| yipppeeee!!!! |
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| 12:55am 07/12/2003 |
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mood:  ecstatic music: Command and Conquer, the game Oscar is playing
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YAY!! I <33333 my icon. I have a friend at livejournal who is letting people use all of the icons that she has made. That's cool of her. I FINALLY have an icon. It's been forever since I updated this, I guess I might start back up tomorrow. :D later |
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| Outside! |
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| 03:09pm 14/10/2003 |
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mood:  full
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The weather is so nice now. It feels better not being at 108 degrees everyday. I can live with 87. It's nice to just be able to sit outside and relax without sweating. The air even smells nice and clean (it usually does), but it goes nice with the cooler climate. I can't wait until it gets cold so we can turn on our fire place. I'm waiting......... |
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| trying to catch up |
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| 07:18pm 11/10/2003 |
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mood: refreshed
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I went to my interview yesterday and got the job! YAY! The only bad thing is, it only pays $6.00 an hour and I'm not going to be a full-time employee. Blah! Atleast for now, I'll have SOME money. I can help Oscar with a few bills and I can buy everyone Christmas presents like I want to, with my OWN money! I don't know when I start yet, but I know it's going to be sometime within this upcoming week for sure!
Oscar quit/got fired from his job today. He had a manager who had been picking on him for a while. Today Oscar got fed up, and quit. Now more than ever do BOTH of us have to look for better jobs AND get full-time positions. I know as soon as I find something better, I'm out. Or maybe if I can do both for a little while, then I will.
My mom found out last night that my Grandfather's wife has passed. May God bless her. She was a nice woman from what I remember.
I'm done for NOW, but I'll be back later :D |
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| it's been a while... |
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| 07:27am 08/10/2003 |
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mood:  worried
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OH FUCKK!! I'm just reading this peace of paper for school. Today is my due date to go and take a test, but it's at 12 p.m. in the afternoon! I have no way of getting there. I have to tell Oscar but I can't because we lost our cell phone and there is no way of communication between the 2 of us while he is at work. :/ I hope that by the time we go in later on they still accept us. shitfuckshitfuckshitfuck
Either way, I'm going to study today while I'm home. I hope Oscar calls me while he is at work so I can tell him.
We've been looking for new jobs. So far, at a discount retail store they have told us they would call us for interviews for Thursday or Friday. Hopefully they will call us so that we can get hired!! On Friday I also have an interview for another day care. YAYAYAY!! I think they ARE going to hire me there because they ASKED for my health card, sherieff card, and anything other related to the other kids job I had. I did that, and also provided my Signs of Illness certificate saying that I took that class. When I called for the interview they said to bring my remaining things, such as my I.D., my Social Security Card, and my T.B. green slip. Why would they ask for those last 3 things if I wasn't going to get hired?! YayAya!!! I heard they pay $6.50, but that's ok with me as long as I get full time.
I have to go see Lana. :( Well, I'm not exactly sad about that, it's just kind of a weird thing maybe? I don't know. I have to see if she still has my T.B. green slip. If she doesn't, then I might have to get poked again. That is something I DEFINATELY DON'T WANT!!! I hate shots. I don't want to go see her because then she's going to know I am going to get paid less than what she paid me. Maybe she'll hire me back so that I don't give the secrets from there :D Yeah, I wish. I still miss it there.
The Saturday of my birthday, we went to the club, we got home around 2 a.m and Oscar called in to work at that time for Sunday. Monday and Tuesday he was off, and then back on Wednesday when he went back to work, they suspended him for supposedly not coming with enough time in advance for calling someone else. That is such bull shit. Oscar looked in his workers manual and it said call in 4 HOURS ahead, he called in 5! He was suspended for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and then they gave him Saturday off. He worked Sunday and then they gave hime fucking Monday and Tuesday off!!! It seems like they don't want him there anymore. That's why he has been looking for another job. I hope someone who pays well will call him!! Today before he left for work, I kept encouraging him to come home from work early if they provoked him.. He doesn't need that job, he can find something better. They treated him unjustly and are making his check sooo small, he's going to be late on a lot of his bills.
I've rambled on enough, I'm very worried about the school thing. Some way or another, we always manage to fuck up!! This time was REALLY an accident though. Oh well, wish me luck! |
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| 11:23pm 25/09/2003 |
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mood: sad music: Family Guy
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i dont want my birthday to come... im regretting ever telling my mom to throw me a birthday party. i just dont want it. i dont want to get old. i want to be a baby still, a kid. i feel once i turn 18 i will be just another old chick.. i want to stop the aging process!! lmfao.. goodnight, i have to fix the bed in the bedroom. |
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| boredom |
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| 03:30pm 23/09/2003 |
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i'm so bored.
i have all of my schoolwork finished. all i have to do is go back and re-read the chapters, then go take my test.
i wish someone was home so i could talk to them.
i got some jeans last night. they are very cute. my mom gave me the cash to go and buy them. the thing is, she said she will buy me another pair if i return them so she can get her cash back and the re-buy them with her macys card. im cool with that :D we're supposed to do that tomorrow when she gets back from california. |
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| SCHOOL |
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| 09:57pm 19/09/2003 |
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I remeber last week when I was bitching about how Oscar isn't doing anything to improve himself with school or getting a better job. On Tuesday I went to school to sign up again, just as the counselor had told me to do. It turns out that I was kicked out of the program because I did nothing with them. They sent me to office/door A to sign up with another program. It's just like the previous one, only that this one allows adults to sign up for it. The office was empty (for once) and we where taken care of quickly. A counselor saw us, and assigned us BOTH classes. I have English 3 The World of Work and Oscar has American Lit... It ain't too bad. I'm glad that Oscar signed up. He only needs to get 5 1/2 credits. He'll be able to graduate and then go to college maybe in the next school year! Yay for him :D As for me, I think that I am behind too many credits to graduate this year, so I might be another year late! Eep, I hope not. I'm going to try my hardest to get all of my shit done ASAP!!! |
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| Rated R... |
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| 09:50pm 19/09/2003 |
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I haven't updated in what seems like forever. I just want to write about sunday, so if you get grossed out about sex and explicit things, then skip this.
On sunday, the first day of my period I was sexually frustrated. LOL. I wanted some dick and I needed to be eaten out. I needed something. At night, right before we went to bed I turned the light on dim and told Oscar "Pull your pants down, I'm gonna suck you off" :X He didn't believe me, since it's rare when we do things like this. I told him to do it, so he did, and when he did, I gave him one of the best blow jobs ever. I payed attention to everything, I sucked him how he likes it, and I just loved his dick, that's when he has the best orgasms. When he was nutting, he was moaning really loud and when he moans it turns me on soooo much. He pretty much couldn't move after I was done with him. :D Nothing too fantastic, THE END! |
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| 03:45pm 17/09/2003 |
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I'm half way through my period! Yea! Also, I got my check in the mail, finally! Another thing, I have been writing in my journal at home. I can't make up my mind. If I write in that one I can't write on the one in the net, but if I write in this one, I'll never keep up with the one at home. |
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| CRAMPS!!! I hate pms |
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| 05:37pm 14/09/2003 |
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mood: relieved
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Just a few hours ago (maybe 2) I had the worst cramps. I can't remember the last time I ever had them that intense. I was moaning out loud in pain and wanting to scream and yell! I scratched my legs and squeezed my stomach trying to enduce pain somewhere else to try to get rid of them. I was in pain for about 2 hours. I hope I don't have anymore like that because it really scared me. I thought that I was going to have to call 911 because I had never felt that way, and it was a different pain ever. |
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| Friday |
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| 10:13am 13/09/2003 |
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mood: good
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First, I want to start off with I Hate how there aren't any good things to watch over the weekend on tv
Ok so yesterday after I wrote my small entry my mom called and she asked me if Oscar was going to be able to pick her up, I told her no because he had rode his back to work so she should call Sonia, and that she did. When they came, Ian was asleep and Johnny wanted to go straight upstairs to play games. I went with him for a little while. I watched him play for a few and then I played with him. Eventually Oscar got him and then Oscar played a few minutes with him also. Then we went downstairs, talked for a little bit, and little man woke up. Johnny wanted to play baseball so the little ones and Oscar played baseball. Then when we got tired of that we went inside and we watched Dragonball Z. I went to take a shower, Sonia and my mom went to the mall for a bit, and Ian and Johnny stayed in the living room watching tv and Oscar fell asleep. I woke him up and he was really cranky. AFter that passed he rode his back in the front yard, Ian rode his little tricycle in the front and Johnny rode his scooter in the front too. They went around the block 3 times. They ran and they played. The whole point of this boring entry is the kids came over, Oscar played with them, but also got A LOT of excersize, Ian was actually really nice to Oscar and the day yesterday was not too bad. |
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| Cleaning |
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| 02:45pm 12/09/2003 |
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mood:  accomplished
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I just got done cleaning the room Oscar and I sleep in. It took me almost 2 whole hours. Not very long. The room looks good. Now all we need to do is move the bed to a different angle (we don't like how it looks pushed up against the wall), and I have to transfer some clothes into my other bedroom. I also have to organize THAT bedroom. I cleaned and organized the first floor aaand I'm not tired. I'm surprised at how much I can do with lack of sleep, lol. Oscar and I made a deal, if I finished cleaning and making the bedroom look good, we would go on a walk. YAYAYAY! I won the deal. |
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| 08:07am 12/09/2003 |
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mood:  sleepy music: suddenly susan
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WEDNESDAY
As of right now, I can't remember if I was mad at Oscar on Wednesday. I know that after he came home from work, he watched tv for a little while and then we went to look for that carnival. When we got there, we could not find any parking space. I thought we were just going to see it from the outside but he said he wanted to go in. I was like "No, my legs are ashy and I don't feel comfortable with what I am wearing" He goes "Where is an ATM so you can get shoes or pants to go into the fair comfortably" LMAO, he was going to buy me a pair of pants just for a one day event. We decided to come home to change and get some sweaters. We invited Jorge and Jessica but they didn't want to come. I feel bad for them. That's why they are so fat! Because all they do is stay at home 24/7 and eat. We went to get Johnny and we where off to the fair. It was so much fun. I'm glad Oscar took me. I love you Oscar :D
THURSDAY
Yesterday Oscar was off so he slept in. When I got up it was about 10:00 a.m. The kids were gone, naturally. I came online for a bit and took a shower. When I got out Oscar was up already and I told him that he had to shower so that I can get all of my shit figured out. I called the school counciler and he told me to get registered next week tuesday or wednesday between 8-1. I'm glad that's out of my system because it was worrying me a lot but it took a lot of pressure off of me and maybe next week I'll feel 100% better! After when Oscar was ready, we went to Oscar's bank to speak with a teller so she can tell him what is up with his account. After that I went to go look for my check. WHen I got there, Marco told me to just sit and wait while he went into the office to look for my check. I waited for about 10 minutes while his food go cold. When he got back he said he couldn't find my check anymore. That maybe my check was sent to me through the mail last week because they mailed a few. He told me if it didn't come in within yesterday or today to call him and he will make me a new check. He also told me not to worry about my parking card, it was just 15 bucks and if I do find it to make sure I give it to him so that he doesn't get into trouble. I said thanks and was on my way. We went to pick up my mom from work and then came home. We didn't do much. Just played WhACKED! and watched tv. Before bed, I was trying to figure out some stuff about the credit card payments, but I was distracted. Oscar was all over my butt, caressing it and my legs. It turns me on when he touches me all over. He started to look me and then he wanted to go in. We tried that but for some reason I was sore as hell. He went down on me until I couldn't take anymore, and then he picked me up and it just felt really good. I have to say one thing though, when we where down, he said watching my boobs go up and down and everywhere like they did turned him on, that's why he had a good orgasm.. :D Then it was night-night time.
FRIDAY
I woke up too early. Oscar kissed me goodbye at like 5:50-6:00. I heard him downstairs so I dressed quickly so that I can see him before he left. After he was gone I went back into our room and layed on the bed watching tv and hoping that I would fall asleep but that didn't happen. Just want to say that I think j lo can't sing and I feel bad for her, I wonder who lied to her and told her she was good? I'm struggling so stay awake. This entry is waaaaaay boring. Later |
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| He's mad again?! |
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| 05:11pm 10/09/2003 |
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Grrr.. There is just no pleasing this boy. I wouldn't let him go down on me and he tried to start arguing with me about shit that is irrelavent. What am I going to do about him? |
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| nothingness... |
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| 03:28pm 10/09/2003 |
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My aunt always insist that I watch Ian on Wednesdays. Kinda annoying, but what can I do about it? UGH!! Sometimes he is just so annoying. Ian and Johnny MIGHT come over to spend the night tonight. I seriously hope not. :/
The weather outside is nice. I like how it feels. I'm supposed to go for a walk later today. Summer is defintaly gone for sure :'( I still like how it feels now. Once there is no more heat the holidays!! YAY! I can't wait to turn on the fireplace, I've been waiting forever so that I can make S'mores.. I've never had any homemade s'mores so I'm looking forward to it.
I'm off to take my shower. :D |
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| 04:01pm 09/09/2003 |
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mood: depressed
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it's getting old really fast. he's bringing me down, breaking my heart, lowering my self esteem, and making me cry everyday. today just a few minutes ago he yelled at me because I didn't know what I was doing while playing a video game and he called me childish and he made me feel like such a peice of trash. he grabbed the control for the game right of my hand. then he said he hates playing with me and other things. i said i wanted to play and he let me play so when i got the controller back i erased his saved game and he got really mad at me. ughh!! i don't care it's just a fucking game and excuse the fucking hell out of me if i don't know how to play a game the first time right off the fucking bat you low life fat ass. does he care about the way he speaks to me? does he fucking care that i cry every day because of him? does he care the i feel depressed everyday? why doesn't he care, all i want is for him to treat me and speak to me as i do him. i don't disrespect him, i just try to speak to him in a loving way and i get bitten in the ass for it. later he is going to ask me what is wrong and when i tell him hes going to try to pin the blame on me. why cant his stupid fucking ass not tell what he does? why can't he just admit it. i need something, something bad. i just dont know what it is i feel so hopless and sad. i hate crying, i wanna stop the tears and insults that come my way. have i been so horrible that i deserve all of this? i dont want to cry anymore, sometimes i just want to end my life, i hate it, he makes me hate it. i dont want anymore tears, i just dont and i dont know what to do.. can anybody help me? |
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| Randomness |
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| 10:25pm 08/09/2003 |
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mood: hopeful
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We talked aaand I guess I understand him. His excuse was he doesn't like the way a lot of the things in his life are going. I can understand that, but it still doesn NOT give him to talk shit to me.
After we talked we went on our way to Baskin Robin's to see how much an in ice cream cake would cost. When we got there we started looking around and they looked good and all, but they where the size of a medium-woman-shoe-box for $40. That was a little over our heads so we went to Albertson's. There the cakes were bigger and they where only $25, so that's where we are getting my ice cream cake. We started looking around for food because we've been dieting and we are just dying w/out eating. We decided to grub tonight and tomorrow start all over but WITH working out. We got the chicken meal from the deli. 8 peices of chicken, 4 biscuits, potato salad, and a free 2 liter of soda. Then we went to get milk, salami and french bread. We came home aaaaand ate while watching Dr. Dolittle 2.
GUESTS!!!
Harllette said that she might be able to make it with my brother. The thing is, my brother told me that he wants to rent a car and to tell Harllette that if she is going with him that she is going to have to help him pay for the rental of the car. Once I tell her that, I bet her new excuse will be that she doesn't have any money and that she won't be able to make it. Speaking of that, I'm going to write her the e-mail right now and hope that there will be a response for tomorrow. ::5 minutes later:: Ok that's done. My uncle from Anaheim said he probably won't be able to make it either but my mom said that in the end he will probably end up coming after all. I hope I don't get too many people standing me up. Well I have to go because I have to count how many spots to reserve because we're going to get everything over and done with tomorrow so I can send out invites next week on Wednesday or something. |
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| Stupid Oscar |
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| 06:39pm 08/09/2003 |
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mood: drained
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FUCKK!!! I hate how disrespectful he is!! All he does is disrespect me in front of whoever the hell he wants. I'm tired of it. Whenever I get the chance next I'm going to fuck with him and see how he likes it. We where sitting at the table just talking and then he demands that I get ready to go out. As I was walking upstairs he threw a pen at me. Then he called me a fucking name right in front of my mom. He is such an asshole. I've told him if he wants to continue being looked at as half decent he needs to treat me right and speak to me correctly. He just keeps proving to my mom all the things that she says he is true. Why the hell did I have to fall in love with him?! He just makes me mad, makes me cry, makes me hate myself and I just don't know what to do with his sorry ass. I think I'm going to ask him to leave the house. I really am tired of seeing his face.
One more thing, he claims he has no money and needs to sell his car. That's fine, but he should have just kept it to himself until he knew for sure! He won't know yet for another 5 years and then he goes and tells my mom he's going to get rid of it. Ughh!! he should know what he can and cannot talk about with my mom.
I'm going to test him, I'm going to talk to him about the things that I have just written about and I can guess his reactions from right now. He's going to roll his eyes a lot, he's going to tell me he doesn't want to hear me, he's going to tell me to shut up, and also that he doesn't care. I can't leave out atleast one "Whatever" from his mouth, I KNOW there will be ONE atleast. I'll write how it goes later! |
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| 04:22pm 08/09/2003 |
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mood:  aggravated
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I feel so aggravated and helpless right now but I just don't know why!! I lied, I do know why
1. I'm stressed about going back to school.
2. I need a job and I need to STICK with it no matter what
3. Sears credit card bill came in.
4. Oscar needs more money.
5. Oscar needs another job.
6. I'm afraid Oscar will end up a loser-nothing in life.
That's what worries me the most. I want to be with him, but he doesn't seem to be trying or wanting to aspire to be anything. When I mention that he should get his GED or take some Adult Education classes so he can get his diploma he either gets upset or doesn't say anything. When I ask him what he wants to be in his life he can only think of one thing but he's not trying anything to become what he wants!!! I think that it's true, he's not going to be much in this world and if him and I where to stay together and get married, I'd be the one to be the sole supporter. I feel sorry for myself. He just proves it time after time that he is going to be a nothing, just like his father. I don't want that for him. He's young and he can do whatever he wants. I guess I'll give him some time to think, but if he doesn't change his ways of even saving 5 pennies for his bank account, him and I are going to have to end our relationship because I just don't want to have him bringing me down. I want to be with someone who has goals in their life. :/ |
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| Parking card + Lost = MAD!!! |
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| 11:19am 07/09/2003 |
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mood: pissed off
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I CANNOT find me damn parking card. If I can't find it, they will not give me my check. I have no clue as to where to look next. Both of my rooms are clean and they aren't around. I just don't know where to look anymore. Maybe I threw it away when I was cleaning? I highly doubt that because I knew that I would have to return that as well. Stupid entry, but I'm gettin pissed the fuck off and I have to vent |
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