allison_x

History

22nd November 2003

4:28pm: well well well. it's been a while...
quick update... My sister had her baby on november 5th. she was supposed to go in to get induced but she ended up having him naturally. ^_^ he's beautiful. the most precious, amazing little thing i've ever seen. All is well with the baby and rest of the family...
Aside from my silly emo moments i've been generally happy for a long time, thanks to emmanuel... Everything seemed so perfect with him. I was happy, and HE was the only one who could make me that way. I'm so in love with him. He's everything to me.....
Well the other day, out of no where, he decides to break up with me. I really thought he had to be kidding.. I didn't think it was possible that he could be serious. well 10 minutes after he dumped me he said he couldn't do what he wanted to do and he loves me and can't be without me.. That leaves me VERY confused.. and crying like a little bitch. i wanted to fucking die. I kept asking him where we stood, you know, toghether or not.. and he just said he had to think.. well he thought for almost 3 hours, barely talking to me, except for a few 'sorry this is taking so long's or 'sorry i'm thinking'.... and finally we said our i love you's and went to sleep. i, of course, cried myself to sleep and hugged his sweatshirt, it still smells like him.....
the next day in school i tried to keep my cool {pardon the rhyme} but then nick kept asking me what was wrong.. finally i just cracked, starting crying and blah blah, lots of people felt bad for me as a stuttered out my sob-story. i hate that feeling.. PITY.
also, i got stuck on kerri's volleyball team and we were playing against fat preppy jew whore. lucky me......
after gym, i saw emmanuel as usual.. and i thought i was gonna break down again, but i got myself together, and talked to him a bit before 2nd period. he kind of acted as if everything was normal. i gave him a bigggg hug and left.... it wasn't until before 6th period that i really talked to him. i asked him if he'd 'thought' about it.. and he said yes, i want to be with you....
i'm still confused though. don't really know what's going on. we're together... but things just don't feel the same. too much tension.. but he's still mine.......


how can i sleep when i've ran out of dreams? i'm hopeless now. how can i think when my mind's gone blank and my hearts stopped beating for good now...?
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