[[die young and save yourself]]'s Blurty Day [entries|friends|calendar]
[[die young and save yourself]]

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new layout. [22 May 2003|03:58pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | you're gone - something corporate ]

Made myself a new layout for my journal cus i got bored. Didnt go to school today cus i really didnt feel like waking up to the same old shit as usual. Lemme guess what I prolly missed today . . . hmm . . . john acting oblivious ... laughing with his friends as if he has nothing to worry about ... hmm what else .. oh yes ! my friends asking me 'wuts wrong' every 5 mins. - I guess I was better off to staying home n' sleeping. I was real tired & weak anyway .. well i still feel weak, but that will never change. Watched American Idol last night. I think the voting was rigged b/c Ruben won and i had a $5 bet with Charleen and she won so now I owe her money ... ugh -- but my luck always fails. Today is my brothers birthday so we`re going to have sum chocolate cake tonite. Than tomorrow night we're going out to applebees .. oh goody .. i wish john would be there but of course hes going to vermont so ya know .. nothing ever goes right for me. I havent heard a call from the boss of that job I wanted -- hopefully over the summer. My mom has been trying to find a psychologist for me and I am having another urge to cut because I feel sick to my stomach. Whenever I look at my full-body mirror in my room, i always have thoughts in my head.. omg, im getting fat.. -- i seriously think i am but everyone yells at me saying im so skinny. I never think im perfect. . .would explain why im so fucking lonely and unloved. I dont wanna go back to school but than again i hate staying home and putting up with my father and everyones shit. I cover my scars with my arm band but i wont have to soon enough since they should be healing in another week or so. god i hate my life and im so dumb to ever think that me and john would become something. who would want me anyway .. i cant even put up with my fuckin self. i think in the past year or so i have gotten worse. I never really loved myself -- but i never cut or did any of the stuff i do now. I can only say my clothes style has improved, but idk .. now i feel like dressing gothic again because im slowly falling back into the darkness that i always used to be stuck in. i can feel it happening again and theres no one nor nothing that can stop me this time.

Bleed

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