Blurty's First Self-Injury Community's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Blurty's First Self-Injury Community

[ website | maintainer's journal ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[12 Sep 2007|12:23pm]

takemeunder501
[ music | Sia - Breathe Me ]

I'm at work. I just took the scissors in the bathroom and cut three times on my hip. I was doing so good.

1 body in the gutter - throw it all away

1year 9 months. [21 May 2007|05:49pm]

silly_sally
i dont want to hurt
its been too long
i hate having the feelings that i want to cut
i dont even know why
maybe because i havent taken my medicine yet
i caught myself looking for somthing triggering online
i hate it when i do that
at least i do it less then i did before
i hate how i can have access to triggering things
stupid urges.

with me luck.
1 body in the gutter - throw it all away

[29 Apr 2007|12:04am]

greatestescapis



What're some big signs that you're bi polar..? I was thinking I might be, but I'm entirely sure because whenever I feel extremely low, I don't break out into sobbing fits.

I also don't really want to go to a doctor. not yet.

2 bodies in the gutter - throw it all away

[19 Apr 2007|07:05pm]

poetic_lies
i was just wondering if anyone knows the answer to this.
the last time i REALLY cut was a little over a month ago..
after it for about a week i couldnt feel one of my fingers and
theres a spot on my wrist i cant feel. sometimes my finger still
gets tingly with a weird numbness.. i wanted to know if this
could have anything to do with nerve damage or something?
i should have gotten stitches for this one, and im not proud.
i was just 2 scared to tell anyone. how deep do you have to
cut to fuck up your nerves?.
2 bodies in the gutter - throw it all away

[12 Apr 2007|07:42pm]

lovehatessmeex3
wow guys, i hate when ppl lie about things for attention, like they lie about SI and try to act all cool and self depressed when their life is perfect and they have nothing wrong, i fucking hate posers.
5 bodies in the gutter - throw it all away

1,5 years - and counting! [06 Apr 2007|02:38pm]

miya86
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Epica - Run for a Fall ]

Hi!

I just joined this community. I'm an ex-cutter. Although I haven't cut myself for 1,5 years now, I still get the urge sometimes. So here's a tip for you cutters that want to stop cutting, that works for me:

Put an elastic band around your wrist, and whenever the urge comes, you just pull the elastic band, and release it. It will then hit your wrist, giving you a small sting. Sometimes this is enough to stop the urge, especially if you do it a couple of times.

I know, however, from experience, that this does not work for everyone. I have a couple of friends who doesn't get any help from this. But still, it's worth a try if you haven't tried it already. Good luck! =)

5 bodies in the gutter - throw it all away

[28 Mar 2007|07:36pm]

kaitm4
Are you male or female: female

How old are you currently?: 16

How old were you when you first SI-ed?: 13

Why do you SI?: When I feel that I have nothing and no one to turn to

What is your main method of SI ? cutting

How often do you SI? i used to do it almost every day, up til about two years ago. and recently i started again. but only once in a while

Do you feel pain when you SI? Or have you dissociated?: I feel dissociated. Normally I go to bed right after or pass out.

How do you feel before, during, and after you SI?: I feel kind of detached.

Do you have any rituals?: no

Have you ever SI-ed in front of anyone? Have you ever been caught?: No and Yes

Do you know anybody who SI's? Did they have any influence on your own behavior?: Yes. and No.

How do you hide your SI?: I do it on my thighs and hips so nobody really sees.

Have you ever told anyone you SI? If yes, then who?: I've told a few really close people.

How did they react and what did you feel?: Upset, surprised. I felt awkward.

Why did you tell? If you haven't told anyone, why not?: I needed to vent.

Since you've told has living with your SI been easier or more difficult?: Easier. I like things in the open.

Do you want to stop SI-ing? Why?: Yeah. It's not a good way to cope and I know it.

Do you have any coping skills that help stop you from SI-ing? My boyfriend told me to call him whenever I feel like it. But that doesn't always work

Have you ever gotten any medical or psychiatric treatment for your SI? not for SI but i've gotten psychiatric treatment

Have you ever been in-patient in a psychiatric facility for SI?: not for SI

Do you take any medicine for your SI? Yes.

Have you ever been refused therapy or lost a psychologist because of your SI?: no

Do you have any other disorders apart from SI?: Dependent personality Disorder and Manic-Depression

Have you ever suffered any abuse?: Yes
1 body in the gutter - throw it all away

First Post [28 Mar 2007|07:34pm]

kaitm4
Well, not really. Like two years ago I was a part of this community. I got control of everything though, so I stopped posting. The other day though, I cut for the first time in i think two years.

It scared me.
I was out cold in my bathroom.
I woke up and it was 4 a.m.
I hate when I do this.

So I thought maybe posting here again would help.
1 body in the gutter - throw it all away

[26 Mar 2007|08:53pm]

forgotten__me
The art of suicide
Nightgowns and hair
Curls flying every which way
The place of your delight
Ridges of size meant to conceal others lies
Under the origins of moon light and sky
Its suddenly easy to contemplate why
Why live a lie
Thats painted with pity and sadness and strife
Why dream a dream thats tainted with trouble and less than it seems
Why bother bothering
Just for a poem or another sad song to sing
Why live a lie


The art of suicide
Pretty and clean
Conveys a theatrical theme
Alas I have gone to cry
A make less display never dramatically late


Life is not blind
Maybe someday
With a second ending
When the people are disturbed
Well they should be disturbed
Because there a story that ought to be heard
Life is not blind
Maybe someday
With a second ending
When the people are disturbed
Well they should be disturbed
Because there a lesson that really ought to be learned
The world is full of poets, we dont need anymore
The world is full of singers, we dont need anymore
The world is full of lovers we dont need anymore
1 body in the gutter - throw it all away

[25 Mar 2007|09:54pm]

bloodyxscreams
Are you male or female: female

How old are you currently?: 19

How old were you when you first SI-ed?: Well I used to violently rip chunks of skin out of my arm when i was little or pull my hair out as young as 8.

Why do you SI?: Mostly it happens when I am panicking and do not know what to do.

What is your main method of SI ? Cutting

How often do you SI? I used to cut every day but its been over a year since I cut until last night. :(

Do you feel pain when you SI? Or have you dissociated?: Usually it doesnt hurt and I definitely have dissociated.

How do you feel before, during, and after you SI?: I feel completely out of control and it scares the shit out of me.

Do you have any rituals?: No.

Have you ever SI-ed in front of anyone? Have you ever been caught?: Yes and Yes

Do you know anybody who SI's? Did they have any influence on your own behavior?: I learned of people that did after I had already been doing it.

How do you hide your SI?: I used to always wear long sleeves but now the scars there are almost unnoticable.

Have you ever told anyone you SI? If yes, then who?: Annyone who has ever gotten close to me.

How did they react and what did you feel?: Usually they just want me to stop and don't understand why its such a big deal to stop.

Why did you tell? If you haven't told anyone, why not?: It just got to be too muh.

Since you've told has living with your SI been easier or more difficult?: Both. Easier cause it helped me stop. But harder cause now everyone always asks if i'm doing it.

Do you want to stop SI-ing? Why?: Hell yes, but more importantly I don't ever want the urge to cut in the first place.

Do you have any coping skills that help stop you from SI-ing? Not really.

Have you ever gotten any medical or psychiatric treatment for your SI? yes

Have you ever been in-patient in a psychiatric facility for SI?: no

Do you take any medicine for your SI? yes.

Have you ever been refused therapy or lost a psychologist because of your SI?: no

Do you have any other disorders apart from SI?: Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi Poloar, Depression and Post traumatic stress disorder, and anxiety disorder.

Have you ever suffered any abuse?: Yes, emotional, physical and sexual
1 body in the gutter - throw it all away

read me [22 Mar 2007|02:53pm]

datx4
If you live close I might let you have me. I'm easy.
1 body in the gutter - throw it all away

[20 Mar 2007|03:48am]

takemeunder501
I just cut. 5 new ones.

Last time I cut before tonight was December 2004.
There goes that.



Why? I hate it.
6 bodies in the gutter - throw it all away

[19 Mar 2007|12:05am]
somewhat_souper
my boyfriend and i are on the verge of breaking up. he seems so passive about it and all i do is cry.

i cut myself for the first time today.

in between the possible break up phone calls, i freaked out. if that wasn't a panic attack i dunno what was. i needed pain to calm me down. i tried a kitchen knife, but it wasnt sharp enough. the exacto i was using for art wasn't either. i went to the bathroom and took apart one of my razors. the cut started gushing with blood. i freaked out.

i want to bleed so much. so much that i faint.
if we break up i'll die.
4 bodies in the gutter - throw it all away

[15 Mar 2007|11:55pm]
somewhat_souper
I didn't want to burn tonight.

This is a huge change. I've surrendered all self-control to it. I want so badly to be okay with myself, but this obsession the past week with burning seems like i'm taking one step forward and two steps back. I bring my tools to school with me now, so i can hide out in the bathroom and make a fresh mark to sustain me for another couple of hours. It's like nicotine. I burn on top of the ones that haven't healed yet. I feel messed up.

I had a fight with my boyfriend tonight. I'm such a strong person, but only SI and complications in my relationship can break me down. He's my stability. Everything's okay now, and I feel like i SHOULD feel okay, but the 9 brands on my wrist (and counting) tell me otherwise.
1 body in the gutter - throw it all away

[13 Mar 2007|11:44pm]
somewhat_souper
Hey, I'm new. I'm 18 and have been using SI for 4 years now off and on. When I first started, I would scratch my wrists with a paperclip, a pen cap anything that I could find. I would go to the bathroom during class and scrape the hell out of my wrists. I eventually took up burning and branding when I was 15. I was going through a really rough patch and branded an X in the space between my thumb and pointer finger which turned out to look like a cross. The scar is still there, after over 3 years. I stuck with burning because it gave instant satisfaction and was quick. I've been with my best friend forabout 16 months now and since I've been with him I've only branded once. This past July. He found out and got really kind of annoyed actually. I've been so happy and positive. He makes me feel like I'm worth something. But now my life seems to be slipping from my control, and it's mostly my fault. I cracked last week. I've branded 5 times since last Wednesday..and I think I want to do it again tonight. My boyfriend has no clue. I've been wearing bracelets and hoodies all week. He'd be crushed if he found out. You can explain to someone that they're the reason you wake up in the morning but how can you make them understand that you have to kill yourself a little bit in order to keep going?

It sucks. I feel horrible.

Why aren't there any communities specifically for burning and branding? I've never cut, besides those brief encounters with paper clips, so I have an idea of what it is to bleed but I've never experienced it myself.

Maybe tonight's the night.
1 body in the gutter - throw it all away

[11 Mar 2007|06:31pm]
mourningcolours
Hey guys. I hope everyone is doing well, and the fact that few people have posted for a long long time is a good sign.

I haven't cut myself in... two years. Just today. :)

Don't give up. There's hope for everyone.

MuchLove.
3 bodies in the gutter - throw it all away

[09 Mar 2007|11:56am]

obsession_2die
around me there's a wall so thick than no one can break threu
not even me
i'm a stranger for my own self, scared of my own
i am the worst that could ever happened to me
i hate myself and there's nothing i can do about it
i dont want to live in this world of chaos where i cannot find myself
where i dont feel free
nothing around me, but fantasies
that i cannot understand for myself
i dream of blood i dream of pain
i dream of everything that can hurt me
kill me
i dont want to be
wishing my life could and now and forever....
1 body in the gutter - throw it all away

how come no body's posting [22 Feb 2007|01:48pm]

sufferinginside
whats up with no one posting??? i was even the last one to post. Whats up with that??
1 body in the gutter - throw it all away

clean [16 Feb 2007|12:29pm]

sufferinginside
well ive been clean now for about a month but theres not aday that goes by that i dont think of doing it. ... just wanted to update.
1 body in the gutter - throw it all away

[06 Feb 2007|07:16pm]

poetic_lies
"scars are souvenirs you never lose" - goo goo dolls


soo.. ive been cutting for about 4 years. i stopped for a while.. almost a full year.. but had a really bad relapse i guess you could say. and now i cant stop. its crazy and its really scaring me. friday i was really fucked up.. and i cut again.. and honestly, i have never seen so much blood. i woke up and it was soaked thru my sweatshirt and alllll over my bed. then i looked at the floor and there was a pile of tissues soaked in blood. this is the point when i can finally realize something is wrong. my best friend came over.. and i showed him the blood stains. he freaked out on me and then i felt like shit cause i know that i really scared him. all i can think about is more SI. and its getting harder and harder to hide the marks. i dont think anyone can really respond to this, i dont expect them to.. but it helps to just tell my story and get it out.
2 bodies in the gutter - throw it all away

navigation
[ viewing | 20 entries back ]
[ go | earlier/later ]