J's Journal

Thursday, February 12, 2015

11:02PM - Happy F*&%^$% V-day!

Ok warning to all about to read this journal entry, this contains stupid "My name is jessica and i am a woe is me kinda gf" ramblings, so if you wanna spare yourself just continue on along now
Ok thats enough warning. As we have all heard by now, I have been having a very bad week, and yesterday I did not talk to Phil at all. Tomorrow morning at 8 am Phil goes on his hockey trip ffrom then until when he returns sometime late Monday afternoon. Times like this i hate the lockport tigers, its not fair, maybe its just me over reacting but why is it they always seem to fucking need to take him away when i would love to talk to him. Anyway, we had talked earlier for about a half an hour and he kept telling me "things dont sound that bad" as if i was overplaying the whole car situation, then he told me he had to go because he was going out. so i went to quiz bowl which we lost by the way. anywho i get home and phil never calls at 9 when he was supposed to...10 comes, still no call, so i call him. he was asleep, and he never went out before. had i not called he probably would have slept the entire night and not spoken to me. anyways continuing on we were talking of his trip, and i made a passing joking comment that this time when he goes on his hockey trip i would appreciate if he didnt go into strange girls rooms for no reason. Cause taking a trip back to last years he "followed" anthony and gooch into some senior girls bed rooms to hang out ith them, even though his friends did this to try and get the girls to screw them or something, and one guy got left behind. well i never said anything about it last year cause i trust phil and know he wouldnt cheat on me. yet when i asked him this year half jokingly if he wouldnt do that he started acting all hostile like i was accusing him that he was going to cheat on me. i told him i trusted him i just didnt see a point because
1.)i dont see a point, its not like hes friends with the girls he will meet and he weill never see them again so i dont see why he would care about not goijg itno any girls that he might meets rooms
2.)if i went away with my friends and just "hungout" with some guys i just met at a hotel, i am sure i would never hear the end of it
3.) his friends are a bunch of horny immature things when it comes to women'
4.) i think its sort of disrepecteful seeing how its going to be v-day and we would be spending time apart but he could hang with other girls
anyways, so he told me he wouldnt but not until an arguement of sorts occured. i had no idea that i was asking such a big fucking request, what do you guys think? am i asking for something that out of line? is it tha5t bad to ask for something not out of a need for a feeling of trust but for a need for the feeling of respect?
oh well, so my weekend will suck, and my v-day will be spent alone, as usual, i hagve never actually spent a valentines day with anyone. hard to believe huh? so now i get to spend one of the most stressful weekends alone, he said he would miss me and be thinking about me but i didnt want to prolong the goodbye so i decided to end the floundering phone conversation. i was trying hard not to cry, he didnt even think to say he loves me before he got off of the phone, but for that matter neighter did I until he had hung up :-( he never said he would call me or anything at some point during the weekend and he says he cant see me until wed unless somehow i am done with alexs thing on monday earlier. now normally these things would not bother me, i am not a hopeless romantic, girly girl who yearns for attention, is easily scorned or a v-day fanatic. i am normally realistic but right now i am in an awful state of mind. and phil did say a lot of nice stuff when we did talk for the oh barely an hour or we shall talk in 6 days. so i dont know why i am so upset, i just hope he will have a nicer weekend then i will, and when he comes back i wont be so much of an emotional trainwreck. I just miss him already, I wish there was some way to just to have him be here in he flesh so i could see him and wrap my arms around him and convince myself that everything is going to work out, but that can't happen. but yeah everyone, happy fucking valentines day (even if it is a few days away)
hugs and kisses

Current mood: lonely
Current music: "You and I Both" Jason Mraz

(2have sent the pain belows | worship and tribute)

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

7:57PM - Confessions of a Bad Incident

Today has to be one of the only times ever I have felt like killing myself, and having that thought could be some what warranted. I want to die, I am so upset about what has occured, I'm just very remorseful. I am never drivng again.

Current mood: depressed
Current music: Silence

(1have sent the pain below | worship and tribute)

7:57PM - Confessions of a Bad Incident

Today has to be one of the only times ever I have felt like killing myself, and having that thought could be some what warranted. I want to die, I am so upset about what has occured, I'm just very remorseful. I am never drivng again.

Current mood: depressed
Current music: Silence

(worship and tribute)

7:57PM - Confessions of a Bad Incident

Today has to be one of the only times ever I have felt like killing myself, and having that thought could be some what warranted. I want to die, I am so upset about what has occured, I'm just very remorseful. I am never drivng again.

Current mood: depressed
Current music: Silence

(worship and tribute)

Monday, February 9, 2015


-School is so long, too bad I have made it this far or I could consider dropping out now, but that would be pretty bad considering that graduation is only months away.
-I promised Caroline I would join track with her, why is it that I cannot tell her no when it comes to joinging extracirricular stuff
-Got a bunch of scholarships, what a waste of time.
-I like my hair cut, it dries very fast
...hm i am trying to update but nothing is comming to me, maybe later, at least i tried

(worship and tribute)

Saturday, February 7, 2015

2:18PM - What a way to start the Weekend

Yeah yesterday was bad, I lost my driving privlidges for the weekend or so says my mother, and my dad says until i stop doing a list of things, which include me acting like a "proletariat", i was mean to phil after all that time i wasted staying up for him and i dont know why so i felt pretty shitty about that, and then i ruined my friends and my movie plans with the whole car thing. I helped kim though sell tickets at Tom's Varisty hockey game, stamping hands of all the 9th grade preps who look older then me and more slutty i must add was an interesting experience and hanging with kim was fun as usual. Her prom dress is going to be so lovely on her also. I need to start looking for one myself... But yeah and also just to let jessica know, i got 5 right on the bio test, the only reason i was not announced the lowest because i was taking the ch.16 test while she handed the other one back so, don't feel all that bad, you know what they say, no matter how bad ya do, there is always someone worse. Maybe we should get bio tutors or something...oh wait we wasted money on the NCCC thing right? yeah, after what we pay we better get credit, or i will set NCCC on fire.
Anywho, today I got bangs, much to my mother and phil's dismay, got some layers, and cut an inch off of my hair, and i must say, i think it looks pretty damn good. and the lady said it shouldnt take much upkeep, which is a good thing because we have all witnessed by now that i have used a ponytail for every school day for the last month except for a whopping 3 times i believe so, maybe this wil change things around. Cam said he might call later on, but i cant drive and my parents wont drive me anywhere so i dont think anything will work out. But thats all for now, toodles.

(1have sent the pain below | worship and tribute)

Thursday, February 5, 2015

12:19AM - no clever titles today

Today was a very long day at school, but we have a new kid in english, I think tomorrow I'm going to try and be friendly to him in the way that people should be when a new person from another town moves to your city. But anywho Joel and Caroline came over today, and who would have thought Eunuchs would be such fascinating people? I think everyone should agree with me on that lol. Then we went to the scholastic bowl thing with paulette and melson and it was nice today. The medina kids were very friendly and joking around. and the highlights of that were:

-My shout out to Jessica..that she missed! You bitch ;-)
-Paulette saying she was president of the math club, and a model UN member, when she is full of shit lol
-The host Dennis insinuating that Paulette was too poor to travel to New Jersey
-Joel saying Antartica has the most mountains of any continent
-"What is two part word, that means both someone being rude to another, and a board game?" Paulette and Caroline- "Shinopoly" lmfao, gotta love that morning show
-"If your washing machine isnt cleaning your clothing, besides not having enoughd etergent, what could be wrong?" Medina girl- "you dont have it on?!"
- "of the millions of peple that Walmart employs, what is one group not represented?" Medina Girl- "legal citizens" haha

Anywho we won tonight, thanks to Joel mainly because he was a buzzing machine, but now we are in 2nd place overall in the "league/standings" !!! We even get a thing on the announcements tomorrow lol, how thrillingly gay.
Then I drove Paulette home, but not before a stop at the nasty unimart, i wouldnt go in, then i went and finished up babysitting (nick was doing the first 2 hours for me) so i had told nick before i would give him the full $20,but he gave me back $8, what an odd amount? i guess he felt bad, but not bad enough to count it as a favor.
Oh and i dont want to take the bio test tomorrow, i think we should start a petition to make me exempt because i wasnt in school on monday, i like that idea, and i have to work tomorrow too from 4:30 to 9:30, and i dont even get a lunch break, only a measly 10 min one. such an injustice i say! but come and see me please if you guys are bored, pleaaaaassseee!!!! But thats all for today, toodles my friends

(worship and tribute)

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

12:08AM - Movies on a day off

I stayed home from school today and watched 3 pretty good movies, Silver Bullet Dream (Terrible, terrible unexpected ending), Tears of the Sun (made me want to join the army or the UN or something) and the Recruit. That and I witnessed Jessica's car almost get walked up to by this guy outside of the YMCA. But school starts again tomorrow. What a bummer

(worship and tribute)

Friday, January 30, 2015

10:59PM - Apologies

My eyes are bloodshot and pink like cotton candy, I have cramps, threw up blood, have a stuffy nose, cannot sleep, my throat is sore and swollen and I can hardly swallow, I have an ulcer on my uvulas and now i think another spot on my tonsil. I have the chills, and feel weak, and I still havent gotten my voice back. So in conclusion, i'm sorry if i havent talked to anyone over this regents week break, but i just havent felt up to conversing. So sorry, if it seems like i have been ignoring people lately.

(worship and tribute)

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

8:36PM - Why is it that dismal moods always make you feel chipper in an odd kinda way?

Today I:
-Woke up at 6:15AM
-Got my school parking lot permit
-Hung out with Mrs.Schreiber from 8 till noon
-Went to lunch with Heather
-Celaned my house, including my room, took a shower and did my hair and got all nice and pretty looking, and then Phil couldnt come over for the second day in a row because of the weather, damn you old man winter!
-Took Heather to her play rehersal
-Studied for another few hours
-Talked to Jess online so tomorrow night we can watch League of Extraordinary Gentlemen lol, and Jenn helped me with math via AIM, od bless technology these days.
-Um studied another 4.5 billion hours
-Watched "Not Without My Daughter", remember that back from Pietra's guys? Sally Field "Why are you doing this?!" *Bitch Slap* Mooty "You are in my country now bitch!" Haha thats an American classic right there, let me tell you.
-Took a bath and here I am now wasting time online.

I'm retiring from math for now, because I dont believe that anymore cramming will assist me, or my brain will explode. Also, Heather was kinda right, the Hot Hot Heat CD i bought off of her isnt too, good, but i like 3 songs out of umm 8 or less, so who knows. at least i got it discounted. Oh and i lost 2 lbs because i can't eat anything because of my sore throat and I can't talk clearly for going on three days now, life rocks!!! But, That's all for now, toodles

(2have sent the pain belows | worship and tribute)

Saturday, January 17, 2015


-long live wind chill days
-i want to see phil (also nick needs a cd disc from him so i am being threatened to see him asap lol)
-my osh kosh manager needs an upper lip mustache waxing
-jessica's house is fun
-I'm in a band!!! rock on
-and um tomorrow i have pilates class at 9:30 then personal trainer guy at 10 :-P what a pain in my ass

Current mood: dorky
Current music: nothing

(worship and tribute)

Monday, January 5, 2015

10:43PM - Happy Anniversary to...myself lol

Today was the first day back at school, with only 3 hours of sleep i was insanely awake and in a very good and jubilant mood and I think everyone could tell. So the day went by slowly but ok and me and Kim took swim when the pool was 10 degrees below the normal cold temperature, we were like fricken Eskimos lol. Anywho, then I went with Cam to Wendys after school and it was nice and funny.
Then i came home and Phil showed up really soon after :-) Today happens to be our two year anniversary, to think 2 years ago I didn't know what i was doing, asking out some kid from another city that I barely knew and now look, two years later hes one of my best friends, my closest confident, the funniest man i have ever had the pleasure of meeting and so far the love of my relatively young life. I'm so ecstatic at the thought that I've been with the same person for 2 years and I'm not sick of seeing him, I havent grown to find him boring or unchanging, and the fact I still get butterflies in my stomach and become extrmely excited whenever I am going to get to see him I believe says something. Pardon my rambling but I think i am justified this one time. I don't know for sure where Phil and I are going with our relationshio but I've never been happier in my life. I would just like the whole world to know that I love Philip Carlisle!.....and now I am done so feel free to go and shoot yourself from the glee fest you have just witnessed.
Anywho we decided not to drive out to the olive garden, but to stay in town and we went to Micheals and then came back at my house. Unfortunately we were mobbed by my brothers and never left alone by my family for more then one minute and that was indeed a very big disapointment. Today didnt turn out anything like I was expecting it to, but it still turned out marvelous in hindsight. It was so sad when we had to part but oh well, when isnt it? But today has been a good day and the moral of this blurty, if you can mind stinging eyes, then staying up till 3 am will do wonders for your soul, but not necessarily dealing with your family members. Toodles :-)

Current mood: enthralled
Current music: "Beautiful"- Flickerstick

(1have sent the pain below | worship and tribute)

Thursday, January 1, 2015

7:29PM - Who would have thought...

I just heard something on the phone that threw me for a loop or whatever the phrase is. What is integrity anymore? I once admired someone very much for some principles they had and when it came down to it, they went out the window. i guess character doesnt mean much anymore. But they dont give a fuck so who cares right? I guess i'm just disapointed is all, I guess i just believed them when they stated their opinions before, and i thought wow that is a person who wouldnt bend on what they believed, especially when i had just talked to them about it. Its a shame when people lie, even if they do it unintentionally. Oh well, I'm just suprised, who would have thought...

Current mood: disappointed
Current music: Nothing

(worship and tribute)

5:42PM - Happy New Years!

I went to one of Phil's games out at Fredonia the other day and their campus there was realy nice looking...I'm starting to want to go there actually. It'd be a nice new start but not to far away that I couldnt keep up with family and friends back home. Too bad my parents probably wouldnt want to pay for me to go there.
Speaking of college I still need to do my UB part 2 application. I also have to do my public policy paper, my english project, the apbio portfolio thing, study for my seq 3 retake in jan, do back math assignments and labs, write an article summary for purdys and i have only started one of the aforementioned things. I think the next 3 days I cannot allow myself to do anything unless it involves another person and myself doing this work. Procrastination however will not come back to bite me in the ass again.
Yesterday was New Years Eve. It was a suprisingly good day, sleeping in until noon, I went to the Blvd. Mall with my mom and brothers and got a sweater at Express, then I came home took a shower and called up people to try and have people at my house for New Years but I only made it through 2 when Kim called and asked if I wanted to go with her to the Sabres game so we went. We had to drive out to NT to get the tickets from her uncle/cousin...i forgot what he was lol (sorry kim!) and we made it to the arena with out handy dandy direction sheet even when we messed up we were pleasntly suprised to figure out we knew where we were going anyways. Good thing kim went to studio one because the Theater district came in handy. Right across the street from where we parked was where the ball drop was to be and we could see the ball just laying there, so that was cool. If we would have stayed after the game we could have had perfect seats for ringing in the New Year. Anywho I took my 3rd Am track ride ever and we made it there before the anthems were sung and I am about to list why yesterdays game was one hell of a game to be at:

1.) Great seats, 13 rows behind the Sabres bench, very good view if you know what i mean , low point I swear to God that "fish lips" was looking up in our section several times and that was not a good thing
2.)Place was packed and the crowd was full of kids and drunks and everyone was loud and cheerful, it was a nice atmosphere
3.)Lots of people were dressed up for the Tux and Pucks thing
4.) They had a Sabretooth ball drop during intermissions where they lowered the mascot from the ceiling rafters to the ice to celebrate iceland and brazils new year, that man is crazy
5.)Creepy people staring at kim on and off after they hurt her walking past us
6.)not one but 2 hat tricks, inclusing all of the flying hats
7.)Sabres capitalizing on a lot of power plays for once
8.)Watching Griere or whatever his name is get a unsportsmanlike conduct call and when he went to the dressing room kim yalling "This is segregation!"
9.) Lots of Fights
10.) Andrew Peters getting his first NHL goal, he looked so thrilled it was precious
11.) Hearing everyone in my section either boo or swear when the replay showed a Capital push the net off to ruin the Sabres first goal, kids and old people alike were pissed, it s kinda funny
12.) A man proposed to his wife on the Kiss Cam and the place went nuts, it was very sweet
13.) People were doing the dreadfull awful wave, it was embarassing almost it was going on and on for ike 10 minutes, me and kim didnt participate but i did put up one hand once, does that count?
14.)Hearing people cheer on the sabres when they left the ice unlike the booing i heard last time
All in all, it was a lovely evening out, thank you very much Kim for letting me come, I owe you one now.
I got home around 10:40, tried calling jenn and heather but no one was home so i went across the street where my neighbor was having a party and my family was, and i played the best game ever Electronic Catch phrase for an hour and totally kicked ass. I need to buy that, its a lot of fun. Then we watched the ball drop and I went home. 5 glasses of champagne, one episode of Conan O Brian and a 4 hour marathon of sex and the city ending at 5 am later, i finally hit the sack for the night.
In conclusion my New Years Eve was pretty damn good, and I hope everyone else had a great one too. Toodles

(2have sent the pain belows | worship and tribute)

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

1:21AM - Yes it is true, I Jessica K. Blose am a bitch

Today I woke up at 10 and went to work at noon. Today was slow again and I am now completely and uttelry convinced that my boss along with her speaking disability must also have hearing problems too. But today I stocked little boys under wear, learned to fold the "Osh Kosh Way" with a piece of paper inside, helped a guy witha return that I helped last week, and tried to get my 10 min break at least 6 times with my deaf boss who resonded to me, but with 6 different conversations and no response to the actual question 6 times. Its not a hint either she always does this, i dont get it. I ate at the mall and got home around 5.
Now here comes the part where the title fits in. Yesterday I did indeed tell Cam that I was going to do something with him today, but I also talked to Jessica yesterday and she brought up she was hanging with Jennifer and I havent seen either of them since break started so I asked if I could go too. So today around 5...I guess to put it blunty decided to go out with the people i would have rather seen, even if it meant breaking a previously made engagement with a good friend, and then i felt guilty about it so i avoided the situation and never even called him. That is why I am a total bitch. I can't even say I feel that sorry...I guess when it comes down to it I will always pick seeing certain people over opther no matter what and I guess all i can say is sorry I am like that and if you want to be mad at me for awhile Cam, I would completely understand. I'm sorry though, and i hope his family is alright with that Kim's funeral, i dont pray much but times like this i try to. She sounded far too young to die
Anyways at night I went to Coffee & with the girls and Sam klinger was along too and I applied for a job there, maybe i can lose the one at Osh Kosh if i can pick up another one ya know? So then we went to 4 seasons and saw the missing, crazy vodoo filled western movie with a 2nd half that took a strangely comical turn for us and our fellow elderly movie audience. interesting to say the least. So that was my day and here is yet another quiz and since i never asked anyone how to do the nifty link thing, you have no choice butt o read it with my entry lol, so toodles and enjoy...

If I were a stone, I would be: Quartz

If I were a tree, I would be a: A Japanese Maple, because they are a brilliant and radiant red

If I were a bird, I would be a: A blue Parakeet, like my beloved childhood pet Blue bird

If I were a machine, I would be a: Ice cream maker

If I were a tool, I would be a: Paint brush

If I were a flower/plant, I would be a: A Lilac

If I were a kind of weather, I would be: Hot and steamy, haha j/k guys i think I'd be partly cloudy with a chance of sudde showers

If I were a mythical creature, I would be a: Phoneix, so i could rise from the ashes and never die

If I were a musical instrument, I would be a: Acoustic guitar

If I were an animal, I would be an: Chetah

If I were a color, I would be: Cornflower Blue, cobalt blue or periwinkle

If I were an emotion, I would be: Redemption

If I were a vegetable, I would be a: Corn

If I were a sound, I would be: The sound of a crowd singing along with you at a concert to your favorite band, its a feeling of bonding almost thats rather remarkable, or someone telling someone else they love them

If I were an element, I would be: Water

If I were a car, I would be: Silver Seabring convertible

If I were a song, I would be: Trick is to keep breathing by Garbage

If I were a movie, I would be: Say Anything, esp the parts with Loyd, hes my hero

If I were a food, I would be: Frosty

If I were a place, I would be an: An ocean beach

If I were a material, I would be: satin

If I were a taste, I would be: a kiss

If I were a scent, I would be: Lilacs

If I were a religion, I would be: Shinto

If I were a word, I would be: Progress

If I were an object, I would be a: Book

If I were a body part I would be: Well although most may say breasts, I like my shoulders lol

If I were a facial expression I would be: Melancholy

If I were a subject in school I would be: Creative Writting

If I were a cartoon character I would be: A hot one lol, but most likely i would be Daria Morgandorfer lol

If I were a shape I would be a: Star

If I were a number I would be: 2,4,7,13,23 or 41

If I were a month I would be: May

If I were a day of the week I'd be: Saturday

If I were a time of day I'd be: 11:40 AM or PM

If I were a planet I would be: Neptune

If I were a direction I would be: Southeastern

If I were a piece of furniture I'd be a: bedside table, used by loved ones to help them carry their things in life but a wallflower and left alone by most

If I were a sin I would be: Self loathing

If I were a historical figure I would be: Ghandi or Aristotle seem like pretty good picks

If I were a liquid I would be: I like milk a lot

Current mood: chipper
Current music: Anywhere with you- Saves the day

(1have sent the pain below | worship and tribute)

Monday, December 29, 2014

2:37AM - Survey for Today

] Spell your first name backwards- acissej
[ x ] The story behind your user name - I'm cynical, I'm a chick, and 2 of my favorite numbers are 23 and 41 but the 1 got cut off of the 41 when i entered it so thats the story
[ x ] Are you a lesbian - Sorry to ruin the fantasy of the MAN who obviously developed this blury but not every women is secretly a a lesbian
[ x ] Where do you live - My house.
[ x ] 4 words that sum you up - Empathetic, sarcastic, cynical, loyal
[ x ] Wallet - None..since i never found my one i lost on the NY trip :-( No one even sent it to me in the mail like my dream
[ x ] Hairbrush - Which one?
[ x ] Toothbrush - Green and Blue and its electric
[ x ] Jewelry worn daily - My watch i guess but i dont wear stuff daily really, probably soon to be my ring when i get it sized.
[ x ] Pillow covers - right now floral i think
[ x ] Blanket - Down Comforters
[ x ] Coffee cup - My cool Coffee house looking ones
[ x ] Sunglasses - Big ass block out the sun J.Lo type sunglasses.
[ x ] Underwear - They are teal
[ x ] CD in stereo right now - Squeeze "Singles for 45 and under", AFI "Sing the Sorrow" and the new Hoobastank
[ x ] Tattoos - N/A.
[ x ] Piercings -Nothing right now tech, because i think my ears have closed up, i need to repierce them
[ x ] What you are wearing now- Track pants, t shirt & hoody
[ x ] Hair - ponytail now
[ x ] Makeup - none now its 2 AM and who would wear make up besides a french whore and i can assure you i am def not french.....haha guys, i'm not a whore either...ok that joke i made isnt that funny so moving on...

WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)

[ x ] In my mouth - Tounge.
[ x ] In my head - "XMas Day" by Sevendust
[ x ] Wishing - I didnt have to sleep alone in my cold room tonight
[ x ] After this - Going to join a community called Survey Junkies, no space between lol
[ x ] Talking to - No one.
[ x ] Eating - Nothing.
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now - My math teacher because i probably need to start studying for my test in Jan lol, j/k phil or one of my best friends would be nice
[ x ] Is next to you - Desk things.
[ x ] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month- Graduating
[ x ] The last thing you ate -God i ate so much today i dont remember, is that a bad thing?
[ x ] Something that you are deathly afraid of - Death, something happening to my loved ones
[ x ] Do you like candles - Yes, but my dad wont let me light them in my room cause he thinks i will forget they are on and burn my house down :-(
[ x ] Do you like hot wax - Its cool to make hand molds out of it
[ x ] Do you like incense - Opium scented, yes please
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood - Well, gee, I've never thought of it, to be honest but from hat i hear it tastes like copper/metal so i probably wouldnt
[ x ] Do you believe in love - Yeah
[ x ] Do you believe in soul mates - I think some people are lucky enough to have them but i dunno if everyone has them
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight - No way jose
[ x ] Do you believe in forgiveness -Of course
[ x ] Do you believe in God - Hmm. Kind of.

[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die - I dont want to think of things now, but donate my organs if possible and then put me in a masoleum
[ x ] Who is your worst enemy - No one.
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be - I've always wanted a chettah, a black panther or an orca..more realisticaly goats i have always thought would be a good pet
[ x ] What is the latest you've ever stayed up- um 27 hours
[ x ] Ever been to Belgium - Nope.
[ x ] Can you eat with chopsticks - No, although I can't say i have ever actually tried hard
[ x ] What's your favorite coin - Quarters, and dimes cause they are small and cute
[ x ] What are some of your favorite candy - Resces, Nerds, Snow Caps, Twix, a better ? is what don't i like lol
[ x ] What's something that you wish people would understand - That serving other people is the highest calling one can do in their lives"- some lady senator
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better - Math and Quantum Physics (the math part) then i could be an astronomer for a living, that would be nice
[ x ] What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow - See my friend Jessica and other friends too because i miss them!!!

Current mood: groggy
Current music: "Last Train Home"- Lost Prophets

(1have sent the pain below | worship and tribute)

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

11:32PM - Its that time of the week again...

It's time for the weekly update!!! Hm well in recap of the last week to start things off
Tues: Me and Caroline made such a shitty "hut" of gingerbread house at art club we had to steal Andrew's house to make ours acceptable. Then I watched The Nightmare Before Christmas at Jenn's with Jess, Heather and Caroline.
Wed:I went to the mall with Kim and Caroline, got Phil and my brothers some stuff and went home and babysat
Thurs, Fri- Very sick with influenza Phil came over on thursday to keep me company and not treat me like a leper (i know i spelled it wrong) so that was nice. friday i slept for 9 hours ina row starting at noon. I couldn't go out shopping with Jefferson then . I don't think we shall ever make plans to hang out that will work :-(
Saturday- I worked for 3 hours and they let me out early cause i looked and felt sick still, but i did garbage duty with Tanya and it was fun but I slipped into a thing of grease that all the restaurants at the mall dump their oil and everything in and it ruined my suede jacket. Then I went to Phil's game and met his friend Jerla and i think we got along pretty well. I think my shyness around people i dont know to well is finally going away. So then i slept over, felt sick, almost didnt go to his game in the morn but i did and then went to his teams party at buffalo wildwings and brought in outside food and got yelled at there jokingly. it as scary.
Sunday i did nothing i can remember so nothing must have been memorable
Monday...still drawing a blank, but it was a very bad day and my accounting teacher insinuated i couldnt handle using a calculator, and there was the swimsuit incident :-/
Tuesday-Phil came and got me from school cause i didnt have the truck, but i had to take the bus in. i thought i was hilarious yesterday though and i finalized plans with car and andrew about the mall trip on saturday for andrews "makeover". but i went to applebees and phil let me pay for 1/2 :-o it was so excitng he never lets me pay but i actually ate almost all of my food there for once, go me.

Ok onto today's news
-i woke up today at 6:40 and left the house by 6:55. i was up until almost 2 last night because i waited up to see staind on conan obrian and at 1:30 hes all "you'll wanna wait till right after this comerical break man because a one and only legend is here...ladies and gentleman Tony Bennet is on the show!"...I was so pissed off lol. I literally said aloud "I WAITED UP FOR FUCKING TONY BENNET!" It was a bummer
-I feel so...i dunno ugly this week and i know i am looking homely. I just wish break would get here sooner.
-How can you fricken cheat on a Bio test that you had a week to study for and you still fail ya know? damn i amaze myself
-I dont think people ever hid food for me from the AP party like they were supposed to
-Shannon kissed her nf today, i heard it lol
-Cam's been ina rut it seems lately and this is the second day in a row he was supposed to call me but never did and i dont know if he was sleeping again today or he just didnt wanna talk so i didnt call him. tomorrow i think i will take the initiative. because its not stuff he can talk about in school. i just hate seeing him unhappy, i hope hes ok.
-I have good and bad news with regards to work. friday i am off now so i can go to the Sabres game, even though they will probably lose thats ok i like them anyways. Bad news is i cant go on saturday now to makeover andrew. argh!!! unless they wanna go very early or after 4 for a few hours because i have to work from 1-4 i wanna say. andrew has been acting all excited and i felt all special he asked me with caroline, hell i wanted an excuse to go shopping caise christmas is a week away and i only have 2 gifts for phil. Now i dont know what to do
-its been snowing off and on all day, i wish it would stay so we could have snow for christmas and i can go sleeding and make my snowman cult.
-i didnt have to babysit tonight, thank you janet potheir
-i studied for 1 1/2 hours today for that bio test thats not even going to be hard, i better do really good
-I saw the new AFI video my entire family saw except for me, its has a nice little cinematic quality to it, but its sad. Jade (no not the gurly front man) bites the dust in it, but i still give it 2 thumbs up
-phil got a 1300 on his psat's and told his parents to fuck off AND he didnt get grounded. i tell you that boy has the life. where can i sign up for one like that
-i took a 2 hour nap today, it was lovely, but i am awake now, so i am guessing its going to be a long night,
- and tomorrow morning i am driving jenn to school and we are going to get coffee and stuff before we go to school. how exciting. I hope i'll be able to put aside my non-prgenant morning sickness in order to eat, now if only my truck could fit through the tim hortons drive through better...

Current mood: awake
Current music: "Silver and Cold"- AFI

(2have sent the pain belows | worship and tribute)

Sunday, December 7, 2014

1:30AM - NYC Was A Bust

Where to start, where to start? After leaving school early to pack, getting out of work an hour early to finish packing and getting $150 from my parents, I left around 10:20 to get Cam from the High School and go to Jamies. Before that I called Phil like I was supposed to, to say goodbye but he didnthave his phone on I guess so I just left a message and wrote him a little email. At Jamies we met her cute as hell weiner dog named Joey, now I want one too. He reminded me of a long Rascal with floppy ears lol. Anywho, we reached the Rent a Car place around 11:40 and had to wait to board the bus until almost quarter to 1. But I sat next to Cam and as soon as the bus left, everyone in the back of the bus had headphones on, it was kind of amusing to see. I should have taken a picture of it. There wasnt much to talk about because everyone was so tired so around 1:30 I moved from next to Cam to the empty two seats in front of me with my blanket and pillow. Luckily the seat across from me was empty so I was able to put my feet on it. I slept rather comfortably until 3:15'ish. After that it all went down hill.
I woke up in the middle of the night, and took my feet down. Not less then a minute later the girl in front of me woke up, moved away from her bf and layed in the seats across from me. So there went my foot rest. I know i don't have long legs but trying to sleep without having anywhere to put mine was unbearable. I tried keeping them in the aisle, keeping them pulled up on the seat and I even tried sleeping up. The girl who took the seat throughout the night however kept putting her feet up on my chair, and bumping into my legs with hers, it was annoying and I kept trying to get away from her.
For the next 2 hours sleep was hard to come by, Nikky pretty much summed it up best when she said it was like "Waking up froma nightmare or something. You feel like you have been asleep for a few hours and instead you realize its been 10 or 15 min since you last woke up." I was pretty cold but I left my jacket near Cam so I didnt want to risk waking him up. Around 5, we got to the Mohawk Service Area Cam, Nikky, Mellisa, and I were inside and we get word from the asshole bus driver (Read Cam's jounral if you want to know why this trips cancelation was all his fault pretty much) that we have to turn around and go back, and we may or may not geta refund. Sorry to everyone I said i was bring back a gift! but yeah Everyone was upset, and a lot of people paid for the trip themselves. I felt really bad. :-( I used Cam's phone and called my parents and told them that theywould have to pic us up. So we get back on the bus and I felt sick so I went back to bed after the bus made this big ass 3 point turn. We stopped at another rest stop around 8 am, and then after putting away my tooth brush I realized I didnt have my wallet with me...but thats in the next paragraph. So after borrowing $3 for Cam to get a mocha latte cooler thing at the cinnabon there we left again and we watched some of meet the parents. We got back to Buffalo around 11:20. How is it that a ride that takes 4 hours in snow conditions takes 6 1/2 hours to make it back in no bad weather whatsoever? Beats me. I checked the entire bus 3 times over plus the overhead storage area for my wallet but alas nothing was found, i asked my class and the driver, and still nothing. So my mom arrived and gave me and Cam and Nick Davidson a ride home.
Yeah so i get home and look through my bag, nothing. Looked in my jacket, nothing. Look in my pillowcase. nothing. Call my dad and have him look in his car cause i took that to jamies, nothing. I call jamie she checks her yard, driveay, car and living room, still nothing. i called cam and made him check his coat, nothing. i called and left messages for the bus co. and the budget car rental place, no one will be in until monday. I even looked around my house, and absolutey nothing at all. :-( So somehow i managed to lose a $20 wallet, with $157 dollars, my drivers license and library card when i didnt even use it for buying anything and opened my bag 3 times. 2 of the times where i didnt even use the part where the wallet was in and the 3rd part was at the place i notced i lost the wallet at. My dad and mom were pissed. I had to pay them back. Now i am getting pretty low on my emergency cash fund. What once was $500 is now down to $200. How sad. Way to go Jessica.
Yeah so I go home and do some laundry cause my mom was sick, i tried calling phil, no answer, so i lefta nother message. but i dont believe in messages and they dont seem to work with him so i am done with that. So i went to sleep and had this dream I was at the NU game tonight but the Sabres Carnival was there and kim and jenn and heather and i were there and i met Max affinegenov and he wanted me to go shopping wiht him and i couldnt because i told him i had a bf and then i got home in the dream and phil called me and told me he had gotten drunk at a party or a rave or something and messed around with this girl from his school who in the dream looked like amada flores? lol so i was all pissed because i had told someone famous i couldnt shop with them while he was off cheating on me or something. Dreams suck lol. And i woke up and felt sick too, i guess this was a reminder of why i hate naps so much, because i get weird dreams and i wake up sick instead of refreshed. bummer huh? so i woke up took a shower, got yelled at by my dad some more, tried calling phil to tell him about this dream but i talked to his aunt and she said he was alseep then once againa few hours later and no one was around so i gave up on the idea of talking to phil for the night, i was going to ask if i could possibly sleepover because i wanted out of the house but oh well, salvation came in another form...
I went to heathers though tonight after dropping alex and carmen off at Nu and we watched the leafs game and then the oilers game and we ate pizza and chips and we were laughing about dumb stuff, it was really fun. We acted like cliche men, how sad lol, but then i came home and watched secratary which is a fucked up movie i must say but sort of cute in a deranged manner also. And here I am now and i am done so toodles all, and thank you for listening to my day.

Current mood: awake
Current music: nothing

(1have sent the pain below | worship and tribute)

Monday, December 1, 2014

7:14PM - 2 Colleges down, 2 to go

Looking at more mail from last week I guess I got an acceptance letter from Buff State already too, pretty nifty huh? I think I need to start paying better attention to what comes into my house lol, But I'm going to Jenn's to work on the Bio Lab in an hour or so goodbye again

Current mood: frustrated
Current music: MTV World Aids Day Concert

(5have sent the pain belows | worship and tribute)

2:59PM - Boredom=Update

Hello dear friends, this is todays update for the next two weeks or so lol, but yeah today was not a good or productive day by any means. Today i stayed home from school because I am sick in my tummy. :-( But I did go in to tape my groups Crime and Punishment movie until Camareo informed me in Farino's that we are taping tomorro after all, so I left school like 5 min after I came in lol.
But yeah also guess what? I already got accepted to my "fallback" school. The mail from Brockport that I thought was a part 2 of an applications is actually an acceptance letter. lol, Go me! Too bad I don't wanna go there since my cousin told my family on Thanksgiving that Brockport has the highest amount of STD's then on any other campus in NY State. yuck, Good to know, i guess Ashley is good for something after all lol. thats all i guess for now, I'm pretty bored so maybe i will actually update later *gasp* 2 updates in one day wouldnt that be something toodles for now

Current mood: blah
Current music: "shiver"- Coldplay

(2have sent the pain belows | worship and tribute)

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