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hardy har har [20 Oct 2003|08:14pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | "Every Sunday" ~ SES ] www.deadjournal.com/~juggalo69 <-- i update that a helluva lot more. what a fucking day.. it was good though. talked to shane earlier. he was telling me how lately he's regreted his past relationship with amanda and shit. aw well, what can i say? nothing. apparently amanda and i are through. that hurts so fucking much, but i need to realize it.. oh well, life goes on i guess.. "With This Knife" bay-buh! : Cut her Wrist..

i'd only kill if it's for them.. [17 Oct 2003|02:39pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | "This Is War" -- Smile Empty Soul ] an alright day... i miss amanda. thing is, i guess i caused this. last week she was having a bad week or w/e. then sunday, i dunnoo.. shit happened, and i flipped. and i told her she caused me so much pain.. and ever since then, things just aren't the same. argh. i called her last night. that was awkward as hell.. she was painting.. she's an amazing painter... an amazing person too.. i just don't know anymore. i'd rather be friends with her, and not date her, than not have her in my life at all.. she means so much to me, I hate it that we barely talk anymore. "i'm blow your fucking head off, for my country." .:: smile empty soul : Cut her Wrist..

your lies leave scars on my wrists [15 Oct 2003|04:04pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | "Dive Right In" -- SOTY ] alright, this Sugarcult/Story of the Year show has the potential to be a kick ass night. Chrissy's going.. Dave, Rach, Ryan, and myself are probably going.. Fucking Val's going (for Sugarcult). Sounds like it's gonna be a helluva time. Anyways, today was an alright day. Fucking Trojans Floor Hockey gym first block.. Max + Lee = World's Greatest Defense. Our team won 8-5, and NONE of the 5 goals were scored while Max and I were out. Ego trip. lol.. Max was getting water, and Val was in line first. She just kind of looked at me. I dunno. She didn't expect me to talk to her, right? haha. Food and Nutrition, fucking Huckleberry Coffee Cake.. didn't get to eat it though. Had some shitty corn bread.. lunch.. I noticed Kristen sits at Dan's and Lauren's table, so I went and talked to Dan and Lauren.. lol. Don (in my F&N class) and I went back to F&N to put the icing on our fucking coffee cake. Our teacher watered that shit down, and it tastes horrible. Oh, and Don told me he got home Friday night at 10, then left to Classic Roxx. Apparently, 5th Pocket didn't even go on until 11... I think he said he got home at 1! I should have fucking went. In English, I couldn't stop staring at Melyssa. She's fucking hot. pretty hot and tempting! She told me to move my punk ass outta the way so she could get this paper i took from her. she was only joking, but she's hot as hell. 4th block.. fuck study hall, i went back to gym. Wiley told me there was already 35 peeps, but I hung out with Kyle, and I was score keeper. Fuck study hall. ha ha. : Cut her Wrist..

it's alright baby, i'll see you, maybe [14 Oct 2003|04:06pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | "Meanings" Die Trying ] ha ha. josh, who calls me yesterday using a cellphone or a payphone, or something.. I dunno. Him, Shane, Cathy, Jess, Lisa, and Trish were all hanging out somewhere. Him and Cathy are going out. Congrats to him. He asked me if I was going to hook up with Rach.. he doesn't want me to, so he asked Jess if she'd date me.. lol. Keep in mind, Jess is a lesbian. ::cough:: Anyways, it was nice hearing from him. today was an alright today for a change. i suppose i like being around friends, that way i don't have to think about this horrible bullshit that has occurred recently. colin's having a bad week. his g/f broke up with him, and his mom screwed up his haircut.. he has a nice bald spot in the back of his head.. ha ha. red-headed dimwit. anyways, jay was telling our channel team how he saw myself at Flix, and he said hi and i just ignored him.. colin asked me if i was with "that girl" (rach) and i told him yes.. jesus. nikki is awesome. lol. i told her to go to hell, and she stuck this 'f' thing on my knee.. wtf? anyways.. nikki's got a nice belly button ring. u.s. history was aiight. i asked ryan if he'd be interested in going to the Sugarcult/Story of the Year show on Nov. 15, and he told me he would.. so it's looking like it'll be me, dave, rach, and ryan. sweetness. math... 60% on the quiz, 53% on the test! fuck yeah. before those, i had a 74% in that class.. there goes my chance at passing. ha. uhm.. Kristen has a sweet ass nose ring. it's adorable. uh.. i think jenna was eating paper .. ha ha. chem basically sucked. kyle had this one thing that said that a blue whale ejaculates 400 gallons of sperm at once.. only 10% makes it into his mate.. that leaves 360 gallons pouring into the ocean.. now we know why the ocean is so salty! eww.. oh, and on the way to chem, ron and i were walking, and this was FINE ASS girl with an ICP hoodie said hi to ron. So she walked a little bit with us, and i said hey, kinda random. lol. she said it too, obviously, but she stared at me like i was nuts. and i saw that justine(a) girl in the halls quiet a bit. i think she was looking at me before first block, scared the hell outta me. lol. alright, i'm done. it sounds like i had a good day, but it was absolute SHIT. barely talked to amanda in the past week, but it's cool i guess. oh, and dave got rid of his free trial AOL thing.. his grandparents did rather.. they got a long distance bill for $600! and they're not very well off.. so, that blows the big one.. then, steve g. (in chem) saw my Superman wristband, and was showing me his socks which also had the Superman logo on the top of 'em. He then continued to badger me about who liked Superman more. lol. it was pretty funny. why go to church when God is sitting there with you on the couch? : Cut her Wrist..

this can't last forever;time won't make this better [13 Oct 2003|09:55am] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | "in the shadows" -- soty ] you know what makes this worse? i loved that girl. as much as she might say otherwise, and as much as everyone might bitch at me for saying, i loved her.. i would have done anything for her. nothing lasts forever i guess... jesus, my brother is strong. We were fucking punching each other last night, and shoving each other... He fucking shoved me from the kitchen into the living room... my fucking feet were sliding on the rug. We then grappled and shit, and I couldn't get him in a good hold. my mom thought he hurt me. Then we did it again after we ate, and he fucking almost put me through the coffee table, and then i almost hit my head against the TV stand, except he like.. moved my head out of the way. he had me in such a fucking chokehold it wasn't funny. he told me to say uncle mike.. "I don't have an uncle Mike!" ha ha. couple of years...oh, and carla's boob was leaking black. cappuccino and hot chicken wings, fuck yeah. ha ha. last night, i was at wilson farms with my father to get some shit, and this kid from my school named austin saw me, and high-fived me and shit. i couldn't stop asking myself what the hell was wrong with the situation. we never talk, we never see each other, we're not even that good of friends... ha ha. dave's a psycho. he was doing 85 down dartwood.. ha ha. his first cop chase. time for the big leagues now, biatches. Time flyer896 [10:51 PM]: dude almost got pulled over LionHeartY2J 316 [10:51 PM]: for? Time flyer896 [10:52 PM]: ok i was going up french doing 40 Time flyer896 [10:52 PM]: and a copno head light is comeing other way Time flyer896 [10:53 PM]: i c him and slowed down to 35 but he stopped after passing me and went to turn around Time flyer896 [10:53 PM]: so i took the short cut through brentwood to get home i floored it Time flyer896 [10:53 PM]: i herd him put his sirens on Time flyer896 [10:54 PM]: but he couldnt follow me do to being alread chosen dart wood to leharve so i think he gave up LionHeartY2J 316 [10:54 PM]: jeez dave LionHeartY2J 316 [10:54 PM]: that must have been fun LionHeartY2J 316 [10:54 PM]: why were u on french? Time flyer896 [10:55 PM]: took bryan home and had to get something tops LionHeartY2J 316 [10:55 PM]: oooh LionHeartY2J 316 [10:55 PM]: when did this all happen? Time flyer896 [10:55 PM]: so bad night Time flyer896 [10:56 PM]: and i had been doing 80 before on transit no cops there Time flyer896 [10:56 PM]: lol LionHeartY2J 316 [10:56 PM]: lol jesus h. christ, "Sparrows" is my favorite song of all time. It's final. I need Die Trying to fuckin' put out another album, with the remake of it. I'm fucking pumped. Amazing song. Simply amazing. Hell, that's what my Blurty is based on. The whole Sparrows theme.. made a fist, cut her wrist, her life's gone, and you missed something. Shyeah, good song. November 15.. I believe Dave's requesting off to go with me to the SOTY/Sugarcult show... that's if i can get some $$$.... Sweetness. : Cut her Wrist..

so fucking pissed off [13 Oct 2003|02:07am] [ mood | fuck you ] [ music | "Fuck You" Die Trying ] I'm healing my wounds by cutting myself deeper... :gasp: Dave actually said something that makes sense! After having what could be the worst 30-45 minutes of my life, I talked to Dave online, and asked him if he wanted to go for a walk with me. It was only 1 AM.. We went to the corner, and he told me to head back, and we could take a drive around. Better idea. So, we drove around for an hour. Went to Potters Road, saw that school. Past Amanda's twice at about 1:20. I would have loved to say hi, but I know that I wouldn't want to leave, and I can't take that right now.. went past East Middle.. that school looks so dark, you can't even see it.. it was awesome. Fucking Dave was going 80 down this scrawny little side street. I kept telling him a deer was gonna run out, and he'd hit it... lol. anyways, dave and i talked about a lot of shit. he's the kid i've known since as long as i can remember.. ever since i was probably 3 feet tall.. he's the one person i can rely on, and won't judge me and shit. i didn't like what he told me and shit, but he was right about most of it. he told me he didn't want me to have a girlfriend, but if he had to choose, he'd rather see me date rachel than amanda anyday. i just don't know anymore. i can't even say my life is so fucked up right now, because it honestly isn't.. it's just.. "i've wasted so much time on a friend." that kind of sums it up.... i can't sleep... i'm out of here... blood might still be dripping off my arm. who knows... : Cut her Wrist..

i guess it's too bad [12 Oct 2003|06:37pm] [ mood | confused ] Current Favorite Songs: "Sparrows" -- DT "So Long" -- DT "Until The Day I Die" -- SOTY "Razorblades" -- SOTY School of Rock was alright. Pretty cool. I got a band! Bloodlust! haha. 'rents are home. I asked Mike if he had a good time. He told me yeah... 16 hours of driving, 48 hours of working, real fun. My mom got me this Superman necklace that weighs like.. 10 pounds. I won't wear it, but she knows that. It's just a huge silver necklace. Movie started at 2:35.. Jason (jay) K works at Flix.. he's in my TV Productions class. I'm amazed he knows my name. Anyways, movie ended at 4:30.. went to 7-11. I got hit by Rachel twice.. went to K-Mart to bug Dave... he told us he had a break coming up in about half an hour, so we went to Target.. Supported DT by putting their CDs in the New Release section. Uh.. went back to K-Mart.. Rachel kept telling me we should date, and was asking Dave what he thought, and saying it was unfair that because of Amanda I won't date her.. I got a bit upset, and even left them both to talk, and walked around the store.. Dave told Rachel he doesn't understand what I see in Amanda anyways... Hell, we haven't talked for a week anyways, right? I dunno.. I guess it's hard for everyone to understand... To whom it may concern, I am worth NO girl's tears. I am not worth it. So, everyone that reads this, remember it, aiight? : Cut her Wrist..

"...I guess it's too bad that everything we have is taken away." [12 Oct 2003|10:44am] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | "Anthem Of Our Dying Day" -- Story of the Year ] Thanks to Lindsey for doing the whole layout for me. :-) I have nothing else to say right now. "So our open wounds will bleed until our veins run dry." -- 'Swallow The Knife' - SOTY "This wasted so many nights and again, I've wasted so much time on a friend. Too young, too proud to understand, so this is the end." -- 'Razorblades' - SOTY They have some interesting bumper stickers at the Flea Market.... "ROCK OR DIE" "LIQUOR IN THE FRONT POKER IN THE REAR" Die Trying is touring with Hoobastank and Andrew WK during November and shit. i guess DT and Hooba are pretty good friends too, so that'd be cool to see... : Cut her Wrist..

[11 Oct 2003|11:51pm] [ mood | aggravated ] test? i hope this works, buddy. i have to make it long. so i can test to see how it'll look. and i'm adding me to your friends list. -xoxox lindsey : 1 took her life. - Cut her Wrist..

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