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..I woke up happy --> only because I had a wonderful dream of john. It was at school .. but the campus was all different, it looked like a regular public school. But I was walking down the hill where my dad was picking me up that day.. [also be warned that my blue van was in the dream .. and the stickers were pasted on one side of the windows which was pretty weird cuz thats how my van is in real life -- my sister put the stickers on there..] so than he starts beeping and i run down the hill and all of a sudden john is running up it on his way to reach me and he sais goodbye and i go "can i have a hug?" and right in front of my friends he hugged me.. ( right there n' than i should have knew that it was only a dream cuz never in a million years would john hug me at school in front of all of my friends.. ) so than he knelt down a bit and whispers in my ear i have to tell you something.. - every morning i wake up and all i think of is you and you make me feel happy inside.. - i smiled a bit and was about to tell him something until the rough sound of my dads horn went off once again so i told him i had to go but thanks for the comment - and i ran off to the van. The next day came and it was after school time again. Me and lizz were walking up the steep hill and saw emily at the top waiting for her bus a long with the rest of the people. John was following behind us [i had a sense he was.. but i didnt bother to look back]. So we*re all chyllin at the top and john comes over and stands in between me and lizz. All of a sudden [idk how it got triggered off] but they started calling me a stupid tramp and stuff [kidding around like they do @ school in real life..] -- but than john started and i got upset, so i ran down the hill pretending to be mad [LIKE I DO IN REAL LIFE..] and sat down in a darkened corner of steps. Out of no where, my spanish teacher [mrs. schiavo] walked over to talk to me about an assignment, and behind her at the corner of my eye - i see john standing there as if he felt bad about the whole 'tramp - kidding - around' joke. When mrs. schiavo left, he hopped upon a tall ledge near the step [which was kinda near me, but diagonal-behind me to be exact..] and i looked at him but couldnt help to smile. He looked at me and goes with a sense of humor hey hey baby and i blushed a bit and laughed knowing he was juss kidding around.. as usual..
I than reached out to touched his hand.. but he firmly let go of my grip as if he didnt wanna hold onto my hand - but instead, put his hand over mine so it was on top, and with his other hand, he rubbed my arm lightly like two times. We just sat there talking about.. god only knows what cuz my dream was starting to fade off... and than after that, we ran down the hill cuz my dad was there [but for some reason he was driving a big bus.. okay thats one part i dont get.. but anyways..] john walked me down the hill, and i had to climb over a fence to get to my dad so i was like oh great.. i HAVE to climb this fence.. and john laughed and goes alright! goobye! and waved to me with laughter. I eventually climbed it, and turned, and saw him run off cuz his bus was there. I entered my dads.. um.. bus... [and my brother was sitting in the back of it]... i sat down in the front with my dad and that was basically it.. my dream faded off and i woke up.
Okay, so some parts didnt make sense but the thought that got to me most was when john hugged me and told me some things on how he felt about me... and i guess thats normal to appear in my dream because lately i have been wondering alot about wuts going on in his head about me. I also liked how we held hands... it kinda reminds me of the time when we held hands in reality on dana*s couch like a month ago... and yea.. that most likely appeared in my dream because i miss that alot too..
the weird part was john*s hair was combed forward in my dream... but his clothes style matched on what he wears to school and his eyes and face structure and body looked exactly the same.. even his funny, yet weird personality was all pin-point in my dream. -- Wow, my dreams scare me sometimes. I must atleast have a dream about him 3 or 4 times out of the whole week .. and its sad because you would think all these clues would lead up for us to be something - but i guess your mind can play stupid tricks on you.. i wonder if this all means something. Maybe the fact of me running from him and being oblivious, means he could like me and im just avoiding it because i dont wanna believe it.. or perhaps hes just playing tricks on me to leave me with a broken heart... but john doesnt even seem like that type. I heard the only g/f he had was in middle school and she turned into a slut and cheated on him.. ugh.. i would be so much better than that to him, i dont understand why he wont juss give me a chance. Steven hasnt IMed me and my friend Gina tried talking to him and he made it seem like he didnt wanna talk to me. I dunno, this whole thing is just going to lead to another depressed stage of me. I miss john so much - he*s at school and im sitting here with a runny nose reviewing on what my whole dream was about .. when it was about him and the kid could prolly care less about me .. wutever im through here.. i just wish there was someway john could realize how much i needed him... it*ll never get better - as long as i have the abillity to see him everyday at school, it can only get worse....
... ive come to the conclusion that hes the only one for me... so sad...
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