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[[die young and save yourself]]

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Private journal... [31 May 2003|12:21pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

This no longer is opened to the public due to nosey people reading about my <3 life and basically trying to ruin it behind my back.. long story... but now this is a friends only journal, thus, friends of this site can only see it. If your dying to become my friend n' read about my life, please comment here and i*ll add you if I can trust you. But for now on... your going to see a different person in me...

Maybe when the gossip and drama dies down, i will make it public again... but for now, stop reading about my damn life everynight and doing shit behind my back because I know who you are, and now its going to come to a stop. ! ;/ .. peace. x0x

202 strawberry gashes Bleed

tonight... [31 May 2003|12:18pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

so tonights the big performance of peter pan. Finally its the last one and than maybe I can have john to myself again ... okie, that sounded selfish, but wutever. Its true though. I feel everyone gives him so much attention now just because hes the star of this play.. and ive always loved him before this thing was even written down on paper [no offense to colleen because i think she did a wonderful job on it...] i just really miss being alone with him now. I wonder how he possibly could have thought I would have no problem moving on without him in my life. . .what i mean by 'in my life', is to be someone that I could rely on = someone more than a friend for a change = someone that would be there to hold and to say he loves me to keep me going in this pathetic life of mine. I dont have that privilege anymore and I doubt ill ever see it again. Im tired of living so alone . . . at the age of 15, i should have had atleast 10 boyfriends by now ... i only had one and even that was a disaster... but damn, ive matured and am so ready to handle a relationship about now. Im tired of my 'friends' making me feel more like shit than what i already see myself as, and putting me down all the god-damned time. They should be there by my side and instead their always telling me false advice and this is how I get confused because everyone tells me different things and i dont even know who to trust or believe anymore. Im just not going to tell anyone anything anymore. Let them guess ... I dont have to explain myself to everyone. The way John doesnt explain himself to people about the way he feels for me... I wanna be like that too. No one ever helps me anyway so it wouldnt be a complete loss if I stopped sharing my life stories with them. . .all they do is argue with me and im tired of being trampled around like a toy. I have feelings too and people forget that. I should just leave this hell... people would be so much better without having to deal with my stupid cries. I was torn apart yesterday at school .. ontop of all this im sick and im just tired of complaining to people so now ill just complain to myself.. because i dont need anybody anymore. All i really do need is one close friend, a boy to keep me calm and a life that i can live where im happy about myself... that day will never come. And I dont care who reads this anymore and feels insulted because you have to understand from the moment you click that link, your entering my journal.. hence my feelings about life .. my feelings about people and phonys.. my words about everything... and no matter how wrong you may think my thoughts are, just stop entering my damn journal and save yourself the minute ! -- you shouldnt even worry about me anyway... you prolly have a great life and you need to repect that and hang onto as much happiness as you get... cus once its gone, thats it and theres no turning anything back... so why even waste your time with me since im already a lost cause to this world...
There aint no one whos gunna change the way i feel about everything because ive been thinking this way for too long and i feel this truly is the person who I am. I have a right to defend my useless thoughts.

im out to go watch some FUSE in my room cus i finally got cable hooked up in there. . goodbye.

im so worthlessa

2 strawberry gashes Bleed

I woke up happy for once this morning... [29 May 2003|12:38pm]
[ mood | groggy ]
[ music | trouble - coldplay ]

..I woke up happy --> only because I had a wonderful dream of john. It was at school .. but the campus was all different, it looked like a regular public school. But I was walking down the hill where my dad was picking me up that day.. [also be warned that my blue van was in the dream .. and the stickers were pasted on one side of the windows which was pretty weird cuz thats how my van is in real life -- my sister put the stickers on there..] so than he starts beeping and i run down the hill and all of a sudden john is running up it on his way to reach me and he sais goodbye and i go "can i have a hug?" and right in front of my friends he hugged me.. ( right there n' than i should have knew that it was only a dream cuz never in a million years would john hug me at school in front of all of my friends.. ) so than he knelt down a bit and whispers in my ear i have to tell you something.. - every morning i wake up and all i think of is you and you make me feel happy inside.. - i smiled a bit and was about to tell him something until the rough sound of my dads horn went off once again so i told him i had to go but thanks for the comment - and i ran off to the van. The next day came and it was after school time again. Me and lizz were walking up the steep hill and saw emily at the top waiting for her bus a long with the rest of the people. John was following behind us [i had a sense he was.. but i didnt bother to look back]. So we*re all chyllin at the top and john comes over and stands in between me and lizz. All of a sudden [idk how it got triggered off] but they started calling me a stupid tramp and stuff [kidding around like they do @ school in real life..] -- but than john started and i got upset, so i ran down the hill pretending to be mad [LIKE I DO IN REAL LIFE..] and sat down in a darkened corner of steps. Out of no where, my spanish teacher [mrs. schiavo] walked over to talk to me about an assignment, and behind her at the corner of my eye - i see john standing there as if he felt bad about the whole 'tramp - kidding - around' joke. When mrs. schiavo left, he hopped upon a tall ledge near the step [which was kinda near me, but diagonal-behind me to be exact..] and i looked at him but couldnt help to smile. He looked at me and goes with a sense of humor hey hey baby and i blushed a bit and laughed knowing he was juss kidding around.. as usual..
I than reached out to touched his hand.. but he firmly let go of my grip as if he didnt wanna hold onto my hand - but instead, put his hand over mine so it was on top, and with his other hand, he rubbed my arm lightly like two times. We just sat there talking about.. god only knows what cuz my dream was starting to fade off... and than after that, we ran down the hill cuz my dad was there [but for some reason he was driving a big bus.. okay thats one part i dont get.. but anyways..] john walked me down the hill, and i had to climb over a fence to get to my dad so i was like oh great.. i HAVE to climb this fence.. and john laughed and goes alright! goobye! and waved to me with laughter. I eventually climbed it, and turned, and saw him run off cuz his bus was there. I entered my dads.. um.. bus... [and my brother was sitting in the back of it]... i sat down in the front with my dad and that was basically it.. my dream faded off and i woke up.

Okay, so some parts didnt make sense but the thought that got to me most was when john hugged me and told me some things on how he felt about me... and i guess thats normal to appear in my dream because lately i have been wondering alot about wuts going on in his head about me. I also liked how we held hands... it kinda reminds me of the time when we held hands in reality on dana*s couch like a month ago... and yea.. that most likely appeared in my dream because i miss that alot too..

the weird part was john*s hair was combed forward in my dream... but his clothes style matched on what he wears to school and his eyes and face structure and body looked exactly the same.. even his funny, yet weird personality was all pin-point in my dream. -- Wow, my dreams scare me sometimes. I must atleast have a dream about him 3 or 4 times out of the whole week .. and its sad because you would think all these clues would lead up for us to be something - but i guess your mind can play stupid tricks on you.. i wonder if this all means something. Maybe the fact of me running from him and being oblivious, means he could like me and im just avoiding it because i dont wanna believe it.. or perhaps hes just playing tricks on me to leave me with a broken heart... but john doesnt even seem like that type. I heard the only g/f he had was in middle school and she turned into a slut and cheated on him.. ugh.. i would be so much better than that to him, i dont understand why he wont juss give me a chance. Steven hasnt IMed me and my friend Gina tried talking to him and he made it seem like he didnt wanna talk to me. I dunno, this whole thing is just going to lead to another depressed stage of me. I miss john so much - he*s at school and im sitting here with a runny nose reviewing on what my whole dream was about .. when it was about him and the kid could prolly care less about me .. wutever im through here.. i just wish there was someway john could realize how much i needed him... it*ll never get better - as long as i have the abillity to see him everyday at school, it can only get worse....

.. hence i woke up happy -- but now just thinking about how it wasnt true, brings me down..

... ive come to the conclusion that hes the only one for me... so sad...

2 strawberry gashes Bleed

life kills me.. [27 May 2003|04:37pm]
[ mood | sick ]

Well isnt this juss great ? -- my mom questioned me on why im always wearing my black n' red armband day n' night now ... i had to lie and tell her it was a new "fasion statement" .. hmm i wonder why i wear it... wut could i possibly be hiding.. me the innocent hyper "always happy" little school gurl... blah.. YEA RIGHT !

I might be getting back involved wit my ex, steven .... I may talk to him tonite since my cousin might give him my SN but im not really shure yet ... would be nice ... i miss him .. tons --> and i dont see anything happening wit me and john too soon .. i mean come on, the kid comes it with orange shorts and orange fleece jacket with socks that were stretched up all the way to his knees ... plus he has to stay after every day this week until 7 for the Peter Pan play and i have to go see it saturday with dana. I would go both nights [friday and saturday] but ya kno wut, he*d be even lucky if i made it for one of those nights cuz he really doesnt deserve my appearance showing up there in the cr0wd ... the kid looked @ me today and kept staring at me and didnt even bother once to say hi ... and i didnt wanna make the first move because --

1.] im sick and catching a c0ld..
2.] i think he hates .. erm .. dislikes me..
3.] its only rite if he makes the first move b/c i*ve done it so many times before and im getting tired of it . . .

but of course --> as soon as he walks through the door dis morning, he runs to Alex ... after all, HE WAS NOT WITH HIM THE WHOLE DAMN MEMORIAL WEEKEND !!! *gassp*gassp* ... okie, okie imma be alright ... i guess[?] -- i stayed after today n' me and Gina kept on complaining how Johns suck ass -- BECAUSE THEY DO ! -- ugh, piss me off so much ... but oh well, maybe steven has matured sumwut and will give me another chance.. i told emily dis morning, n' of course she thought i was crazy and smacked me over the head .. but no one understands on how much steven truly ment to me ... and john -- ugh, i wont give up on him but i juss wish he would understand where im coming from .... i still would <3 to take him to the town*s festa next weekend . . . if he comes, i guess that*ll be fun. *sigh* well im out --> my throat and head hurts and my heart hurts as usual. so in conclusion my day was shyt as usual -- but idk .. the thought of steven made me feel somewhat happy... weird, huh? ...

Bleed

tiiiired.. [25 May 2003|07:22pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | i want you bad - offspring ]

Yay well i juss got home from playland(an amusement park) with john[not my john], gina, and her friend Lisa. We went on the go-karts, house of mirrors n' haunted house where we screamed our arses off for no particular reason but to juss cause a scene. Tomorrow must sleep day away and Tuesday i*ll be going to school wit new makeup such as the icy blue lip shimmer, mascara and fresh new boTTle of cover-up. yessum. okie im mad bored n' tired *yawn* n' idk wut to do wit myself. Must kill. yes yes stab stab die die. annnnnnnnnnyways. im out. peace and pieces of peaches. x0x

2 strawberry gashes Bleed

*sigh* .. ho-hum lifes boring... [24 May 2003|12:45am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | under the moon - ICP ]

well here i am almost 1 in the morning listening to ICP and downloading old slipknot songs from what i used to listen to back than .. i feel in the mood to just go grab an axe, roam around in the darkness and go chop up the first person i see into little bits. People suck so much and they really piss me off. Oh look whos online - steven .. *sigh*... no comment..

johns in vermont with alex.. wow, i hope hes having a dandy time .. i mean after all.. THE WEATHER IS SO BEAUTIFUL !! *major sarcasm* duh.. well im tired and weak and too fucked up to feel anything so i guess im gunna go to sleep soon before i get any dark ideas... woop... too late... ugh feeling so weak and dull .. and not that anyone cares anyway but i wrote a suicide note in my poetry book and the whole thing rhymed and it mentions all my close "friends" and my final goodbye thoughts to all of them.. or well.. to the people i 'pay' to be my friends anyway.. but ya know what its ok.. im gunna be alright, right...? *crickets chirp*... uh, rite...?.. *sigh*.. im a failure .. im tired of living life like this every single day....and yet... how did i ever fall to be this way ........

2 strawberry gashes Bleed

new layout. [22 May 2003|03:58pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | you're gone - something corporate ]

Made myself a new layout for my journal cus i got bored. Didnt go to school today cus i really didnt feel like waking up to the same old shit as usual. Lemme guess what I prolly missed today . . . hmm . . . john acting oblivious ... laughing with his friends as if he has nothing to worry about ... hmm what else .. oh yes ! my friends asking me 'wuts wrong' every 5 mins. - I guess I was better off to staying home n' sleeping. I was real tired & weak anyway .. well i still feel weak, but that will never change. Watched American Idol last night. I think the voting was rigged b/c Ruben won and i had a $5 bet with Charleen and she won so now I owe her money ... ugh -- but my luck always fails. Today is my brothers birthday so we`re going to have sum chocolate cake tonite. Than tomorrow night we're going out to applebees .. oh goody .. i wish john would be there but of course hes going to vermont so ya know .. nothing ever goes right for me. I havent heard a call from the boss of that job I wanted -- hopefully over the summer. My mom has been trying to find a psychologist for me and I am having another urge to cut because I feel sick to my stomach. Whenever I look at my full-body mirror in my room, i always have thoughts in my head.. omg, im getting fat.. -- i seriously think i am but everyone yells at me saying im so skinny. I never think im perfect. . .would explain why im so fucking lonely and unloved. I dont wanna go back to school but than again i hate staying home and putting up with my father and everyones shit. I cover my scars with my arm band but i wont have to soon enough since they should be healing in another week or so. god i hate my life and im so dumb to ever think that me and john would become something. who would want me anyway .. i cant even put up with my fuckin self. i think in the past year or so i have gotten worse. I never really loved myself -- but i never cut or did any of the stuff i do now. I can only say my clothes style has improved, but idk .. now i feel like dressing gothic again because im slowly falling back into the darkness that i always used to be stuck in. i can feel it happening again and theres no one nor nothing that can stop me this time.

Bleed

my arm feels numb... [20 May 2003|10:40pm]
[ mood | sore ]
[ music | bleed red - under the weather ]

such a surprising tradgedy ... john cant come to the movies this weekend. Of course he made plans wit alex to go to vermont.. well isnt that sweet... he got me cutting myself again .. not that anyone cares anyway but my arm is so numb and i did a number of damage on me this time... i cut underneath my arm near my wrist with my spiked bracelet and it stings alot and is making my arm tremble and feel numb... ah just like my life.. useless. My spiked bracelet and swiss army knife has become two of my best friends... out of everyone, they always help me to not think of my problems...

Now I have to wear my armband over it to cover the scars so my parents dont see them when i leave my room .. and tomorrow during school. They seem to heal so fast... but i guess thats the good thing about it. Its so deep at first like the problem, and than eventually starts to fade off. *sigh* -- i really hate my life ... and i hate john for doing this to me .. everyone blames me .. but why blame me when their the ones causing the problem...?...

.. and JOHN M if your reading this --> im really sorry but i cant stop now since i just started and has become an addiction for me... i hope u understand...

Bleed

cuts and bruises from regrets and mistakes . . . [19 May 2003|04:22pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | bandages ]

Ugh i hate coming to school. Its so pointless when everyday feels the same. Go in, be ign0red by john, put on a phony face and act like life is juss great when really its not, be harrassed by people and supposed "friends" .. damn i didnt know my life was supposed to be this way.

Maybe the only good thing i have to look forward to is this saturday to go see a movie with my friends ariel, azita[maybe], lizz, n' john[yessum "my" john..] --> ariel asked him and he said "yea shure!" .. he seemed pretty happy. We*re prolly gunna go see dat soccer movie again since john wants to go see it, and i really <3 the hoTTie actor in it. He*s so seksii n' wOrth an extra $1o .. haha. -- I still cant believe about wut alex said dis morning wit having that party @ his house n' how im not invited cuz people are getting "hooked uP", and john*s going and hes gunna get paired up with someone. It makes me mad to know he could be kissing sum other gurl that he juss randomly met.. i mean wtf. And alex knows i fucking like him, john even knows i fucking like him .. so wuts the sense.. pfft -- rub it in my face much?

Ugh my piece of shyt laptop is starting up again .. damn the school should let us trade these in for better laptops cuz these are juss crappy and taking up room in my bookbag to make it more heavier on my back. My moms supposed to call the psychologist tonite .. oh joy, wut fun. People are driving me insane, i dont think i know how much more i can take ... I cried this morning in web design while writing a poem in my book ... listening to sad musiq and getting out deep thoughts is the worst thing to do at the same time.. but aside from one other thing i do, i guess its the only way to rid this pain until john realizes how much he truly means to me ... no lie; i couldnt even sleep last nite .. tossing n' turning all nite long - thinking about him. I literally got 2 - 3 hours of sleep .. such a shame, he prolly slept like a baby....

Bleed

ahh.. [18 May 2003|01:12pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | hands down - dashboard confessional ]

ahh okie so john*s coming over tonight to mii cousins house. yay. Its alyssas confirmation partay. There`s gunna be atleast like 40 people 'dere, and i get to entertain john --> haha. ;x Anyways its already 1 so i have to get ready soon even thO the partay is @ 5:30 - 6 --> but i have to dress "pretty". Blah. Than school tomorrow. But let me juss enjoy tonight for its the first time I ever got to chyll wit him on a sunday nite. <33

He asked for me yesterday when he was talking to Dana. He wanted to know if I would be there, and of course I would be. Duh. family partay. Blah --> hes so co0t. I know I shouldnt be thinking about him, but I cant help it. Hes juss so irrisistable to me. He`s like mah best [boy] friend. I cant wait until tonight and I thank dana so much for inviting him.

My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill --> so wont you kill me --> so i die happy..

applebees n' the movies was fun last night. I went wit mah friends Charleen, azita, ariel, lizz, n' hanna. We snuck in kandii to the movie theatre n' the movie was pretty good. We saw sum soccer movie called bend it like beckham. The guy in it was so hott n' looked like an older version of john. haha. neways im out. ttyl. peace and pieces of peaches. x0x

3 strawberry gashes Bleed

poptarts = evilness. ;/ [15 May 2003|03:22pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | you dont see me - josie and the pussycats ]

What up buttercup? ;x -- tireing & boring day at school. Atleast I got a simple - but strange - communication sign wit john dis morning. His "stick" --> haha. :x . . . . I got poptarts today n' pretended to be eating them and skarred sum people cuz i never touch poptarts. I really didnt eat them --> ack, i hate them and they should be banned off of the market >O I didnt get to show John *tear*tear*, for he had went on the bus before I could even reach to where he was. Oh well, i guess there is always tomorrow. I hope he chylls dis weekend, that would be fun. And I hope dana isn*t mad because I dont feel like talking on the fone rite now . . .i`m juss awfully tired and its nothing against her .. if your reading this, IM SOWWIE DANA !!!

I might be going out to applebees wit my friends from school .. [charleen, azita, ariel, hanna, lizz, etc] .. yay i can pinpoint the hott waiters. Plus I <3 applebees and i ain*t doing nething else that night. Than we might go see a movie. I`m guessing its for Charleens b-day, but i didnt get her a gift .. juss a balloon. ;x Im still hoping I get that job.. *fingers crossed* Well im out to take a sh0wer soon. See ya later. Peace and pieces of peaches. x0x

2 strawberry gashes Bleed

In class --> Blah. [12 May 2003|10:08am]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | there is - boxcar racer ]

Here in web design right now. This suckles. ;/

Working on mii webbie thats all about me -- YAY !!!

Ever since I came in dis morning, i felt hated by so many. I dunno why. My friend Alex is having such a good life - he`s got a gurlfriend who he <3's so much. Hrmph, I`m jealous. Blah, no one ever reads here so why am I even updating . . .? Maybe cus im stupid and have no life . . ? hmmm . . ? If you love me, you will kill me. =]

John got a haircut .. i dunno, that kind of "turns me off" - but why should I even feel turned on anymore by him when he treats me like complete shyt? He suckles.. haha. ;x --> er, why is he always on my mind? There`s no hope in holding on anymore. He doesnt like me, n' i have a feeling he never will. I`m shure he hates me so much rite now. Its not fair. Life`s not fair. Love`s not fair. . . NOTHINGS EVER FAIR !! ugh .. he doesn`t even lo0k at me either. And if he does, why does he aknowledge me? He should have been with me dis weekend, but i guess that was too much to ask for. He`s annoys me. *Sigh* whatever -- on to better things. The bottom of my new white pants got diirty so now they have to be washed already, I have a pounding headache, My friends are ignoring me and on top of all that, im sitting near Azita ! -- BLAH OUT OF ALL PEOPLE.... haha, j/k j/k.. azita i wub you! <33 hehe. Hopefully i`ll get those new black n' piink shoes in the Alloy catalogue. My white cherrii ones are diirty. Damn white suckles. Ugh, I dont wanna be here. I want John, but he doesnt want me --> such a shame *tear*tear*. Im out. Hmm ... maybe i`ll watch Much Music later. The videos on there always make me feel at peace. . .( finch <33 ) - peace and pieces of peaches. x0x <33

PS - Azita`s about to punch her computer . . .so am I. ;x

Bleed

*yawn*... [09 May 2003|02:18pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | kiss me diss me - home grown ]

Stayed home from school today. Oh joy, i had a stomach 'cramp'. Im bored so here`s a list of punk rock bands i <3 .. hehe, their so cool. Must get their CD's for birthday. =D

-Something corporate
-Starting Line
-Dashboard Confessional
-Finch <33
-All American Rejects <33
-Thrice
-Home grown
-Early November
-GOB
-Rufio
-Sugarcult
-NOFX
-Rooney
-Further Seems Forever
-Allister
-Thursday
-The Used
-Ash
-The Ataris
-Taking Back Sunday
-Keepsake
-Idlewind
-OK go
-Unwritten Law
-New Found Glory
-Simple Plan
-Jimmy Eat World
-Blink 182
-Sum 41
-Julianna Theory
-The Movielife
-Fenix TX
-MXPX
-Boxcar Racer
-Less than Jake
-Weezer
-Goldfinger
-Mest
-Greenday
-Dropkick Murpheys
-Bad Religion
-SR-71
-Pennywise
-30 Seconds to Mars
-A.F.I

booya - and lets not forget the heavy metal bands...

-Slipknot
-Kittie
-Taproot
-Linkin Park <33
-RA
-Cold
-Tool
-Saliva
-TrustCompany
-Hoobastank
-Disturbed
-Mudvayne
-Deftones
-MDFMK
-40 Below Summer
-Adema
-Korn
-Papa Roach
-Incubus
-Chevelle
-Evanescence
-MSI
-ICP
-Coal Chamber
-System of a Down
-Trapt

Etc etc .. i cant really think right now but theres more where that all came from. Yay I listed my bands .. haha.. alright. I might go hang out with John tonight at my cousins, or tomorrow, or eh .. hehe .. never. But whatever happens, happens. I could care less anymore because im rebelling and people and love sucks. =/ Peaces and pieces of peaches ... blah. ;P

Bleed

. . . [07 May 2003|04:52pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | a plain morning - dashboard confessional ]

damn razorblade. its not sharp enough to cut . . . but i left a few faint slashes. This pain feels so familiar ... had i not done it before when i struggled through depression. I hate when people complain saying they have it worse off than me, and that i should be happy .. how u gunna expect me to be happy when everything to him is "ok whatever" .... dont think you know how shitty that makes me feel. i have every fucking right to break down .. because im nothing but a worthless piece of shit. my true happiness will always be seen through darkness and tears. and as much as i try to believe things are getting better ... they always turn out for the worse. i have to let go and i dont want to. so excuse me for loving someone so much that its impossible to push away... even though hes doing a good job at pushing me away.... how the fuck u gunna treat me like shit after i told you my feelings.... dont think you realize how much that hurts .... dont think i can take anymore. call me selfish but i just wanna die. save myself from future heartbreaks. its worthless now. no one would miss me anyway. i was just a backup for someone more beautiful than me on the inside and out. i should go back to being gothic and unnattractive. Wuts the sense of trying to be something im not ? .. i try to dress attractive... TRY ... but no guys look at me like that anyway. Im just used for useless hugs... and kisses on the cheek that still leaves a scar from your touch .... how am i to go through the school day with all this shit in my head? how am i to pretend its okay when its not? ... its really not. rip off the fake smile off of my face and just leave a frown ... this is all im worth... and i guess i just wasnt good enough for him.. nor anyone. shame on me for believing the fact we would be together. shame on you for tearing my world apart. im so stupid, i deserve this pain . . because we'll never be who i wanted us to be . . i guess thats all there is left to say.

Bleed

Me0w. Samoa`s !!! [05 May 2003|03:22pm]
[ mood | crazy ]
[ music | thoughtless - korn ]

Well im home from school. blah what a b0ring day. here`s a list of thinqs i want right now at the moment.. for real :

1.] john <33
2.] finch cd
3.] burnsy in a box
4.] liquor
5.] a job
6.] a punk/skater boy
7.] friends[?] // haha.
8.] razorblade
9.] a life
10.] a hug [preferably from john..]

--> got a 60 on mii bio test. yay go me, i suck. =P o0o slipknot on computer radio. i dunno whats been going on with me lately, but i`ve been kind of getting back into heavy metal and punk rock. I think its makalicious. VERY SAMOA COOL !! - haha, john drove me to go insane again, isnt that niice? uh oh - seeking psychological help dis weekend maybe - hehe. um, okie im out. peace and pieces of peaches. x0x0

Bleed

so tired... [04 May 2003|02:39pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | ender - finch ]

im so tired today .. sundays are mad boring. I wanna go to hot topic *tear* must get wrist bands and fishnet stockinqs. Anyways --> where is my knife? .. must kill. Me0w. Boredom sucks. WoOp WoOp. Yup. Maybe i`ll go out soon enough if im lucky. Eww johns online. I command you to IM me. do it. DO IT ! roar. Er, wutever. Im out. Gonna go jump out a window or something to rid this boredom away. Peace and pieces of peaches. ;x

Bleed

Thanks .. [03 May 2003|09:37pm]
[ mood | distressed ]
[ music | untitled - blink 182 ]

Yay i finally got a blurty !! .. i was thinking of keeping this as a friends only journal but i like when people read about my boring life, so i*ll juss leave it for the public to access. I`d like to thank my friends who encouraged me to get one, and danielle for the layout n' code help. Spanx so much babe, 143 !! Just got back from hanging out wit john [my crush] .. and for all of you who dont know who that is, just check out my ujournal. [..e-mail me if you would like the link..] .. um yea so.. rough night. im out. peace and pieces of peaches. x0x0 <33


...may the hands of love lift you to my spirits someday. . .

- dedicated

Bleed

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