| [no title; entry's short] | ||||
| 07:13pm 13/08/2008 | ||||
I really want a baby right now even though I know we can't afford it nor have the room. |
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busy| Forgive Me For Running So Quickly To The Outside. | ||||
| 04:08pm 28/07/2008 | ||||
I could start packing some stuff now, but just got home from work and have work at Jewel at 6, so I feel like just sitting around for an hour or so. :) |
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annoyed| We Live Like There Aint No Tomorrow: No Regrets, No Time For Sorrow. | ||||
| 08:49pm 09/07/2008 | ||||
This will give me the chance to start packing everything up. I've started, but without boxes, I can't really get much done. We had 2 little boxes, so I put all our hats in one and little things in the other. There's an empty beer case here, so I'll probably put all of our papers and notebooks in that and start moving it all in Matt's room so we can start clearing out and cleaning our bedroom. I was thinking about giving up on a third job, but Aaron just started his painting job today [it's just for the summer] and he's been gone for 12 hours already. He gets $9.00 an hour cash. I realize that I need $580 by August 10th for our new apartment. I have about $130 set aside. How pathetic. Plus, I'll be missing a week of work at both jobs to go home. A third job is definitely needed. I also found out that Mary is going to be returning to Shelley's this coming semester. She's obviously too afraid to step out into the real world whereas I can't wait. So, since she's fucking me over by blocking my incredible pay raise and taking all of my hours, I will only work 3 days a week there - that is, if I can find a third job. I've even figured out my schedule: open Wednesday [10:15am - 5:00pm] and close Thursday and Friday [9:00pm - 3:00am] that way Mary will have 2 nights off. I refuse to work Monday or Wednesday night because I have to be up at 6:30am Tuesday and Thursday for school and I will not work Tuesdays because I'm in school 8:00am - 3:15pm and will have no time to do any homework that might be do on Thursday. Then I can work Monday, Friday, and Saturday morning/afternoons at Jewel. If I have a third job, I'll only work there 3 times a week there, too...most likely. I'm already incredibly annoyed by Aaron's new painting job. Today was his first day and he started at 9am. Around 6pm, he said he was on his last place so he would be home soon. It's now 9pm. I was pissed an hour ago when I woke up from falling asleep and he said some guy messed up a job so Aaron has to repaint it and that his boss [who's drunk] is going to fire that guy. I really don't give a shit. I need to talk to him about how I'm getting to work tomorrow; if I'm dropping him off and taking the car to work [my whole 4 hour fucking shift] and then I'll later pick him up or if I need to scramble for a ride. It's about a 4 mile walk and there's no way I'm doing that 'cause I don't know how long it would take me, but I have to walk in my uniform [which is a navy blue shirt and black pants...can you say sweaty?] and it's hot and humid. The boss gets to Jewel 20 minutes after the hour. So I either get there 40 minutes early with nothing to do because they don't allow us to clock in early or I show up 20 minutes late which definitely wouldn't fly with them. I really don't want to use my boss' car [from Shelley's] 'cause she doesn't have insurance and the cops gave her a whole bunch of tickets on her last car for false plates or something. No, thanks! I really need to go to the store, too, 'cause we need soap for the dishwasher, toilet paper, and body wash. I was going to get the stuff I need to make tacos, but I'm definitely not cooking something like that this late at night. I'll warm up a frozen pizza we have in the oven. This is ridiculous. He should tell his boss that he can't be taken advantage of when it comes to stuff like this. Who paints at 9:00 at night!?! Seriously. I wouldn't be surprised if he was actually out with his boss 'cause he kept saying he wanted to take Aaron out for drinks or some shit. Bitches. I'm furious right now. Aaron still wants to go to Jewel even though I text him never mind. This was his response "Oh and we're going to Jewel 'cause I'm getting something for us to sip on...you know what I'm saying? hah." No, buddy, I can't drink tonight because I have other things to worry about. Plus, I'm getting completely fucked up on Friday as a rebuttal of what he put me through on Saturday. Saturday, we went to his friend, Tim's house. Aaron bought a case of Coors Light for us. OMG that was the WORST beer I've ever had in my life. I had like 5 of them, but didn't finish a single one because it tasted horrible and then it'd get warm so I threw it out and opened a new one 'cause if the guys saw me without a beer in my hand...oh man. So then they did Irish Car Bombs [a glass of Guinness and half a shot of Jameson and Bailey's. You drop the shot glass into the cup of Guinness and chug]. They did 2. I did none. I don't like whiskey. I hate Guinness. I don't chug 'cause I'll gag. Then came the shots of Bailey's. Then the shots of whiskey that Aaron decided to chase with beer. The entire night I was sober - that's right, not even a buzz came to me. Aaron is the type of drunk that annoys the shit out of you when you're sober, so basically, I wanted to beat him up the entire night because he's aggravating and acts like a moron. He ended up passing out on Tim's steps and when he came to, put his head up and asked for a bucket. Tim, Sean, Josh, and I were just watching him when he kept repeating that he needed a bucket. So I ran down the stairs and just as I got the garbage up to his mouth, he threw up. When Tim puts the pictures on Facebook, I'll be sure to post them here. I'm sure my face showed just how pissed off I was as I was holding up the garbage can for him. I drove home, dragged him into the house 'cause he was leaning on me and I'm just shy of being a foot shorter than him [I'm 5'0" and he's about 5'10"], had him brush his teeth, changed him, put him in bed and forced him to sleep on my side [the edge, he sleeps against the way] and put the garbage next to our bed. About 2 minutes later, as I was changing, he rolled over and threw up in the garbage can. When he went to work the next day, he text me and asked why the beer was in the car. He obviously didn't remember going back into Tim's apartment after throwing up for the beer that was left. I couldn't bring it back in our apartment because I was carrying him in. Now, I'm going to get incredibly drunk on Friday. It's going to be a Captain night for me. Fuck the beer this week. It's been letting me down lately and hasn't been able to get me a slight buzz even. I can't wait for those pictures. I wish I had charged my camera batteries. Damn! Well, it's 9:15pm and I'm about to explode because of how pissed off I am, so I'm going to have a cigarette and probably go to bed and figure out how I'm getting to work in the morning. Edit: ( 10:15pm and he's still not fucking here. ) |
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| A Cigarette Pursed Between Her Lips, But I'm Staring At Her Tits. | ||||
| 04:40pm 08/07/2008 | ||||
Now here's what makes me really upset about Aaron: he never finishes anything. He started laundry like a week and a half ago and there's a load still sitting in the washer and in the dryer. He was getting ready for work and started flipping out that I didn't finish it. Sorry, buddy, but I always finish our laundry, even if it takes me 3 days. He got mad 'cause a pair of his work pants were in there. Well, I had work today and he had been sitting around the entire time I was at work and up until 20 to 5 [he had work at 5]. If he would get his shit together earlier, he would have realized where his pants were [even though he was wearing a different pair] and then he could've washed or dried them or whatever the fuck needed to be done with them. He also gets mad when there isn't a medium Jewel shirt for him. This is hilarious, actually. I started in April and got 2 medium shirts. He started in May and asked for 2 small shirts. He wears my medium, though, because the small is uncomfortable. No fucking shit, that's why I got medium - I have very large boobies. The other day he picked up a shirt and it was a small and so was the one downstairs. I was wearing a medium and we can't find my other one. He got so pissed off and I yelled at him for getting mad that I'm wearing my shirt. Whatever. He's at work 'till midnight, so I can sit around and be angry by myself now. I don't think I should make tacos tomorrow for him like I had planned. Good news: My supervisor at Jewel came up to me today and said they're going to train me to become a cashier next week. HOLLA! 'What Not To Wear' is on, so I'm leaving now. Megan's getting ballsy. Her car has only been here like 4 times since that incident on her birthday and now, it's been here almost daily for about two weeks. Bitch. Just seeing her car ruins my mood 'cause of all the shit she's put me and me and Aaron through. |
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| I Find My Soul Tearing Me Apart. | ||||
| 03:47pm 02/07/2008 | ||||
The night manager, Mary, was supposed to leave in July. When school started, I was supposed to be getting like $10.50 an hour. Mary is moving in with some of the cooks that work there, so she'll probably be working next semester. My boss told me she's going to raise me up to $9.25. If Mary is going to be working there in the fall, I'm telling her and Beth [my boss] that I'm only going to work 3 full shifts and like a 4 hour shift on Saturday or something. If Mary's gonna fuck me over next semester by staying there [which will decrease the hours I would've gotten if she was gone and not get the raise I was supposed to], then I'll fuck them over, too. It's funny 'cause Mary will send Alison [a cashier] and I messages on the register [they show up when you clock in] that just because it's summer doesn't mean we can slack. We still have to clean and stock and shit. Mary closes and I open. Well, I had it today and sent her a message basically she should take some of her own medicine. I said that she sent me and Alison saying we can't slack, etc, but she's doing the exact same thing. I told her that the pop machine was filthy and nothing was stocked. I also said that I'm not trying to start anything with her 'cause I like her, but that I think it's funny that she tells us we can't do something and she's doing it to. I don't work until Monday, so we'll see what kind of message is waiting for me or if she calls me, which she probably won't. They keep telling me that as a manager, I'm being too nice, so let's start being a bitch to the biggest bitch at Shelley's. hah. Jewel is another story. I'm sick of my hours or lack there of and I'm sick of pushing fucking carts around when everyone else slacks so I have to scramble to get them all from between the parking spots. I've decided that if I'm not promoted to cashier by the time winter comes, I'm going to bring in a doctor's note about my back so that I don't have to push carts and then they can shove it up their asses. I have no one here. Aaron and I work opposite schedules. I work mornings, he usually works nights. We never even a single day off the same as the other. I just want to be able to sit down and eat a freaking meal with him once in a while. I don't have many friends here that I'm close to anymore. I basically just want to sit at home every day and drink by myself. That's not that bad, right? I also just want to write a fucking book and make a lot of money from it. That'd be pretty fucking kick ass. I have to find something to do. It's only 4:13 [MY BIRTHDAY!], but I'll be alone 'till Aaron gets home from work and he gets off at 10. I wonder if he'll want to go to the party a bunch of girls I know are throwing. I do work at 11 tomorrow morning at Jewel, but I'm sort of thinking 'fuck it' and get drunk anyway. haha. |
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blank| Let's Get Fucked Up And Die. | ||||
| 01:09am 09/11/2007 | ||||
Work is okay, but it's driving Aaron and I insane. He's thinking about quitting, which means he would lose his manager position and start at the bottom at a new place...which also means they might take it out on me and therefore not give me manager position next semester. We're supposed to have a certified manager in the store at all times. These managers are Jesus, Miguel, Beth, and Mary. Well, from 8-12am, we had no certified manager, meaning we should've closed the store down until one of them showed up. So I take a delivery order and they called back to edit it. Since the order was already settled, I needed to open the order back up, which I can't do because I need a manager to do it. HAHAHAHAHA. CAN'T DO THAT WHEN THERE ISN'T ONE THERE. Aaron's a manager, but he isn't certified so he couldn't get into that portion of the register. So I'm going to bitch about it and make them give me access to the register because there's never a manager there in the morning anyway. Whenever I open, Beth always disappears because she always has to "run to Walmart" or some shit. I hope Becky quits already so the schedule will be up tomorrow night and I get more hours. haha. I'm going to make some easy mac now. |
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| Cry For You. Shed Tears. Mourn. Wish The End. | ||||
| 11:28pm 25/10/2007 | ||||
I'm sick of work, though, and I've only been there a little over a week. I'm just tired of the bullshit and yesterday morning, I started crying and I was ready to just walk out. Aaron was there, though, so he pulled me into the office and asked Beth to watch the register for me. So I finished my shift and am ready to deal with the bullshit again tomorrow night. I'll be home this Saturday and Sunday and next Saturday and Sunday. This Sunday [the 28th], Aaron is taking me to see The Spill Canvas and next Saturday [the 3rd], he's taking me to see DANE COOK! YES! What I love most is knowing that at the end of the night, Aaron will be in bed with me to cuddle with. :) There's more I wanted to say, but I can't really think right now 'cause I'm watching South Park with Aaron. lol. |
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exhausted| This Is How I'm Living And A Fuck Is Something That I'm Still Not Giving. | ||||
| 12:28am 03/10/2007 | ||||
I hate when my mom knocks on the door to say hi to me, to ask what I'm doing, to ask if I'm coming downstairs and all I give her is an attitude and a very vague answer. It makes me sad that I'm hurting her and I think that's why I haven't been able to leave yet. I think that's why I keep doubting next semester. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to make her sad. I need to look out for myself, though, because I'm sad and I'm hurting and no one's looking out for me. I told him to go to Hell. I told them I never wanted to leave on bad terms, but that I'm going to. I told them that I'm going to withdraw from school and send them the money every month and that I'm living. Everyone keeps telling me to. I can never live up to Nick. I can never be as good as him and I definitely can never be better than him. No matter what I do, something isn't right; I always forget to do something. They're torturing me and are wearing me down beyond repair. I can't keep crying because I'll eventually run dry. I can't keep leaving because eventually it'll loose it's effect...not that it has one anymore because no one ever follows after to me to see where I'm going, to make sure I'm okay and no one ever calls to see if I'm safe or if I'm coming home. I feel as if no one cares and that's what hurts. I left last night. I packed a bag and a friend picked me up and I stayed with him. No one noticed that I was gone in the morning. No one checked to make sure I was up for school because if they did, they would've noticed that I was already gone. No one called to see if I was okay. No one asks anything. Christina ditched night school today. She's fucked up since her freshman year of high school and now, as a senior, she's fucking up again. My mom blames this on me. My mom blamed me for the fact that Nick didn't finish college. My mom blames me for making it hard at home. I get blamed for a lot of things that I can't control. I want to tell her all of this. I want to tell her not to talk until I get it all out, but she's only going to interrupt me and then he's only going to yell at me for no reason. Besides, I'm on the verge of hyperventilating again and that makes it very difficult to talk. So, I went into work after talking to a few friends and using the day to think. My last day at Little Learners will be next Thursday so as not to screw Marilyn over hardcore. I told her I would give her my definite answer tomorrow. So, I'm doing it, people. I'm packing up and leaving and I'll probably cry as I drive away from my house and watch it disappear from my vision. I'll probably regret it and will be insanely guilty. I need to do this, though. I've tried talking to her. I've tried talking calming. I've tried fighting, yelling, and arguing. I've tried being rational. I can't give them everything they want and I can't give them everything they except. I tried. I tried so fucking hard for so fucking long. I can't put them in front of myself any longer. I need this. I need this for myself. Talk to me and tell me I'm making the right decision. I just need support, please. |
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scared| You Let This One Person Come Down In The Most Perfect Moment. | ||||
| 12:08am 24/09/2007 | ||||
I'm willing to drop everything, pack up, withdraw from school, and move in with this boy tomorrow. That scares the living shit out of me because in the back of my head, the events from the past with him replay over and over. How do I know he's not going to find someone else like he found me when he was with Megan? How do I know he's not going to go back and forth with a new girl and me like he did with me and Megan? Now Megan's a crazy fucking bitch and I wouldn't blink an eye if I saw her get attacked by ants, but she has a point. She said that if the love between him and her [gag] wasn't enough to keep him from going back and forth between her and I, who's to say he won't do the same thing to me? argh. I hate that fucking cunt ass bitch! I haven't felt like this in forever, but it hasn't even been 2 months since we've been 'official' [it'll be the 29th]. We're still in the honeymoon stage, what happens afterwards? Here are my pros and cons of moving in with him. CON 1. Shelley's [a lot of hours, late hours, work weekends] 2. No Little Learners [closes early, not open on weekends, no kids anymore, no more friends I made there] 3. No Christina [I promised to take her with me when I moved out] and other friends 4. No car 5. New school [third school in three years] 6. Constantly with Aaron [fights, we both have really bad tempers, I'd be working with him, sharing a room, what if we break up, where do I go when the lease expires, nowhere to go when mad/upset] 7. Risky [too soon in our relationship?] 8. Probably won't be able to move back home if I ever need to 9. Miss a lot of family events again 10. I'd be with 3 guys [messy, clean up after them, chores] 11. No insurance from dad's job 12 MEGAN PRO 1. Shelley's [more hours, manager position, better pay, more money] 2. No Little Learners [drama, little pay, little hours] 3. No parents [no curfew, no fighting] 4. Aaron <3 5. Tattoos and piercings [any I want, don't have to hide from parents or ask their permission] 6. More freedom 7. No more good-byes 8. Can have a messy room! 9. Friends I met while attending NIU 10. Sex whenever I want [my friend, Laura, wrote that one] 11. No car [save money by not paying insurance, gas, oil, etc] 12. Can take next semester off if I want to save money [but then I won't have insurance] HELP ME OUT! Just about everyone I know is telling me to do it, minus one or two. Johanna asked me if I didn't think about my parents, what would I do. I said yes and she goes, 'there you go, Lisa. Then do it'. Then Marilyn asked me what my heart says to do and I said 'it says pack up right now and go be with him' and she said the same thing Johanna did and also told me that I read too much into things and need to stop worrying about the 'what ifs' and like Johanna said: if it doesn't work out, I come home, move back in with my parents or find myself my own place. I get a chance to experience life by myself, live with my boyfriend, and even if we don't work out, I'll have the memories. [I wouldn't be paying rent, so I'm going to put that money aside as if I am paying rent to save in case I need to move back home and get my own place]. I love Marilyn and Johanna and I know that I can't focus on the 'what ifs' and the past and all that, but I'm not a risk taker. My cousins are even telling me to do it, though, and so are my closest friends........ ......I'm really scared, though. |
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lonely| I Fall So Hard Inside The Idea Of You. That's Why With You, I Can Say What I Mean. | ||||
| 12:06am 24/09/2007 | ||||
I was offered my job back at Shelley's for weekends. I won't say how much I'd be getting paid an hour, but if I work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I'd make more in those three days then I do at the daycare. I brought it up to my mom tonight. I spoke very calmly and backed up the points I had made. Of course she said no as soon as I asked and didn't even hear what I had to say. I got my point across, though, and let her talk as much as she wanted. There's this thing she does, she stares into your eyes. Not like when you're talking to someone and you're making normal eye contact with him/her. With my mom, it feels like she's trying to challenge a staring contest with you and that makes me laugh so I usually stare at the floor or the wall behind her so it sort of looks like I'm looking at her. Tonight, though, I just stared at my hands and picked at the skin around my nails. I told her I'd be able to still work at the daycare and then by going up weekends to DeKalb, I'd be able to see Aaron, friends, and Cathy and Laura. I also wouldn't have to look for a second or completely new job in Chicago, meaning I wouldn't have to start from the bottom and learn a bunch of new stuff since I know everything at Shelley's. I did pretty well on Saturday with the new set up on the computer. I only messed up once out of seven hours and that was my first time using it since May of 2006. I brought up my points and she went off on her tangents like she normally does. The first thing she said to me was, "if you want to move in with Aaron, then go ahead. I'm not stopping you." Where she came up with that is beyond me, but she wouldn't tell me when I asked her. I asked to work at Shelley's every other weekend. I would take the bus back and forth [which hardly costs anything], I'd still be in school Tuesday and Thursday, and I'd still be at the daycare Monday, Wednesday, and Friday afternoon. That's when she said that the week will be shot. Meaning, I won't be home to clean especially on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday because, even though I only work 1:00pm - 6:00pm, I don' get up until 12:45pm - 12:50pm according to my dad. I'm pretty sure he has cameras all over my room. She asked what I wanted to do with my life. When I told her that I don't know anymore because I have no motivation for school right now, she told me I'm setting a bad example for my sisters. Wrong answer, Lisa. So I asked her how me not knowing what I want to do for the rest of my life has to do with Christina failing numerous of classes in high school and she couldn't respond. I'm going to continue with school because, just like I told her, I want better for my kids than what I was given. I should've asked why she didn't lecture Nick about dropping out of college when he was a year away from getting his Bachelor's degree. Oh, well. Then she said I was only doing this for Aaron and to look at what happened with me and Scott. Now do you see what I say my mom doesn't support me and Christina? Then she wonders why we don't tell her things. Basically, she's telling me that Aaron and I probably aren't going to work out. That's when I looked up and asked her how she knew we won't end up getting married [hahaha] and she had the most bewildered look on her face that I have ever seen...and I loved every second that I stared at it. I wish I had my camera nearby for that look. I'm not saying him and I are going to get married and I'm not saying him and I are breaking up come Monday. All I was trying to say is that she doesn't know if we'll work out or not. Hell, look at a certain couple in the family who argues about the most piety things and look at their relationship now....and the other couple that's just like them isn't that far behind either. She told me that she isn't going to motivate me. She also told me that she 'knows me' and now that I have 'acquired the taste for money' that's what I'm going to be going for. hahahahahaha. Mom, I would be a fucking drug dealer right now then. I don't want money. I want to be comfortable. I want to give my kids a good life. I want to be able to pay for their college and not have $30,000 in loans for just one of my kids. I want them to pick the high school they want to go to. Not force them to go to the one across the parking lot from their brother's high school then realize I couldn't afford it and send them to a shitty ass public school. I DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE MY PARENTS. So she told me that I can do what I want; that I'm 20 years old and she doesn't know what to do with me anymore; and that I have to tell my dad about Shelley's tomorrow night. I'm 20 years old with less freedom then the average 15 year old gets. I have to ask to go for a walk with Laura or Christina. I have to ask to walk to Walgreens or 7-11, which are both 2 blocks from my house. I have a 12:30am curfew, though she has been pretty lenient with that lately. I'm 20 years old and have to ask if I can get a piercing or tattoo. I get told to go to bed still! haha. Which reminds me, she brought up me being on the phone at 1:00am - 2:00am and said I should be sleeping. If I want to get an hour of sleep, then that's my fault. I'm the one that's going to suffer and be tired all day. I'm not bothering her, she goes to bed while I'm on the phone, so I don't really know why she felt the need to have to bring that up when that has absolutely nothing to do with going to Shelley's to work, but okay. |
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| Another Candle On A Birthday Cake And A Wish You Make. | ||||
| 12:33am 11/09/2007 | ||||
I've had writer's block for the longest time. This has never happened to me. Normally it'll last a few weeks, but this has been months. My brain has emptied. My emotions have numbed. My hand has frozen. What's going on? I need some sort of inspiration or assignment. Tell me what to write about. Do I lack motivation? Am I just too preoccupied nowadays? I sit down at night with the intentions of writing. What happens instead, however, is nothing. With the pen in my hand and my notebook opened to a fresh page, I end up staring at it for minutes on end. The lines jump out and tease me. The ink in my pen begs for release, but nothing happens. Sometimes I feel like I should just give up on the whole writing thing completely. Argh. Fuck this. |
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| Be Still My Heart. This Could Be A Brand New Start. | ||||
| 12:21am 04/09/2007 | ||||
1. I'm with Aaron. Things are going really well. I'm happy. He constantly puts a smile on my face. He asked me to move in with him next semester. I'm weighing out the pros and cons. I'm scared. I'm in love. I always get hurt and can't do that anymore. I'm trying to be cautious, but it's so hard, so very, very hard. The managers at my old job [Shelley's] where I worked while attending NIU offered me manager position if I go back next semester. I'd be making like $13 an hour and working 30-40 hours a week. That's incredible. I'll post my pro/con list sometime this week, hopefully. I hate the distance between us. :( 2. I started school August 21st. It's going well so far. I'm worried about my grades. My classes seem easy thus far, but it's only the third week. I need to kick ass this semester. Most definitely. 3. Home life is still the same. End of story. 4. I miss Booby. Incredibly. I hate the school year 'cause we hardly get to talk during it. 5. I've had writer's block for the longest time. I can't take it anymore. There are so many things inside of me that I want to get out, but can't. JUST GIVE ME A POEM! |
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| Paint The Glass. Show The Name. Play The Happy Song. | ||||
| 11:32pm 29/06/2007 | ||||
I got a tattoo tonight. I talked to Aaron this morning when he called me while drunk at 3fucking00. I kind of miss him. eww. Him and his not official girlfriend are having troubles. Again. She keeps referring to me as the slut who ruined their relationship. When, really, I had nothing to do with it at all! lmfao. Insecure fucking cunt. I hate the word 'cunt'. Good for them, right? And, of course, he said this is going to be the last time he tries with her. Yeah, and I'm the fucking pope. Shit. I sometimes wish I was! He has my friendship and that's all he's getting from me anymore. I'm pretty proud of myself. :) I hung out with Nathan last night. He has a girlfriend now. She's 16. He's 21. Double eww. I love hanging out with that boy. I love his car a little more, though. mmmmmmm. Pictures of all my tattoos and piercings, excluding nipples, under the cut. I miss my Booby. ( All I know is you're beautiful. ) |
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| I'll Tell You This: I Had A Gift, But It's Spent At The End Of My Shift So I Punch My Time Clock. | ||||
| 09:14pm 19/06/2007 | ||||
It's funny when the title is longer than the actual entry, isn't it? I'm swimming at Laura's tonight. And I'm drinking...even if no one else is. Remember those rules we set for each, Boobaly? Maybe I'll fucking drown. |
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| Please Stay For A While Now. Just Take Your Time Wherever You Go. | ||||
| 11:25pm 15/06/2007 | ||||
I'm sort of with Aaron. It's confusing as fuck and even I don't understand it.....at fucking all. Him and Megan trying to work it out lasted about 8 hours. That girl is insane. He held me, apologized, and kept telling me how stupid he is and how much he misses me the first night I saw him after it happened. I wanted to punch him in the mouth [he has braces], but I like being in his arms. I'm a fucking moron. I already know this. ( Pictures. ) |
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| I Can Hear Laughter In The Distance And It All Comes Clear. | ||||
| 12:57am 30/05/2007 | ||||
Again. For like the 7th time in a year. No lie. And once again, Little Lisa gets fucked over by another guy. I'm sick of this shit. I'm putting my heart on lockdown from now on. |
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| Take Off Your Make Up And Pocket Your Pills Away. | ||||
| 11:41pm 12/05/2007 | ||||
First, my horoscope for today: As much as you would like to be able to, you just can't argue yourself out of having these feelings. Yes, they're not what you're used to, but just go with it. You have to go through them. There's no shortcut. I read them just to see what they say, but I don't really believe them. Oh my fortune cookie yesterday said "somebody admires your beauty" hahahahahaha. Thanks, somebody! I've been seriously thinking about changing my major to English and minoring [or possibly double majoring] in Creative Writing. The English teacher that I had e-mailed said that I need to get straight A's or as close as possible. Now I'm a really good student and always have been. I was always in the top 5-10% of my high school class, but I got really lazy and have no desire or motivation anymore. I'll get little spurts of motivation, but that only usually lasts a week or two. Can I focus all of my attention into school and kick ass in my classes? I think I can. Do you? I've always wanted to be better than my family. I've always wanted to push myself to my limits. By keeping this in mind, I think I can kick ass in English and Creative Writing, but it still worries me that it may be too hard for me and I should just go for something easier. I'd like to teach, though, but older kids. I love working at the daycare with the little kids and babysitting my little cousins [which I'm doing tonight and in two weeks], but I don't have the patience to do that for the rest of my life. Besides, I have a really bad temper that I'm doing really well controlling at work. hah. Our phone bill came in today. For four phones [my parents, me, and Christina] it was like $470 or something; $175 of which was for Christina's phone. My bill only came out to $29.someoddchange. Christina doesn't work, so Christina can't pay the bill. My parents flipped out and while I was holding Matthew, they were screaming across the basement to Christina. They took her phone, took the little money that she had saved, called Verizon and froze her phone. Of course they said that they need both of our phones and I calmly reminded them that I bought my phone on Wednesday and that I give them money for my phone every month and now that I bought my phone, they can't try to take it away anymore. ohhhh shit son! Not only that, but my bill usually isn't high. Next month probably will be, though, 'cause I downloaded a few ringtones. hah. Again, though, I PAY FOR MY BILL. Which brings me to another topic: my reading habit. My mom wants to have a garage sale this summer, but she says this every year. She also hopes to find all my jewelry she lost last summer when I moved in, moved out, moved back in [coming home from college, packing my shit for the new furniture, then unpacking it all again] when she cleans out the garage [and oh boy am I pissed that we still haven't found it 'cause I lost a Tiffany's necklace, 2 bracelets, and a ring and a bunch of other jewelry]. Annnnywho, my parents want me to sell a lot of my books because "I have too many". Okay, what? How many parents do you know that complain that their kid has too many books? That's crazy! I know parents that are trying to push their kids to read more and here are mine trying to tell me to get rid of my books. When my mom clears out the closet she has of her books, I'll start considering selling mine. I probably never will, though, 'cause I've always wanted a library like in Beauty and the Beast in my house when I get older. hehe. Oh and my mom asked me if I got her anything for mother's day [she's greedy, let me tell you!] and I told her that I didn't finish making one of her gifts [I would write what it is, but it's too kick ass to spoil] so I would just give it to her for her birthday and she goes "oh so now I'm not getting anything?" Dude, I bought you a book and 2 cards and didn't finish making the other present. Calm the fuck down 'cause your anniversary is in June and your birthday is in July. gosh. Summer kills my wallet: May is mother's day, June is father's day and my parents' anniversary, July is my mom's, brother's, and both of my sisters' birthdays. Aaron and I had sex last weekend, during which he said "I love you" about 8 times. Then he said it twice last Sunday, but that was more of a "haha that was so funny! I love you!" kind of I love you. He also said it last night while we were on the phone. We're not even dating yet. I'm just going to wave it off because he was drunk during sex and last night, but like my cousin said, people say what they really mean when they're intoxicated. I don't believe that, though. I believe people just use that as an excuse because they're too shy to say what they really want to say. Now I will steal Christina's camera to get the pictures from the party today and finish reading my book. Good night all. This is Aaron.   |
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calm| You Are My Sweetest Downfall. I Loved You First. I Loved You First. | ||||
| 10:33pm 02/05/2007 | ||||
Aaron [an ex] and his girlfriend broke up for real real, not for play play. They've been off and on like three times a week since Easter weekend. Here's the story: Aaron and I have been talking again for a while. The day before Good Friday, Megan [his now ex] found out because she saw e-mails on Facebook. They broke up, but got back together the next day. blah blah blah. Him and I continued to talk and they've been on-again, off-again since that. So, Monday, him and I are texting while I'm at wokr [2 no-nos. 1 'cause my bill's probably going to be insanely high and 2 we're not supposed to use our phones while at work] and he asked me to call him on my break. So I did. I was telling him a party I had went to last Saturday and how this chick was kissing everybody [literally] and he said to bring her over there, so I'm all "you have a girlfriend" and his said not anymore. When I asked what happened, he just said "same shit, different day". Don't worry, though, 'cause this is what my source told me: Megan doesn't trust Aaron. She knows he's talking to a girl, but he told her there are no feelings for the girl and vice versa, therefore, no threat. Megan looks through Aaron's phone, finds nothing, but is caught. Shit son. Of course she didn't find anything. He has my phone number memorized and not programmed. OOOOOHHHHH!!!!! Anyway, now he invited me to a party on Saturday ['cause it's the last weekend at my old college and I wanted to go] and wants to come to Chicago [he lives in Princeton, 2 hours away from me] over the summer to take me to a White Sox game [cuck the fubs!]. Huh? Why is he going to come 2 hours here to take me to a Sox game when I can just hop on a 15 minute train ride to the field? BOYS ARE CRAZY!! Oh and then he says he owes me belated birthday sex. hahahahahahahahahahahaha. No! |
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| Six Eve's Before I Strolled Through A Rose Garden. | ||||
| 01:27am 01/04/2007 | ||||
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| sdfghjm | ||||
| 05:21pm 18/03/2007 | ||||
Oh and I'm totallllllly blaming Kathryn for this because I put her pictures on my laptop last night to send them to Ashley....so it's definitely partially Ashley's fault, too. :-P |
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cutstoopeneyes |
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