31st October 2003

6:59pm: why is it that no matter how many people are around me, i always feel so alone? i'm sick of it. what happened to happiness? it's long gone. whenever i think i've finally found friends, they always forget to care...
everyone forgets to care about me.
i'm sick of it. i just want to be loved, and needed, and wanted. nobody wants me. why would they? little fucking 'gothic, emo, suicidal girl can't handle being alone' it's true. i CAN'T handle being alone. i always need to have someone. it's sad and pathetic how vulnerable i am to love.....

speaking of love....why do all these little things make me feel like my heart is breaking all over again? it's pathetic. i let every little fucking thing get the best of me. my insides are so fucking weak...if emmanuel doesn't call me soon, i'll go fucking crazy. hm, maybe it's a little too late for that. why do i always wish that he'd care more? i'm so selfish sometimes. sometimes nothing is ever enough to please me. nothing is ever enough to make me happy, that's for sure...

i'm sorry emmanuel, i love you with all my heart. not that you'll ever read this. i promise one day everything will be okay.........???
maybe now I'M the one making promises i know i can't keep..


fatally yours_x
sappy, pathetic little me.
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