~*~*'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
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[08 Apr 2012|09:42am]
Happy Easter!

a little hungover this morning... I'm ashamed to say! But it was one of my close friend's birthday & included a piano bar, margaritas and lots of singing & dancing!
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[01 Jan 2012|09:26pm]
Cheers to 2012!! Enjoyed an amazing new years celebration at Mohegan Sun with the girls. I even got a New Years kiss at midnight *blushes*
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[18 Dec 2011|04:26pm]
how did the packers lose against the chiefs ?? :(
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[18 Dec 2011|12:57pm]
I went to a holiday christmas party the other night.. My friend's husband brought along a fellow firefighter who wanted to meet me. He was pretty cute and nice, but I just wasn't feeling huge sparks... Or I'm just so confused with guys at this point I'm just shutting down emotionally. But we stayed at the restaurant/piano bar way after everyone else left the party. We were talking and flirting in the back of the restaurant and he went in to kiss me. I was a little tipsy and thought, why not? But apparently, he was testing how far I'd let him go UGH.. so when he crossed that line, I was just like, I really have to get going.. and I'm pretty sure he saw that i was offended by his forwardness. He asked me if everything was ok and I said, yea just tired.. And he said, we're still on for our trip to NYC? I said, sure (sounding a tad skeptical about it)... He texted me the next day saying he had a fun night, etc. I responded a few hours later with a very short text saying, i did too. it was nice meeting you. And that was that... my friend messaged me about the possibility of a second date with him and i have yet to respond to her. Ugh.. I just don't appreciate guys that take full advantage and I realize I'm part of the reason.. I guess I give off that attitude sometimes but I am not that kind of girl :/
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[11 Dec 2011|09:21pm]
My life is an endless pattern of broken friendships and bad romances... As a psychology major, I realize the problem is me. I need to come up with an intervention where I can accept people for who they are or keep them at a distance from the onset. This horrible pattern is eating away at me. Something has gotta give!
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[06 Nov 2011|07:58pm]
It's so funny reading my text books for life-span development... I flipped to a page that said : How to deal with a romantic break-up... and the bullets were basically as follows:

- You have more time to spend on school work
- You have more time to put towards work-related activites
- You have more time to spend with family and friends

Ugh.. I'm so tired of being single and being given this information from every angle.. I get it.. I have more free time without being in a relationship... but somehow being in a relationship makes all those things bearable.. school work doesn's seem so tedious when you have some one to laugh with while you're doing it.. work doesn't seem so bad when you look forward to spending time with some one that night... and famiy and friends are great, but nothing feels as good as laying in some one's arms and falling asleep with them next to you.

I wish I could meet some one that gives me butterflies like my ex. I'm so tired of holding him on some pedastal when he was nothing but a JERK to me.. I don't know why I don't give nice guys a chance.. I don't know why I'm scared to let anyone close to me. Ahhh where did i go wrong?

I am tired of being single. And everyone says be patient.. and everyone also says I'm too quick to run away from relationships. I feel hopeless. I want some one, I'm ready for a relationship now!! :,(
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[04 Nov 2011|09:19pm]
Nah sorry.. I don't want to waste my time with you... or you... or you for that matter.. dammit why can't i find a real man so i can stop wasting my time with idiots :(
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[31 Oct 2011|04:45pm]
working full-time and grad school full-time is actually not as bad as I thought it would be... hopefully I keep up this energy
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[25 Oct 2011|09:35pm]
I <3 my new job~
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[20 Oct 2011|02:05pm]
im so happy my luck is finally turning around.. I was offered the behavioral therapist job and i start training next week! Super excited for that, especially since the school is only 10 minutes from my house !! Cant wait.. Ohh and after my last awful experience at a bar with some guy who ended up having a gf, i have turned to match.com for some help! Haha at first i thought i was just gunna use it as more of just an eye candy type thing.. But i started messaging this guy and he gave me his number.. And we dont really have too much in common, were both def from different worlDs.. But he makes me laugh and i can tell hes intrigued by me.. We had a coffee date last night and he is quite a goofball and repeats a little too much how money isnt important to him ( yet cant imagine how i havent traveled the world and how i havent learned a 2nd language, etc.) so im finding it hard to place him... For now, its just fun to meet some one that i probably would never have gotten the chance to talk to bc we are so different.
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[20 Oct 2011|02:05pm]
im so happy my luck is finally turning around.. I was offered the behavioral therapist job and i start training next week! Super excited for that, especially since the school is only 10 minutes from my house !! Cant wait.. Ohh and after my last awful experience at a bar with some guy who ended up having a gf, i have turned to match.com for some help! Haha at first i thought i was just gunna use it as more of just an eye candy type thing.. But i started messaging this guy and he gave me his number.. And we dont really have too much in common, were both def from different worlDs.. But he makes me laugh and i can tell hes intrigued by me.. We had a coffee date last night and he is quite a goofball and repeats a little too much how money isnt important to him ( yet cant imagine how i havent traveled the world and how i havent learned a 2nd language, etc.) so im finding it hard to place him... For now, its just fun to meet some one that i probably would never have gotten the chance to talk to bc we are so different.
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[14 Oct 2011|05:35pm]
One scumbag after the other... ughhh wine night with the girls for me.. so tired of my bad luck.. when is it gunna change?
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[05 Oct 2011|09:46pm]
Ahhh first big interview of my life (besides my graduate school one).. Except I'll be getting paid for this one not vice versa!! I'm so excited.. It's a full-time position with benefits and the school is only about 15 minutes from my house.. I hopee I get it.. *fingers crossed* I know things will get stressful with working 40 hours a week and being a full-time graduate student, but it's time for me to grow up and hit the real world.. I gotta get experience and I need to make some real cash so i can be independent and live on my own :)
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[01 Oct 2011|11:10am]
im giving myself permission to be loved by some one. Truly loved.. Im leaving behind the bitterness and the hate.. And im going to allow myself to be happy.. And right now, i am happy and im opening up my eyes. There is some one out there that will treat me the way i deserve to be treated... everything ive gone through these past years have gotten me to where i am now.. Im in grad school, i have a few great friends and an amazing family... I have a lot to be thankful for. And i have taken that for granted, but i realize after being broken down and basically trampled on by the people i desired the most from that i need to have higher expectations and i need to give myself permission to be happy and find true love in my own time.
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[25 Sep 2011|08:32pm]
I'm having a mental breakdown :( I've never felt more hurt, betrayed or lied to in my life...

Note to self: choose friends more wisely
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[21 Sep 2011|11:39pm]
Karma is real. PERIOD. What goes around most definitely comes around..

And I realize that I am not perfect... not in the slightest. I'm not the most honest person when it comes to relationships with my boyfriends. I've been hurt so many times before that I no longer really believe in love. I don't let myself get close enough to anyone and I always end up going back to my ex boyfriend because I think it's safe... which is ironic because when im with him, it's quite the opposite feeling and then i get torn and confused because I want to have this secure, amazing relationship and he just isn't ever going to be able to give that to me. And that's where I am right now. I broke up with my most recent boyfriend because I didn't feel a spark... things were moving so fast and I was not emotionally there and he kept pushing me to meet him where he was and I just couldnt.. so I broke up with him, and started talking to my ex again.. (mistake, mistake, mistake) just something ill eventually figure out, hopefully..

but anyways, a friend of mine called me out of the blue two weeks after him and I broke up.. I had mentioned to her in a text that we had broken up shortly after it happened.. so we chit chatted about school and how busy we both are with work and school... and she asks me how im feeling about the breakup.. I told her I was doing okay, just focusing on me.. to which she drops a bomb on me. In the most relaxed manner ,she tells me that she friend requested my recently ex boyfriend and asked him to take her out around southington.. they exhanged numbers and they've been texting non-stop for the past week.. I was completely speechless. How could one of my closest friends think it's ok to hit up an ex boyfriend of mine that she's never met nor talked to in the short 3 months we dated? I was completely shocked and hurt, but just told her i was tired and kept my feelings to myself.. Until I completely broke. My heart shattered into a million pieces.. My friendships mean more than anything to me and the fact that she didnt even take my feelings into consideration or came and asked me before she went after my ex boyfriend.. She apologized, and I asked her to defriend him and delete his number to which she replied.. he didnt do anything to me, he can defriend me if he wants to.. and I was like okay, well have fun with my ex.. and she bombarded me with how i am always the victim and I make up excuses to not be with really great guys.. and I should just be single.. how lovely of her..

Well, tonight I'm sitting at home, frusturated to tears.. while one of my supposed best friends is out at a bar with an ex of mine that i chose to break up with..
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[28 Aug 2011|06:23pm]
I haven't really posted all summer...

Maybe because this is the first time where I have felt completely and utterly lost and even Blurty can't make sense of my feelings. The person I've spent the most time with this summer is the one person that I never cared to see again... I'm dating a guy that I'm not entirely sure that I like.. and this hurricane has made everyone go temporarily insane.

I am starting graduate classes on Tuesday because they have been postponed a day due to Hurricane Irene. Thanks Irene. And my dad and I just got in a huge screaming match a few minutes ago because anxiety levels have skyrocketed. I miss my best friend so much and even though we have been on speaking terms for a month, I still haven't seen her. And on top of it, my ex boyfriend is texting me about how much he loves me, etc. bullshit. and i dont want another crazy on my hands..

I hope everything smooths out because the stress is killing me.. not to mention, my boss treats me like dirt.. I spend all day trying to get hold of this woman to see if she wanted me to come in. She finally calls me back and tells me that were closed bc of the hurricane and asked me to come in early tomorrow. No big deal. Well an hour later, i get a call from her so i answer.. but she doesn't hear me say hello and in a really bitchy tone says "Great, Nichole isn't answering her phone now." OK lady, powers out, trees are knocked down, cell phone reception sucks and you're gunna say that while ur on the line??? Stupid bitch.. I can hear you. So i hung up.. She called back and i ignored the call. She left a voice mail telling me she changed her mind, she wants me to come in tonight.. Ha. No freaking way. so i text her back and say, "Sorry, but roads are blocked and trees are down all around me, I cant come in. Oh and I answered my phone, I just got disconnected bc of poor reception." Takeeee that, Ms. Boss.

I. Need. A . New. Job. ASAP !!!!!!
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[30 Jun 2011|04:54pm]
dear best friend, this is a letter i am not going to send because i know how u will become defensive and you already told me i hurt u with my words. Im really sorry that i dont like your boyfriend that ive met twice and hes treated you like shit on both occasions. Im sorry that i believed you when you said you were done with him. Im sorry that you think were so different now that we cant be friends. Just because im single, doesnt mean i dont want to know the good things happening with your bf. Its actuallly quite the opposite. And it kills me that u thought id think u were bragging and thats why you only told me the shitty things hes done. I honestly think theres truth to that statement, and u should have talked to me about it. im going to stop trying to be your friend bc clearly you have no other time in your life besides robbie and i wouldnt understand bc i dont have any stressors in my life which you nicely pointed out. Im sorry, but no matter how busy u are, u should have made time to fit me in your life. I havent been a part of it in months and im basically exhausted of only having you come to me when your upset over ur bf. Thats not ok. So as much as you think im the one causing you unhappiness, i know someday u will realize its your unhealthy relationship that caused you to pull away from our friendship. ill always be here for u if u decide you want to pursue a real friendship with me again.
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[30 Jun 2011|04:49pm]
i wish you well, i wish you well.. On this journey to find yourself.. Sorry i cant help you find yourself
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[24 Jun 2011|10:40pm]
apparently my boss is telling my co-workers that i was fired a while ago for something that never even happened.. I NEED A NEW JOB ASAP.. u stupid bitch, how would i be working here still if i was fired? and why dont u get your facts straight before you go spilling your bullshit to my co-workers/friends that actually like me and are going to tell me what you say..
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