| Blarg |
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| 03:31am 20/12/2003 |
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mood:  contemplative music: None
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I've decided I don't update enough. My mind is a jumble right now. I miss Linda terribly and it's casting a sour note on just damn near everything. The Plan is roughly as follows.
1. Get a GODDAMN JOB!
2. Find a place to live, because living with Muzzy is just not going to workout as expected.
3. Follow along with Muzzy's work in Music Theory.
4. Delve deep into band economics over the Summer.
5. Kill time by being me.
That's mostly it. Of course the undercurrent is my relationship with Linda, but that's got a flow as strong and steady as Niagra fuckin' Falls.
TTFN |
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| Gwah |
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| 06:57am 17/12/2003 |
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mood:  crappy music: Primus
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Ok. Ok what the fuck. Seriously. Ok here we go. So yeah, to start, I have a massive headache. To continue, Linda is off in the wild blue yonder of the noreast just now. She's going to Canada for an extended weekend as part of her trip and I most likely will not talk to her for a few days. She will also most likely be drinking. Suffice it to say that that has already put me in a shitty mood. I worry. I love her so much and I'd like that to be a good thing. I trust her, but it's hard, especially when you're me. Anyhow, selfish concerns aside, Fatemah is gone. As in, never coming back. So that's fucked up. Mike is in THE bad place and I'm avoiding him until I am in a better place to deal because his misery is fresher and harsher than mine so he takes priority on this one. I'm exhausted. I need a job. Ach, ADD. Ok. Um, everyone is having a shitty time right now. Spring needs to hurry the fuck up. Renewal is what we fucking need. On a side note, LOTR3 is uber cool. On a further side note, FUCK! Sigh. I got nothin. I'll update when I'm happy again. Don't hold your breath. |
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| Stuff |
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| 07:20am 12/12/2003 |
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Mom and Mike are divorced. Linda loves me. She's going away for winter break. I will be sad. I am moving in with my friend Matt. I have a liscense now. I'm looking for a job. Go me. That's it for now. Love and monkeys. HAHAHAHA! |
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| this |
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| 12:54am 27/11/2003 |
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mood:  cranky music: None
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Sorry I don't update worth shit. Linda at parent's. Me sad. That's most of it. Peace. |
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| YAY!!! |
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| 10:25pm 12/11/2003 |
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mood:  loved music: She makes me hear music!
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Ok been to two PSA meetings, saw a boggart whilst on a driving adventure, went to Rivenoak... mostly that's it. I AM IN LOVE YOU BITCHES! This is nuts. Just plain fuckin loco! Gabriel, stern and strong, playful and friendly, a human above mortal emotions... I'm in love. God this is so cool. I havn't felt like this ever. I feel like everyday is only going to be better than the last. She's sweet, and she's new, and she's all the things I could ever want. Sorry about not posting earlier, but I was waiting until she did. I have things to take care of now, so I'll post more another time. |
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| HEY!!!! |
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| 04:38pm 28/10/2003 |
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mood:  jubilant music: NONE
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I have not updated in a long while. As it stands, my life is a little topsy turvy right now. I stand on the edge of a monumental decision and I am just trying to gather my wits before the jump. I'm not going into details yet because I am still fuzzy on a few of them myself. Besides, this is one of those rare times when my life is actually much intertwined with other people. Suffice it to say that I feel better than I have in a long while about damn near everything. This week is going to be a lot of fun. A lot. In fact, maybe a little hectic. But I should still be able to pull out with a clear head. Hopefully I'll have a job really soon. YAY! And Lil Linda is gonna drag me to the DMV, or so she has said in a very stern and angry dwarf tone of voice. I'll post more later on specifics of what's been going on when I'm sure that my posts will not cause a fucking cavalcade of ridiculousness. TTFN |
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| WASSAP! |
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| 01:50am 20/10/2003 |
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mood: cheerful music: Kittie - Spit
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An idea has sprung into my head. A money-saving, band supportive, lifestyle supportive, mind supportive idea. I will not reveal the details yet because I fear major jinxing but if this works out, shit will never be the same. And that, my friends, is a good thing. In the meantime, still no poon. IF I DON'T GET LAID SOON I'M GONNA FORGET HOW! TTFN. |
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| DAGRON |
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| 11:11am 15/10/2003 |
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mood:  complacent music: Ram Jam - Black Betty
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Ok it's days later. I'm being dicked because nobody in Tally will cash a CitiBank check. FUCK. Oh well. Worst to worst, I'll drive out to the nearest one. Road trip. Anyhow, Tabby, Amanda, Linda, and Matt all think I am the greatest thing since sliced bread. Which, when you think about it, is awesome. I should start a cult. Hehe. I'm feeling quite a bit better about myself. I don't want anyone to worry about me. I tend to feel things pretty strongly, especially in the moment, and I wrote that long-ass entry like ten minutes after it happened and after sucking down a ciggy in like seconds. So yeah. I've got friends, I've got jerky, I've got music, who could ask for anything more? I'm gonna get all pretty for a party this Saturday. Anyone who has the desire to do beauty related stuff to me should jump on the fuckin wagon. Um, not sure what else to say. Um... I'm gonna go scrounge up something to nosh, and then later I think I'll get a hold of Amanda and Tabs, to thank them for their mucho nice comments. TTFN |
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| Grrr |
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| 07:45am 12/10/2003 |
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mood: crappy music: STP
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I feel a bit better. I drank some, swam some, listened to music, ate, smoked. I'm gonna spend the week at Muzzy's because I don't trust myself alone and because he offered. I'll update when I feel human again. |
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| Great |
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| 03:32am 12/10/2003 |
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mood:  pissed off music: NONE
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I just fuckin embarassed the goddamn shit out of myself. I just told Maggie, not in so many words, that I fuckin fancy her. She of course blew me off, which EVERYBODY should have seen coming. And she gave me a look... like she knew this shit was coming, and she just couldn't figure out a way to stop poor sad retarded Gabriel from making a fuckin ass of himself. Well now I feel great, fucking fan-fucking-tastic. She get's to go to bed with a clear conscience and I get to go to bed feeling like the moron of the MOTHERFUCKING CENTURY! I've been outsmarted by my heart and my cock, misled to believe that somehow someone like Maggie could possibly fall for a melodramatic, egotistical, bipolar, mushminded, loud, crass, crude, and SHORT guy like me. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?!?!? I'm so fucking stupid! How could I think such stupid things? Am I actually legally retarded? She's smart, funny, considerate, GODDAMN gorgeous, and she motherfucking knows it! Fuck this! FUCK THIS!! Fuck her, seriously. I knew somewhere, deep down, that this shit would happen. I tried to silence that thought, thinking it was defeating and that in the end, my charm and sensitivity and just generally me could win the fucking day, get the girl, complete the hero's cycle FOR ONCE IN MY GODDAMN LIFE!!!! But of course, that little nagging, naysaying intuition was abolutely on the fucking ball. What the fuck was I thinking? Did I really expect her to laugh, run to my arms and plant a big one on me? AM I THAT DUMB? How could I even begin to think this was going to work? I'm not charming, I'm intimidating. I'm not funny, I'm insistent and sarcastic. I'm not good looking, I'm just not ugly. I'm a fucking tool. How could this go any more wrong? I tried so hard to do this right. I tried to show her that I took pride in being my own fucking person so she wouldn't have to worry about walking all over me. And in the end, I opened the damn door, laid down, and played my fucking part as good as any doormat. She said, again not in so many words, no, and I grinned, bore it, and walked out the fucking door. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!? I wasted so much energy and emotion on this shit. AND WHAT THE FUCK? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that this is not entirely my fault. Maggie is not a touchy feely person, ok. She's just not. But she lay on me and stayed close to me and didn't kick me out of her fucking room when it became sleepy time. And I tried to be better than before. I tried to affect things instead of just letting life happen TO me. I tried to be a gentleman, and to let her be close, and to let her know that I was interested and if she didn't fucking get it then she's not near as fucking smart as I think she is. AND IF SHE DID THEN FUCK HER FOR NOT PREMPTING THIS SHIT! It could've all been over in a fucking minute if she just said something. Then again, maybe I'm the goddamn retard and she DID say something and I just didn't hear it through the fucking haze. I braved sickness for this chick. I saw a fucking window of opportunity and I jumped heart first through it. I had a cold, still fucking do, I had things I could have been doing instead, like going to class, or cashing my goddamn check, and I already had other people seemingly interested. But no. I've had a crush on Maggie for a while and I saw my chance. I saw in her face, in her tone, in her actions a fucking click and I thought I'd give it a shot. And what the fuck does our protagonist get for his troubles? THAT GODDAMN CONDESCENDING LOOK!! That face, that gorgeous movie star mug she has, twisted into a vile thing, a pity filled viper ready to strike at my exposed heart. I can't take this. It fucking sucks. I had myself convinced that somehow, I was in Maggie's league. That somehow, I could rise above the station I had put myself in and be where I thought I belonged. But this is a clear fucking sign. And it reads "GO HOME PATHETIC LOSER". I don't know what Rachel ever saw in me, and I don't know if I care. Right now I can only name a small number of people that even like me, and it's dwindled since this morning. Today seemed like such a good day at first. But no. I should have felt it in the air. I should have known I was going to fall on my face. Karma doesn't work for guys like me. I do good and I get back bad. That's all that happens. I try to be a good friend, a good person, and all I ever get back in return is rotten fruit. Well I'm sick of it. From now on, fuck tact, fuck polite, fuck sorry, fuck love. I just want to flip everyone off till my middle finger atrophes and falls the fuck off. Every time I go out on a fucking limb I get struck by lightning and slammed back into the trunk of the everfucked tree of my life. I'm going to call Linda's because that's where I think Matt is, and he or she are the only two people with the power of true sympathy that I feel comfortable waking up at four in the morning. So to everyone who saw this happening and thought it would work, sorry to burst your Gabe-supporting bubble, and to everyone who knew it would fail, fuck you for not saying anything. Good night and fuck off. |
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| Ugh |
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| 03:58am 07/10/2003 |
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mood:  blah music: None
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Seriously. |
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| Ok |
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| 05:56am 06/10/2003 |
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mood: thoughtful music: Collective Soul - Heavy
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I ended it with Rachel. She has serious issues facing her feelings, but it's pretty much over. I need to get wasted, or high... or both. I was over at Linda's and she and Muzzy were getting all cuddly, obviously Mike and Fats were cuddly, and I... I was alone. So I decided I could not sleep there and now I am sitting awake in Muzzy's apartment wondering whether or not I should disappear for a while and resurface as a beach bum. I'm getting cash tomorrow. Enough to keep me in good straights for a bit. I'm out of it so pardon if I jump around. I'm a bit perturbed with a bunch of people at this point, for a whole variety of stupid and/or irrational reasons. Ok... anyone who reads this should know two things. One, that this stuff is written in the emotion of the moment and that I am trying to be honest, open and true to myself. Two, that reading this and then causing shit is a fucked up thing to do. Ok, that being said, at the top of my list, Sean. God bless the guy for all he's done for me, which is more than he knows, but seriously, his behavior is just degenerating. I guess maybe I'm more old fashioned than I let on but I mean he barely fucking knows Jenny, and the Kate thing... ok I'm not gonna bust on the guy too much, I'm gonna let it go at the fact that he may need to review his priorities and choices. Chris... well... I love Chris, but he's been getting a bit, I dunno... wild. I think that's how I'd best put it. There's good things about it... but also bad things. Releasing the beast... not sure what it'll eventually end up doing to him or all of us. Tony, I don't particularly have a problem with beyond the fact that he seems kinda hostile lately. I could be imagining things though. Frank... I tell you what, Frank is probably one of the best people I know. JP has somehow magically flown the coop from my list. I love the deaf bastard. As for AJ; AJ has done an insane amount for me and deserves all of my respect as a friend... as a friend I'm also concerned for his feelings and the feelings of those he likes. But I'm not gonna go into that whole thing here cause that's mostly his business and way too complicated anyway. Dan and Matt-Todd I never see anymore. I hope they've not trashed the house. Mike is always cool with me, flaws and all, and I hope he thinks the same about me. Fats... I dunno. Maybe I've just been seeing too much of her. I love her to death, but maybe she's just a person I need to see in doses. Maggie has gone the way of JP, right off my list. Not sure why, but she seems to think better of me recently. Odd. Anyone else in the crew... we're on the same plane as before, with just a few bits of knowledge thrown in. That's about it on all that jazz. I hope no one was offended or takes this all too seriously. Remember, it's me, Gabriel. If you want to bitch, do it to my face and we can discuss this like adults. It's not high school. I guess that's all. I think I may try to get some sleep. It's Yom Kippur after all. Oh. One more thing. Saw this girl on HotOrNot and I'm working on connecting with her. She seems damn cool. TTFN |
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| trying something |
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| 04:56pm 04/10/2003 |
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Have to try this again cause I'm doing it in a different community and I didn't save the process , so everyone pray I pull another savant
( Ok ) |
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| HOORAY |
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| 08:09pm 03/10/2003 |
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mood:  crazy music: dulcet Tony tones on Muzzy bass
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Dunno why but yeah. So um stuff. Nothing happening really. Gotta call Rachel tonight... that's about it. BLARG!!! |
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| NEW JOURNAL!!! |
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| 04:49pm 01/10/2003 |
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mood:  amused music: none
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Already have one, and I'll like never update this fucker, but this is for like band news, anyone interested in the band, etc. I am lead singer for the alt/punk band Not That Commited. We are still in the market for a lead guitarist and a drummer in the greater Tallahassee area. PLEASE post or e-mail me if you are interested. TTFN. |
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| Bitching |
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| 03:01am 30/09/2003 |
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Spent most of the day at Frank's. Not a bad afternoon/evening. Kinda mellow. Talked to Rachel yesterday... kinda got a weird vibe off of her. Like, she was less than enthused to hear from me. I mean, I don't know what it could be. Unexpected guilt at doing what we agreed we would do which is see other people, or maybe anger at me having not called her, or hell maybe just exhaustion, or, and I fucking hope not, maybe she is falling out of love with me from the distance. I mean, I thought she was a bit more emotionally sound than that but I could be wrong... damn. I feel like shit in more ways than one. My body is aching, my mind is muddy, my emotions are up and down like a goddamn yoyo. I need some comfort. Some semi-maternal, cry on my shoulder, girl to guy comfort. And possibly a backrub. I need to call around to my female friends tomorrow. I'm gonna list here for mostly my own purposes... let's see, Maggie, Linda, Kristi (also a good test of our level of friendship), um... maybe Fatemah although nix on the backrub for that one. She's not strong enough for my knots and I have a thing about her touching me... dunno why but prolly risidual from the whole Muslim thing, which I won't get into cause it's not my deal, it's hers. I think those are my options. Damn I need more intelligent female friends in the area. Also, I keep fuckin forgetting but I MUST call the folks. BLARG! |
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| RUN AWAY! |
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| 10:26am 26/09/2003 |
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mood:  cold music: None
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what warning label are you?
Who's your inner classic movie star?
Who's your inner rockstar?
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How pathetic! You're a Fake Geek!
You buy t-shirts with slogans, wear glasses with flat lenses, and listen to Weezer. And you didn't like Lord of the Rings? BLASPHEMY! You play the geek card purely to look cool, but you're not a true geek-- just a fashion victim.. with no taste in movies..
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http://internetjunk.co.uk |
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Republicans
Circle I Limbo Democrats
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind PETA Members
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow Rednecks
Circle IV Rolling Weights General asshats
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled River Styx Militant Vegans
Circle VI Buried for Eternity River Phlegyas Scientologists
Circle VII Burning Sands Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement The Unblanced
Circle IX Frozen in Ice Design your own hell
MUZZY! |
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| HARUMPH |
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| 03:12pm 25/09/2003 |
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mood:  sick music: Immigrant Song - Led Zeppelin
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I think I'm getting sick. My throat's swelling up. Thumbs down. I think I may have found a guitarist though so bully for me! I took my own stitches out. Very easy. TTFN |
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awake