood: anxious
current music: none
Thursday, March 27th, 2003
9:35 pm - Kevo Huevo
So I just got off the phone with Kevo Huevo. lol He is so funny! Through out the whole time I was laughin my ass off. He was telling me all bout how he was supposed to be a girl, his original name was "Katrina Marie" OMG I almost died laughing. lol That boy is huge... he's fuckin tall, haha everytime I talk to him at school I have to look up, even when we're sitting down. He's cool... I think he likes me though. Cause when we were talking he pops up with "Yeah I can't believe there's a beautiful girl on the other end of this line" and I started laughin and he goes "Can't take compliments well, huh?" and I'm like "You don't mean that" and he goes "psssh" lol and he has a size 16 shoe. He was all like "You know what they say about guys with big feet, right?" "Yeah, big socks" "Yeah that's right" lol I'm gonna see him tomorrow at school...

current mood: sleepy
current music: none
7:01 pm - Ditch?
To ditch or not to ditch... so indecisive. I dunno, I want to, but at the same time I don't... what if something goes wrong? Eh-oh... and our school is very keen to checking attendance. But Martha, Laura, Saliva, and Judy are going... if I don't go, I'll be a loner! I dunno, we'll see tomorrow...
I still dunno bout Taylor. Hmph, I've written too much about him already.
But anyways... today was cool. I sat next to Kevo Huevo in the bus again. And fuckin Jonathan pinched my cheeks so hard, they're turning purple. And tomorrow... Ripley for 2 hrs. Ick. :(
SO TO DITCH OR NOT TO DITCH? After 3rd period... No se.

current mood: indecisive
current music: "Hero" by Chad Kroeger and Josey Scott
5:03 pm - Maybe something's wrong...
Hmmph. Maybe something happened. Cause I just called Taylor dad's and he doesn't answer either. And I sure as hell know Taylor would answer the phone... so this is good, I'm thinking more postive. I dunno, now I'm scared that somethin mighta happened. Cause before he said somethin was wrong with his bike (?) I just really seriously wanna know what's going on. I think I'm just gonna go to his house, see what the hell is going on. I'm getting afraid... but then how can you explain his phone being turned off a couple of days ago? But see the shit is Albert was supposed to help them fix the phone line, I dunno. I'm fuckin scared (I'm saying the same shit over and over... lol) I'm serious if that's what's going on, I'm gonna just show up at his house and find out. Or just wait until later to call his dad... I'm feeling so worried I feel sick.

current mood: worried
current music: "Swing Swing" by the All-American Rejects
5:50 am - So...
So yeah... I really don't understand how I'm feeling right now. Really down and upset is more like it, but I also feel kinda like, bleh. Like I have no emotions... I'm just a robot. So I think Taylor's avoiding me. Oh well, if that's the case, there's only one simple solution to that problem and that's to break up. I'm kinda tired of feeling like this, but, it's my fault cause I allow myself too, but It's also his fault for helping me make me feel the way I do. Earlier, all I did was cry, I felt so shitty, but then I was like "Wipe your tears, this isn't a reason for you to feel really down" and I put the phone on the hanger and came here to talk about it. Now I can't stop listening to that song by J.Lo. and LL Cool J, "All I Have". I dunno, I don't want to go to school... but stay home and do what? Nah, forget it. I've even said it before, no boy is worth your tears. But Taylor's worth more than that. I just wish I knew what was going on. I dunno, maybe I'm just tripping out, this has happened before and it was a simple misunderstanding. We'll see... we'll see.

current mood: grumpy
current music: "All I Have" by J. Lo. and LL Cool J

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